In the night... (please comment :D)

Tell me, what is your name friend?
Why do you glow so bright?
I feel as if I've known you
Once before
tonight

Pray,
come into the moonlight
come here, love
sit with me

Listen.
all the air is breathing...
Friend, tell me what this means
I feel the glow around me

but why?
why can't I see

the moon sings loud but softly
while you lead me away
Tell.

Friend,
where are we going?
I cannot find a trail

This glow...
...this wandering moon-song
it leads me home at night

But, friend...
why are you fading?
Am I pulling away?

Pray, hope
friend take me with you...
...The ground is far too cold
Please,

Love, don't dissapear now
Your feet don't touch the ground
...How must I find my way back?

Back where I should belong

My friend,
Pray
Love
I'm hoping

Can we go home again?



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Sticking out tongue Please tell me what you think! I need a bit of constructive criticizing on my works....more to come soon (o_-)
Neytiri-ni's picture

Nice work! (:

Nice work! (:

This is beautiful

This is beautiful

I imagined this almost in a

I imagined this almost in a sing-song sort of way~ And I love it, I really do C: <333
ocean's picture

I'm not very good at

I'm not very good at critiquing poetry-like things, but you may try sticking to a rhythm or sort of poetry. If that isn't your style, then this works just fine; I personally like it.
I have no more critiques. |D I like the repetition as well!

(*^-^*) Yay! Thanks you guys

(*^-^*) Yay! Thanks you guys for the feedback!

Ocean thanks, will try working on it. I'm just so awful at finding rhymes, lol