September 13, 2013 - 1:07am — Seed
I found Complex today on the playground rocks, dancing with fawns. After a bit, the fawns dispersed and Complex sat down for a little rest. I watched the birds fly and we caught up on news -- I told her, blushing nervously, about Sage's return. She told me about her plans to enter the rut this year.
Well. That one got my attention. I...I'm not sure how I feel about this. She's my only daughter, my precious girl...While I admit she's certainly old enough for...that kind of attention... I'm not sure, all the same, I want her to be safe, and... Well...There's been things that have happened during this time of year that...aren't safe. Still, I can't stop her. It'd be wrong to.
What I decided on, at least tentatively, is that I'd be watching this year, to keep an eye on those intending to herd her up, to try and sniff out any ill or untoward intentions.
... Still, I felt uneasily. This sort of thing is all alien to me. The movements of does and the warring of stags all songs in a foreign language, graceful and meaningless to me as the splay of stars. I may just be being paranoid, and hurting her chances to make some real friends here, too. I know she doesn't have a lot of company she keeps.
If she understood my paternal worries from my expression, she didn't let on: instead, it was time to up and dance away. Quite a lot of dancing, and quite a lot of 'away,' too. We spent the day on the move:
From the rocks to the pondside, from the pond's shore to a little group, with some deer I have not met; White Veil, one of them was called, but I couldn't catch the other name clearly.
From the group to the idol, from the idol to the tiniest fawn, by the side of a tree, Dimitri. From there to Lats'vel and his companion, whose name I didn't know (they eyed us uneasily, not sure how to respond. Then they left, leaving us in place until we moved a bit over again.) We'd dance for a time, then frolic a bit, and then it'd be off to elsewhere.
This one fawn accompanied us so much of the way, poppies by her ears. I was impressed by her endurance; I'll have to keep a watch for the little one in the future.
But Complex'd spring away, and I'd look up from my thoughts and -- only then -- see her having moved away. I'd look surprised, and then I'd just smile, shake my head, and chase after her. And I was happy for this: I don't think she wanted for me not to chase her... But I also think she wanted me to see she could get away from me whatever she pleased. She's always been an independent girl. Of course, maybe I'm just saying that as an excuse to keep running after her, to treasure the company of a daughter who, at the end of the day, may or may not want me around.
...Still, I don't think she'd have come back, or pop up as often as she has been recently, if she didn't want to see me, right?
It's a bit startling, realizing I have to go springing up to match her energetic step, but... Even if I sigh, I can't help but enjoy it, and be energized by the sheer overflow of verve around her (verve the concept, not verve the jewelry-maker). It feels right, anyway: it's what it's always been like, as her father.
This whole rut business is sort of like that. If I think of it that way, I feel less uneasy with my choice to follow to keep an eye on her. I don't think she'll make bad choices, and I don't think she'll end up in trouble... But all the same, as her father, I want to make sure she's alright, and that no one's out to take advantage of her fun-loving innocence, or gets carried away be the reckless, aggressive aura of the season.
That's nothing like what I was talking about at all, is it?...Anyway. Even if she doesn't need it, I'd feel more at ease, just making sure.
We settled down again at the ruins, having picked up a friendly crow at our last dance-spot; we were mostly worried about not giving Lats'vel and his companions enough space -- we didn't go very far the last time.
I was just thankful for a chance to rest my legs, and to compose this properly, outside of the scraps I'd had, disorganizedly floating around my head.
It was there that I curled up and went to sleep.
