Okay. Here we go.

.... gah. >.< I think the best way of doing this is to just tell the story.

When the idea of mates came about, I was pretty scornful. I mean, surely they were nothing more than best best bestbestbest friends, right? And, IMO, that's still what they are. Anyway, Liëka's charcter didn't suit having mates, so I just let everyone else get on with it.

So I was as suprised as anyone else would be to suddenly discover that Liëka, Queen of Darknesss, was in love. How does that work? Goodness knows. The other oddity was that it was a love-at-first-sight thing. I remember it well. I'd heard of the stag before, but never met him until then. I only realised later that Liëka had fallen. Again, how the hell does that work? How can a character have love at first sight, in a game where everyone is the same until you get to know them?

And this is the nub of the matter. This is where it gets weird. Liëka Deer hadn't fallen in love. Liëka human had. Awkward, isn't it?

I think I might have heard of cases where someone has a crush on a book character. Hell, one woman fell in love with and actually married the Berlin Wall. Google it if you don't believe it. I thought that sort of thing was crazy, and maybe it is. You must understand that the *deer*, not the human, is who we're talking about here.

I reckon that, being an otherkin, I have a certain disregard for species in these matters. But honestly, this is just stupid. I tried to ignore it, I even proposed the idea of mates to another stag, who I was very good friends with. (So, if you read this, and I used *EmaiL* to tell you, it's not you. I was trying to forget the other stag by coming to you, it's a good thing that you refused, so thankyou! I think the owner of the deer (who it -actually- is) knows that I'm talking about them, but just to clear it up, it's you who I talked to through a PM on *another website*.)

And I'm announcing this because I need to tell somebody, and that none of it is roleplay anymore. Liëkadeer QOD is me in every way now, which is why she's being played less. I get embarrassed when around the second stag that rightfully turned me down via email, and overexcited when the stag I want to be with is online. Whenever this stag makes a motion that could be interpreted as 'I want to be with you too', I can only stand there motionless, not daring to move or get my hopes up in any way. Which is pathetic. Hence, this very post. I need to let everyone know where I stand, despite being embarrassed and thinking myself to be crazy.

So there you have it.

............reading back, a lot of the above is confusing. Sorry. But I don't want to say any names.