March 30, 2013 - 7:41pm — Seed
Please forgive the disorganization. This was written rather on-the-fly, in whatever order I could put it together in.
I cannot describe my relief, his form arising like a star, into the fog. Or did it descend? In that moment, the world seemed empty and bendable. My friend. My precious friend. I thought you were dead, you know that? The world seemed much emptier, without you. I had so much I wanted to say -- news and stories, bits of philosophies... Other than Sage, you were the only person I could ever really talk ideas with. I missed you.
He looked so small, curled up their, his fur damp with blood and mist, his breath lighter than the touch of fog. Many people rushed to be beside him. I sat with him for a long time before the battle started.
If that was the terms of today's battle, I knew it would be worth it, if anything would be. His face was so haggard...His body, so broken and wearied. Oh, my friend... I am, I know, not the finest friend or most steadfast companion. I'm weak and indecisive, uncharismatic to my core, a pale figure in your shadow at the best of me... However. I hoped sincerely I would manage this service.
...And, afterwards...One day...Surely, if these points can be defended...I will walk beside you, and tell you stories, and remind you what a wonderful place this horrible world of ours is. Looking at him on the ground, curled up and barely moving...I felt like that was what I wanted to do the most, what I could do best for him. This world can still be a beautiful, peaceful place. I promise.
Of course, that would have to wait.
The first wave came suddenly. About half of us, maybe more, stuck by Dag's side, forming a shifting shield around him, turning to our enemy like flowers to the sun. The rest chased, baited, attacked; I lacked the swiftness and martial prowess to do that...And anyway, I didn't care if I defeated them or not; if they lived, I'd be gladder than if they died. All that mattered to me was
All the same, I won't take back what I said yesterday. I meant it in my heart, and still do.
In the confusion, all there was was fangs and antlers, claws and horns soaked in blood, little pieces of masks and tufts of fur breaking into the air, shattering like voices in the fog. There was very little chance to rest. The world moved at uneven paces, at times very quickly...And at times so slow I could have sworn that it was all but stopped. I wanted it to stop. All I could do was flail my antlers, and hoped it pushed them away. Sometimes, they lingered so long, I felt we must have failed. But there was no time to check. Many of them died right there, clustered around Dag's body, in my own path. They vanished in a fine mist, no more substance than a summer breeze.
There was a moment when I thought I saw one of the creatures rising from Dag's body; had it emerged there, from whatever place I hoped it returned to? Or...Had it slipped past us all, and done whatever it wished with Dag? The thought sickened me. I promised to myself to keep better watch, and to check when I could.
There was a moment I felt myself locked in true battle with one, a foot or two away from the rest; I am not a flashy fighter. I didn't threaten or rear; I just battered him away with my antlers, and hoped he'd decide not to return. It didn't work; maybe it never will. Maybe I only dreamed his burning gaze, lost in a sea of froth and teeth, turning the fog pink with blood.
Still. I could hope.
During breaks, I tried asking after people, but got even less response than before. I think no one wanted to interrupt a rare break to answer questions. How can I help people? I'm sure this will come up again; I'll take suggestions, maybe?
When I was winded, I'd sit by Dag or Oura, trying to catch myself. My wounds? Insignificant. I was often too slow to reach the action, and I was too focused on Dag to worry about things like physics. Still, I came away scraped and bruised. There's a small cut on a flank, and all the flowers were knocked from my antlers, and the plants from my back. I'll need to repair those, too.
One of the breaks was very, very long indeed. I think most of us scattered, taking the chance to see people keeping themselves out of the action, trying to rest up...However, it was only a reprieve. When they came back, most of us were scattered -- the few who lingered on the hills had to manage as best we could, until the rest returned.
One person, looking the same as the monsters...sat down and lingered by Dag. What was he doing? In all the confusion, I didn't know; to be honest, still as he was, I wasn't sure if he was even one of them. I just tried, and tried, and tried, to brush him off. I had to be certain. I couldn't see, and couldn't tell if this was fog or tears, only that the world was a grey blur, swinging wildly out of my control.
I only saw it was a different name after a long time, and then immediately stopped and apologized. So stupid.
I'm sorry, if I hurt you. I'm sorry, if you meant no harm, and I just couldn't see it. I was never meant for war. I am sorry. If I see you again...I want you to know that, OK? I only hope you weren't badly hurt.
I completely did the wrong thing. I couldn't see your name. I'm sorry.
I just wanted to keep him safe. I doubt I even did that.
When he vanished, I went and sat under the crying idol, trying to clean myself off. I was still crying, but the water washed it clean.
