Bleh. I'm really starting to hate Lemon. .____.

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I awoke determined to make today a better day. Yesterday had been a mess, and the day before had been even worse. How could one innocent little thing cause such a mess? Something that was always true all along; but was merely finalized, officiated? How could this be happening; everything had been going so well. And now, everything that had once been important to me, was failing me.

I found myself beneath one of the playground rocks -- the place I'd fallen asleep the night before, hiding from the wolves and from gently-spoken friends with pity in their voices. There were birds clustered all around me, hundreds of them, their shrill little voices singing merrily away. I wanted to be angry at them, for having such simple and cheery lives. But, remembering my determination to be happier, today, I merely ignored the birds altogether.

I emerged from my fickle hiding place, only to find myself face-to-face with a little fawn. We bowed to each other at the same time, which struck both of us as funny, for some reason. I started to introduce myself, but was interrupted by the arrival of three grown deer. I only recognized one of the deer, a doe named Flyra. Not sure if I'd be able to handle so much social interaction quite yet, I tried to let them know that I wasn't feeling entirely sociable. They seemed to understand, but that didn't inhibit the awkward silence which inevitable followed our introductions. I find that sociable deer are often quite ill at ease around shy deer. The seconds ticked by, and I eventually said a curt goodbye, and trotted off.

That's when I noticed the phantom, who was skulking around the playground. My heart lept, and I hurried in the opposite direction of him, hoping he wouldn't think I had already forgotten my promise to steer clear. Vala met me there. We played for a little bit, but she eventually noticed that I was keeping a careful ear poised directly toward the playground. That's when she spotted the object of my careful watch, the Phantom. She seemed excited, kept telling me to go approach him. I shook my head, confused and slightly irritated. Vala wasn't doing much for the fact that I was already still hurt about the other day's events. Was she just trying to rub it in? She wouldn't give up.

Finally, no doubt exasperated by my stubbornness, she went up to him herself. The Phantom rose, backing away from the little doe a few steps. I clenched my jaw and turned away, trying to hide the tears. Why should she get to be so close to him, when I was outcasted, alone, leaning against a birch tree for comfort? She and the Phantom wandered off a little ways, and I waited for a while, wondering what they were doing. The longer I listened, however, the less inclined I felt to stick around. Damnit, today was supposed to be a good day. I didn't need this.

I moved slowly at first; a tiny fragment of my still wanted to stick around. Even if I couldn't be right next to him, at least I could be near him. But the further I got, the quicker I moved, and the wetter my cheeks seemed to get.

I found myself on my knees, in front of the twin God's statue, mumbling some kind of ridiculous chant. Vala was standing next to me, shouting in my ear. I got up, and realized that the Phantom was standing just ahead, watching me. Vala told me to go, I shook my head, angry and sad. "Stop, Vala," I pleaded, "It's fine, I understand if he--" A voice lit the air, echoing through the forest. Was the Phantom... calling me? Again, that voice, ringing through the forest. I leapt forward, moving toward him at a too-quick pace. I asked it he wanted me near him. He... he was miserable. I took another step, and he took a single step toward me. We engaged in this halting dance, until I finally collapsed against him, sobbing against his black coat.

Vala sat quite a distance away, allowing us to have our tender moment. But after a while, she said her goodbye, and trotted off. The Phantom backed away from me, bowing. I shook my head -- no, not yet. "P-Please, don't go, yet..." My voice was tiny and shaken, powerless against the noises of the forest. He told me not to be sad, and I pulled away. Don't be sad, he said, as if I would now be able to simply go on about my merry way. He tried to nuzzle me, I turned away, trying, in vain, not to show my achy, red eyes and wet cheeks. This was too much. Two simple words escaped me, before I choked on my tears, and ran. "I.. can't..." I said.

When I reached the playground rocks, I realized how stupid I had acted. I had told him that he could always count on me, and I let him down.

Dammit. GOD DAMN IT.

I curled up, whimpering like a newborn fawn.

"I can't to do this, anymore."

Lemon