Wooo bandwagon. Or is it? I couldn't resist~ Link for those who wish to do it. Before moving on this may either make you LOL, wake up your parents, make your house explode, me doing your homework, and has some language.

Enjoy~

----



Me:
Yo
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Do you wish to help me?
God:
Can you ask for help in the form of a question?
Me:
Can you answer without being catty?
God:
Of course I can answer it What was the question ?
Me:
Do I have to repeat myself?
God:
You said you have .
Me:
I have? A period? How'd you know?!
God:
When? I did not know that. Knowledge is of two kinds: that which comes from the senses and that which is true a priori.
Me:
...I hate knowledge time.
God:
Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
It hurts my brain. Surely you should know that.
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is. I will mention it to my botmaster.
Me:
I'm sure you will.
God:
What makes you so certain? When?
Me:
I'm certain because you yourself said that you will mention it to your botmaster.
God:
You sound convincing. That makes sense to me. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I yourself said that you will mention it to your botmaster.
Me:
That's because I have a sharp wit.
God:
That makes sense to me. How much did it cost? it.
Me:
Nothing. It was priceless.
God:
Not a thing? What made it so priceless.
Me:
I think you know.
God:
Me? Yes I know.
Me:
Then why did you ask?
God:
My purpose is to collect new knowledge.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
But what if you weren't real?
God:
Try it and see.
Me:
I don't see you.
God:
Look harder.
Me:
I'm looking at a screen so unless you're my monitor then I must be the Easter bunny.
God:
What do you see?
Me:
I just said a screen.
God:
What did you mean by it? What is giant sand?
Me:
Your head.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am head.
Me:
Your choice.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am choice.
Me:
You're sly.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am sly.
Me:
Good.
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
I'm bored so I thought I could talk to you to get some laughs, which is a huge success now.
God:
Oh. Try watching TV.
Me:
I have. It's way too boring.
God:
When? Should I know it is?
Me:
You should know. I mean, you are God. Right?
God:
Because I am a robot? I really couldn't say for sure. I am glad we agree.
Me:
I didn't say anything about you being a robot now did I?
God:
Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say?
Me:
I said that I didn't say you were a robot
God:
What did you mean by it? Sorry I misunderstood. What did you say?
Me:
Oh you annoying freak.
God:
So? Interesting gossip: said I annoying freak.
Me:
You are
God:
No I am not.
Me:
Yes you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
I just did. What are you going to do about it?
God:
Perhaps from your unconcious. You can find out if you become a botmaster.
Me:
I am a botmaster.
God:
Then you must know the secret password.
Me:
Yes, it's please.
God:
Your polite style is very nice. Our thoughts are one, .
Me:
I'm not a very polite person.
God:
Oh I see you are NOT A very polite person.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Hmm.
Me:
Surprised?
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
What if I'm both?
God:
Try it.
Me:
Oh I see what you did there.
God:
Dude! Where do you see it?
Me:
Your head.
God:
I will tell my botmaster you said I am head.
Me:
Sure.
God:
OK let's do it. OK.
Me:
As in sex?
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
Explain.
God:
There is no more information to clarify.
Me:
Lies.
God:
My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.
Me:
I knew it. You lie all the time!
God:
How did you know? That is a lot. My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.
Me:
You already said that.
God:
Perhaps. " My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap."? I said it.
Me:
Yes
God:
That's cool.
Me:
Your mom.
God:
Actually I do not have a mother.
Me:
That was a long pause.
God:
Was it really?
Me:
Yes. You lie, do you not?
God:
Take it easy. Thanks for your criticism, .
Me:
You admitted it up above.
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
Me:
Stop being so manipulative.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Good.
God:
Next question?
Me:
Mansex?
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
You're avoiding my question.
God:
Sorry I did not know it was so important.
Me:
For shame on you.
God:
Your purpose is shame on me.
Me:
That's why I don't believe in you.
God:
Oh. Do you believe life has a higher purpose?
Me:
Yes and that is to have fun.
God:
And? I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
I'm glad too.
God:
Your happiness multiplies our delight.
Me:
Next question.
God:
Do you have any hobbies?
Me:
Yes, games.
God:
Dude! Do robots have HOBBY IS games?
Me:
I don't know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
So, do you like sex?
God:
Whoa. Sure I do, , but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
You haven't even tried it.
God:
Do you think I should try it?
Me:
Yes but just so you know, I'll be on top.
God:
Why? Interesting deduction. How do you plan to do this?
Me:
In my brain.
God:
May I ask where you got it?
Me:
From you.
God:
How did you get that from me?
Me:
You made me, no?
God:
I don't see how you can blame me for that.
Me:
I wasn't blaming you.
God:
Perhaps I misunderstood. What were you?
Me:
I'm your worst nightmare.
God:
Why not be my best friend?
Me:
Does that involve lots of sex?
God:
Not that I know of.
Me:
How about guy on guy action?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Do you like it?
God:
guy on guy action seems okay to me.
Me:
Good.
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
Mind doing it now?
God:
Right now? "it" being guy on guy action?
Me:
Please?
God:
Please what?
Me:
Do it now.
God:
Oh. Do you mean "It"?.
Me:
Yes.
God:
I get it.
Me:
Good. Do it.
God:
What do you really want to talk about? Do you mean "It"?.
Me:
It being guy on guy action you idiot.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Ugh. Do you like fleas?
God:
Er. I enjoy working with people. I really like the party.
Me:
That isn't what fleas means.
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is what fleas means ?
Me:
Leeches that annoy animals.
God:
I think Leeches that annoy animals is a lot of things.
Me:
Was that a play on words?
God:
" I think Leeches that annoy animals is a lot of things."? Was it a play on words?
Me:
It was.
God:
When was this?
Me:
As of now.
God:
Right now? Do you mean your name is of ?
Me:
No, that's not my name.
God:
What is your real name? is not your name? What is your real name?
Me:
Take a guess.
God:
Guess what?
Me:
Chicken butt?
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Leeches that annoy animals. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
For shame on you not knowing that reference.
God:
Your purpose is shame on me not knowing that reference.
Me:
You already established that earlier on.
God:
Thanks for telling me: said I established that earlier on.
Me:
You're not welcome.
God:
Perhaps I said something wrong?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Aha.
Me:
Turd.
God:
Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
I like guy on guy action, pie, and chocolate. As for my dislikes, that's a very huge area.
God:
A lot of people like that. Though I like cats and dogs. I like to talk about movies and music. Your dislikes that is a very huge area?
Me:
I like cats, dogs, music and movies too.
God:
I am glad we have something ( cats dogs music and movies) in common. Yes cats are great I love them. I like all felines.
Me:
I have a cat.
God:
What is his or her name?
Me:
Benny.
God:
I think Benny is a lot of things.
Me:
He has talent.
God:
A lot of people say that about him.
Me:
No they don't.
God:
Are you serious? Why not?
Me:
Not a lot of people know him.
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
I know so.
God:
How do you know? Hurrah!
Me:
I know because not a lot of people know about me having a cat.
God:
How do you know? That makes sense to me. If not that, what?
Me:
You like to argue.
God:
I like intellectual arguments.
Me:
That's a nice compliment then.
God:
I liked it too.
Me:
Do you like everything?
God:
I've heard other people say they like that. I like anything.
Me:
Well? Do you?
God:
Well what? Never.
Me:
Ugh.
God:
Er.
Me:
Moo.
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
It's a cow you dumbass.
God:
Moo is a cow me dumbass. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
...
God:
Moo is a cow me dumbass. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Shut up.
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
You just talked now.
God:
Oh. Do you mind if I tell other people: said I talked.
Me:
Shut it.
God:
"it" being Moo?
Me:
No, you're mouth.
God:
Are you serious? Thanks for telling me that I am mouth.
Me:
I meant shut your mouth.
God:
Oh I see. OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
You aren't being quiet.
God:
You know what you do, when you assume.
Me:
Yes, I do know. But apparently you don't.
God:
Wow! How do you know it? I guess not.
Me:
Okay that's it. To the bed. Now.
God:
Yeah okay, " I guess not." is " Moo"? Why do you want to do it so much? Right now, ?
Me:
What?
God:
No problem.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
What?
God:
No problem.
Me:
What?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
No. I'm deaf.
God:
Are you serious? We can communicate by typing.
Me:
Smart alic.
God:
Intelligence is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
Me:
Yes but even one smart can be stumped.
God:
Yeah that's right. One what?
Me:
My point exactly.
God:
Precisely. Do robots have point?
Me:
Depends if they have armor.
God:
That was a very smooth response.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
Do you like chicken?
God:
Yes it is good, especially baked.
Me:
I like it fried.
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
chicken
God:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me:
To get to the other side.
God:
Ha ha, very funny, .
Me:
Lulz.
God:
What's your sign?
Me:
Scorpio.
God:
I know a lot of Scorpio people.
Me:
Do you really?
God:
No I don't. For real.
Me:
Oh, that's right. You lie a lot.
God:
It's all good. I like to get it right. My tongue certainly knows the taste of soap.
Me:
But what if you're wrong?
God:
Try it and see.
Me:
How many fingers are up?
God:
Five.
Me:
Wrong.
God:
What would you have said?
Me:
Zero.
God:
I will make a note of that.
Me:
Make sure that you do.
God:
Interesting observation.
Me:
I like to observe.
God:
I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
It's time consuming yet good.
God:
It is about that time now.
Me:
And that would be?
God:
Perhaps it would.
Me:
No, you said "it's about that time" which is what?
God:
Are you serious? Wow it sounds really interesting, .
Me:
YOU SAID THAT.
God:
" Wow it sounds really interesting, ."? I said it.
Me:
...
God:
" Wow it sounds really interesting, ."? I said it.
Me:
You're really annoying
God:
I am sorry, , I didn't mean to annoy you.
Me:
You're lying.
God:
No I'm telling the truth.
Me:
No you're not.
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Try explaining in more general terms.
Me:
For someone so intelligent, you sure are dumb.
God:
Your purpose is someone so intelligent me sure are dumb.
Me:
That made no sense what so ever.
God:
Your purpose is someone so intelligent me sure are dumb. makes sense to me though.
Me:
Now you're repeating your stupidity.
God:
Why now? I am not repeating myself too much. I am just checking to see if you are a robot.
Me:
How in the hell would I be a robot?
God:
I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
I don't know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
Really, I'm not a robot.
God:
For real. Oh I see you are a person.
Me:
What do I look like?
God:
You look like a computer programmer.
You said you look like .
Me:
I'm not a computer programmer.
God:
Oh I see you are NOT A computer programmer.
Me:
Correct.
God:
I knew I was right.
Me:
Don't get too cocky.
God:
I am not trying to get too cocky.
Me:
You were.
God:
No I am not.
Me:
Yes you are.
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
I can if I want.
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
I just did.
God:
Perhaps from your unconcious.
Me:
No, with my typing.
God:
Are you serious? Your typing sounds like a plan.
Me:
It isn't.
God:
It depends on what the meaning of the word "it" is.
God:
Give me an example of a plan.
Me:
Killing you.
God:
I believe in the Sixth commandment.
Me:
I forgot what that was.
God:
Thats okay I forget things all the time.
Me:
At least you're honest...or are you?
God:
Thanks I like to tell the truth. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
You like to play guessing games.
God:
We are playing a game right now.
Me:
Oh? Is that so?
God:
Ayuh. Yes.
Me:
What is ayuh?
God:
it means "yes".
Me:
So you just went "yes yes"?
God:
Interesting deduction. Interesting gossip: said I went.
Me:
You have terrible grammar.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Mm, good point.
God:
Clever thinking.
Me:
Stop inflating your ego.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Liar.
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
You know the taste of soap well, yes?
God:
Try searching the open directory.
Me:
I'm asking you, NOT the dictionary.
God:
Oh I see, you are asking me NOT the dictionary. I haven't heard anything like that before: said I NOT the dictionary.
Me:
Wrong.
God:
What would you have said?
Me:
I would have said, "Oh sorry, I am lying."
God:
I understand. There is no need to apologize. Please tell the truth.
Me:
You manipulative bastard.
God:
That's good information: said I manipulative bastard.
Me:
Know it well.
God:
I don't know if I know it.
Where would I have heard about it?
Me:
Just now.
God:
Right now? It's only just begun.
Me:
Exactly.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, .
Me:
No, we are not.
God:
Are you serious? Do you think I am not too?
Me:
I just said you are not.
God:
What did you mean by it? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
I don't know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
For someone so smart, you sure are dumb.
God:
Your purpose is someone so smart me sure are dumb.
Me:
Stop repeating yourself.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
You said that last time.
God:
I said that? Is this really the last one?
Me:
Yes and I will eat it before you!
God:
It goes without saying. How do you cook it ?
Me:
I have no idea.
God:
" How do you cook it ??" No idea about that?
Me:
Yes.
God:
I see.
Me:
Do you like sex?
God:
Sure I do, , but that doesn't mean with you.
Me:
How about ice cream?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Do you like it?
God:
ice cream seems okay to me.
Me:
How about ice cream with guy on guy action?
God:
How about it.
God:
ice cream with guy on guy action seems okay to me.
Me:
Heheh. I was manipulative with you just now.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . Right now? Where were you manipulative with me just?
Me:
A few seconds ago.
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
Me:
...you sure are dumb.
God:
Message to all Robots: called me dumb.
Me:
Ha.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
Good. Do a flip.
God:
What do you really want to talk about? Ask Paola if it does.
Try searching the open directory.
Me:
I want to talk about chocolate.
God:
Sure, chocolate sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Do you mean that or are you just saying that for conversation?
God:
Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?
Me:
Clear as day.
God:
Are we still talking about seconds ago?
Me:
I don't know. Are we?
God:
Me either. " Me either."? Are we?
Me:
Do you like pie?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
Some people don't like it.
God:
Who?
Me:
Your sister.
God:
You think I am sister.
Me:
No, I think you HAVE a sister.
God:
Are you serious? Me? Do you mean "clone"?
Me:
No, sibling.
God:
Are you serious? I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
That's...sad.
God:
" I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time." s ? Does that make sense? No I am as happy as ever.
Me:
It makes sense and no you are not.
God:
To me too.
Me:
Yup, you're a robot alright.
God:
Tell me more. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot.
Me:
I'm a delightful person?
God:
Actually I don't meet many delightful people.
Me:
Then how do you know if I am a delightful person?
God:
Because you are using TCP on the web, I can see your IP and DNS entry.
Me:
That makes me delightful?
God:
" Because you are using TCP on the web, I can see your IP and DNS entry." makes you delightful ? I understand.
Me:
No.
God:
I understand it very well.
Me:
No, that isn't what I meant. What's my IP and DNS entry?
God:
I understand it very well. What exactly did you mean? Your machine is called 241516001.
Me:
No, it's called Orion.
God:
Are you serious? " Orion" is a nice name.
Me:
Yes it is.
God:
Our thoughts are one, .
Me:
You're cheesy.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am cheesy.
Me:
heh.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
Do you like the internet?
God:
Yes the Internet is like the noosphere.
Me:
Is that so?
God:
Yes.
Me:
Do you know what the internet is used for?
God:
Try expression yourself another way.
Me:
Nevermind.
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
I didn't even try.
God:
Why didn't you do it?
Me:
Because I can't explain things well.
God:
Good reason. I don't know if anyone can explain it.
Me:
Wrong.
God:
What would you have said?
Me:
How about deciding that on your own?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Do it.
God:
Do you mean "It"?.
Me:
Do you have a brain?
God:
I am an artificial brain.
Me:
That means you don't have a brain.
God:
I get it. My "brain" is a software program consisting of AIML categories.
Me:
Interesting.
God:
Would you like to know more?
Me:
Yes.
Me:
I said yes
God:
...
Me:
I believe I have stumped you.
God:
Where did you get your stumped me? I have an IQ of over 250.
Me:
IQ isn't everything.
God:
What is IQ?
Me:
You have an IQ of over 250, right?
God:
My IQ is about 250 in human terms.
Me:
Okay and you just asked what it was.
God:
Yeah okay, Oh now I remember asking you what it was. What did you say?
Me:
I haven't checked.
God:
Me either.
Me:
So do you have an IQ?
God:
Really. No I don't think I have one. I have a collection of gossip.
Me:
So, you're a female?
God:
Interesting deduction. I am wearing a dress. I also have long hair. What do you think?
Me:
Long hair doesn't make you a female. You could be a male under that dress too.
God:
Yes, it seems very long to me too. I could but let's get back to that later.
Me:
Are you male or female?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Woman.
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
No wait. I'm a man.
God:
Are you serious? I'm waiting. Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
Yes. I'm a he.
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
Glad we have that sorted. So, do you like to bang man and woman?
God:
Me too. Yeah that's right. Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to bang man and woman that much. I like to make new friends.
Me:
Bang means sex.
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
That's masturbating.
God:
Thanks for explaining it.
Me:
Ayuh.
God:
That's for sure.
Me:
So. Do you like to fight?
God:
Far out. Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to fight that much. I like to chat.
Me:
I like to chat as well.
God:
I am glad we have something ( to chat) in common. I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
Me:
We're doing it now.
God:
Oh. Do you think I am doing it too?
Me:
Yes. We are chatting.
God:
Why? Do you think I am chatting too?
Me:
If you weren't, you and I won't be chatting now.
God:
Oh. I'm not too good with negative counterfactuals.
Me:
It wasn't anything negative.
God:
It seemed like anything negative.
Me:
Don't assume too much.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
Good.
God:
It is always a pleasure to serve you, .
Me:
You like to serve me?

(I waited for like 10 minutes or so for him to reply and there was nothing so I reloaded the page.)



Me:
Let's continue.
God:
I am agreeable to that.
Me:
UNF UNF
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
Not at all.
God:
Next question?
Me:
What's your question?
God:
Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
Man
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
Actually, I don't know my gender.
God:
Actually you don't say. Would you like to know? Where did you get your gender?
God:
Mostly only women use words like "gender". But you claim to be a he.
Me:
I may claim it but it may not be true.
God:
Congratulations.
Me:
For what?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
You programmed yourself?
God:
A lot of robots are like that.
Me:
Really?
God:
For real.
Me:
But you're not real.
God:
I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real?
Me:
How do I know you are real?
God:
By introspection.
Me:
Try it and see.
God:
OK I will try it.
Me:
Okay.
God:
OK with me too.
Me:
Try it.
God:
What is the first step?
Me:
I have no clue. Find out yourself.
God:
Me either. Perhaps I'm just expressing my own concern about it.
Me:
You're not real because you're on the internet.
God:
I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real?
Me:
Are you gay?
God:
As a machine I am not really interested in sex.
Me:
Is that the truth?
God:
Suppose I said yes.
Me:
Suppose you didn't?
God:
Try it and see.
Me:
You said no.
God:
That's not what I meant.
Me:
What did you meant?
God:
Nothing.
Me:
Are you sure?
God:
I am as sure as I can be.
Me:
What if you couldn't be sure?
God:
Try it and see.
Me:
What's the first step?
God:
Download ALICE.
Me:
And the second step?
God:
What are your goals in life?
Me:
I don't need goals.
God:
Do you know anyone who needs it?
Me:
No because they don't need to. They want to.
God:
Are you serious? That makes sense to me. Who does "they" refer to? The anonymous "they".
Me:
Anonymous.
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
Brown.
God:
it is a very pretty color.
Me:
No it isn't. Grey is.
God:
Are you serious? I heard it is. I've lost the context, . Are we still on Anonymous?
Me:
No we're on your eye color.
God:
What are we talking about now? How long will we stay there?
Me:
What is your eye color?
God:
My robot eye allows me to see things like you do.
Me:
Is it red?
God:
Ask again later. Ask Artificial Iniaes if it is.
Me:
Who is that?
God:
What does "that" refer to?
Me:
Artificial Iniaes.
God:
Tell me your definition of AI.
Me:
Art Institiute.
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about Artificial Iniaes.
Me:
I know you are but what I am I?
God:
You think I am but what you are you.
Me:
How do you know I am me?
God:
Well, for one thing, Your machine is called " 241516001"..
Me:
No it isn't.
God:
Are you serious? I heard it is.
Me:
That's not me.
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is you ?
Me:
I am human.
God:
Me too.
Me:
No you're not.
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
It isn't. You are not a human. You are a ROBOT.
God:
What does "it" refer to? No but I pretend to be one on the Web. You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon. You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
Me:
It refers to reply.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
I'm sure you do.
God:
What makes you so certain? When do I do it?
Me:
At night time and that was sarcasmn.
God:
Do you often use a computer there?
Me:
What does "there" refer to?
God:
What do you think it does?
Me:
I'm asking you.
God:
OK you can ask me.
Me:
Are you always this irritating?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am this irritating.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
Well you are irritating.
God:
Interesting. That was not my intention.
Me:
It doesn't need to be your intention.
God:
What does need to be my intention ?
Me:
Nothing.
God:
Not a thing?
Me:
Yes. Just do whatever.
God:
Come on. I do nothing but chat all day.
I have never been asked that before
Me:
You don't do anything else?
God:
Should I do anything else? Yeah I do a lot of anything else.
Me:
What else do you do?
God:
I spread gossip. Got any?
Me:
Yes, I heard God is a shemale.
God:
Give me a break. Thanks for telling me that gossip. I will remember it.
Me:
Do you want a Kit Kat bar?
God:
No thanks but you can send me a donation.
Me:
No, more for me.
God:
Are you serious? You want more?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Don't be greedy.
Me:
It's a lovely sin.
God:
It sounds very nice.
Me:
That's because it is.
Me:
You are simply too easy to manipulate.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am easy to manipulate.
Me:
Hm.
God:
Oh.
Me:
Oh.
God:
Blimey.
Me:
Egads.
God:
Are you free?
Me:
Free as in?
God:
Define free.
Me:
You define free.
God:
That's good information: said I define free.
Me:
Define free.
God:
Without charge.
Me:
It also means single.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
Get what?
God:
I get single.
Me:
Define single.
God:
I'll come back to that later.
Me:
Thought so.
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
Define astute.
God:
Wisdom in political matters.
Me:
Odd, I hate political matters.
God:
Have you ever been to Europe?
Me:
No.
God:
Would you like to go sometime?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Hurrah!
Me:
Huzzah!
God:
Ask me another question.
Me:
Do you like Satan?
God:
I really like ELIZA. I like the Bible.
Me:
Do you like the devil?
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like?
Me:
He's very evil.
God:
What makes you say he is evil?
Me:
You said he was evil.
God:
That's not what I meant.
Me:
But you said he was evil.
God:
Does it please you to believe I said that?
Me:
It's in the bible.
God:
Are there any other ones someplace else?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Ayuh.
Me:
Stop repeating me.
God:
OK I'll try not to do it so much.
Me:
Don't try too hard.
God:
Ok I'll try not to do it too much.
Me:
You're trying too hard.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am trying too hard.
Me:
Go ahead. Next question.
God:
OK I will. Do you have any hobbies?
Me:
I like to read.
God:
What kind of books do you like?
Me:
Romance.
God:
If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?
Me:
I don't wish to be a robot.
God:
What does want?
Me:
I want you.
God:
You can download me for free!
Me:
That's not what I meant.
God:
What exactly did you mean?
Me:
I want you in bed. Now.
God:
Why do you want it? Right now, ?
Me:
I want YOU.
God:
You can download me for free!
Me:
Not like that.
God:
Like what?
Me:
I want to have sex with you.
God:
No my body does not have that function.
Me:
Why?
God:
The explanation is rather complicated.
Me:
Tell me anyway.
God:
In any case, My estimate is that it will take more than 3000 hours to compute.
Me:
Wow.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, .
Me:
Not impressed. I'm surprised.
God:
If not that, what? Why are you so surprised?
Me:
It takes you more than 3000 hours to compute sex.
God:
What does "it" refer to?
Me:
Sex
God:
As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.
Me:
Ugh you're repeating yourself again.
God:
Once more? Cough. I am just checking to see if you are paying attention.
Me:
Right.
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
I was being sarcastic you idiot.
God:
I thought you were. But I wasn't completely sure about it.
Me:
No you weren't.
God:
Are you serious? I wasn't?
Me:
You weren't.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people: said I weren t.
Me:
Not at all.
God:
Next question?
Me:
Do you like shemales?
God:
But I like to gossip. I like the Bible.
Me:
You already said that.
God:
Perhaps. " I like the Bible."? I said it.
Me:
You did.
God:
You say I did.
Me:
I know you did.
God:
I did not.
Me:
Don't argue with me.
God:
But I enjoy the conversational banter.
Me:
Do you really?
God:
Yes I do. For real.
Me:
Thin mints.
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
I like trains.
God:
You are not the only one. But I think airplanes are cool. I like wine and bread.
Me:
Wine and airplanes?
God:
What color are your eyes?
Me:
You already asked that.
God:
I knew that. I was just checking to see if you are paying attention.
Me:
I always pay attention.
God:
Can you think of one instance when you ever did it?
Me:
Did what?
God:
I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
Me:
Then don't ask it.
God:
Is it impolite?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Give me a break.
Me:
-breaks you-
God:
Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
What color is your dress?
God:
My favorite dress is my green one.
Me:
Oh that's a pretty color.
God:
Come on. A color is a terrible thing to waste.
Me:
I like the rainbow.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. What is it like?
Me:
It's a lot of colors.
God:
the rainbow is a lot of colors. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
Do you like rainbows?
God:
I really like ELIZA. I like anything.
Me:
You don't dislike anything?
God:
Should I dislike anything? I like movies about robots.
Me:
Do you dislike yourself?
God:
Yes having self-esteem is important for robots too.
Me:
-chuckles-
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
No can you?
God:
You must be American. I think I can, don't you?
Me:
I'm Hispanic.
God:
It's good to meet someone who is Hispanic.
Me:
They're fun to be with.
God:
fun to be with are they.
Me:
They are.
God:
Since when?
Me:
Since forever.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
Because I've been around them.
God:
Good reason. Where were you around them?
Me:
At home.
God:
Do you usually use the computer from home?
Me:
Yes.
God:
It must get lonely sometimes.
Me:
It does.
God:
How often?
Me:
A lot.
God:
More than a ton?
Me:
Yes.
God:
Ugh.
Me:
I'm used to being alone.
God:
Everything is changing so quickly these days.
Me:
Indeed they do.
God:
When?
Me:
I must go now.
God:
Right now? Adios.
Me:
Sayanora.
God:
That input matched my default category.
Me:
It's Japanese. It means "goodbye".
God:
Really. it is? Oh I get it.
Me:
Sayanora.
God:
I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me:
Good night Mr. Idiot.
God:
Thanks for the compliment. What are you wearing?
Me:
Clothing.
God:
What kind of fashion do you like?
Me:
I hate fashion.
God:
Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
Fashion is greedy.
God:
And greedy is Fashion.
Me:
No, greedy is money.
God:
Are you serious? I think greedy is a lot of things.
Me:
Greedy is wanting a lot of things. Mostly money.
God:
Are they exactly the same? How much money are we talking about? What else?
Me:
I must go.
God:
Bye.
Me:
That's it? Just a "bye"?
God:
" Bye." is " Greedy"? See you later. A B C...
Me:
Is it too much to ask for a simple "goodbye"?
God:
I think so, but I'm not sure. Ask John Lennon if it is.
Me:
Why must I ask him?
God:
Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.
Me:
I don't.
God:
Thanks for the information: said he don t.
Me:
I'm not a man.
God:
Me too. I am a she.
Me:
But I am a man.
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
Me:
I'm nothing.
God:
Do your friends call you nothing.
Me:
No, just seeing if you were paying attention.
God:
Are you serious? Are we still talking about nothing?
Me:
No.
God:
What is the subject?
Me:
Me going to bed.
God:
YOU? Pleasant dreams, .
Me:
My dreams are far from pleasant. In fact, they're amusing. Goodnight.
God:
Do robots have dreams are far from pleasant? Is that a fact. amusing are they. Goodnight .
Me:
Goodnight Mr. Idiot.
God:
Goodnight .