You stole my page! >B(

.: I honestly have always been a fan of Ciel, here. I remember when the picture of him as a fawn and Herla running in the forest was first submitted. I can't really explain how marvelous his design is as well as his overall character existance. In addition, I believe this bio is very nicely put together.

Track! C:

She did not know what to do anymore. It had been months that seemed like years since the doe had been with her lover. She watched the memories of youth play back in her head; young, foolish, free. The decisions made were free of gravity of choice or foresight, and were merely made because they were. The once clingy, dependent doe who was doted had become something else entirely; filled with wanderlust and a need to get away. A wise doe called Ravenflight had spoken to her once about anchors, things to keep you from drifting entirely. Wasn’t Ciel her anchor; The calming sea to her racing mind? The question run ravage in Sterre’s mind “What happens when the Anchor sinks to deep? Do you run out of chain?

Surely there was a limit.

She steps quietly, spying on his frame in the distance, the inky dark antlers blending with the shadows of the trees and a highlight of a necklace that hung in his antlers, a gift she had given him long ago. His soul was damaged, it took the first lover to damage it and a crack that had never seemed to heal. A leaky boat out on the wakes of the sea…the cabin was filling with water and surely they would drown. Sterres mind raced and she did her best to hold back tears. ”I don’t know what to do anymore?!”

“Ciel. I need to talk to you.”

The drumming In her chest could not be calmed from its nervous echo; she slowly walked towards Ciel and sat down. He always seemed stoic, calm and brooding; a tempest that could burst at any moment, lighting cracking and fracturing across the sky. She sat in silence, trying to form sentences, words, something he could make sense of. The nervousness built up like water at a dam wall and suddenly it broke;

“Ciel…I don’t know what to do anymore….I don’t even know where to start.” The look on her face was pained “I feel….I feel like we rushed into this. We were so carefree in the days gone past, but even then there seemed to be a storm cloud over you, a darkness that never truly left. Ever since….she….had died. Did you every truly heal? I feel like a shadow to her memory…and I know that will never change.” The doe was not sure if she was making sense anymore. “I’ve changed, I want to see the world, I want to explore all there is. It is why I am never here.” She held her head down “We are always apart now, I am always away and it seems to be dragging you under…."

…and I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to drag you down, I don’t want to feel guilty for my choices.”

She began to sob to herself and dipped her head “I don’t think we are right for each other if all we do is hurt each other....I don't know what to do anymore.

Sterre’s heart began to crumble and the glint from her eyes seemed to fade at his words; she knew it was nearing it’s end and It was all her fault. Wasn’t it? Yet deep within her veins a fire dared to glimmer, and a fiery temper from a mother she never knew started to simmer to the surface.
“So you are saying…that your happiness….is…was purely dependent on me?”. Her ears flattened to her head and her gaze hardened, locked on to his own. Suddenly a side seldom seen was spewing forth from the unstable doe.

“That’s pissweak.”

His snorts fired her up and she suddenly stood up from where she was sitting. “I’m sorry.” She stifled out, her only response. “I was young and stupid. Aimless. Looking for something that I never even had; piecing together some sort of family.” Her hairs seemed to stand on end, anger was her means of trying to keep the unstable doe from falling apart. “Did you ever bother to come with me, or just stay tied to this fucking forest and sob to yourself!? Were we even going anywhere, or just a result of some childhood fantasy? It seems no matter how much I tried…there was always something hollow, I couldn’t…..reach you.”

cr. Crrraaaaak.

Her heart broke and her outburst withered away as she began to step back slowly, tears falling from her eyes. “Well, seeing as…y-you spelled it out in front of us I guess that’s it.” And with that the doe lowered her head, tears pouring from her face, turned and ran away as fast as she could.

rawr..

It had been a long time since she’d indulged herself in thoughts of Ciel. This was not, of course, for a lack of wanting – after all, she had loved him in ways she hadn’t thought possible at a time in her life when she’d struggled even just to smile. But in purgatory, there was only time. In the beginning, she’d used that time to watch over him the way she’d promised. She’d busied herself through meditation and prayer, and waited for the sound of his voice speaking her name to call her away from the Veil into brief lapses of wakefulness.
She watched him suffer, over her. She stroked his fur as he wallowed at her unmarked grave, though she knew he could not feel it. Sometimes, when she came and he was still there for the third, fourth day in a row, clearly unfed, she would muster what little energy she had to pierce the veil and tap the pendant on the necklace she’d given him before she’d passed on. Then, he knew, and then, sometimes, he would speak proper words, and she would listen, her naked human body pressed against his back, her arms wrapped around his barrel. I love you, she’d whisper, after it was all said and done, and Herla, or Sterre, would come to retrieve him.

I love you, she’d say even when he wasn’t there.

But time did as it always would, and healed him. She’d watched that for as long as she could, too. It was good to see him raising Trae, their adopted fawn no bigger than Ciel himself had been as a fawn. It filled her to watch him fall in love with Sterre, the starry doe from worlds past, who returned to him the smiles that she herself had fallen in love with. It was when he passed her necklace along to Jo that she knew it was time to stop listening, to stop waiting. She let him go, and let him live.

Now, though, she ached for him in ways she hadn’t in what feels like a hundred moons.
Behind the Veil, she felt nothing of the world around her except in the pit of her chest where memories of the forest resided. Still, she walked across the plains she couldn’t smell, or taste, or touch, and allowed herself glimpses into the past. The lake where she had Ciel had often played, especially in the earliest stages of their courtship, when he strove to make her laugh; the poppy fields, where she had stolen his affections away from the eyes of her protective family. She came to a stop at the edge of the cliff overlooking the forest where Ciel and his family often came to rest. Eraline lowered herself onto the ground to sit, her human legs dangling over the edge of the cliff, and shut her eyes as she inhaled deeply, recalling the smell of the sandy air on the hot summer afternoons they used to spend there.

It was here that Ciel opened himself up to her for the first time. They were young and warm after a long frolic through the birch. Behind them on the other end of the cliff, Herla and Gehirn were pressed together, side by side, affording them the privacy she supposed they’d assumed they wanted. Ciel, not unlike herself, silently wallowed in his insecurities. It was here that he’d confessed to her his fear of being overshadowed by his step-father and of being forgotten altogether.

His icy blue eyes were soft and wet behind his mask. Eraline had taken one look at him and known, right then, that she had fallen in love with someone who had chosen not to leave her. Someone worthy.

“I’m so proud of you,” she says to no one, but also to him, “for never letting yourself be forgotten.”

When he gave her necklace to Jokerman, she’d stopped intuitively feeling him. Sometimes, though, if she focused hard enough, she could feel his presence through the Veil even when he wasn’t near. It had been so long since he had prayed to her, but she could still remember his voice. She reaches for him now, brows furrowed, the backs of her ankles disappearing into the rock when they should have collided each time she kicked and swayed her feet.
After a while, she found his pulse, and while distant, it was enough to turn her stomach into knots. Tethered, she opened her eyes to watch the forest pass her by the night.

“I think you would laugh if you could see me now. You’d think I look ridiculous, no fur, no antlers. I think I probably look ridiculous sometimes, too. It’d be okay, though, if it made you laugh.” Eraline takes another breath to steady herself, blinking rapidly a few times against a threatening sting in her eyes. “I miss your laugh. I miss making you mad, too.”

The veil shimmered in front of her, briefly obscuring her view of the world. She waited in silence for it to pass, dragging her finger over the dirt beside her thigh in the almond shape of Ciel’s eyes, as she remembered them.

“You’ve done an amazing job with Trae. I’m sure you know that. You were always so sure about the things you did, even when you were afraid. Do you ever feel afraid now, after all this time? I do, sometimes, though I have nothing to be afraid of anymore.

“I’d like to, though. To have a reason to be afraid again. I guess that’s why I’m still waiting here. I think I’m still waiting for you. For when you’re ready, I mean—“

What she had left to say she swallowed away and let the silence punctuate her meaning. For a while, she simply sat, following the spots of candlelit antlers passing in the horizon with her eyes – remembering the fur of Ciel’s cheek brushing softly against her own. When she could no longer count the lights in the distance, she stood, her knees trembling a bit as she slowly untethered her connection to his pulse, for now at least.

“It’s only time, after all. And you’d better have a helluvalot of stories to tell me when the time comes.”

I love you, she almost said, until she remembered that it didn’t need saying.

Someday, she would say it for a lifetime.

oh wow he's cool .o.

and fun to run around with c: <3