July 12, 2024 - 6:47am — Aru
Lately I've been finding it really difficult with staying on top of my studies. As a result I completely botched two exams last trimester and I've found myself having to do resits, which I've never had to do before. The pass mark was already insanely low initially, but I couldn't even do that and the pass percentage has increased as a result. Anything that distracts me will have me on another tangent for an hour until I can sit myself down, only to focus for a grand total of half an hour until I get distracted again. It didn't really help that I was just sort of constantly talking with my friends on voice calls-- I found it hard to focus on them and on my content at the same time. I've tried stopping that altogether for a bit as I get ready for my last re-sit, but the issue still glares at me with things not making sense and not being able to get my act together. It makes me feel really directionless and "lazy" like what some people might call it.
I just don't really know what to do, especially with my parents. I tried to argue that I would like to take a lower load (so that I can have more time to improve my grades and not feel like a total failure), but my mum just said that I had no excuse because I didn't have a job or any other commitments outside of school. Which is, while true, really sad for my GPA; I was doing really well when I had a lower course load, which is to be expected, but feeling like I was winning at something really did help with doing things. I understand they just want me to "finish on time", but now I'm just barely scraping by for other courses again (and failed some others) and it feels really horrid. That sense of failure is really... something. Looming over you.
I don't really want to have to chase up the courses I failed, but with the way things are going and my mindset, I might have to. My last re-sit still felt really uncertain and I didn't manage to answer all the questions properly.
