January 26, 2009
.
.
.
.
.

------------------------------------------------------------------

The fawn soon found that he could run and jump with his long, gangly legs. Oh what a thrill! The wind in his face! He was flying. Just like the birds. Of course, he stumbled over himself many times, but he would always arise with a laugh and try again. He was a stubborn little fawn.

In his journey of discovery, he first came across a pond. The water was deep and dark. Maybe a little scary…

But the trees were pretty. They looked sad, though… why should they be sad?

Noises turned his ears. Three shapes in the distance. They looked like him but… bigger. With big branches on their heads. One was black with swirly designs. How pretty! The fawn looked at his own pelt with envy. Would they play with such a tiny, gangly, boring-colored fawn?

The fawn watched them for a while, but when the deer didn’t approach, he continued his exploration of the forest. The birds were more fun to play with anyway…

------------------------------------------------------------------

Another dream ended. Another day begun. Chenaniah opened his eyes, but stayed in his curled-up sleeping position. Somehow, he always felt much safer that way. Often he would lay down and hope they would suppose he was asleep…



Two days of hindsight had given him a different perspective of his last “adventure” in the forest. Different emotions, different feelings. Tangled like overgrown willow leaves. Must he sort through them all?

Chenaniah had always been a playful deer. He loved to laugh and jump. He loved to run. Joy was not unknown. But not since he was a fawn had he actually played with another deer. The birds had been his constant playmates. The dragonflies. The trees. These creatures did not know right from wrong. They did not know evil, and therefore could not commit it. They couldn’t judge. When they laughed, it was only in merriment. They never laughed at another’s expense. And they could not kill. Not in the Endless Forest.

But a deer. What could a deer do? A deer knew evil… and a deer could choose evil. A deer’s heart could turn. A deer could cause a death and then laugh. And laugh. And laugh.

Chenaniah opened his eyes for a brief moment and scanned the area. No one had seen him in the tall grasses. Good. He closed his eyes again and pulled his legs closer. Tightly curled in a fetal position, he prayed to return to the Land of Dreams. Back to fawnhood. When everything was new and beautiful and untainted.

Yes, a deer could cause evil. Even unknowingly. What did he know about this doe whose laughter still echoed in his head? She had filled his heart with joy. Grimmer’s joy. Hah. Almost an oxymoron…

“Come, on, Chenaniah, untangle your thoughts.”



He had opened himself to her. She had seen him laugh and jump and play. Not many deer had seen that. She had caused him to dance that day at the playground. Why? Perhaps… perhaps because she was the first deer he had followed. Blindly followed. Like the herd animal he was meant to be. Yet… she still hadn’t lead him to danger, had she?

But… all deer could be… evil.

Even fawns. Even the fawns whose innocence he coveted. Someday they would grow. They would all grow. They would all become deer.

Chenaniah grunted. It was time he got up. He needed to walk. Clear his mind. Listen to the birds. Feel the sunlight. Enough of this tiresome musing.

He arose and stretched. Looked around. No one. Listened. A herd of deer at the pond. A few scattered here and there. None in the Birch Forest. Good.

Alone.



He walked for a while, trying to think of nothing. But it’s hard to think of nothing when one has a brain. So he began to run.

He felt the wind. The tall grasses whipping at his legs. The dust and scattered leaves roused by his hooves. Normally they would invigorate and inspire him. But today he greeted these pleasures with dull apathy.

Where was he running too? Did he ever have a goal?

Eventually, after circling the Birch Forest a couple times he came to the playground. Even though the playground was a landmark of the Birch Forest, he was wary of it. Other deer often went here. But luckily the only deer around was a fawn. And it was lost in a deep sleep.

Chenaniah approached slowly, still looking around warily. He crawled up onto the rounded rock and lay down beside the sleeping fawn.

The rocks were warmed by the sunlight. It felt wonderful. The fawn by his side breathed softly and he smiled.



“I wish I could be like you, dear one. I wish I could be young again. You… you… never take your innocence for granted. Stay innocent, fawn. Stay sweet.”

And it was there that Chenaniah fell asleep.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Peh. Boring one. Not many deer involved because, well, it’s Chenaniah. This is how most of his days go, lol. He has such a girly mind. XD

More a story than journal today, guys. Sorry. I was in the mood to write. :/

And, lol, hindsight. DOUBLE MEANING THAR. CAN YOU FIND IT? 83