It is...

Life

Death

My soul, pulling at me. The gods are not willing this, something far greater than the gods is pulling me. I can smell something strange in the wind, I can feel something deep inside me becoming sad, becoming troubled, becoming scared. I fear that I am being pulled away from the forest, and I fear that it is forever...

So it is with a heavy heart I pass through the forest for what I feel is the last time. Slowly my steps carry me to the statue at the ruins, and I cannot help but stare longingly into its empty eyes. How my heart falls to my feet! Is it so? Do I feel this way because it is to be the last time I sit amongst the poppy flowers and ponder over the world beside you, my trusted friend?

For what seems an eternity I stare into those empty eyes, wondering how many countless deer have done the same as they gazed into my own. Had I become so heartless, so empty, that the forest no longer wished for me to be a part of it?

Unsure of what to make of my emotions I sat beside my lifelong friend to think. I fell into a deep slumber, my heart beating rapidly in my chest, even in sleep. Slowly I could see the forest in my visions, the heavy mists surrounding its borders idly sitting by. I came closer, and closer, and closer until I found myself surrounded in the mists. It was so thick, so heavy, and suddenly so dark.

I could see nothing, and my stomach churned in that strange fear again. I became frantic, my feet twisting beneath my body. I fell to the ground, struggling to rise up again, but it fell thicker upon my body. I couldn't breath, I couldn't strike out, nothing I did to will my body to move made it do so at my command.

These days I grow sick, sick of the world, sick of deer...sick of everything. I wish for a curse of loneliness. I wish for anything to get away. I have made a pact to myself. I shall only see who I wish to see, and it is but two.

So long it has been since I have recalled events. They are fuzzy, nothing more than a worthless memory. How I wish they were completely gone. Memories are nothing but ties to the past which are not needed. If I could crack my skull open to remove them I would.

A few days ago I came across a thick group of deer. I decided to say hello, which should have been my first clue as to this being an off day. I never approach groups of deer. Perhaps with my vision cleared of poppy pollen, I grew brave.

Still, I say my proper hello. Still, I think they do not understand my head tilting. I came into your space. What is it you will do next? Stand there. There was lots of confused standing. I hate it when they tilt their heads back. Do something, amuse me. I demand it.

They figured it out and so they danced. It amused me so greatly I joined in for a short time and then quickly grew bored. It is true, magpie pelted deer are dreadfully boring. Even I considered myself a snore. Perhaps that is why I rely on the foolish deer to amuse me.

I quickly shut myself off from the world, casting myself into darkness.

_

Then it came again. A want, a pull to the crying idol. Something demanded I go there. I stood, creeping forward and looking about. It was then a ghost of a figure appeared and ran to the other side. I dared not peek at this perfect replica. Something inside me told me it was best to let it be.

I woke up from a new stupor that day...It was strange. The air felt heavier than usual, and the pressure on my head was exceedingly huge. Perhaps I had been asleep too long, or I was psychic for the events to come.

I stretched and yawned, blinking about at the world. It was bright again, but the allergic reaction was one day rolled over. I could not imagine that it was that acting up again. Soon I realized it was that all eyes are sensitive to light when first opening to the world after such a long sleep. I had nearly forgotten after always waking up to constant brightness.

Well, I made my way to the lake for I felt up for a pond walk and a fly, and such my short and most horrid journey began. Like the greatest of great deer I flew over the pond, landed, turned around, and then turned about. Now it was time to moonwalk on the lake.

My haunches rose in the air and my tail wiggled as I took a great leap forward, legs landing for a run. Aha! I soon skidded to a halt, the surface of the water spraying at my feet. Like a sparkling magic, I began my moonwalk. Oh, I felt so fancy. But then I saw what horrid secrets the pond keeps.

Fawns. The most vile disgusting creatures ever created in the forest! Fawns. Fawns...FAWNS! It was dancing in place on the water, nearly causing me to loose my less than magical grip on the water. Knowing now the water was tainted with its foul touch I took a great run and leap from my moonwalk and made it to shore.

Once again I awoke to a nearly endless day. If only the night came more often, and the snow fell upon my bare bones nose. I would not be able to lick the snowflakes off, but I could see their hidden glow from the two deep holes that are eyes upon my face.

I digress, I was near the lake. What an odd place for me to be. I could have sworn I fell asleep beside the temple idol! I fear what controls me so. Perhaps this was something that the gods did? They must have wanted me to see what was lying in the pond.

As I casually (ran, rather) made my way to the pond I saw a sight that made my heart beat and twitter. For a moment I thought myself in two places at once! In great curiosity I stepped forward (ran again, rather) to inspect this lovely look alike deer.

What do my eyes see instead of great antlers?! What you ask?! A doe! A doe! Of course I was all sniffs and head tilts. This deer had a fine choice in pelts and mask! Of course, I find anyone with my tastes to be quite classy deer.

Though I found my look alike to not be so friendly. What would one expect? I laughed, oh how I got a hearty chuckle as I rolled about in the pond. One would have thought I would drown, but it seems this forest deems death to be a most horrid thing. Still, I could not help but enjoy the sight of an female replica of myself.

Then came along another deer with a fine choice in pelt. For a few moments we had a standing magpie pelt party. I dare say it was rather boring. Are magpie deer always such drags? I know I am of the unfriendly sort, but even I found myself to be much more exciting. Perhaps, like me, it was not a good day. Anyone who does not have the same taste in daily emotions has poor tastes in such departments.

Very well balanced deer.

Once again I recall my times from the shadows that take me when my time in the forest is deemed enough.

I awoke from a stupor, familiar scents and sounds filling my senses and tingling through my nose. I blinked, finding myself still living in my temporary blurry world. Though it was not my eyes that would guide me to my greatest joy today.

My ears pricked high, I could hear everything. Birds, rippling water, even my own breathing. But through all this, only one called my name, beckoned me to follow, invited me to its side. My beloved! My sweet beloved was calling me!

I knew where he was, for calls from the temple echoed in many direction, bouncing off the pillars and walls until it was an opera performing for the woods.

I leapt, and I did so without caring how many trees I became one with! I happily caroused my head into them, did a bit of a dance of stupor, and continued on my way.

There he was, waiting by the idol in a perfect little world. I quickly took a seat beside him, happy to share the day as it was. That simple sit rejuvenated my spirits. It took me out of my deep sadness that I had felt earlier.

Eventually we both rose and shared our joy in the single form that deer can express. We jumped, and oh how we jumped! I got lost several times, but when the wind whistled past my ears I knew he had came by. I followed it without haste, was lost again, and thus was the fun of it all. Never had it been so wonderful to have bleary eyes!

Of course we both soon tired and we sat back down. It wasn't long before I felt the kiss of darkness beside me, and he was gone.

Soon I felt the same thing force me into the dark sleep, and the forest was lost from my view until I was allowed to return.

Although my world dwindles as the vision leaves me, I still try my best to keep my hooves moving. I am always so idle. Ironically, I sit beside and idol. Perhaps I should see more than objects when I speak. Perhaps I sit beside what I mimic. I do not know. Life confuses me so.

Still, my plans were to visit the birch woods. I do believe I passed right through them without realizing. I did feel the tickling pink flowers. I could see a bit of pink blur when the tickling sensations grew thick, but it soon left me to my own.

Here where I sleep as nothing but a shadow now I have found a place where blind deer can frolic. It makes my spirits light, makes me feel...dare I say happy!

I would have leapt to the sky if not for the fact I have become notorious for finding my head trying to assimilate into a lovely tree. What joy it would be to be a birch! Little birds would twitter amongst my branches. How I'd loathe them. I'd be a mean birch tree. I would eat the birds. I would trip deer. Yes, that seems like the kind of birch tree I'd be.

I digress, as my perpetual time alone in the forest came into view, I found such large trees. Even I could see them. I could leap about and laugh, for they could not hide in my weird world of ghosts and idols. Now my skull hidden in a skull would remain more intact than it had in the past.

I suppose the places I go are rarely traveled as the footprints in the dirt have worn away long ago. Not even the gods remember this place, nor where the footsteps were. I will be one more deer forgotten by time, but it is something I look forward to. This place is peaceful, my home. I would rather it see the dirt stirred by an ancient wind than I would the others. If I am reincarnated to that mean birch tree, I can make sure it remains as such.

The forest has been quiet these past few days. As I wander about all I see before me is deer stuck in the realm of dreams, never able to be set free from the imaginary clutches. Often I can be found in this state, but I eventually fade away into nothing. Thus should be the way of the world.

I think I see some one I know, but no longer do I see them. So many deer. So many...so many. It angers me. I do not know why. Couldn't I be left with one in peace?

Perhaps I am going blind. Yes, beneath this mask I hide something. I am rotten, I am nothing...

Why must you betray me so? Why must you act as such?! If you wish to be a fool, then rot with the rest. I have no want for no answers. Do not call me, do not cry for me, do not lie beside me for comfort. No longer is there a heart to be by your side.

Even as I call you, there is no reply.

No more. I am one.

As I made my way to the temple, I ran into three deer who took me by surprise. They bombarded me with sniffs. My only escape was backwards, yet they followed me! It made me remember why I liked single deer that did not see me coming. Pah! Bombarded! What a coward I was. Next time I shall try to be braver.

I then made my way to the temple to rest. Thank goodness it was quiet. I watched the beautiful scenery, and was reminded why I love this place so. Everything was normal. Everything was pristine. Everything was going my way.

Even the ghosts slept and found solace in this place of the graves.

It seems no one I knew was around today. Still, I will always have the forest to lie beside me and keep me company.

As I sit and look out among the poppy flowers, I find myself waiting for something.

I just wish I knew for what.

Edit: The scariest thing just happened! I've never been so terrified in my life. My goodness me! A deer was walking backwards. In good fashion I bowed and tilted my head curiously at him. Of course he continued walking backwards, so I joined him in his awkward stroll through the woods.

A few seconds later he disappeared, thus throwing me for a loop. There was no fading into the light as some deer do, no puff of smoke, nothing. The mysterious triangle must have taken her, for I know not of anything else that would cause such a disturbance.

I must say I was rather taken aback. Was this what I was supposed to be waiting for?

As I sit here beside the idol at the ruins, I wonder if things have changed for the worse.

The temple is my home, and in it I found solace. Always I sit beside the idol and his child, staring out ahead between the red poppy flowers.

But as of late I find that is has become busy. Deer pass through often, fill its walls, and sit in the place beside the idol.

All I can do is look on as I find the place where I once found peace in gone. Even as I finally rest beside the idol, the fawns come and sit with me. Other deer come and stand beside me. Somehow I feel as if they know that beneath this thick skull, I like company, and at the same time how much I miss the quiet of my home.

How selfish I am. The temple belongs to all, not just me. How I wish it was mine so I could make them all go away.

Perhaps I have been alone for so long that my ache for friends is making me drive the others away.

I see a deer just like me, sleeping in the cage. Perhaps it is a sign that I am trapped, but in what, exactly? My own skin, this world?

Not even the rain can wash away my woes today.
_

I can swear it has gotten darker. I can't see the light anymore in a world gone black.