I thought it was about time I made a new journal entry, for Lemon. c:

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My, it has been a while since I last wrote; hasn't it? I won't bore you with the drama that has been revolving around me, lately. Rather, I will simply let you know that all is well.

Today, I found myself full of unusual emotions. I felt wounded and upset -- and I suppose I ought to tell you the reason behind this. You see, I recently broke Walter's heart. It seems that I have a pension for doing so; this silliness seems awfully reminiscent of those early days with the Phantom, just after I had accepted Seth as my mate. What is wrong with me; why must I attract all of this unwanted attention?

And why; why would I feel hurt, today? I had no reason to feel angry or depressed over recent events; I was the one who was not alone! Yet... knowing that Walter was back to courting other does made me a bit jealous, I suppose. I hated knowing that I had been made a fool -- made to believe that Walter had loved me with his heart, only to discover that he merely lusted after me with his... well, not with his heart, that's for sure. I suppose I'm just desperate for some romance. Seth is gone, again; and I don't blame him one bit. His human has been going through a terrible time. I feel so selfish feeling so... lonely, without Seth. Is it wrong for me to feel this way? I just miss his company, his affection... It hurts to see other couples so happy, so together. I will stick it out until he returns again, of course; but... for now, I suppose it's mainly envy which rampages through me, turning my stomach sick every time I smell that Walter has adorned himself with flowers, ready to present them to some silly git. Some girl who will fall for his charms, and believe that she is special, like I did.

I don't suppose I ought to be so bitter. Walter gave me a wonderful time; comforted me when I was lonely -- he was the only thread which kept me clinging to sanity, during those long days without Seth. He was a better friend to me, than I could ever hope to be. Perhaps that adds to the jealousy. It seems that no matter what I do to help, I only end up hurting others. Yet it's so easy for Walter. He hurts others when he chooses to -- and when he chooses to help others, he does so. It's so simple, so flawless! Yet, why can't I do the same? Why isn't it easy for me to make other deer feel better? That's all I want. Sometimes I think it might have been better to stay a shivering little fawn, hiding from every stranger. Maybe then, I wouldn't be such a brat.

At any rate, I suppose I ought to shut my mouth before it gets me into trouble. Again. Let's see, back to recounting the day's events, yes?

The first deer who saw me, today, was Darcy. I wasn't really sure I wanted to burden him with my presence -- today, of all days! So I gave him a curtsy, and trotted off a little way. But I hadn't gotten but a few steps away, when I realized that he was still coming toward me. I froze, turning my head, and offered him a smile. There I stood, as Darcy inched toward me -- probably testing the waters, knowing that I was in a sulky mood -- and I felt a little guilty. Gods, when had I become this selfish, stupid girl? Did others really fear to approach me? Had I become Walter's protege; in my attempt to change him for the better, had I changed myself for the worse? Yet, it seemed that Darcy was not too afraid of me, as he accepted me into a warm greeting. And about that time, Rowan came bounding up. I wasn't quite ready for Rowan's hyperactivity; I had been counting on a few hours to sulk around and feel sorry for myself. Yet, listening to Rowan bounce around so happily brought a smile to my face. I joined her, eventually -- slowly, at first. And then, faster and faster, we raced and leapt circles around Darcy.

I had a wonderful time with Darcy and Rowan -- but somewhere along the way, Rowan suddenly burst into a flat-out gallop, and ran straight away from Darcy and I. I was a more than a little startled, but I knew that I could catch up with her. I raced after her, trying to figure out what in the world had gotten into her. We raced across the entire map; and when we neared the pond, Rowan slowed to a tentative crawl. She moved forward at an incredibly slow pace, moving slowly and purposefully. I was confused by her baffling ways, and I tried to understand what in the world would prompt such erratic behavior. There were few other deer around, and she was heading away from what little company there was. Aside from that, Rowan seemed utterly oblivious to my company -- so when Walter announced his presence, just a few yards away, I figured I ought to go say hello.

I always hate these silly altercations. To stay with Rowan would have offended Walter; yet, I feared that going over to Walter would irritate Rowan. Nevertheless, I wasn't entirely sure that Rowan appreciated my presence, for the moment. Darcy was nowhere to be found; perhaps Rowan simply wanted to be alone. So I inched away, unsure and timid. Walter gave me a nuzzle, and tried to invite me into a dance. I was still feeling sorry for myself, and a little annoyed at Walter -- so I was reluctant. I could only muster a few half-hearted steps, before I hung my head in shame and sadness. Walter was both irked and intrigued by my sudden display of depression, and he gave me a curious nudge. I sighed, mentally trying to shake myself into a better mood. Sulking around wasn't doing anyone any favors -- if Walter could be happy on a day like today, then why couldn't I?

Suddenly, Walter turned and bolted toward a nearby flowerpatch. I trailed along behind, and smiled when I recognized the scent of 21. Walter tried to rouse 21 -- who was, evidently, asleep. When she finally did stir, he invited the both of us to dance. I'm not entirely sure why he pestered poor 21 to wake, nor why he was so fiercely adamant about getting the two of us to dance -- neither of us really wanted to. After a moment, I was struck by the hilarity of our situation. What in the world had gotten into Walter, to make him such a jubilant fellow? Walter bolted once again; this time, racing away to a nearby tree. I pricked my ears and lifted my nose, trying to detect who or what had suddenly caught the demon's attention. I was pleasantly startled to discover that Darcy and Rowan were laying nearby.

I trotted over to where the two deer lay, and tried to encourage them to join us. I don't know why, but I suddenly had the feeling that I wanted them to join us. Neither seemed interested, so I nodded and backed off a little way. There I stood, chewing my lip thoughtfully. I asked again, if they would join us in dancing. This time, Darcy moved carefully toward me. And oh -- always with perfect timing -- that was when Walter decided to go an pick a fight with some stag. I sighed and shook my head, as Darcy and Rowan both picked up and left, in search of safer grounds. I didn't blame them.

Walter, 21, and I all had a fairly nice day, after that. Granted, there was a moment where Walter attempted to attack a little fawn -- but I was quick to move in between stag and child, and no one got hurt. I have the feeling that Walter is sort of like a young child. He is sweet and kind for the most part; but every once in a while, he throws a tantrum, or gets a bit selfish and greedy, and he needs someone to keep him in line.

After some time, the three of us fell asleep beneath the protective boughs of an old tree. I slept there until Walter roused me from my slumber, to say goodbye.

I don't suppose it was such a bad day, after all. Yet, it wasn't wonderful, by any means. But indeed, all is well.

At this point, I merely hope Seth returns to me, soon. It's lonely, without him.

Love,
Lemon