This morning I awoke and sat down for a while with Alain and Waarhijd in the Birch Forest. I've been feeling melancholy recently...Like all the things that mattered once have fled, somewhere out of reach, and I'll strugle for their shadows for a while still. Nostalgic, maybe, is a better term. Just lonely, and aware I've no one to blame but myself...And unsure how to fix it. I don't want to be a burden to anyone, asking for their attentions...Or to come off as a stalker by asking when I might have better luck finding them...

I mulled these things over, sitting with Alain and Waarhijd. There are times I quite like sitting, but I think my mind has to be calmer for it. Today, as I sat, my brain just turned over and over unhappily, like a kaledscope where every bead is painted black, so no matter how it turns, it only changes the pattern in the darkness, lit by the mirror's shine.

Eventually, I spotted Virgil in the distance. I think he's around this section of the forest as much as he used to be. I don't know. What I do know is that he was with Kauna, who the trees quickly informed me had been having a hard time of it; thanks, captains of the obvious. I never would have guessed that the doe with festering wounds was perhaps not in the best of shape... Of course, I wouldn't say that to them. I know they meant well.

I joined Virgil in cleaning off her wounds and greeting many of the well-wishers that arrived at some point or another. She and I got to talking, admitting that we didn't actually talk much -- she seemed a little surprised, pleasantly, that I and so many others had arrived. It always is more than you'd expect, the people who flock to you in troubled times. Eventually, in-between dancing with fawns and nameless deer, we all had a sit-down in a big line. Alain even came and joined us (I am sorry, Alain, for leaving you like that earlier...I sometimes can't help myself, when I spot a friend who I've been missing).
This was a slightly better sitting line: the colors of the old wood are less harsh, more certain. The colors of the old wood are my colors, green and brown and violet. Like my heart, you can trace the dark or light patches. Just sitting there was... A little better. THere's not a huge gap, and I have nothing against the Birch Forest... I just felt at ease.
And I felt at ease because I had something to think about as I sat.

I said I didn't need a reason to help someone. This, I think, isn't wholly true. It's more that, regardless of who that person is, there is always a reason to help someone.
I was born in this forest, tree and deer. I was born out of its magics, and that's something I can be a little ashamed of at times. I don't know anything more than stories about worlds outside this one. So there are many things -- physics and the like -- that don't have meaning to me.
But it's also something I am proud of, because sometimes I feel I understand the heart behind the Twin Gods' creation, and can try to see that heart succeed.I believe that this world was made as one where we could all be friends. This can only be achieved when we are all prepared to act as friends... That may not be possible, with the people we have now...
But I'll not have such a world fail on my account. And so, it doesn't matter who a person is. I have a reason to help them.

I know I'm not perfect...I'm not the finest at communicating my feelings in-person, only with my pretty words... But never mistake me for one who doesn't try...

Haaa. I sound like such a hypocrite, don't I? Standoffish, inattentive little Seed... I bet that's how everyone sees me...

...No, enough. I must set my shoulders and keep advancing, even against myself. I'll consider the matter further.



((Seed, quit being a gloomy-gus. Anyway, I may add more if I get him back on later -- I just didn't want to procrastinate with this, and forget I had written it. On the other hand, I fit in his old-school catchphrase in there.))