smoke & mirrors | spirituelle

Spirituelle's picture



home / recent / map














Spirituelle.

Female.

Appearance. 25.

Smells of burning fire
wood and cinnamon.


toyhou.se














Page. ♥

Page. ♥
Spirituelle's picture

♥

Purr.

Purr. <3 I'm glad you're fine! (:
I'm sure we'll remain into te forest. ♥ Will Spirituelle be in the rut? c: Btw, I love that small picture there, its pretty. <3

Gonna track on this account

Gonna track on this account too. Xiu seems keen on meeting her.

- Lung
Spirituelle's picture

No, I don't have time to

No, I don't have time to participate in the rut unfortunately. Thank you so much, you're lovely. ♥

Mm, sounds good. (: /stalks Xiu

Aww that's fine. (:

Aww that's fine. (:
<3 I've missed you so much. As Waarhijd missed Spirit. ♥ I hope to see you soon in the forest. <3

Apparanza's picture

Hey. ...You blink a lot.

Hey.
...You blink a lot.

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

Your stare is rather

Your stare is rather unnerving,
so I suppose we're both equally strange, hmm?
Apparanza's picture

Indeed we are. Just makes us

Indeed we are.
Just makes us all the more interesting, doesn't it?

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

I suppose it does.

I suppose it does.
Imperfection is perfection, anyways.
Apparanza's picture

Mm. Tell me what you like in

Mm.
Tell me what you like in this forest. What it is that keeps you here.

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

If I had an answer to such a

If I had an answer to such a question, I could truly be at peace, yes?
There is nothing to be keeping me here.
I have no connections to anything nor is there anyone I find particularly interesting.
I am both confused and frustrated, but the forest is endless after all.


The doe smiled faintly, a wry smile that suggests she may possibly be holding a secret.

And what keeps your heart in such an unforgiving place?

(I may be inactive, have to study for bio. :< Feel free to leave if I'm boring you!)
Apparanza's picture

{Pff, Malik and I love

{Pff, Malik and I love sitting down like this so we're fine! xD}

-x-

The stag did not blink, lest he miss something. He caught that subtle smile and he wondered.
The fact that I can't find a way to leave. And that I have no where to go once I'm out.
He paused.
I guess my brothers keep me here. Particularly the youngest...

Have you escaped this place before?

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

Brothers... I find myself

Brothers... I find myself oddly envious that you have family.
The fae looked off in another direction, wonder momentarily flickering across her features.
Have I? Perhaps in my own head, or even my dreams, I have once escaped...
Who knows. Hm.
Apparanza's picture

He looked away. Family...

He looked away.
Family... barely.
The words came out in a mutter, as if he were talking more to himself than the doe beside him.
His dull-olive gaze returned to her afterwards. And you, you're lucky that you can smile.
The empty stag found her answer interesting. He hadn't thought about escaping in that way before.
Dangerous. I would too easily become disconnected from reality, I think.

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

The vixen caught on to his

The vixen caught on to his tone, knowing better than to pry for a better situation.
Why so? Smiling is such a morbid thing; nothing more than false hope really.
Ironically, she smiled, amused by her own words.
When the line between reality and hallucination become blurred, it can become frightening..
It's a monstrous place.

Her tone became more hushed, as if she was describing something so forbidden
it would be a disaster if someone overheard.
And where is your head these days?
Apparanza's picture

When you put it that way, it

When you put it that way, it makes me grateful for my lack of ability...
His muzzle twitched in an attempt to smile, but like every other time, he failed.
The stag's ears swiveled forward when she mentioned disconnection from reality. He didn't doubt her words. He knew what it was like. He had been that way before the forest. So detached that anything and everything meant nothing, was nothing. He didn't want to go there ever again. He didn't want to lose control.

He was silent for a few moments before answering her question.
The past.
I have heard that dwelling in the past is never good, but I can't help but do so. It's made me into what I am now, so it must have some importance.
...It haunts me.

And you? Where do your thoughts wander?

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

She watched. She watched his

She watched.
She watched his attempts to smile, his attempt at telling her at what haunted him down to the core.

And she felt an odd urge to reply, to crack open her buried thoughts and spill them.
This sense of security; it was frightening.

Your past builds you,
but dwelling too long is like being stuck in a cage.
You will never grow. You'll become static; completely frozen in time.


She looked on, once again staring at a spot in the distant.
And you? Where do your thoughts wander?
She thought. And thought. And thought again, trying to choke up an answer.

I can't say I know... I don't pay enough attention.
Maybe that's the problem.
I can never recall what happens; just the feeling it brings.


Like snapping back into reality, the fae turned her own eyes upon his.
Piercing, lingering, blood-red eyes.
Apparanza's picture

Malikorin frowned a little.

Malikorin frowned a little. That, at least, he could do.
Maybe he didn't want to grow.
Maybe, deep down inside, he was afraid to.
Afraid of change, afraid of being vulnerable and opening himself up. Afraid of what he may turn into. What if he became something he didn't want to become? What if he was led to the path of a train too far to hear yet, and when it came it would be too late?

He shook his head vigorously to clear it.
Thinking about it would almost be like experiencing it again.

Dull-olive met blood-red.
Then what do you feel?

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

The doe could feel the mood

The doe could feel the mood drop, the feeling of the conversation going ice-cold.
Yet, she persevered. And she watched.
Observed this battle of oncoming thoughts going on inside his head.
She felt bad for being the trigger that had resurfaced them.

She watched him stuggle.
He turned another question on her.

Two colours mixing to make a mess.

Everything.
Every emotion on the spectrum; I believe I've felt them all.
But then again, I'm always surprising myself.


And it was true,
because when she believed something couldn't get worse, it did.
And then it was a new level of pain, a new level of never-ending frustration.
Just like this forest.

When the beings can't get out, that means the demons can't either.

(Dull-olive met blood-red. Best. Line. Ever.)

Apparanza's picture

{Thanks~! &hearts; Two

{Thanks~! ♥
Two colours mixing to make a mess made me think of their eyes melting together and creating a new color. I wonder what that color would actually look like xD}

-x-

Malikorin experienced envy upon listening to her words.
How lucky she was, in his opinion, to be able to have felt every emotion, while he struggled to experience any of them. It was such a victory for him to be able to just feel.
He would trade the shards of a family he had for being able to feel emotion so freely and easily.

Too often he felt only a hollowness. He was an empty shell, able to create a few small pearls now and then.

As much as I wish I could feel the same...
It sounds like it must be chaotic. Conflicting.
Does it seem overwhelming sometimes?

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

Some form of rigid emotion

Some form of rigid emotion was evident after she spoke.
Jealousy, perhaps?
How misinformed he was, she thought.
If this was even what he was thinking. She really didn't know.

It can be messy;
when your judgement is clouded, it is hard to make decisions.
Yet somehow, I can push them aside, and feel nothing at all.
Mostly, I am like this.


This must have been easy to believe,
for the fae's face resembled that of a doll; not for beauty or elegance,
but more for the eternal passive and stoic expression.

Even if this was raw truth, her eyes were always expressive.
They never lied.

What are you thinking of right now?
I'm curious.


Apparanza's picture

{Augh, sorry Malik randomly

{Augh, sorry Malik randomly disappeared - my connection failed :c
But omfg that edit is stunning. I love it so much fff ♥
I do have to go now, though ;; I'll reply tomorrow~}

-x-

Feel nothing at all.
She could go between the two.
Nothing, and everything.

He watched a leaf spiral down towards the earth.

I'm thinking of what it would be like to be able to express emotion without difficulty.
That is what I struggle with. I can feel things, sometimes, but it is more difficult to express them.
The negative emotions are easier than the positive.


The stag's gaze became fixed upon the white doe.

But you're right - with emotion, it's harder to make the proper decisions.
I'm torn in a way.
I want to feel. To express.
But I don't want to become so engrossed with feeling that when I do feel, I can't go back. I need to be able to control it.
...I think about this constantly.



By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

And a leaf tumbled

And a leaf tumbled downwards,
as she listened to him speak.

Maybe not expressing emotions is the best of all, hm?
Gives no one a chance to grab at your weaknesses and pull you down.
Down, down, down...


Her voice dimmed to a murmur, trailing off as she pondered within her own thoughts.
She pulled back to the present when his eyes met hers.

To feel, not to feel,
To express, to not express..
You wonder too far into your own head sometimes.






(Oh my, IT'S SO PERFECT. ♥ I envy your artistic abilities so much. /yearns for tablet ;n;)
Apparanza's picture

{8D!! I'm glad you like it c:

{8D!! I'm glad you like it c: And baww I really hope you get a tablet soon, I miss your art ;;}

-x-

He had once thought the same as she, that not expressing emotion was best.
It had indeed been best, back then. In that situation.
But now that he couldn't control it, he wanted to express himself.
He never thought that he would ever be doubting this desire again.

Expressing nothing wouldn't betray what he was feeling on the inside.
No one could break him.
And wasn't vulnerability what he disliked most?

Mm, I think about it too often.
And I only end more frustrated than when I begin...
But I know what I want now.

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

(Ugh it's gorgeous. &hearts;

(Ugh it's gorgeous. ♥ Your style is to die for. I'm so awkward in forest omg, I don't know what to do with her LOL.)

Maybe it was just the idea of wanting
what you can't have,
but she couldn't know.
His mind was vastly different from hers.

But then again,
while most would like to be able to express their feelings,
no one wants to crack open and reveal what kills them.
Because that's viewd as weakness.

And what is that you want?

The question was simple enough, really,
but the way Spirituelle tends to ask questions
is never really just that simple...
Apparanza's picture

{lfkhlksd &hearts; And LOL

{lfkhlksd ♥ And LOL I'm that way sometimes too!
Sorry for the short post, I have to brb for dinner~}

-x-

Just to feel.

Perhaps expressing them wasn't as important as he thought it was.
He would like to express positive emotion more than negative, though.
Maybe if he was able to feel more, he would be able to express better.
And therefore gain control, so he could express when he chose to.

Sometimes I wish I could show others my appreciation.
Maybe expressing good feelings wouldn't be so bad.

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

(Ah, sorry for leaving like

(Ah, sorry for leaving like that! My internet cut out. :< )

Listening to his words, the fae was reminded of
a lost child.

Why, she wasn't so sure.

You're like an empty shell, Malikorin.
Void of anything.
I feel saddened.


The ivory doe blinked. Once.
Twice.

Do not mistake my words for pity,
I promise you I am in no way trying to be offensive.


She turned her head, facing him once again.
Stared for a few seconds.

In fact, I find you very intriguing.

Apparanza's picture

{It's fine! I figured

{It's fine! I figured something like that happened C:}

-x-

His slit pupils constricted when he heard her first set of words, and his gaze broke away from hers.
She was right, after all. An empty shell, void of anything.
His past had done this to him. Something he kept hidden, secret.

Her second set of words prompted a nod of acknowledgement from the stag.
You just speak the truth.

Malikorin looked back at her when she mentioned that she found him interesting.

The feeling is mutual, Spirituelle.
You are like no other.

...You're not of this forest.


A question in the form of a statement.

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

She knew he wasn't mentioning

She knew he wasn't mentioning something,
each thing he said was completely direct yet held some hidden meaning at the same time.

She didn't know what it was, but she was curious.
She was always curious.

I will never lie.

Lips curved up delicately into a smile,
a smile of knowing and secrecy.

She was correct, of course.
The thing is, her truths were always
riddled and distorted.

...You're not of this forest.
She was impressed. He had caught on from her subtle hints,
learned something without words.
But then again, sometimes things can't be described in words.

No, I am not.

Turned towards him.
Repeated smile.
Blinked.

Not at all.

Apparanza's picture

He could tell she was

He could tell she was curious.
He was too, of her.
Thirsting for knowledge, to find out more about the other.
Perhaps he'd tell her.

Someday.

It wasn't often he came across someone who actually fascinated him.

It was difficult to find someone who would never lie.
He looked at her for a long time.
In the end, though, he allowed himself to believe her.

Nn, didn't think so.
Where are you from, then?
Or is that something to save for another day?


His would be saved for another day.
So he wouldn't mind if hers was too.

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

So badly, she wanted to

So badly, she wanted to know.
But at the same time, she pondered, did she really want to know?

Once again, eye-contact was made.
Hesitation was obvious.

It had been a long time since someone had been able to make
stable eye-contact with her during a conversation.

Was she really that alien?

We shall save that for another day,
as I don't really know the answer myself.


She sighed inwardly.
Eyes creased in thought, focused on something in the distance.

Unspoken whispers clung to the air.
Secrets locked away,
and never mentioned.

But they were there.
For another day.
Apparanza's picture

He wanted to know even if she

He wanted to know even if she didn't herself.
Maybe she knew some things.
He could tell she had her secrets, like he had his.

I'll wait for that day, then.

His empty gaze followed hers off into the distance, but nothing kept his attention.
So he looked back to her instead, examining every detail.

He had been told before that he made others feel like they were test subjects.
Making observations, analyzing, doing certain actions just to see the reaction.
He did these things just because he wanted to know.

What are you thinking about?

By Leuvr

Hey.. I think you missed

Hey.. I think you missed this.
<3

Spirituelle's picture

She could feel him

She could feel him watching,
eyes roaming over her silhouette.

Still, she remained vacant.
Red eyes continued staring off.

It was like a game between them;
ridden with curiosity and secrecy.

What are you thinking about?
Such a simple question with such a complicated answer.

What was she thinking about?

Oh, nothing much at all.

Just wondering how often others seem to lie to themselves, really.
Just a random thought, hm.


It wasn't.

[Ooh! I didn't see your reply. I'm not too sure about the time lapse too, would this be considered before or after Req talked with Spirit? o:]
Reyy's picture

come join if you like?

come join if you like?
Spirituelle's picture

might just do that. not sure

might just do that. not sure if saosin is much of a fan, though.
Reyy's picture

He might warm up to

He might warm up to Spirituelle, who knows. (:
Spirituelle's picture

:> I am super laggy, wah.

:>

I am super laggy, wah.
Apparanza's picture

{It could be after Req talked

{It could be after Req talked with Spirit C:}

-x-

Malikorin's gaze flickered to her face after she spoke.
He wondered if it was really just a random thought.
To him, she didn't really seem like the random sort.
Everything she said had a deeper meaning.

Or did it? Maybe he was just overthinking things.

Inside, he knew he'd lied to himself.
Thinking in his head that he'd be open to others.
Promising to himself that he would.
Disregarding the little voice that let him know he wouldn't be able to keep it.

And then when it seemed too difficult or dangerous, he'd close up again because it was easier.
Safer.
He'd break that promise over and over.

He disliked thinking about it, but her words brought it to the surface.

...It does happen.
Has it ever happened to you?

By Leuvr
Spirituelle's picture

The doe just knew he'd be

The doe just knew he'd be smart enough to catch on,
but then again, maybe not.

After her conversation with Requiem, there seemed to be a lot of things she didn't know.

Eyes flickered up to meet his,
holding a solid gaze for more than a few seconds.
Curious, questioning.

She knew it probably wasn't wise to bring up Requiem's words.
She sensed he'd know the source.

She knew he would.
The doe couldn't put Requiem in such a position to satisfy her own curiosity.

No.

Her reply was blunt,
but her voice remained soft as silk.

I can't see the reason for lying,
especially to yourself.


Red irises drew off into the further parts of the woods,
creased in what looked like thoughts.

A smile danced on her lips,
extremely faint, but definitely there.

Why does it happen to you, Malikorin?

When she sneezed into the

When she sneezed into the antlers I was like, "Spirituelle's the sexiest stag alive, I swear."

xDDD
Spirituelle's picture

LOL OMG. She has so many

LOL OMG. She has so many antlers in this set, I swear. I thought it was never going to end.
My nuzzle/sniff buttons aren't working, I wasn't ignoring you! :<

! Kahli's back?

!

Kahli's back? <3
Spirituelle's picture

Yes she is! I was getting

Yes she is!
I was getting bored without her. :>

She's back and being as loud as ever~

Haha, she's the one mooing on

Haha, she's the one mooing on and off? Poor girl. <3

I think she makes Spirituelle all the more interesting. Having a split personality like that n'all. (:
Spirituelle's picture

Yep, that would be her.

Yep, that would be her. :B

Eheh, me too. Keeps things interesting, I suppose!

Track. Excuse White's

Track. Excuse White's jumpiness earlier, she was still shooken up. I think her fear has gotten the best of her, though. :c
Spirituelle's picture

Hehe, it's okay! She's so

Hehe, it's okay! She's so cute, I feel bad chasing her, awe.
Apparanza's picture

{That was one interesting

{That was one interesting interaction with Kahli! I think that's the first time I've ever encountered her in-forest 8D}

-x-

The empty stag's gaze held hers, reading the curiosity in her crimson depths.
What did she want to know?
He had a feeling she was holding something back.
He focused instead on a tree not too far off, but the feeling lingered.
He decided not to question her.

Malikorin didn't think she'd lie to herself, and his thoughts were confirmed when she verified that she didn't.
His eyes glanced at her face and caught that smile.

...Because a part of me hopes things will go differently even if I don't believe they will.
I tell myself I'll open up more.
I want to, but I don't at the same time.
I don't know.


He was slightly frustrated with himself.
He was constantly going back and forth, and he was beginning to give up.
Maybe there had been too much damage done.
Maybe he was never going to be able to feel as completely as he once had.

He sighed.

By Leuvr