mature themes and swearing
they rob you of your dignity
they even steal your heart from me
it ain't revenge, you understand
I just want to know who dealt this hand
I reckon I could have had a decent life if we'd never crossed paths, if I hadn't gone back to his place that cloudy afternoon. So much shit wouldn't have happened to me, not yet at least. Sure, what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. Sure. But the thing is - what doesn't kill me might make me stronger, but it also makes me a paranoid son of a bitch. The nightmares I get, they're unbelievable. And they're so vivid.
I've been having nightmares since I was a kid, since my uncle turned into a cunt and fucked me up. But as I got older, they started to go away, you know? I started getting over it. But then just as those stopped, I met him. Austere. And he...I don't understand what happened between us. I know I hated his guts at first. For good reason, too - he kept me locked in the upstairs room of his store for about a month. I got my revenge, though. Knocked his apprentice up.
He kicked us out after that, both of us. Didn't seem too pleased.
So how did we end up falling in love?
Wait, wrong story. We didn't. I did.
Head over heels.
Helpless. Trapped. Enamoured.
I reckon I could have had a decent life, if I hadn't met him. I wouldn't still be having nightmares. The world he comes from, it wouldn't have snapped me up in its jaws and shook me like a ragdoll until every valuable thing I had fell out of my pockets and smashed on the ground. I wouldn't have spent weeks as somebody's toy, hoping that Austere might swoop in and save me, only to escape on my own.
I wouldn't have felt that crushing, sinking feeling when I realised that the thing I loved most couldn't love me back. He'd lied to me a thousand times, over and over, cried out three words as if he meant them and all along he never did.
Not once.
He used to save me from the things that crept up in the dark, when I didn't know what they were and what they might do to me. I wasn't scared back then - I didn't give a shit about any of it. I just wanted him. I wanted to keep him safe with me after I realised that he didn't have anyone that cared about him.
Then one day he stopped coming to save me and things got worse.
I reckon if I'd never met him, I could be innocent right now. I could have had a chance at walking down the street without constantly looking over my shoulder, thinking something's gonna come and get me.
Could be a monster.
Could be him.
I'd rather face the monster.
