March 31, 2011 - 5:38am — faunet
Ok I'm in the 11th grade and ,basically my writting sucks.
At least according to my mother ,who reads and grades the papers.
I have tried to talk to her about my thesis statement on a current research paper I am about to write.
The topic was to pick a famous amercan who died before the 1960's.
What we just got into a fight over was my thesis statement,any way she's tired and doesn't want to help me right know.{This is where you guys come in.}
I know there are some wonderful writers in Tef and I hope that they will give me constructive criticism,because I do want to improve,I don't want my mom to say my writting is crap.
My thesis statement is -----
In the 19th century Susan B. Anthony was the first women to take a stand for women's right's,her actions latter led to the 19th Ammendment in which women were seen more as equals in society.
That's my thesis please tell if things need to be changed,if I worded something wrong,or if it seems to wordy.Any help is much appreciated,and will help me to become a better writer.
Hm. Is it a research paper or
You can turn your thesis into more of an argument if you choose by saying something like 'Susan B. Anthony was one of the most important women in American history because she was the first to take a stand for women's rights. Her actions later led to the 19th amendment in which women were seen more as equals in society'. Putting a little bit of an argument into your thesis can help give it backbone and make it more interesting.
However, a research paper can also be written alright with your thesis if you like it how it is. Just put a period after 'rights' and start a new sentence at Her.
I think you have good ideas, the only thing that needs work is minor grammar things. <3
No it's not an argument
Then I think you've got a
You might also add in any main topics you'll cover about her, like if you're going to talk about her early life, etc etc.
Well I started an outline and
1 Childhood
A Family
B Education
An my mom did not see how mentioning this was relevent to my paper.To me it's releventt because
it shows the society that she lived in.How women were treated,basically a bitt of background that might have started her reason of thinking that women deseved equal rights.
Thank you for the advice as for the thesis statement beside's gramatically errors is there anything you would change,add,or leave out?
I think that could be
In the 19th century Susan B. Anthony was the first women to take a stand for women's right's,her actions latter led to the 19th Ammendment in which women were seen more as equals in society.
Minor grammatical errors. This may flow better:
In the 19th century, Susan B. Anthony was the first woman to take a stand for women's rights. Her actions later led to the 19th Amendment in which women were seen more as equals in society.
I'm glad to help. <3
(No subject)