(Not inspired by anyone or anything...just something he needed to get off his chest for a while ^^ It's long winded...as are most things I write @_@ I wont be offended if it goes unread ;p)

I am conflicted.

No, that’s a horrible way to start. Let me try again.
I have made friends! I hold them so dear in my heart that it practically flies from my chest and does a magnificent dance about their heads when I see them. Perhaps they are not many, or a particularly talented or coordinated bunch as others can boast, but they are mine. They seek me out when I call to them. I receive their affection before I give my own.

But …and how much that word pains me…they seem so divided somehow. Maybe I'm the divided one.

I am not the kind to favorite… haha, no, I am the desperate sort who takes what he can get! What need have I for favoritism? I am, however, shamefully impressionable. I admit…I do what I can for affection, or even a smidgeon of attention from any sort…I do what I can, even if it means no longer being true to myself. Ah, but no, I’m getting ahead of myself. In fact I believe the point of this mess has been lost altogether in my indecision! Forgive me, my attention span seems to be quite indifferent to the serious tone I wished to portray here. Let me then start by following my heart, which wishes to further elaborate on my devotion.

Quills. You were the first to join me in my fawnlike games, as though my childish behavior amongst the our cold-shouldered peers meant nothing to you. You didn’t fear to split from the group to follow me, to engage in long chases through the forest. If I were a bolder more confident stag I would say that you made me feel like I had your full attention…but perhaps I simply humor myself in thinking such a thing. Maybe it was strictly boredom that made our paths to cross and our antics merry. I do not know you well enough to tell. Perhaps I will never know. Your presence has alluded me for weeks now. Where have you gone? Have you finally grown tired of me?

Atiq. I feel somewhat ashamed, for reasons of which I am uncertain, to admit that I was drawn to you much for the same reasons I was drawn to Quills. You engaged in my wild nature, a nature that many seemed to have shunned, or attempted to ignore. You were a new face for me, though…the insecurity in me wonders that if I had not met you so graciously in your introduction into the forest you might not have batted me a lash otherwise. I feel emboldened to say though that I think we are similar spirits, especially now that I’ve grown a bit wiser since our meeting days. You have been on a long journey, my friend, but so have I. I wait dotingly on your return.

Sakura. Perhaps you out of anyone has shown me how much I have grown…I could even say you were the one to inspire it. You were the first doe who seemed to tolerate my presence, and for it I developed for you a great admiration…so much so that it blossomed into foolhardy love. Haha, so simple minded I was. Your quiet, mysterious nature was like a challenge to me, a barrier that needed to be brought down. And I, the Casanova, would be the one to conquer it! Instead, you taught me the value of being yourself as you remained steadfast and distant. As you lay down in the grass as I strutted about like a fool, I learned the value of patience as I waited for you to rise again, to show even the slightest interest in my games, which I fed on like a ravenous beast. No more. You are my consistency.

Witcher. I hesitate to call us friends, though it is a relationship I hope to work towards. Your feelings towards me are unknown…at best you seem to tolerate my presence, yet dismiss it at will. Your closeness to Sakura used to irritate me, I admit. A foolish young stag in the grips of hopeless infatuation has little sense of things, even those old insecurities that would have him bow down to you’re far more superior nature in any other circumstance. But even so, your presence intimidated me…both emboldening me to challenge you…and frightening me away from Sakura when you seemed to catch her eye in a manner I could not possibly hope to. In this, though, I eventually found respect. Perhaps in your own, silent way you were the discipline I had never properly received. I hope you can forgive my former childishness.

Reetno. My heart is heavy for you and your plight. I could say I’ve been through your torment and know the lash of cold looks and indifference, and while it would be true… I can remember the warmth of my mother’s form wrapped around me, the love in her eyes…what credibility do I have? I hope to tell you my history some day…my heart longs to do it, but…now is not the time. Let me just say I was drawn to you in the beginning. Your meek yet spirited nature reminded me a lot of myself at your age, and the fact that you were all alone…well, I couldn’t have that. Perhaps you are wrong to look up to me though… I am the wrong stag for the job as a role model. I find myself still searching for my own! If anything though, you give me some funny feeling of importance that before I lacked. It’s probably all in my head, heh. I’m sure if I hadn’t come along someone else would have…someone better. But…until you meet that someone, for as long as I can, I will be there for you.

Wyvern. We have only just met and yet I feel I’ve known you forever. You are indeed the first doe I’ve met who doesn’t seem to have …er…sat down on a certain, ever present stick. While you sometimes confuse me, you always engage me, which has been a welcome relief from the too-long disappearance of Quill’s and Atiq’s antics. I find, however, my mind attempting to wander towards it’s old foolhardiness. Our difference in gender has lured me once again into the silliness that I must impress you, to gain your attention in ways that more than friendship can offer. Perhaps I feel that’s the final thing I need in order to truly…truly… -sigh- Fortunately, I have learned patience…and I’ve learned I am not as desirable as I had pretended to be before, haha. I will do my best to be contented with that.

It would seem I have little reason then to be anything but content…yet today has gotten me puzzled. I have never met more than two friends at a time in the forest, and those two have rarely been without the inclusion of Sakura, who seems not to mind staying out of the fun and games, leaving me content with running about without her. Today however I found myself in a group of three, with a new comer too bidding for our attention. I didn’t imagine I could be so overwhelmed! Not to mention confused. Reetno was present…and his involvement in whatever I am doing means a lot to me, but I found myself losing track of him and leaving him behind on occasion, which I now feel deeply sorry for. Wyvern seemed impatient to get my attention, and confused by my hesitance, though I could not seem to portray it in a way that made sense. I feared my ‘disinterest’ might drive her away. Sakura remained ever stoic, but I still felt reluctant to leave her side as the others wandered, as she had greeted my so instantly and graciously in the forest that day, leaving me feeling warm and in her debt. And then there was the newcomer. I’m usually more than eager to make new friends, but today I felt his presence was only furthering my distraction. I did what I could to make him feel welcome in our group, but alas I fear I might have made a bad impression.

Sigh. Can I not even handle the amount of friends I have made? Or am I simply too accommodating to their whims? It makes me fear that I am unsure of myself, even now that I’ve grown…as though I’m trying to mold myself into whatever anyone wants me to be, and today there were many different molds to fit into. Is this a wake up call? And if so, do I follow it? Will I lose someone in the process…?