June 8, 2009 - 1:57am — Seed
Awareness, as always with me, dawns with a certain geological slowness. Sometimes things cannot be communicated but for the whispering of leaves. Perhaps some things are better off that way, tragedies better left to be slowly eroded away, like the shore before the tide. Perhaps. I'm still not entirely sure I understand it -- and even then, I'm not sure I know what "it" is: do I mean the death of the fawn (not one I knew, nor an event I saw, but the weight of which hits me and makes me long either for ignorance or knowledge, though I'm not sure I'd be happy with either), the reactions to it, or the reasons behind it, spiraling in foaming madness? Or is it something more -- less what it was, something that touches me only periferially, some great sad thing in the shape of a death-pale fawn, and more what it means....
What does it mean to be endless? I thought I knew once. I thought it meant being, like a stone or a drop of water, unchanging and everlasting. And then I thought it was to be like the night sky, so without end that no heart can hold it. I've watched some of the more volitile reactions to this that I've seen, full of rage that seems oddly alien in the rain. I, like many, have seen that poor little shade and, at last, knew it for what it was and is. I offered it my apologies, for what little they were worth, and a nuzzle or two. I looked into those pale, sad eyes and I knew something: I knew what endlessness is.
To be endless is to be the prayer of the blush of summer; To be endless is to be a lie told by the most ephemeral of flowers; To be endless in not even to be the darkness before life or after it, those great caves in which this moment is but a small reprieve of fresh air and light. To be endless is to have never been at all. The only thing that is endless is endlessness itself. Not our forest. Not us.
That's not what it means. Not really. It's a part of it perhaps, a single image in the reflective facets of tragedy, but I don't think that's all of it. Not for me, and certainly not for anyone else. I wish I had the right words to explain what I mean. I wish I had the right words to understand, for a moment, what I mean to say. I'm sorry.
It's actually a little odd, the repetition of poppies that surrounds all of this. I've said, ever since I was a fawn and noticed the rattling of seeds in black-faded pods on a foggy day, that poppies are funeral flowers.
((Well, I just had to give Seed his commentary, even if he spent a lot of his visit today somewhat confused before he caught up on all the blogs, and even if he's still not sure how he feels other than "really bad, but a very specific sort of badness"))
B'aww... Really, I love your
What Zerg said <3 -- Dannii
-- Dannii <3
I feel the need to echo
Beautiful.
aw, shucks... (I seem to be
@ Baal: Your style is very pretty, too.
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Nelle Rovine
You are quite welcome! I
Thank you! That is very kind of you to say.
I'm trying to figure out the
I do, however, have a fairytale and a large number of Forest poems, both linked to Seed's bio. Just follow the siggy-pixel-deer!
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Nelle Rovine
I am terrible at a plot
I shall go forth and read those. I do love good writing.
Perhaps; I'm thinking of
Then prepare to be dissapointed! I would call about 90% of those poems profoundly mediocre! (the fairytale is good, in my opinion as a person who is very interested in fairytales).
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Nelle Rovine
I don't know, all of Baal's
I have a friend that writes beautiful poetry, she says much the same thing about her own work. And even if they do prove to be the most disappointing thing I have ever encountered, with your talent I am sure there will be something within each one that will pull it back from the brink of awful.
I do love a good fairytale. I'll have to read them as soon as I get this bit of writing out of my head and onto word.
I LOVE THIS! It has such a
Yaaay! I have made an
I never said they were awful. I know I'm good enough that I don't write things that are awful. Just that, should you go in expecting good, you will find mostly mediocre and be a tough dissapointed... But you are right, in that I am probably just talking myself down.
@ Mystress: Oh, thank you *blush*
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Nelle Rovine
lol. True, you did not. But
You have quite the way with
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I'm a little wolf inside a girl.
Lightbringer-apprentice to Yorres
Thank you ^^ This has become
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Nelle Rovine