:: Of Purple Flowers And Silver Stags ::
May 11, 2009 - 7:32pm — Amara7
My experience with this lovely paradise goes back far, but my social skills are equal to those of a newborn fawn. Meaning that I would rather crawl up to the thick, warm fur of my mother, than to look into the eyes of a stranger and awkwardly bow before them with shaking legs. I will not tell you my name, for it does not clear up any questions you might have about me, neither will it make your contact with me any more pleasant.
Until this rainy day in May I thought I had witnessed all the wonders in the world, but I was wrong.
I have been wandering this forest unnoticed, like a spirit, for a very, very long time. But recently I shook of my invisible coating and threw myself out in the open. A wise choice? I have yet to find out.
Today I woke up cold and shaky, my head still pounding from the short amount of sleep. I found myself in a purple flower patch, like usually. Only this time the fluttering butterflies, with their powdered wings and fragile bodies had disappeared, together with the warmth of the sun. Slowly I stood up, silently exploring the area around me. I was sleepy, but not tired. I was cold, but not freezing. I was on my own, but not lonely. I decided to treat myself with some of the purple beauties and went for a little stroll.
I tried to keep my attention focused on the marvellous creation called nature, but I kept slipping away. A familiar scent was taking me, forcing me to follow another road. Please understand me when I say I had no saying in this, no power. My legs were forced to track down the scent, the scent of someone I had become obsessed over.
Out of all living beings, he was the first one to approach me. His intentions were good, but I cowered every time, hiding behind a slim tree that would never be enough to cover me up. Still my foolish mind believed nobody could spot me there.
And still, after all these times of being startled by random deer approaching me, I still had not learned my lesson. I still hid behind the trees and spied on him. On my one and only social contact. Quietly I studied his silver pelt, covered in diamond-like raindrops. I studied his skull, one similar to my own. I studied his antlers, which were so much like my own. Spiky and covered in the purple flowers I adored.
It did not take long for him to notice me of course and he carefully tried to approach me. His attempt was just as sweet as it was frightening. My social anxiety was not just insecurity, it was a phobia. I feared strangers that came up to me. I feared him too, but I did not run. In fact, it was impossible for me to run at all, I seemed to be frozen in place. The heavens rained down on us mercilessly as we both seemed unable to move. His gentle eyes pierced through my skull-like mask, right into my own tearful, dark blue wonders.
Yes.
Tearful.
I cried. I cried silently behind the white skull that covered my true self so well. I cried not because I was sad. Not because the person that stood before me had hurt me. But because I was scared. Terrified. My tears mixed themselves with the rain because I was a coward. A big, crying coward.
Despite my crying I did not flee. I let him take me as I am. He may not have noticed my tears, but after coming closer he suddenly backed away, frightened. As a strike of lightening, I suddenly felt my own confidence grow. For the first time someone backed away from me. From me.
I carefully inhaled his scent, wet soil, blooming flowers and something musky I could not place. He seemed surprised but sniffed me too. I still wonder what he thought of it, but of course I was too scared to ask.
The time we spent together seemed to last forever, he even managed to make me laugh. But we were soon ripped apart again, as he silently bowed before me and left. With indescribable grace he ran through the pouring rain, quickly disappearing into the distance of the endless forest.
...Wow, I love the detail
Wwow. I can only adore your
And that random deer with purple flowers and silver pelt, was my little Roti.
When he met you at the first time, he was scared too, curious, but scared. He wanted to know more about you. So he studied your picto, and he saw you were afraid, he tried to approach you slowly step by step. He wanted to be your friend. He does not usually approach deer who he doesn't know but he couldn't resist approaching you. 8>
Aaand I'm sorry he had to leave so soon, he'd like to spend more time with you 8>
I think I saw her (female,
I like the picture where she's stretching a lot, it's cute. <3
To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
I love diaries like this.
8O I think I might have seen
Skilful writing, I must say n.n
-- Dannii <3
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