I've been feeling uncharacteristically down lately, most likely due to the stress emotion overload I had for the past few weeks. But I still don't like it. And my emotions tend to affect those of my deer, sometimes. So they are not happy balls of sunshine today either.

Though I think I know the reason for today.

When I lived back up north, I had basically one friend, and one friend only. But that was fine. I'd rather have one, truly awesome friend like her than a ton of other fair-weather friends. She and I were very close, and still are. We are total opposites of each other; the blond and the brunette, the math student and the artist, the one who adores kids and the one who can't stand to be around them. Yet, we both had the weirdest attraction. In all logic, we should have hated each other, t=yet we were best friends, who did all sorts of crazy stuff.

Yet when I moved, I lost that. For almost a year, I went without any friendly contact with another human being. I didn't talk to anyone, or sit with anyone, I didn't fit. The only thing that kept me going were her calls, and the promise of seeing her at Christmas.

We live 700 miles apart, yet we still remain close. Just a few weeks earlier, when I was visiting her, we still acted like we did before I moved 2 years ago, we were still the insane idiots we always were, watching creepy movies and playing Lord of the Rings for PS2. and that was the happiest I had been all year.

Yet today, was her 18th birthday. And I wasn't there. I wanted to be there, I really, really wanted to. She is my best friend in the whole world, yet I'm not there. I feel almost a universe away. I feel lonely.

All day I've been watching very old, very nostalgic movies and listening to sad songs, and wandering the Forest by myself, watching everyone else play.

I want this year to be over, so I can go home. Florida isn't home. Home is where the heart is, and mine is 700 miles away, in the open fields and hills, the farmland and the old towns.

I want my best friend back, I want to go home. I hate feeling alone.......

I know no one wants to read anything by me, I don't care, it always makes me feel better to think I'm saying it to someone.