June 30, 2008 - 6:38am — Kanaf
I believe I am going mad. It seems in isolation, the trees have started to speak to me. I often find myself having long arguments with the smaller birches until I snap myself out of it. Does this normally happen to a recluse? Will it stay with me after I have left?
I remember the last conversation I had with a tree... It was about my name. The tree thought it was odd that such a creature as myself would be named 'Vessel'. I myself did not see why it said that until it explained itself. It thought that 'Vessel', which commonly means an empty carrying tool, was probably the worst name that could describe me. I thought to it, 'How do I not seem like an empty being? What is there to fill up my life?'
It responded in saying to me, 'You are filled with potential and determination. You could be so much more, and you realize and strive for it. Vessel cannot be the right name for you.' But obviously, it was contradicting itself. I thought to it, 'Yes, but as a vessel may be empty, that means it can also be filled. Ergo, Vessel is the right name, since I was empty, but now I see that I am filled.'
Oddly enough, the tree accepted my argument, and seemed to nod at me. But soon, I think out of shame of losing the argument, it unleashed a squirrel that followed me for the rest of the evening.
It's strange, really. To find myself talking to a tree, more so to win an argument against one. Will I ever lose an argument to a tree? I think... Maybe it was one of the Twin Gods, giving me more reason to go into the world. That was the first argument to make sense. It showed me that I was not leading an empty life. And that I had made the right decision.
Of course... I could be overanalyzing. I probably knew that all along, it just took an insane argument with a silent creature to make me understand it. But of course... There was another thing a tree said to me, that I didn't quite understand.
It said, 'A storm is coming. Take heed, and stay in hiding. Many will not survive.'
Was this a prophecy, or just paranoia? I believe it could be my reluctance... But then again, it could mean something. That something terrible is about to happen. The storm. A deadly storm. But a storm of what? Lightening? Fire? Or something worse...
*sigh* I believe... I am just anxious. But I find myself to be in a wretched state at the moment. A state that would mock all that I have written. And I know that it will pass, but it will take time. A long time. But not too long, I hope. Maybe... a few weeks.
I find it harder and harder to write down my thoughts as time progresses. My slowly diminishing mind is mocking me, and telling me to stay in seclusion. But the lack of a better intelligence... is just the thing that is driving me towards others. I have plenty of company. I have the trees, I have the animals. But none of them can share an intelligent conversation with me. Even if it is one-sided. Not even Disu, though I respect her and find her highly intuitive, she cannot speak to me either. My poor dove. What will she do when I find newer friends?
I... I finally looked into her dreams. And to my surprise, she was dreaming of me. She was dreaming of me, running and laughing... with new deer friends. She dreampt that as I played and enjoyed myself, she sat up in the trees, yearning for me to stop and to return to her. And then... she dreampt of me as another dove. A dove with tan feathers and a red stripe down the middle. And even my same, colorless eyes. Her attention to detail was remarkable. She and I were flying through the trees and giving each other pinecone seeds.
Such a warm, yet sorrowful dream. She did not want me to go. She wanted me to stay with her, and she hoped that I would soon become a dove like her. So that we may spend our lives together. As friends.
I never knew I meant so much to her. Even though she is the smartest bird I have ever seen, she still can't quite understand that just because I make new deer friends, doesn't mean I am replacing her. I truly wish I could tell her that... But as cruel fate would have it...
I hope she understands in time. I hope to keep all of my friends. The new, and the old. Because... to separate from Disu would, undeniabley and surprisingly, break my heart. I have grown quite an attatchment to her the past few days. She has always stuck by me. Even at the sight of my father, when all others could not comfort me, she was there. She even wiped a tear from my eye by rubbing against my face. She is, in some ways... like my mother.
I apologize for my pathetic babbling. I must seem like a fool, talking to trees and getting so upset over a dove. I will still be surprised if anyone befriends me, after all my nonsense.
For now... I stay with my beloved friend.
Ever anxious,
Vessel
Awww, that's cute <3 To pray
To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
Aw how sweet! Boys and their
When is his stag-day actually? I think Seele would like to meet him, once XD..
--Stays a lonely Seele
thanks guys <3 i think his