Something is wrong.
My head feels funny, and I am bothered by the most peculiar things. The butterflies bring me no joy as their brightly colored wings fold and stretch before my eyes. I roll in the flowers, to feel something, yet I find my mind wandering, staring up at the tree tops and letting the light sting my eyes as it filters down through the canopy. I find seclusion in the forest of white-barked timber. I search out the old ones, whose trunks have grown thick, and I hide myself within them, strangely content to not be seen.
This isn’t me.
So many apologies I’ve been making lately. So many promises of a better tomorrow. And then tomorrow comes…and I find myself in an even deeper state. I greet my friends, do my best to put gusto into the meeting, but I find my energy is waning, and I’m far more content to stand back and watch the fun unfold around me than to be a part of it. My friends do not understand…I couldn’t possibly expect them to ‘ither, for I myself do not understand what has come over me. They look at me expectantly, as though I am their leader…and I am lost. I haven’t the voice to tell them to go on without me, to pay me no mind. They seem saddened…and I myself cannot ask why.
I do not greet strangers in my usual forthright nature. In fact, I find myself being overwhelmed by others lately. Perhaps that…SS character has made me nervous of others. Just today I found myself panicking amongst a group of overzealous stags. I found myself…angry. Despite running from them, shaking my head and cowering from their spell games, they would not leave me alone. I tried to run away, and yet I was torn, for my friends were among the group. They did not understand my torment. They would not follow, and I feel ashamed for expecting them to. Why should I ruin their fun?