Development blog for Mato (Day 12)

Mis's picture



Don't think this will be the actual bio, so uh.. Don't track it if you expect to see a bio later. <_<"?...I dunno just throwing it out there. XD

So, hello there! You've entered a development blog of a new character, hopefully this is also for me to keep up with it. I know school will make me busy, but ofcourse there is always free time for thoughts!
So what's going to happen in here? Wish I knew. What I'll be doing, or, trying to do, is:

Develop a character. What I have done in the past, is simply go in-forest, and let the character speak. This worked out really well with a character like Gehirn, but now I'd like to do some thinking beforehand, before I let actual interactions round this character.
I'll be using tips I got from school on character development, but I'd love to hear feedback on things I write anyway! So don't be afraid to critique or question me.

For now though this blog will be one blabble of my thoughts. It's hard to find a starting point.
So please. Only comment when you want to follow this, because this will be bumped a lot. And I doubt it's interesting. (And I find it embarassing for some reason.) But I know putting it in one blog helps me to organize, and pushes me to work on it, since it's online. Normally I work in word-documents.

I'm going to split this up in the days I work on it. if you want to see previous developments, go back a day!

---------------------- So let's begin!----------------------

Day 1 ---- Day 2 ---- Day 3 ---- Day 4 ---- Day 5 ---- Day 6 ---- Day 7 ---- Day 8 ---- Day 9 ---- Day 10 ---- Day 11 ---- Day 12
First Sketches ---- Second Sketches

Day 12


Hello again! Making notes of latest interactions.

The "Fawn" shape of Mato has now officially gone, his human is no longer alive and, as sometimes dead is described, "dreams forever". Thus, is stuck in the forest. I'm pretty satisfied with his introduction work overall, I am not sure how much interest his switching between a "new player" and some kind of vivid "dream" really brought up, but I had a lot of fun doing it and it was fun to come up with new stuff.
Though I suppose after the first time people saw through the act of him being a new player. XDD

So far Mato seems more "social" than I had thought he'd be and this is actually very pleasing. He's not the extremely shy deer who complains about being forever alone. But he's extremely nervous, always fretting, and he really needs time to adapt to others. So deer suddenly approaching = RUUUN FOR YOUR LIIIFE. It's fun to play him, since when he gets startled, so do I. Last night I threw apple juice all over myself.

More on his behaivor:
Seems focussed at one thing at a time. Be it spying on a group, meeting someone or a tree that got in his way. When he's focussed, he stares. Suddenly his movement stops entirely and he stops shaking, fretting, and just stands. When this focus is broken he immediatly falls back to fretting.
It seems he indeed gives others the urge to protect him, and they do so rather willingly. In his head he points out one person he clings to at a time, and keeps coming back to them. Though he also sometimes decides to search around, and then it's up to the others to follow him. Sometimes he seems to look back if they are, sometimes he simply goes. He's afraid of being rude and thus hurt/attacked, but once his focus shifts it's hard for him to keep an eye on surroundings.

He has finally taken his first skull. He tried a few times before but without success, but finally with the help of Migsi and Woden he succeeded in stealing Malikorin's skull. He went to wash it at the idol, then buried it. It was nice to see his actions were not very hard to understand. During this process, it seems he came up with "rules"
If he runs, he loses the skull and needs to go back to the place he dropped it at. He can only fast-walk. So if someone chases him once he has the skull, he is likely to drop it.

I also wanted to copy/paste the journals of people who have interacted with Mato so far, so I can kepe an eye on how he is viewed by others and how I represent him. I want to see if this changes. Though if the people who wrote these see it and want me to take it down, please just tell me! I have no issues with that! I can also keep it on a personal notepad. It's just a shame for me to see them get lost the next time said deer is in the forest and writes on it! XD

First: Shiori's Migsy:
------
She spied on Levi and Crucio from a distance once the ghost fawn departed. Noticed a...strange being doing the same thing from behind a tree a short distance away. Whoa, what a weird looking critter! Cypher would no doubt be pleased if he were to see it! In the spirit of her friend, she left the deer couple alone and stalked the creature instead, trying her best to hide behind trees like Cypher did...how boring. Growing impatient, she flew over to greet it, startling him. He was a fearful, twitchy sort for sure, but did not react negatively to her easy presence. After following him around the forest a bit he seemed to warm up to her quickly, and she learned his name was Mato.
» A handsome raven showed up, and Migisi's hopes were dashed upon realizing it was only Woden, the fairy shapeshifter, and not a bird at all. A tad weary of him for surprising her with his transformation the last time, she was not so easily enamored this time around and played hard to get with his attention. Was even less impressed by the fact that he seemed out to steal Mato from her - the nerve! Grudgingly she let him tag along with them a while - though watching him help the Mato steal a mask was quite funny. She 'helped' the two of them bury it at the ruins and shared a good laugh. What fun! Why had she never thought of this?
----------

SightHoundLady's Woden:
-----------
Visiting the forest in Raven form, Woden met up with the little jackdaw, Migisi, remembering her from the fun they’d had pestering the big icy stag. Always up for mischief, the Fay found her following around a very bizarre creature with arm like appendages named Mato. Greeted the little crow, blissfully unaware that she was anything but happy to see him. Mato turned out to be a very skittish fellow, perplexing Woden when he ran away in fear from the little birds. Eventually he seemed to accept their company but the silly lout still bumped into him a few times in his frantic attempts to flee from any deer that approached. Followed the strange creature around with Migisi. Watched him unsuccessfully try and steal the skull masks from sleeping deer. What fun! Woden liked this game so helped Mato in the task, then followed the creature as he ran off with a skull to the crying idol and proceeded to wash it. Followed Mato to the ruins where Woden and Migisi helped him bury the skull in a grave. Even better! Indeed a fun game. Woden was pleased with the accomplishment.
------------

Now I think both are familair with Mato's design and perhaps even with his goals in the forest, so perhaps the responses he got are not completely natural. What he has shown by body language in the forest, the skull washing and burying, may not be seen by someone unfamilair by him. Perhaps I can try this out sometime too. I wonder if I am doing it right, if, without language, it's visible what he is up to.

Now I should go back to homework. Cool XD
Day 11


Hello! Thought I'd keep some notes on recent development
Two "shapes" right now

Mato or Juhani playing the fawn himself in the forest. As an actual new player. It's not easy to seem new, but I try to keep his language simple and unsophisticated. As if he's not used to writing in a way others can read it.
In the forest I try to control him solemly by mouse, so no arrow controls or hotkeys. Makes him slower and somehow seem more newbish.
He knows a few actions by now:
bow = greeting, goodbye
rear = enthosiastic greeting (XD)
suprise = WHOA
sniff = greeting
lower antlers = showing off headgear
laughing = laughing

Perhaps some others, but not much yet. Just basic interactions.

The blog about dreams he made twists as soon as he "goes to sleep" and he, in his dreams, enters TEF again, but in the shape of adult-Mato(Aka himself) and I found it important to note down his development in-forest

Seems to be curious of other deer, but incredibly nervous. Tends to shy away when approached but is not impossible to approach, when cautious. When someone runs at him he wil turn andl flee. To him it looks like they've "discovered his secret" so he runs from them in order to avoid confrontation.
So far he has not had a bump with a skull deer. Or not in a way to "traumatize" him, or have him focus on the skull.
He has been interacting with a very sweet character my other deer don't interact with at all, which I find curious but somehow relieving. They seem to take care of both his adult and fawn forms. They got him to play as an adult too and, I think he's actually calm around someone he sort of "trusts". It's also a nice change for me to play him a bit more relaxed unlike his constant nervous behaivor. He seems to show this in a few ways:
Constantly looking around, especially when another is approaching him
backing off
always putting a tree between him and another deer
never finishes off his actions. Like, when he tilts his head, he breaks off the action. This way he can do many actions after eachother.

And that's it so far. I'm very tired right now, but tomorrow I'll likely twist his blog around again so I can go back in with "adult" Mato.
This is said blog btw. If you want to keep an eye on it, you can reply to one of his questions. I mean, a "track" would be a little odd...
Day 10


Hello! Today I feel slightly silly. I think my idea is sort of rounded off now, and I should be starting. But somehow, now I've spend so much time on it, it feels a little scary. Like there's suddenly pressure.

So, so far it seems I'll be going with the character description from day 8/9, and the idea of the introduction from day 9. Though I would really like to hear if it you have your doubts about it, or think it's good and want to give me an extra push. Since now I feel like I'm waiting on nothing, silly as it is! I have asked around and most seem to like the idea too, but I know not everyone gives honest critique as easily.
But perhaps Sight is right and I am overthinking too much. There will indeed always be something, and perhaps the bugs need to be discovered as I play him.

I'll keep this up for today and likely tomorrow as I'll be very busy, but then I want to introduce the picto "wakka" as a new player. Try to get me into the mindset of someone who is perhaps forced to play TEF, or only has one game to choose to play on his small computer, and chooses TEF.

Wow short.
Day 9


Hello again!

To Tera:
Thank you for your time reading through my babbeling and for your lovely comment. I love long comments. Because size matters. /bad humor

Anyway. Yes, I am having the idea of trying to put the littlelest amount of info on his bio. Just what’s necessary. I like the idea of lulling people in with the akward-character idea a lot too.
On the phobia, yes, very much so! I think that’s a good way to describe his actions and his fear. He doesn’t want anyone to be suspicious, so does the exact opposite of what a necrophiliac is thought to do.

I went to look into your idea of the rituals. Because I did find that very interesting and would give me more to do in-forest. Or story-wise anyway! There are many rituals that moreso revolve around the recently died. Like, closing the eyelids, the mouth, covering their face with a sheet. But since he only gets the skulls, I couldn’t really connect these rituals. Though the corpses are also often washed, perhaps he takes the skulls to the crying idol to “shower” them before he buries them.

Ah yes, the connection between the trauma’s and his sudden digging up bodies is very spontaneous for me too. Problem mostly was that it seemed very sudden in all the stories I read on necrophilia as well. I like your suggestion there though, and I may actually snatch it from you and go with it. (XD)

I’m adoring the idea of him being the one sitting behind the computer and playing “Mato”. Very twisted. But I also think this brings in a lot of complications. How does he control this avatar so well? What does he do when he is not playing? Why does he behave the same in-forest as he does in-real-life?
I am wondering if this doesn’t bring up a lot of complication. Why doesn’t he turn the game off if he doesn’t like it? And if he likes it, why play out his OCD problems in-game?
Also moreso questioning out loud than you Tera, rofl. But that popped up. I do like the idea overall, so I was thinking about perhaps he indeed gets to play TEF. And like TEF is a screensaver and turns on when your computer goes into sleep-mode, what if it starts to appear in Mato’s dreams, until he gets stuck and doesn’t wake up again?

So that’d also kind of go with the idea Ravenflight suggested. But have the game itself as a stimulus. (SHOULD HE LIKE, make an introduction post FOR HIS FAWN? XDD)

Anyway. I do really like the idea of HIM actually playing Mato instead of me. But I think it’d get horribly confusing. Or as Vee said: TEFception.

Back to Tera.

The zombie-deer in-game seem very uhm.. I suppose I am thinking of two things you mean with this.
1: The zombie set on it’s own seems like a normal deer to me wearing said set. And since they also posess thoughts and the ability to turn Mato down or make him feel bad, he’d be uncomfortable around them just as much as any other deer. (Or steal their skull.)
2: Zombie-zombies! This depends, also, on the character. Like some vampires out here, I suspect many zombie-characters also just hop about and interact like most deer. So would still make him uncomfortable.

You did make me think about the option of badly-wounded deer. They’d be less likely to go after Mato, or hurt him. So he’d be more curious of those, they can’t actually hurt him just like the dead can’t. But they can still talk, and still verbally abuse him. So caution would be needed.
I wonder what he’d think about your Teradeer. Since they seem to be pretty much a living corpse, but slow, and I don’t think they speak right? Because I think, when a deer seems very undangerous or slow, he’d be more inclined to be curious of them. Whereas fawns are not dangerous at all, they are extremely active and this may not always do him good. But I suppose calm fawns would be less scary.

I have started to notice I need to put him in-game to develop further. I'd still keep this rolling, put down notes in his in-forest interactions etc. How this affects him.
But I want to think of an introduction.

What if I'd go with him simply starting to play TEF, indeed, as a part of his therapy. (What facility would do that..I hope none irl. hehe) So perhaps start off with him playing as a fawn. Him -actually- playing as a fawn.
Though things turn bad. When he goes to sleep irl, he dreams of entering the forest as a completely different deer. A grown up one. This goes on for a few days, playing a little fawn during the day, a grown up deer when he's asleep.
Until he stops waking up. (Coma, perhaps he dies in his sleep, heartattack.) and his being is stuck in the forest completely. So his character, "Mato", would not just be a character, but become himself.

Ohyeah. Since "Mato" is the finnish word for "earthworm", I spoke to Zirqu who is finnish about average finnish names. I supposed that, since he uses that name for a reason, perhaps he is finnish (Or, his family is.). Although I know no finnish whatsoever and don't plan on speaking it. Perhaps english is not a problem for him.
His real name could be Juhani Lesonen. It wouldn't be extremely important, but I do like to give his human self a name too. As opposed to only his deer-nickname.

I wonder if anyone agrees on this "how he gets in-forest" idea. Or has another suggestion.

Oh, finished that drawing!

Likely to use it in his introduction.


---*EDIT*---
My introduction idea got me wondering. If he knows TEF is "a game", why would he not act like it is? Though I suppose he would when -he- still plays, as a fawn. But loses that sense when it's in his dreams, like in my dreams everything makes sense and I don't question it. So in his dreams, he's not playing, but actually -IS- said deer (Mato.) Until he ofcourse gets stuck completely. So in that way, he would not be realizing it is a game and would not act like it is. He would when awake, and playing as a fawn.

I'm still really liking this idea.I can imagine him making a blog with questions like "when do i grow up?" or "why can I not keep my spells?" before that blog turns into his "biographpy".
I'd likely use the pictogram's account itself. Not my own.
I could steal my own art and put it as his user picture! Hahaha..Oh man... Too many ideas for that one.
Day 8


Ah a bit shorter today I suppose, I didn’t have as much time. It’s rather late atm too so.

I did indeed soften Mato up quite a bit, though I would not exclude the thought of him also having intercourse with the corpses, as this would normally be viewed as a part of a relationship. And since that is what he supposed he was having with said corpses.
Thanks for the tip on the mother-issue there Uitleger, I have to say I didn’t see the link myself there. I hadn’t exactly thought of why such a person would turn out so aggressive.

Some notes I found through the book you linked (which is awesome, by the way.)

“Sexual inadequacy may cause the necrophile to turn his attention to corpses. Some necrophiles are known to be impotent to live women. Perhaps due to anxiety or some other deep-seated psychological disorder.”

There was also a story about a man who was treated very harshly by all his family. He found solace in the dead, who never complained and who were never critical.

Castration anxiety, feelings of male inadequacy and fear of women may be at work in some cases

I also read in this book, but also on the other website, the theory about a necrophile’s perception of sexuality being rather infantile. Since it’s not about giving and receiving, with a corpse, only one gets pleasure and there is no need to give. This indicates an immature and narcisstic ego of the necrophile.

These all kind of seemed to work for Mato, and perhaps moreso than his mother being paralyzed. Which idea I did find very interesting, but even though based on a true story, feels a little far fetched? Or maybe I just need to combine it all.


Still think his mother needs a prominent place to cause his anxiety/fear of women in the first place. Perhaps she doesn’t even need to be alone, perhaps he had a sister as well. Read some other stories about a necrophile who got the way he was due to being humiliated by his mother and.. I think quite the number of sisters. Four even.


So let’s see. (Using a sister now, may steer from that later)


Born only son ->
No father figure, alone with a very dominant sister and mother – Feeling inadequate as a man, nervous around women (afraid of doing things wrong due to the pressure his family put on him) ->
Mother dies, sister leaves, ends up alone ->
Bothered by anxiety and feelings of inadequacy, turns to corpses who don’t complain, don’t give him the same fear ->
Uses said corpses as companions not to be alone, thinks he has a relationship with them. ->
Corpses rot, neighbours get the feeling something is not entirely right in his house ->
Police arrests a deeply traumatized Mato, pulled out of his own little world, right into the pressuring real world again with people that expect something from him. ->

Arrival in the forest! How?
- Reincarnation
- Goes crazy?
The problem with a realistic character, and the forest, is that the contrast is pretty big. I could use the idea of the forest having “magic” to it to bring Mato over. But I fear that kind of does harm to his otherwise realistic setting. Perhaps he loses his mind, ends up in the forest due to a lucid dream. Or he escapes the facility in one way or another (like certain criminals here get days off. And escape, duh.) and ends up getting lost in the forest. Ending up in TEF. (Perhaps again due to a lucid dream.) Perhaps he loses his being entirely through such a dream.

Arrival in the forest. Lack of memory ->
Experiences triggers of “memories” or, feelings that feel familiar. Feels these feelings are bad and develops a way to repress them, OCD. ->
Death seems to be a trigger for him, ruins + skull masks. ->
Buries the skull masks from deer their faces, which seems to solve his feelings for a short moment. ->
Tries to find more and more ways to gather and bury the skulls to repress his feelings, which his memory somehow indicate are bad (being “caught”, put away in an institute. Therapy)

And now I’m tired. And stuff. I hope to get this all clear soon though I think I am on my way now.
Hopefully soon working on design, and an introduction! Fine tuning will be happening through forest interaction, too, but I do want a clear idea on the “why’s” before he goes into action.

Oh! I somehow felt like I should explain myself on softening him up so much. It’s also so I can identify with him better, and to evade aggression. I can imagine him having his fits and stuff like that, but I do want to evade a killer. For my own comfort, but also because there are so many characters out there atm that act aggressive or are killers. Many necrophiles are, ofcourse, but perhaps it is simply not in Mato to turn aggressive. Just turn his frustration on himself, blaming himself. That’s what I’d think, though. And maybe it’s too late and I should stop thinking now.

Sleepy times. Also, again thank you to the readers and those who are assisting me!
Day 7


I think it’s time to “conclude” some business. Make sense of all this ramble!

At the moment I have decided on the name “Mato”, which means worm. I found this rather fitting for him. Doubt it’s his “birth name” in the human world, but in TEF he’d carry another.

Mato is born the only son of a woman, his father leaving them before his birth. This results in his mother losing all trust in other humans, and keeping her son to herself. He was not allowed to bring friends from school home, nor to visit them. Slowly, he got indoctrinated by the idea everyone was out to harm him, and stayed inside. This way he became inable to interact with humans on a social level.
He loved his mother very much, even though she took all his frustration out on him.
As she suffered a stroke and became paralyzed, Mato still took it on him to nurse her until her death. She could no longer lash out at him, only through words. Through this he learned, that even when she was mad with him, he could still crawl next to her to cuddle.

As she died, Mato was left on his own. Inable to communicate with humans normally, he had great trouble functioning normally.
Time passes and Mato still finds himself alone. It starts to eat at him, but he doesn’t seem to be able to form any bonds with others. Loneliness eats away at him.
He learns of a young woman having died, and, curiousity gets the better of him. He digs the woman up and, the state of “paralysation” makes him recal his own mother. He takes her home, and finally has a companion.
He didn’t have to fear her, she would not get mad with him nor would she deny him. And Mato himself, was very sure she loved him just as much.
This seemed easy enough. Mato continued digging up bodies, keeping them with him to fill up the empty space.
To him, it didn’t seem like he was harming anyone. Until his neighbours started to smell the rotting bodies, and police knocked on Mato’s door.

Mato is arrested and put into a mental institute. Here, he was confronted with his deeds. As now the realization struck that what he did was considered “wrong”, it got very hard for him to even live with himself.

I am not entirely sure on his transition to TEF here yet. Perhaps it’s all just a dreaaam~

Mato enters the forest with a completely blank mind. Ofcourse, completely confused by his environment, the other weird looking deer, and even worse, his own shape. He resorts to retreating himself as to escape this weird reality. Maybe it’ll go away if he ignores it.
But it really doesn’t.
As he gains control over his new body, Mato sets out to explore. Slightly, and hopefully without bumping into more weird looking deer.
With spying on them, he finds out they have the weird tendency to wear dead deer skulls on their faces.

And he is completely horrified.

This triggers such a bad reaction in him, that he panics. No clue what to do with these emotions. When he stumbles upon a sleeping skull wearer, he decides to steal it. And to do the only proper thing one can do with skulls: you bury them.
This makes him feel better, and he continues to try and steal said skulls. Stalking, observing, and eventually striking. (I am thinking about using spelldata to show that he “has a skull” by having a skull mask underneath his usual mask. If he’d have casted a mask off, he’d sneeze to his own “skull”, walk to the ruins, and sneeze it off. But I don’t know what his picto looks like in 3.31, have to look into that first.)

The skull hoarding is a result of his repressed thoughts showing through OCD. Digging up bodies is bad! You have to bury them! And this is the only thing to keep him calm.
As the deer he wants to have the skull of get more dangerous, he’ll also have to become sneakier in his approach. Even socially akward, his want for these skulls is big enough to consider talking others into helping him. (Whereas this works out is to see. What I’m writing on in-forest interactions atm are my ideas at how such can go, I know things can go entirely different when actually in-game!)

The only way I imagine he can interact with others, is by imagining they are objects/machines. They need to have a function, to see them as persons on their own is too tricky for him to cope with.



I suppose that’s where I am on history/explanations for his behavior.

Perhaps a few notes on personality.

*Nervous
*Obsessed
* OCD
* Fear of women
* Interest in bones/fear
* Inability to relate
* Objects over persons
* Fascination with bad odors
* Lack of spontaneity(All is planned out)
* Not so much shy, but very wary.
* Stays in hiding most of the time
* Affection to the ruins
*No fighter. Not build for such. Will run.
* Evades getting hurt at all cost
* May relate best to children (childish mindset, did not have a “proper” youth. Not entirely sure on this as children can be very unpredictable, and this is a problem for him.)
* Needs stability. Order.
* Tics. Twitches his eyes/hands around a lot when talking.
* Talks very fast and trips over his words.

That’s already quite a lot. I’ll stop this here since he will also need room to develop in-forest, so without a doubt things will be changed/added/deleted.

Uhm. Well yeah. If you're reading this, and you think you can give me some tips/critique, do tell me. Or if some connections seem odd to you.
Ohyeah. Decided to base his story on the first story on this website about Ed. Such a severe story, but such a bad youth this guy must've had. I thought it'd be better to base it on an excisting story, as I myself can't look into what makes such a person, such a person. I softened Mato up for my own ability to identify with him as well.
Second sketches


We were watching a boring movie at school so I decided to draw instead. (Yes, even animators get boring movies.)

What I first noticed was that his head, is evil to draw. Plain evil.
But I like a challenge.


These are all damn ugly. I hope to do things with his hands for the expression his ears lack(he has none!) but that didn't work out entirely yet. I decided to focus on the shape of the head for now. Hard enough as it is. The semi-sideview was hardest for me with this head, it seems.


As I continued to draw I got a little bit more into it. These are actually rather satisfying and keeping in mind how quick this improvement went, I think I'll be able to pull him off. Expression-wise I was worried for him, but I think that's going to be just fine now. Though, front views.. Hahaha. This was really quick, too. Oh well~

Perhaps I'll update this later with some color experiments, but for now I'm slightly tired. /boring.
Day 6


I think slowly the big line has been drawn and I'm getting very pleased about this. Eager to start playing him but, I know I should take my time!

So firstly: Replying to Uitleger!
Thought I'd do it up here instead of in the comments so I can keep easier track of my thought process.
(Psst, I had never guessed you weren't a native, your english has always impressed me XD)

When I was looking on the spirit phobia in paticulair I noticed it was indeed a rare one, I suppose that somehow suprised me. Years ago I used to have contact with a lot of people who carried such believes in spiritual lifeforms and perhaps this made me think it's not so uncommon. So it's good to see that from the other side too, did make me realize a lot on that part!

I looked into both PSTD and OCD, so let me share my findings.
Found a few websites in dutch but, on the matter of PTSD it indeed seemed very fitting that the phobia would arise from confrontation with an object that'd recall memories. In the case of an ashamed necrophiliac a skull would be a good trigger indeed.
But with people who suffer from PTSD it seemed that they'd avoid the painful memory, which I can't blame them for ofcourse. But I suppose then yes, skulls would trigger his phobia/shame for what he has done in the past, but it wouldn't make him steal them.

So I continued to OCD

--Copy paste--

Symptoms of the disorder include excessive washing or cleaning; repeated checking; extreme hoarding; preoccupation with sexual, violent or religious thoughts; aversion to particular numbers; and nervous rituals, such as opening and closing a door a certain number of times before entering or leaving a room. These symptoms can be alienating and time-consuming, and often cause severe emotional and financial distress. The acts of those who have OCD may appearparanoid and potentially psychotic. However, OCD sufferers generally recognize their obsessions and compulsions as irrational, and may become further distressed by this realization.

Obsessions are thoughts that recur and persist despite efforts to ignore or confront them.[6] People with OCD frequently perform tasks, or compulsions, to seek relief from obsession-related anxiety.

Some people with OCD perform compulsive rituals because they inexplicably feel they have to, others act compulsively so as to mitigate the anxiety that stems from particular obsessive thoughts. The person might feel that these actions somehow either will prevent a dreaded event from occurring, or will push the event from their thoughts.

People rely on compulsions as an escape from their obsessive thoughts; however, they are aware that the relief is only temporary, that the intrusive thoughts will soon return. Some people use compulsions to avoid situations that may trigger their obsessions.

-- copy paste --

I think I found OCD more fitting. Most of the time what OCD makes me think of is people stacking books or washing their hands a lot, but I find it very interesting to read it has to do with surpressing a thought. A lot of quote's up there I think are useful for this paticulair character. The burying of skulls could be a compulsion for him to avoid situations thay may trigger his past obsession (digging up people!) Perhaps burying those skulls gives him a feeling of doing something good in return for the bad he used to do. And have this turn into a compulsion.

And if he can't obtain the skulls himself because the deer is too dangerous, perhaps that'd be the times he'd attempt to talk others into helping him. I suppose though, he's very socially akward so I'd have to see if such actually happens. If he -actually- manages to "find a friend" XD Even then though it'd be interesting to see him not view these as friends, but as objects of use, since that seems for him the only way to deal with others. Living beings are so unpredictable anyway.

I find the karmic transformation very interesting. Tried to look into it a bit, what I seemed to find on it was that it transforms one into that they dislike. I'm not entirely sure if that is what you mean. His being's design is very mixed, dinosaur/deer/human like influences.. (it seems XD) So I'm not entirely sure if that'd make sense to me. Though I do like the idea of him getting "kicked down a level" in a sense.

Went to look very globally into reincarnation, and remembered that Hinduism uses a system that sort of reminded me of this "being kicked down a level." Since karma would decide what one would reincarnate into. I suppose then, in this case, due to his bad karma he'd be kicked into some weird deer like figure. Although perhaps that information is not necesarry by the subject of reincarnation as a way to arrive in the forest.
Perhaps I'll come up with something else at some point.

But for now it's indeed interesting to think of what he'd remember at all.

I suppose if one would put all of his past into a subconcious, he wouldn't even remember digging up bodies in the past. So the burying of skulls would solemly be OCD. This could start with him arriving in the forest, blabla, and at some point witnessing his first skull-carrying deer.
OCD though would be his solution for perhaps the perverse thoughts that constantly bother him wich would have to do with his past. Or perhaps, he does remember his past and in fear of repeat, buries skulls. I suppose it'd start with him knowing absolutely nothing, like a sort of amnesia, but remembering bits and pieces by confrontation with things in-forest like the skulls, the ruins/graveyard.
I don't think he'd ever need to tell anyone this though, nor ever feel the need to do this. He cannot predict these deer, so he can't control their actions. Things can only go wrong if he'd ever talk about such things!

To me the connections are starting to make sense now. I also had a thought about how he came to be this socially akward as a human and would resort to digging up dead bodies. For me it was just interesting to have a thought about this, instead of simply "making him a necrophiliac".
But since I have no clear story of this yet, I want to look into the stories on the website I found yesterday. Atm though, I'm done typing and feel like doing something else for a bit.

Day 5


So. Thinking over some stuff from yesterday, thanks once again guys!
I decided for now, to look into two possible causes for his skull-burial obsession/problem.

1. The ghost phobia I had thought of before
2. Uitleger's suggestion of a necrophile.

I find said suggestion very interesting, heavy though. But I also figured that he would not in fact continue that obsession in the forest, it turns into reburying skulls. How that works, I'm not totally done with. But I thought to just do some research on necrophiles in general. See if it fits.

The wikipedia page didn't help me much. The only thing I thought was interesting there, was that
15% of the necrophiles do what they do by a desire for comfort or to overcome feelings of isolation
Which is the direction I felt my guy was going in.
Buut other than that.. So I continue'd my search! And found pretty much a book on the subject. Which was amazing. There was a lot of information about different necrophiles in the past, but many of them were murderes. I didn't feel as if my guy would murder, so I focussed myself on other traits.

The necrophile develops poor self-esteem, perhaps due in part to a significant loss;
A. He/she is very fearful of rejection by women/men and he/she desires a sexual partner who is incapable of rejecting him/her; and/or
B. He/she is fearful of the dead, and transforms his/her fear — by means of reaction formation — into a desire.

Both of those are actually scarily useful!
I also stumbled upon a list of personality traits these people often had.

• an inability to relate to living people
• language that includes numerous death-related or scatological words
• a tendency toward boredom and lifeless conversation
• a tendency to wear light-absorbing dark colors and to dislike bright colors
• the belief that resolving conflict involves force or violence
• an appreciation for machines over people
• dreams involving death, destruction or dead parts
• an interest in sickness
• a view that the past is more real than the present
• a fascination with bad odors
• an incapacity to laugh and tendency to smirk
• a lack of spontaneity
• lifeless, dry skin
• the worship of techniques or devices of destruction
• the compartmentalization of emotion and will
• insensitivity to tragedy involving loss of life

That's a lot. I found some very interesting and perhaps even useful, so I made the text of those thicker.

Reading through everything, what seems an important part is that they often suffer a chaotic childhood, so they crave control. The ultimate control ofcourse, is that over a dead body. Since the other can't really give feedback at all. I suppose this mixes with the manipulator part I had thought of before. He doesn't really like others/living beings unless he can control them. Which would make him resort to manipulating. And likely doing this through his weakness thus needing others their protection. Although this seems to somehow clash. I'd think he'd use others like objects and view them that way too.

Now this is all very interesting and surely would make for one interesting personality. I suppose that is what I'd use the necrophile part for anyway, as a personality base. Simply to "slim down" the severeness and use it solemly as a past/reason for his personality. In that way I also think it doesn't need to be "shown" and so I could evade offending others.

Though yes, as i said, very interesting so far. But now to the connections; How would he get in the forest, and why would he bury skulls?
As I'm typing this I'm coming up with the idea of him being caught. Perhaps this causes such a shameful reaction to him/realisation since he's suddenly pulled out of his own little world with all these judging humans, that he commits suicide. Perhaps death is better than being forced to live with all these living humans. Then TEF would simply be his "reincarnation" or "hell". I guess that is a common way to get in TEF, and possibly the most "realistic." Though suicide would clash with his fear of death, though so does necrophilia. Though as the book claimed, such a fear could also turn into a desire.

So now he's in TEF. Perhaps his shame and social akwardness drives him to steal and bury the skulls, as to make up for his past being. Instead of digging body's up, burying them. That is the most "simple" explanation I could come up with for this direction.

*EDIT*
During the reading through necrophiliac's their stories, it seems the collecting of dead body parts was important. It seemed some of them even had a goal to create a dead world around them. In that case, wouldn't the collecting of skulls for his own collection not make more sense? One of the stories involved a guy who used skulls to decorate his bed I think. But to me, that'd come very close to AliceV's collector and the reburying for guilty/shameful reason seems more unique/interesting to me.
Now I'm actually typing this, if he'd still be collecting skulls in-forest then he'd also have a reason to dig up deer corpses, and that is what I want to evade. Then it'd get very TEF-unfriendly. So yeah, think I should stick to the reburying.

I also noticed that in this direction the picto as a symbol/portal would not be of use anymore. I thought of it perhaps as a gravemarker for the skulls he'd bury. That wouldn't actually be visible in-forest but could be interesting for art/events surrounding people who want to get their skull back. But that's food for thought.
*EDIT*

Heavy stuff! But very, very interesting, and I enjoyed reading 18 pages on necrophilia. o_o' XD Oh, here's the website btw. Very interesting stories for those who have an interest in the criminal mind!


Though now I've worked that out, I also want to start doing research on a phobia for spirits/ghosts. See what comes out of that. So I'll be going at that now, this'll be updated with the other half when I'm done.
----------------------------------------------

You know it's actually pretty funny on how many "Have -phobiahere-? PAY JUST A 1000 EURO"S TO GET RID OF IT!" websites I come across searching for this.

Dude. No.

Notes for after dinner: Phasmophobia/Spectrophobia and Pneumatiphobia.

Alrighto. So it seems to be hard to find specific information on these. Perhaps also because what I am looking for is more a personality disorder, and anyone can suffer from a phobia. Let's note down what I found anyway.

Judging from the story of a victim, they seemed to solve their fear by the knowledge of there being another living person in the same room. This person would call their father and ask them to keep the phone off the hook so said phobic atleast had the feeling there was someone with them. This also went for sleeping in the dark.

So to me it kind of seems to turn into a fear of being alone.

Causes could be traumatic childhood experiences, as with many phobia's. I also found a list of symptoms:
The symptoms of spectrophobia vary and are individual. Symptoms might be as mild as feeling uncomfortable or as intense as to cause a full blown anxiety or panic attack. Other symptoms can include:

Panting or Gasping for Breath
Dry Mouth
Feeling Sick
Racing Heart
Feeling Out of Control
Overwhelming Fear and Anticipating Disaster

Which I guess only happens when said fear is triggered. Though you know, when I read this, I'd say that goes for pretty much most phobia's.

It also seems that most claim this phobia comes from horror movies. Hm. That's not very interesting.


Ohdear I'm going nowhere. if I'd want to make the reason for him reburying skulls a phobia, it seems I'm not going to have a lot of "real life" support. Seems like I'd have to base it mostly around my own ideas of this. Good I went on an investigation about this, hehe. The more you know.
Sketches 1


Lessee then~

Sighthoundlady was the one who told her my first few sketches reminded her of a parasaurolophus. Which I ofcourse googled, and yeah, it really did! It was sort of what I was looking for, too. More a snout than a nose. It reminded me of my favourite dinosaur, the Pteranodon.

So from both I googled images, and collected them.
This is what that came to be (NONE OF THESE IMAGES ARE MINE!)

I noticed I fell in love with mostly the parasaurolophus, but the Pteradon has a special place in my heart. So I started sketching.


And numbered them in order! I loved 2, 3 and 4. But it quickly became very obvious 2 would be very hard to make expressions with. And he looked very very evil. XDD I decided to continue with 3 and 4, they're both pretty much the same except 3 has a bend nose, and 4 a hollow. (Did I say that right?)


Chicken.
Yes, tried a more "scared-RUNAWAY" expression since I could imagine him doing so. At some point. Even though I liked the elegance of the design at the right, the design at he left seemed more expressive to me. Though I havent' tried expressions with such a head before. Since he lacks ears this can be troublesome, but, challenge!

From here on I decided on a quick, first sketch of the body.

And did the arms ABSOLUTELY wrong. I wanted to base them on the arms of a parasaurolophus but I broke them. Vee was the one to notice this. So, woops. Will have to redo that.
I guess my art teachers would hit me, the only "sensible" thing to go with his design here is that he has arms. Reasons?
- He used to be human, a leftover.
- To slip skulls off of faces!
- To dig. (Though I suppose that's possible with hooves too.)

I guess I just liked the idea a lot. But the long face, why not a human face Misako? Frankly he appeared on my head with such a long snout. I will likely try him with a human face too, but this seems sort of fitting.

Maybe I'll have better reason next time, haha. XD It's sometimes hard to steer from what you have in your head, but I know it's a good thing to try.


Oh yes. To Unplugged:
Very good point yes! Certainly gave me food for thought. I think most of it will be a development, and although I can't predict how that'd go I'd imagine it'd be amonst the lines of:
- He starts with well, I suppose, as every deer, exploring the forest.
- Notices deer with skulls. What? Nooo!
- I imagine the first things he'll be doing is stalking, observing, seeing if they're dangerous. And when they fall asleep, strike.
- I really like how you referenced back to the manipulator, and I think that could still really work out well. He wouldn't be in the forest to make "friends", but in the relationships he builds up I can imagine he'll try to talk them into helping his case. I also imagined how he'd poke someone in helping to steal the mask in-forest, without text roleplay could be well possible. Or turn out a disaster, but that'd be left to see.

That's really going to depend on other people in-forest, so I can't exactly predict it, but surely I'll toy with it. I think my knowledge in reading bio's before he goes to a skulled deer, will be involved in his choice to steal it or not. Like, can't steal a deer's face, and if they're actually indeed a ghost or paranomal being, he's just going to run the heck out of there. XD


During my "researches" I've also come across some words I like. Why I note down words? Sometimes they make great names! XD

Nazar Boncugu, mal occhio, Alkahest.


------------ CONTINUE!-----------

Well I've been working on a silhouette as we've been teached in class. Did help a lot, it's easier to find faults in silhouettes.

And I had fun trying colors on it!


White/black. I liked the big contrast but it seemed too "epic mysterious character" instead of "weak douchebag(kidding. but yeah.)".


Same story, although it was getting less. I kept in mind some sets I tried in-forest, too.
Also, I love a different colored head. Much like a dama gazelle. I did try more complex markings, but his body is so complex as it is, it felt better to keep coloring simple.


Now I felt like I was getting somewhere. Vee also agreed this came more close to his character type.


So far I like this one most. Orange VS blue. But I'll likely be trying more combinations.

If you have any suggestions, feel free <3
Day 4


Well here we go again, continued on my fidings of yesterday I went to do some research on a different array of subject.

First the "All seeing eye".

I found out there is not much I could do with that and stay on the direction I have chosen. The Evil eye has to do with envy, the "curse" this casts on another has to do with fluids leaving. So these would be the victims:

Nursing infants (they sicken and cry; their mother's milk may dry up)
Young children (they sicken and cry; they may vomit or become listless)
Milk cows and milk goats (they dry up)
Fruit trees (they wither and die or they do not bear fruit)
Fathers and sons (orphans or fathers who have lost sons envy them)
Adult men (they become impotent)

From this website btw.
And that is very interesting. But it didn't help me with why he reburied skulls.
I do like the idea of his picto being some sort of talisman or, a sign, but I have not gotten further on this yet.

So I went to ask myself why's.

Why does he bury skulls?
-Because he's afraid of ghosts that may haunt the forest(HIM) if he doesn't put their bodies to rest.
Why is he afraid of ghosts?
-They've haunted him in the past.
Why did ghosts haunt him in the past?
-He dug up bodies.

Exhumaniated graves in the past? Why?
- Gold, jewelery?
- The bones themselves?
- Potions?
- Medicine?
- To keep himself alive?

What would he want to do with those bones?

- Jewelery?
- To cure an uncureable disease
- Black market selling
- Dig up the graves as to cast revenge on the family
- Potions of immortality?

Brainwave! Immortality.

Perhaps he wanted to be immortal. And to do this, he tried to create a potion. I went to look into such things before continuing.
I quickly stumbled upon the philosopher's stone, alchemy. I liked the idea of him being a possible alchemist, but also found this very complicated. Perhaps I am on a subject here that has been used many times before, and gets very difficult to understand. (I couldn't read through the pages myself, frankly. Derp)

Perhaps it doesn't have to be so difficult. How would I combine the creation of immortality with digging up graves?
Went back to my first brainwave here. Digging up the bones of long lived people - People who survived something not many do (disease, accidents) and using these to create a medicine (potion, powders, poultices) against death. So, to become immortal.

So why did he want to become immortal?
- He was afraid to die.
Why was he afraid to die?
- Could be a youth type of thing. I can go into the "witnessed his parents died" direction, but the death of a bird he tried to save can already be a very heavy thing in a young youth. Ofcourse from there on, it'd have to grow.

So alright, that's pretty deep into the why's. Still some things I wonder about.
Why did he become afraid of the ghosts of those he dug up?
- Guilty conscience, perhaps parents who had such believes, perhaps losing sanity because of getting ill himself and not being able to make the potion work - Psychose

The idea of him being ill himself only just came to me. This would for sure make him more frantic in finding a way to become immortal. (or just to survive even.)

Alright, so how does he get in the forest?
- His picto drawn on the ground makes a portal. (Circle, line would be the opening, dot in the middle the command to open) through which he tried to escape from his hauntings. Hadn't expected to get in a forest with weird looking deer.

In TEF there are already a lot of immortal and "ghost" deer, and other paranormal activity. If he'd witness any of this, this'd trigger the fear he has not escaped, and has to try to put the spirits to rest. Thus, stealing skulls and burying them. So the forest would atleast be safe. Or perhaps later on he'd try to leave the forest too, but that'd be a development I can't predict.

I guess that's a pretty deep circle so far. I do realize that the only thing you actually notice in forest is him casting mask spells on skulled deer till they get the "no mask" spell. Likely I'd also act him out going to the ruins, to "bury" the skull. It's up to the player of the skulled deer to go after him to get it back, or to not wish to interact and simply sneeze the spells off. Or sneeze the spells off and "get it back" anyway, i can see why people would be afraid to accidentally press "save" instead of load. Damn halloween sets. But this'd be a bio-warning issue moreso than anything else.

The whole history part would only be noticeable in roleplay, but it explains his behaivor. Perhaps he will later even still try to find a cure for his disease(if I give him one) or a way to become immortal, but perhaps this would be a different one since TEF is a different place than the human world he came from. (Still not entirely sure should this be in the past or modern times, since both goes in a way. Past times would likely explain his way of thinking more. I mean. Modern = science! But they could also do a discovery in the future with a use for bones. Who knows, so. I guess I'd base that on his personality.)

Going to leave this here for now and work on some design. Perhaps need to split this up in personality-ramblings and design-sketches. Because this is getting loooong.
Day 3


Psst. Going to scan a tiny drawing and an edit of the pictogram. Text will be here soon.
Uhm. I did step away from the drugs since I found the subject too heavy, but more on that later. I think I am going in the right direction now.

- Continue! -

Alright! Since I made these tiny sketches a few days ago I'll store them first. (Yesterday Mis...)



So far bottom right is most towards what I'm looking for, but definitly not it. The top middle makes me laugh and the top left was a wack experiment for sure. The bottom left is what'd happen if I'd really overdo that triangle shape.
None of these satisfy me whatsoever. But my head is giving me a "pointy" snout. Not so much real deer though, I may look into horses and how to stylize those.

Anyway, back to personality before I dive too deeply into design.

Whilst thinking about yesterdays subject, I did agree with Unplugged that this would be very roleplay based. And I thought about that bothering me or not. Frankly I figured, if the idea didn't catch on, all this character would do is sit on his fat ass. So I thought about how to get more in-forest action.

What can we actually do? There are no goals, perhaps to "gain your set". So what we can do is change spells.
What we do in class with character design, is look at other characters we find inspiring and then find out why. Ofcourse the quick association I made was AliceV's Collector, who I still think is one of the most clever characters in this forest.
So I thought, why? Because they made the best with what one can do in-forest. Spells!

Went back to my earlier notes on day one. What has always interested me, as much in my animation as other work. Death, ghosts, mental illness.
Actually I'm trying to make sense of how I got to my idea here.

Basically, I figured the paranoia type of the manipulator had to be afraid of something, to seek protection in the first place. What if these were spirits? Or ghosts?
What if he'd steal skull masks to bury them near the ruins, to put their spirit to rest so they wouldn't come to bother him?
Though this made me feel like I was ripping off the Collector, even if the idea/goal is different. So my thoughts went deeper.

His phobia for ghosts would be much like my phobia for spiders. In daily life, you don't notice it. Unelss I get triggered by a picture/movie/someone is talking about spiders. I get alert. And then in certain moods, I can start seeing spiders everywhere. Not fun.
So what if this guy would normally not have this phobia problem, unless triggered. And because many wear skull masks, this mask could well be a trigger, as could the graves at the ruins could be.

Why is he afraid of ghosts? I thought of perhaps a past life. A hooman life, lawl. And in this I had two directions that interested me.
First off, I thought to search in this where his fear comes from. Perhaps he used to dig up corpses for a certain goal, and didn't rebury them. Thus resulting into the ghosts of said bodies coming to haunt him (Or, he imagening they do. Bad concience) So now in the forest, he tries to rebury every skull he sees in order to not go through the same again.

But from then on I am going too deep, and perhaps that already is. I also thought of two directions to go from, someone from the middle-ages or someone from the future. Though perhaps that doesn't matter at all. (I just had an image of him coming here with clothes still half-ripped and hanging from his body, and somehow some "stuff" that came with him. Like cigarettes he can't light, rofl.)

Oh yes. Something I noticed in-game.



If you compaire this to the actual picto on the top of this blog, it's quite different. But this is what it looks like in-game. The ball moves to the middle, so does the line. (IT"S AMAZING.) And it made me think of an eye, or a portal. The eye part though made me think of the charm I got from someone in Turkey, a charm against the evil eye. Perhaps that is what his picto is, and that he writes down the sign (his picto) in the sand atop of the buried skull. To ward off the evil eye.

It's this charm actually. Rofl. But the line doesn't entirely make sense yet then though, perhaps it's crossed out? Perhaps he's casting the evil eye. Ooh thoughts. Time to do research.

Feedback though? My mind is really racing atm. Also, thank you so much Unplugged, you're really helping me cast a second glance on my ideas here! I easily get over excited about my ideas rofl, and then it's good to get some critique. (I tend not to reply in comments because I'm shy about "bumping" this. So there.)

Gonna do some research/thinking, will maybe come back to this later.
Also this is all very chaotic right now and I think I should try to clean it up. It could just be the smartest to work with a base in the forest, and let it go from there. So not go too deep. Though I do like the idea of him having a bit of a past, since this could influence his behaivor.
Day 2


So. Let's start by noting down today's discoveries before re-reading day 1.

Unpluggeds idea of using a mantis' personality made my brain start rolling, and what caught my interest was the disposability of relationships. The using of them, perhaps even.
I've had a character like this before, in a far far past. Non-TEF, but one I took the most pride in. So I want to note down things I liked about this guy to see what I can do with it for the new one.

- No powers. No muscle. A complete weakling. He could not fight.
- Smart, manipulative. He could not fight, so he had to make sure others would help him out.
- Always spoke the truth, but only the part he wanted the other to hear.
- Manipulated others in such a way they thought they were his friends, only to end up abused by him to reach a further goal.

He was roleplayed very successfully, it was interesting to see how easily he could wind others around his finger.

Where am I going with this.
Ah, the manipulation part interested me. Since I've done this before and never found a way to "recycle" that character (Both Gehirn and Lucian have resemblances to other older characters of mine, but not this one.) this perhaps seemed interesting as a starting point.

Now I found I had two types of "manipulators" and an inspiration source.

Not youtube. But yes, the lion and the ox, a russian animation I found on Spyrre's "sharing some animation" blog a loong time ago. But apparantly they kicked it off of youtube now, bah!

When I thought about the manipulating, I thought about the fox in this animation. Or.. Well.. Fox-like-creature. Such a twitchy, powerless thing. So during lecture I made two "types" of manipulators.

"Nervous""Confident"
• Weak, which gives other stronger deer the urge to protect.
• Twitchy? Nervous habits?
• An unexpected manipulator.
• Possible goal?
• More like a salesman
• Can talk into other's their trust.
• More a predictable manipulator.
• Possible goal?

Somehow the goal seemed a problem for a small, nervous type of deer. What'd he want to gain? Protection, I'd say. Though for some reason, even if it seemed good in my head, it didn't entirely stick.

The more "confident" one, though. I started to think of, what about merging it with something from my culture. And as being dutch, unfortunately that gets associated with our drug policy.

And then I had a thought I'm digging a lot right now.

Ofcourse on the manipulation subject, drug dealers tend to be capable of making people do whatever they want. Like the warnings you get on the airport, don't let anyone else in your bag! Even if they seem so nice! Makes me think of the stories we heard about people that met someone nice, and ended up smuggeling drugs for them.
People are so easily decieved...

But that was my trail of thoughts there. How would I envision that in the forest?

We have "healers" who use herbs to help deer with their wound. As would human beings before they had the tools they have now. And at some point, humans also invented drugs to cope with their mental problems.

So where I am right now:

I am thinking about some sort of salesman in the forest, creating drugs/sedatives to soothe deer out of their mental problems. But not in a positive way, he wants them addicted. Why? So they come back. Vee gave me a good question: What would the pay be? And I was thinking about two options:
Treasures. Many deer seem to have some sort of jewelery. Earrings, masks, necklaces maybe even. Maybe he is a "reincarnated" human who held a lot of value to money. (Shinies.) And if deer had no treasure of their own, they'd have to steal from others, and in that way, be put up against eachother.
More sensible somehow seemed that he -is- a carnivore, but in no way a good hunter. No antlers perhaps, thin limbs. He'd need others to hunt for him. This can get very elaborate. (From bunnies to going after other deer.)

But drugs -ARE- a very heavy subject. And there are kids around here. And I surely don't want to offend anyone. So now I want to figure out how to, perhaps, tame this.
I didn't think of it as much a problem, since deer have been using "mushrooms" and "blueberries" to get "high" and "drunk" for a while now. So it somehow made sense to elaborate on this.

A quick note on all thoughts I had on this so far:

• Reincarnated human dealer, using past-knowledge in the forest.
•Has his own little "shed" where he keeps his tools. Like the ruins. This kind of seemed interesting to me as he would not be actively "selling" his goods all the time. I like to just laze in the forest.
• Design hands into his design. Hooves + crafts seem a bit troublesome to me.
• Nickname, not an actual name. Who'd want their actual name to be known if what you do is not the nicest thing? (Not that it matters in the forest, could have been a bit of a "habit" that stuck)
• Using his picto as a "trademark" sign. Or a direction sign.
• Salesman!
• Weak. Not a fighter. Will flee at agression. (Unlike Luc/Geh who both can stand their ground)
• Dislike of strong personalities.
• Bit more nervous around women (Finds men easier to manipulate. Sorry, not trying to be uh discriminating here.. But perhaps simply because he's a man himself. it kind of still comes from the idea of taking from the mantis personality. If he'd be a male mantis, damn as hell he'd be afraid of women XDD)

Made a few tiny sketches I may be posting up here as well. This is all without research yet, so I first want to research on how drugs can be made without chemicals, plantnames etc. Then perhaps look into ways people manipulate others to smuggle. Look into commercials, how people are manipulated. Etc.


But I still find this a heavy subject. If you're reading this and want to discourage me altogether, do so. Would like your thoughts on it though, as to why you'd discourage me. Perhaps we can have a conversation on it! So far feedback has been very inspiring to me!



Day 1


What am I working with beforehand? The picto name is Wakka, it's short and simple and such names charm me. I don't know if I'll be keeping it like this right now. But for now, he's called Wakka. A name helps attatchment. Even if it changes later.

I do not know what I want yet, but I know what I don't want.

• No Gehirn, no Lucian. Both dominant characters in interactions, protective males.
• No stereotype evil.
• No predator. (I feel like there are plenty of those atm.)
• No girl. Weird as this is, I feel like I don't get a connection with women atm. Perhaps a phase in my life. Don't mind a non-gender though, or perhaps hermaphrodite, but I do not find this of importance atm.
• Perhaps just avoiding stereotypes in general. Ofcourse, I want to start with a base, but not END with a base.
---Perhaps more to come for this list.


What is inspiring to me?

This is gonna sound weird, but I don't associate "inspiring" with just "things I like". I also associate it with things that baffle me completely, disgust me maybe. So there may be things in this list that make you cringe. And make me cringe.

• Bible-stories. As much bible as any religion, though. Mythical creatures, myths, stories in general and the fantasy of ages-ago has a big charm to me.
• Praying mantissi. Yes, sounds pahetic doesn't it? But I love their look. Though nothing in me connects this to this character atm, I'm still writing it down as an inspiration.
• Long faces. Not so much snouts, perhaps a deformation.
• Deformations in general. Illness, mental illness. But this can get a big stereotype stamp.
• There was a story in the newspaper not long ago about a father who set his house on fire, and burned the six children inside. These family murders.. They make me sick, I don't understand them, so they kind of like haunt my mind. I wonder why, frankly. So far this seems to be a lead on this character. Though I find with such things one should be careful to always be respectful to victims.
• Eyes. Always eyes. I hate the idea of anything poking an eye, or whatever. Typing this already makes me blink and feel weird.
• Death.
• Birth as well frankly. Looking at my animation works here.
Third animation in my life. Birth/rebirth based, on a thought I once had on the train. It was complicated, I was depressed. This animation was a way to deal with my depression.
• I like certain colorations. Like, only the head another color. Natural colors. But bright colors are nice as well.

--More thinking.


--

Hai Unplugged! I really like the idea of concentrating on one aspect of the Mantis, I thought of adding the looks of one to a deer but that didn't seem fitting. Catching-arms on a deer. Hmm. No. But I hadn't thought of personality traits yet. What I did think of was colors. So I collected a few pictures from my favourite mantis species..


(Images by Igor Siwanowicz. Check him out, he's amazing.)

I love their dark brown colors. They're called the Ghost mantis, or Phyllocrania paradoxa. They're natural colors but with their contrast, they look very alienistic.

But yes. A lot of stuff to work with, but I will be picking out what I find most interesting. So a lot will be scrapped. It's okay to just note down everything that comes to mind at first and scrap later, than to force yourself in one direction immediatly. Blocks the mind!
I like insects, though. Their colors are very nice, and I love their personality as well.
Unplugged's picture

Development blog? I'm going

Development blog? I'm going to camp here.

For the mantis thing, instant first thought would be to somehow incooperate this as a character trait, but not necessarily a dominant one. Like you could give them a tendency to abuse/exploit relationships/loved ones as a parallel to female mantises' mating behaviour. That sounds kind of silly though and I'm guessing you already tried going into that direction?
You know more about Mantis behaviour!

(Oh and I also cringe when I think of something happening to my eyes/touching them) First thought was overly big/sensitive eyes? Maybe they'd prefer to stay in the darker parts of the forest because of that, or even keep their eyes shut and use other senses instead.

/will add more possibly
sounds like you have a lot of imagery and metaphors to work with. ambitious, so good luck!
Mr.Sanguine's picture

track~ I can't wait to see

track~
I can't wait to see what becomes of this, if I have any ideas, I'll offer them up (:
Sighthoundlady's picture

I am very interested to see

I am very interested to see where you go with this. Lots of intriguing concepts here, I want to see where this leads.

The process is half the fun.

Hopefully this one doesn't get eaten by Gehirn. XD
Apeldille's picture

Ooh. I love character

Ooh. I love character development blogs. Will be interesting to see this!

Hm, interesting. I'd like to

Hm, interesting. I'd like to see how this character develops.
Unplugged's picture

You may want to think about

You may want to think about how viable this idea is in the forest. While this sounds all very interesting and plausible, it seems hard to play out without outside roleplaying. So you might have to think of how you want to play this character the most and what you place more importance on.

What caught me most is the idea of him having to rely on others for his own survival. The treasure-idea is more of an RP only thing and doesn't mix so well with the forest. Plus, the survival idea is a much stronger motivational base. This would push him in the "nervous manipulator" direction. It could also influence his character in the way that he doesn't really /want/ to use others that much but since he has no other choice he gets kind of nasty in that aspect.

I'm not completely sold on the drugs thing yet, but I can't think of much else either.
_____
this is getting good. Well intertwined, I don't think there's anything essential you're missing and I like where you're going. His arrival in the forest would make for an entertaining start.

Maybe on the topic of casting skulls off. Unless I missed something, if he's afraid of being haunted again, approaching "paranormal" deer and stealing their skulls seems like a pretty brave thing to do. Maybe this could be limited to "normal" deer who just happen to wear skulls, or only after he can make sure he'd be safe. Or maybe make others do this for him by convincing them they're bad news or whatever there is.

Integrating the picto is a very good idea.
Gruffen's picture

a very beautiful design.

a very beautiful design. Osprey and Shikami sit and watch intently
The sky is not the limit when there are footprints on the moon.
~Gruffen thanks so much MidnightRose! He's so cute! http://endlessforest.org/community/rp-blog-9 RP with me please!
quadraptor's picture

Wow those designs are

Wow those designs are absolutely stunning! I really like #1 and #3 the best. Makes me remember my childhood dinosaur obsession, haha!

Your approach is very

Your approach is very interesting.
I deem it cool that you're planning to found your character's occupation on one of the forest's attractions. The place will never run short of skulls, will it?
The spirit/ghost part seems to be the weak spot of the idea, as the matter itself, in rl, is disputable.
Not saying it hasn't got any potential, more like it's bordering on becoming "just another quirk" in a sideview, when isn't backed up by something substantial.
Viewers need this kind of tie to reality so they can empathize, and consequently, find the character believable. Something akin to the survival-based motivation idea that has been mentioned earlier.

I had a mixed reaction towards the drug idea right for its heavy quality [deeper into psychology and ethics, yet just as controversial to implement].

I think the phobia needs more research. I'm close to certain it's nothing like arachnophobia in the way it works, unless it is the skull itself posing as a threat/the object of fear. In this case -- no backstory, it's irrational.

"Exhumaniated graves in the past? Why?"
-He was a necrophile. [The first thought that came to my mind. I was surprised not to see it on the list]
Not sure if it can be of use to you, though it certainly backs up the paranoid and female-fearing type of a man, hahah.

The idea of occult practices [the search for immortality; portals] doesn't ring anything interesting for me, personally, although it easily suggests the cause and the way of his arrival to the forest [and it's difficult to fill this key detail for a story of a more realistic character].

Parasaurolophus!
[3 and 4's are 'convex' and 'concave', by the by]
I love that scared left expression, and the arms and front legs sharing the attachment base [if I'm not mistaken]. Useful to keep the design clean and makes for uneasiness, awkwardness in motion.

I agree with you on the colours, 3 and 4 are very close, so far.
As for the pattern, 4, and I like the 'phalanxes' and 'tailpart' elements of 1, as well, separately.

[Also, the last one's colours+body structure remind of a weathered down/withered mime, hm.]
Mis's picture

Hai! Thought I'd get over my

Hai! Thought I'd get over my fear of commenting for a bit, so here we go!

I want to say thank you to those who have showed interest, and to those who have been helping me along the way. The interesting part of this process, for me, is the feedback. It's also training myself to be less nervous about this and that people won't eat me.

But a big thanks to Unplugged for being full of handy tips and critiques, also to Sighthound for giving me the idea of the parasaurolophus, and to Vee for suffering my constant raining of pictures.

Now to Uitleger! What a long comment, I like it XD

I think most of the ghost phobia is a weakness as I'm trying to force a reason behind his issues, and I could just as well be looking in the wrong direction.
I'm having a little bit of trouble understanding what you mean exactly by the not being backed up by something substantial, or mabye I do understand. You mean that the idea of spirits and ghosts can not be backed up by scientific evidence in real life either, right? So it's rather vague? Whilst the survival idea is more realistic? Sorry for being a bit of a douche, I'll blame it on the fact english is not my first language XD

If you mean what I think though then yes, I suppose that's an issue. The problem with that though also is that it's a matter of believing, some people are sure ghosts/spirits excists, others are sure they don't. I guess to one group it'd make sense, to the others it would be just more an excuse.

Yes, the phobia reaally needs more research XD By the compairison I meant he wouldn't be played in such constant fear, though whilst I type this that doesn't make sense since it's an important part of his personality. So in a way, he should constantly be paranoid. Hmmmm.

Really like the idea of a necrophile. But as with the drugs, I find this a very heavy subject, and I do want him to be TEF-friendly. Although perhaps it wouldn't even have to say anywhere literally he is, and just simply be so. I do have my doubts there but it's an interesting direction, I do myself find those kinds of subjects and personality's very interesting, but I also know I may work myself up about what others think. But thank you very much for that suggestion, for some reason it didn't come to mind for me at all, that's why feedback from others can be so interesting. Different mindsets!

Ah alright, thanks! Convex and concave, I'll try to remember that! The words are so simple in dutch, I just couldnt' find the english versions of it.

I actually imagined him moving and Vee also told me he'd likely make for some akward runfits with those front-arms, but I do find that interesting and adding to his weird social position.
Personally I colored the feet/tail/hands/head differently at first in every test I made, since it felt more balanced. But as I stopped doing that, the unbalanced bit seemed to fit with his akward anatomy. So I'm not entirely out of that yet, but these are so simple to recolor I'm going to have coloring fun for a whiiile.
Also, mime? That sounds curious, I'm not sure if I see that entirely myself.. Though I do imagine him doing that invisible box act now. Oh dear. He actually has the perfect hands for that...

Really should head to bed now though, organize my mind and continue tomorrow! I've never taken this long to design a character but it's an amazing excersize. At first I was afraid to put this for everyone to read, but now I'm glad I did.

I'm not a native speaker,

I'm not a native speaker, either:j
You've caught it right, though. [And it's okay to ask/question to specify, it's adding to our discussion, even.]

Also, by 'substantial' I meant that it should go deeper into the character's mindset, have more complex connections, be tied to some of the 'objects' of physical/mental/spiritual/emotional importance. [That is, speaking in abstract, and in extreme.]
Most phobias, such rare ones, in particular, are narrowed down to an irrational source, providing little to no meat whatsoever.

I found a skull being a far-fetched stimulus for the ghost/spirit phobia, as well. You might want to look for some info on PTSD, it seems to be more trigger-involved. Hey, perhaps something along the lines of OCD [with skulls as objects for fixated behaviour]?

"By the compairison I meant he wouldn't be played in such constant fear..."
I see. Balance is key, especially for somehow 'flawed' characters.

Kids may be more stable than adults're used to believe, perhaps, more stable than the adults themselves.
Yet I agree that it should be handled carefully.
You've got a fruitful research up there. I think I can offer some tips on this part.
For the explanation to his arrival in the forest, the "karmic transformation" comes to my mind first.
Like he has bumped himself 'down a level', inadvertently, to a more animalistic form, by his own strong inclination into a non-living state.
As for his occupation, I think that determining the condition of his memory is first in order.
How much does he remember? How true are these memories? Is he even aware of the reasons behind his drive to bury skulls?
Perhaps, he isn't? And etc., etc.

I like the runfits. Curious to see where you'll settle on the coloration.
I'm sure I've got this impression solely because of the general look, but here's a tidbit:
seems like mimes are considered repulsive by some amount of people, it has been joked around in mass media.

I'm glad you find this blog useful.
Unplugged's picture

Personally speaking, front

Personally speaking, front view is an absolute pain. The second one you did looks good though. I also like the 3/4-side view. Keep those up definitely Smiling VAST improvement throughout these sketches.

Character-wise I'm afraid I'm of no use at this point. I can only point out the most obvious issues.. sooo I'm curious how this will establish itself.
Mis's picture

Thanks Unplugged! I think

Thanks Unplugged! I think I'll be able to get his looks under control by drawing him a lot. But yeah, I'm glad you see the improvement too! XD
It's alright, your tips have been very helpful, so thank you for those Smiling Still if you ever feel like reminding me of something or pointing something out, do feel free to do so. ♥
Sighthoundlady's picture

And I am SO reminded of this

And I am SO reminded of this Tom Petty video right now:

http://youtu.be/aowSGxim_O8
Mr.Sanguine's picture

Do you have a link to the

Do you have a link to the picto?

Here's how you can check:

Go to your picto's page
and here: http://tale-of-tales.com/TheEndlessForest/register/symbol2.swf?word=1OXqu {this picto is Wishinthedrawer}

on the normal picto page, go to the white edge so you can 'view page source'

take the letter/number jumble from yours and use it to replace the one in the above link.
now remove the last digit

http://tale-of-tales.com/TheEndlessForest/register/symbol2.swf?word=1OXq

you can now see what glitches away (:
Mis's picture

Sight: Ooh, I can see why!

Sight:
Ooh, I can see why! XDD Nice found!

Mr.Sanguine:
Yay thank you! I remembered there was something like that. When I checked though, I went "NOOOOOOO" as the big circle is the one that glitches away. Anything but that circle would've been okay, pff. Oh well. So much for thaat XD



Msn brainfarts:
Vee says:
*How and when did he muster the courage to go outside and explore
*Considering his origins, you might want to work on it
.:Misako:..:Wendy:. says:
*which part are you talking about atm
*as in, in-forest later on?
Vee says:
*the human life
.:Misako:..:Wendy:. says:
*ah yes
*I was thinking of that as well
*perhaps not typed out entirely well
*the problem with those kinds of things is, noone can stay inside forever, and neither can he
*he still has to go grocery shopping/etc and even he would likely get a hold of the newspaper
Vee says:
*Exactly
.:Misako:..:Wendy:. says:
*his curiousity has to do with the paralyzed state his mother was in, death being very similair in such a way that the other can't move and one can have total control
Vee says:
*does he know how to shop
*where did the money come from
.:Misako:..:Wendy:. says:
*good points! thanks XD
*I'd likely say benefits/etc or perhaps what his mother left him after her death
*and during her paralyzation he had to take on the shopping himself as well, I presume
*fact is, with the stories I read on such people
*they never gave me an explanation for those things either
Vee says:
*Hm
*I'm guessing he knew his way around where he lived?
.:Misako:..:Wendy:. says:
*yeah
*small town I'd think
Vee says:
*How does he enter the forest
.:Misako:..:Wendy:. says:
*I am not entirely sure on this
*as stated in the blog as well
*atm I'm joking about it "being just a dream" but it could've been death as well
*that caused him to come here
*but I do think death is a bit overused in these cases.. though atm I can't come up with anything better
*not if I want to keep him realistic that is.
Hart's picture

Hai.

Hai.

Day 6 has a very good base

Day 6 has a very good base for narrowing down, fleshing out and exploration.
Here's a very lazy scheme, just the way I saw it:

exhumations [human life]--|-> OCD [deer life] : [as] a general, abstract layout

a. origins [and, subsequently, the form] of the morbid occupation [small/big part of the biosocial conditions in which he was raised] : [during] childhood, adolescence;
b. psychological, social and 'geographical' backdrop for the "full-fledged", 'independent' life : [during] adulthood;
c. getting caught: circumstances; reaction and treatment he received, his response; the conditions he was placed in, his mental/emotional state.

Dividing the concept into concrete parts and viewing these parts as variables can assist in creating an original story.
It's also handy to write down a list of all possible variants on every important part -- gives a clearer view of the material, of natural boundaries and connections.

Day 7. That's a curious twist.. So he's not an out-and-out necrophile, after all. I like that you have softened it up. Though, as it's still based on a real story, here pops the first plot hole: it's highly unlikely that a person who was deprived of socialisation and abused by his own mother [the sole figure of mental and emotional attachment in his life] will not become the violent and destructive type.
His past needs some tweaking to fit his non-violent and non-sexual motivation. [If I understood it right, he kept the bodies just as a security blanket, to hide from the nagging feeling of isolation.]
Yeah, and sexuality plays a huge part in a man's development, so it's going to be tricky [but not impossible] to give him this big insecurity, a trauma, basically, that doesn't trigger a sexual deviation, to boot. Hm..

I came upon a thorough book on the subject.
Mato would be a 'romantic necrophile' by its classification.] There's little info on this type, unfortunately.\

I think his name really fits his personality and appearance, by the way. Cool choice.

[Got more thoughts, ideas, but I'll keep them to myself for now, in case my late night ramble needs to be clarified, somehow.]

I'm sorry, this comment is

I'm sorry, this comment is going to be huge. 8[

Reading Day 5:

“In that way I also think it doesn't need to be "shown" and so I could evade offending others.”
I have to agree, whole heartedly with you on this. A good reason to keep this a secret is because HE would keep it a secret…being a manipulator, he isn’t likely to share information that is so personal and that he knows others will judge him on. In fact I think mentioning that he is a manipulator would be a bad idea (at least initially), and it would be far more interesting to put forward the face of a troubled, awkward character first to let him lull those he meets into a more comfortable view of him.

Much easier to manipulate others if they don’t suspect you of it.

Maybe he has a phobia of being discovered/punished for his necrophilic tendencies and as such, attempts to hide any ‘evidence’ he finds. Of course the skulls aren’t really evidence against him, but if he is self-absorbed enough he could have that delusion. By doing ‘the right thing’ he could be trying to avoid blame or suspicions.

Reading Day 6:

For the sake of ‘been done’ I would avoid the scenario of him not remembering his past. Perhaps he is missing large pieces, but there should be a general picture for him to draw from, that influences his actions in the present. Otherwise I like where you are going in this day of development, I especially like the mental image of him compulsively washing his hands at the river. Now that I think about it, preparation of the dead in many cultures involves ritual washing, perhaps have a look at that if you want to flesh out his skull-burying ritual beyond just grave digging/burying.

Reading Day 7:

I can really see Mato taking shape in this day’s development, his history with his mother is especially ‘natural’ feeling for me. My one suggestion would be having a more natural ‘dead’ experience in the mix somewhere before he digs up the dead woman (perhaps he attends the funeral and sees her in an open casket) because the leap between ‘hearing her dying’ and ‘digging up her corpse’ is the only thing that strikes me as a little too hasty.

Other than that, everything seems really well balanced!

Reading Day 8:

Figuring out how characters get into TEF is always the hardest…but I do have the interesting picture of human ‘Mato’ (in the mental facility) being introduced to TEF game as a way to help treat his social anxiety. Perhaps he dreams of the game when he sleeps…but I think the idea of there being a ‘real’ Mato out there somewhere behind the deer character to be mildly distressing and could add a level of depth beyond just in the game itself.

Extra stuff:

How would he deal with zombie deer?
-Would they possibly be easy for him to socially interact with?
-Would he find the idea of a living-dead thing distressing (the undead could possibly reject him).
-Does he not consider them ‘dead’ at all, more like individuals in costume?
-Perhaps he views then as hallucinations, a manifestation of his want for connection with the dead?
parrotsnpineapple's picture

Going to throw in my lousy

Going to throw in my lousy two cents.
You mention the idea of Mato escaping to the forest through a Lucid dream.
And yeah, the Forest certainly is a far step from realism. Perhaps the root of this dream is through something he has seen? Perhaps in the institute or somewhere in his past he has seen the image or statue of a Manticore? Perhaps Frida Kahlos painting? There are many instances where he could have seen centaurs or Saytrs or other mythological creatures. There are also harpies?

ANYWAYS. IM GOING OFF ON A SOAP BOX. My point, perhaps seeing a reoccurring theme of a human faced creature in his past/childhood ended up being the stimulus for such a vivid endless forest dream?
Maybe he, like most people freaked out/was disturbed when he saw them?

hmm! c:

hmm! c: