25 more days big brother till the one year anniversary.For awhile I was numb I did not feel much besides sadness. And honestly I did not want to feel anything.All I ever wanted for you was to see you smiling, happy living your life to the fullest. Was that too much to ask.I miss you so much that my words could never give my feelings justice.My heart still hurts,and nothing seems to make it go away.I know you have "visited" me in many ways. And for that I am truly thankful.



But why did you have to be the one to go through the pain you were in. Why you.Its hard to believe that a loving kind-hearted person like you would ever have to be in pain.Can you hear me talk to you big-brother late at night when I can not sleep.Im sorry if I cry but it can not be helped. Because when I think of you I am proud,and its.....hard to accept that were separated if only for a while.Is it the fact that this was your choice that makes my pain worse. Or is it the fact that you were in enough pain that made you do this?


My birthdays coming soon and its the first time I wont receive your call. Did you know your call was the one I waited for. I would be so edgy until you would call it seems silly,but my b-day would never really feel complete without your call. But I guess Im gonna have to get used to it.

If I could turn back the clock and stop what happened I would willingly give anything for you to be here happy and alive.

I love you and miss you so much big-brother.And until we meet again my heart will never be whole.