A kindness given...

August 7, 2010 - 1:59am — Baal

Sometimes I sit, watch and wait. I've lost my way. My purpose. How often do I look back, wishing I had done something different? Wishing I had stayed away?

Wishing I had never existed at all?

Too often. Far too often. Not that wishes will do any good. They will never change what has been done. They will never end what I began.

They will never bring you back...

Sometimes I dream that I am not alone. Sometimes you are there. Resting, quiet and comforting. Warm by my side. There to reassure, there to speak kind words. Just...

...There.

At those moments, I can only hope to never wake again. If dreams could last a lifetime then I would give them mine.

But...too often I find that sleep must end. Again and again treasured moments, blissful, precious moments, they all must end.

Again and again...

Sometimes when I wake, I am not alone. Sometimes, just sometimes a kind soul, an old friend, will be found. Laying by my side. A poor imitation but more often than not a welcome kindness.

Why? I ask myself often. What good have I done them? What reason have I given for their actions?

None.

I lost my way long ago. I strayed upon a path laden in death. Painted in red... I lost my way...and yet...

There are those who still guide me. If not with words at least in action. There are those who I still call friend. Fewer now, but they remain. Many have gone, but they, the few, remain.

I do not know many names my little rose, even fewer I would speak with kindness, even less I would ask for this thing I must beg of you.

Days never change, but they feel so short now. I know my journey will end.

Soon.

She is one of the only precious things left to me in this lonely world. One of the only that hold me back. One...one that I would...miss...

I can only ask little one, if I am to leave, I ask you. Beg you! Watch over this last special thing. This last gentle soul. She is delicate little one, fragile. And though I know she has a guardian of her own it would lift a great burden from this worn soul to know she would have you to watch and guide her.

Ah, if only I could tell her how much I treasure her. Her friendship. The simple knowledge that she cares. If only little rose. If only...

Never the matter my poor words. Just...watch over her. Kaoori may be the last friend I will have left when I finally leave this lonely world.