WARNING: Sexual descriptions, adult situations, some bad language

I can't seem to write anything clean these days LOL

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“Skyelter?...”

It was morning now. Skelter was lying on his stomach on the bed, face buried in a pillow. The smoldering remains of a marijuana cigarette still let out little puffs of smoke into the air, escaping through the window he earlier cried out from. It was freezing in the room. Skelter's mother stood in the doorway, looking at him. He made no move to acknowledge her presence.

She walked over to the window to shut it. She noticed the cigarette butt on the desk, sighing in mild disagreement. Then she went over to her motionless son. His mother knelt beside the bed, stroking her son's hair. Skelter finally took a deep breath to show her he was still alive. Though he felt dead inside.

“He dedn't agree, ded he?” She asked.

Skelter shook his head. All this time, his mother was wondering if Yurick would come to say goodbye to her. She had no idea what else happened in that house.

“Et's okey...” His mother paused to let him turn his head to face her. His entire face seemed stark red. His eyes were pink and dry from before, and he was still blushing madly from the whole experience. “I dedn't think you vould be so upset...”

“Mmn...” Skelter made no move to speak. Just grunting seemed to strain his voice.

“... Ded something heppen?”

Skelter wanted to tell her everything, but he kept his mouth shut. This had been going on since he was only eleven years old. Neither of his parents had any idea about it. Yurick was a master at forcing his brother to keep quiet. It wasn't something his mother needed to find out just before her death. She didn't need that kind of stress. Skelter replied with a quiet “no.”

“You're sure?”

Skelter nodded lightly, half-burying his face in the pillow again. His mother considered that he might be high from that cigarette and this was just how he reacted to it. If that was the case, she would be disappointed. But something told her that her son wasn't crying because of the marijuana. She heard him crying before. It seemed genuine. Yurick must have really hurt him.

Skelter breathed in again. “I'm gonna try again, Mum.”

“You don't heve to...”

He shook his head, “I'm sure I can convince him...”

His mother said nothing more. She stroked his hair one last time and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Funny how mothers seem to make everything better. She left, probably to go back to bed. She couldn't move around much anymore, she tired out too easily. She was so sick. Skelter hated seeing her so weak. She was the strongest person he'd ever known. It felt wrong to see her wither away.

Skelter flipped over so he could lay on his back and stare at the ceiling. “I don't want to go over there,” he thought out loud. “It'll just happen again...” He rubbed his forehead, “I'm such an idiot...”

He sat up, shaking his head at his own thoughts. He was an idiot. He was going to go back again. It was like asking for more, in his opinion. He didn't want it, he never did. His brother was insane. But he had to tell him more about their mother. If Yurick was half the person his mother thought him to be, he would lie through his teeth to make her happy. It didn't matter how much he hated her. It was the nicer thing to do. Even Yurick wasn't that cold hearted.

No, he had to go there again. Skelter would never forgive himself if he didn't at least try. His arms shook and his stomach churned. It almost tightened his throat again, but he overcame it and stood up. He had a slight headache, and he knew exactly what it was from. His addiction to heroine came back yesterday after Yurick forced him to take it. But it wasn't strong enough, so he took some pain relievers and left the house once more.

***

“Don't go in there,” he thought. “Turn around and go back home. It's not worth it. Nothing is worth it. You know what will happen...”

Skelter forced himself out of the car and up to the front door. He didn't knock this time. He turned the knob and entered the house. He walked up the stairs. Yurick was in the kitchen, looking through the cabinets for food. There was barely a scrap left in the entire house. Skelter cleared his throat to gain his brother's attention. The other looked up, and smiled.

“So soon, Skelter,” he remarked.

Skelter held firm, mildly glaring at his brother. “You didn't let me talk yesterday.”

Yurick stood, “Of course I did. Or was it the thing about Mum? Come on, Skelty--”

“It was important!” Skelter shouted. After a pause, his expression softened. “It was important...”

Yurick stared at his brother, his expression slightly saddened. He walked over to him, taking one of his hands in his own. “I'm sorry, Skelter. I was just too caught up in seeing you again... It's been years... I know how close you are to Mum.”

Skelter's cheeks turned pink at Yurick holding his hand, but he made no move to take it away. He just looked away, scowling slightly at their interlocked hands.

“You told me she was dying. What else was there to say?”

“I said you should say goodbye to her.”

“Eh?...” Yurick looked away for a moment. “Skelter... I know it's hard to see her go, but... I didn't have the same kind of relationship with her like you. Saying goodbye? It's... harder than you think...”

“You could at least try.” Skelter looked up at him. “You could at least lie to her to make her feel better.”

“You want me to lie.” Yurick took hold of Skelter's other hand. “I'm not gonna lie to her, Skelter. Even I know that wouldn't be right. You of all people should know that too.”

Skelter blushed again, this time more out of embarrassment. “I... I know... I'm sorry, but... I just want her to feel like she never lost you in the first place.”

“... What?”

Skelter blinked for a moment. “You have no idea how broken-hearted she was when you left...”

Yurick stammered, “But I... I thought she... She didn't...”

“She did.” The younger one looked down. “Good mothers don't hate their children... Ever...”

Yurick let go of his brother's hands, turning around to stare at nothing. His mother still loved him after all this time. It was almost impossible for him to understand. He and his parents fought almost constantly. It's what forced him to leave at such a young age. He thought they hated him. After hearing about his father's car crash, he didn't feel much remorse. Now, after hearing what Skelter told him, remembering his father's death almost made him choke. He turned around again to face his brother.

“I can do it...” He said, quietly. “I'll say goodbye...”

Skelter nodded, still gazing down at the floor. “Thank you...”

The younger one turned to go back down the stairs and out the door. Yurick grabbed his hand again, holding him back.

“Wait...”

Skelter turned around, almost frightened. Yurick looked at him sadly, his voice sounded lonesome. “Don't go...”

Skelter merely stood there, not knowing how to respond. Yurick came closer and embraced him. “I missed you...”

Skelter's arms trembled again. Yurick sounded so lonely, but what was he supposed to do? His brother would never make sense to him. Yesterday he was an absolute lunatic, now today he's caring and lonely? It didn't make sense! Skelter stood there, still wrapped in his brother's arms, trying to clear his mind of his confusion. Pretty soon he felt something on his neck.

No, he thought. Not again.

Yurick was kissing the one side of his neck, making his way to Skelter's cheek, but stopping for a moment to hold him close again. After finally releasing some of his grip, Yurick proceeded to kiss Skelter on the lips. Skelter put his hands to Yurick's shoulders to push him away, but he already pulled himself away.

Yurick stared into Skelter's eyes, his cheeks turning pink. Skelter was so close to him, he could feel his heart beat faster. Skelter's heart was speeding up as well, but not for the same reason. Skelter stared back, blushing madly in fear. The moment didn't last long. Yurick put his lips to Skelter's again. This time it was passionate. Skelter tried to push him away, but he couldn't find enough strength. Soon Yurick was pushing him to a wall and holding him there. The taller one pressed Skelter's hands to the wall with his own, pinning him.

It was wrong, everything felt wrong. Skelter tried fighting it, but he could never do enough to stop his brother. Yurick finally left his lips and went back to kissing his neck again. Skelter threw his head to one side, gasping for breath. His brother released his hands, and he moved them downward along the wall, pressing against it as if he was trying to push himself off. In truth, it was an act of easing the burden, like how someone bites their tongue when they receive a vaccination to ease the pain.

Yurick moved his hands from the wall to Skelter's sides, then worked his way under Skelter's shirt. Skelter's head was still to the side, his cheeks completely red and a pained look on his face. Yurick took one hand from Skelter's back and started stroking his hair, using that to make him face the front again. There was a pause. Skelter looked at his brother helplessly. Both of them were panting heavily.

Yurick smiled for a second, “You smell like... weed.”

Skelter didn't answer him.

“It can't be as good as mine though.”

Skelter shook his head, his voice was small. “No...” He removed his hands from the wall and put them of Yurick's chest, pushing him away slightly. “You're destroying yourself with it... That... that fucking heroine...”

“Shh...” Yurick kissed his lips again for a few moments, then stopped, their faces barely separated. “You don't know what you're missing.”

“I do know what I'm missing.” Skelter's breath was choppy and trembling. “You know damn well we got addicted together...”

Yurick only let out a faint chuckle, continuing to stroke Skelter's hair. It seemed like they were frozen against the wall. Skelter spoke again, his voice still trembling, “You have to stop...”

“I'll stop when I'm ready.”

Skelter bristled, “I-If you really loved me... You would stop n-now...”

Yurick's expression went blank. He wasn't sure what he heard was right. “What?...”

“That heroine is killing you.” Skelter took a moment to catch his breath. “I don't want the last of my family to die...” He wasn't lying. Skelter did want to spare his brother, the last person of his family to survive. He didn't want to see him leave for something like this. To Skelter, it was brotherly love. To Yurick, it was something else.

Yurick took a moment to catch his breath as well. He pulled himself away from Skelter, giving him more room to breathe, but still holding onto him. He finally looked up, brushing the hair out of Skelter's eyes. “I do love you, I do... You know I do... But you're asking me for so much...”

Skelter swallowed, “I kn-know... you can do it...”

Yurick ran his fingers gently down Skelter's cheek, pausing. He slid his arms back around Skelter, holding him close. “Do you see what happens when you leave?...” He tightened his embrace, “I'm such a wreck without you...”

Skelter held down a gag. He balled his hands into tight fists to push himself through this. He wished he wasn't this important. He wished his brother was normal. He wished his life was normal. He wished he had never kissed that boy in the past or let Yurick get away with anything. He wished he had courage.

Yurick finally let go of him. Skelter leaned against the wall, his face still held a crimson color. He wiped his mouth and neck dry with his sleeve. Yurick stood in front of him, interlacing their hands again. Skelter breathed.

“I'm going away soon.”

“Away?”

“To England, then America. I have things to settle before I stay here permanently...”

“No...” Yurick tightened his grip on Skelter's hand. “No, no, you can't leave again...”

“It's just for a few weeks...”

“That's too long!”

“Yurick!” Skelter glared up at him. “... You can survive a few weeks.” He looked down again, his eyes softening. “There are people I need to see, dammit... People I care about...”

Yurick stood through a long silence. After a while, he sighed. “Alright... I guess I can't stop you.”

Skelter closed his eyes, “I want you to work on your drug problem while I'm gone.”

“Yeah... I'll try...”

Skelter stood up, away from the wall. He straightened out his shirt, gave a goodbye, and left the house. Yurick was alone again.

***

It was almost evening. Skelter was gone from his mother's house, buying groceries. She was alone. His mother was lying in her bed, dozing in and out of a light sleep. She thought she heard someone drive up to the house. She drowsily thought it was Skelter, but remembered that he had just left. Maybe he forgot something.

The door to the house opened and closed. After a few moments, the door to her bedroom opened. Someone loomed beside her, but she didn't wake up enough to know who it was. But she could feel his presence. One of her hands was wrapped in another.

“Mum...”

She slowly opened her eyes and looked. A smile came to her face, “Yurick...”