I haven't been on here for around a month, so to make up for that I'll give you all my best piece of writing.

Once upon a time, there was a forest. In that forest lived four Clans of cats, called ThunderClan, RiverClan, WindClan, and ShadowClan. All the Clans lived in peace. That was until the day Snowkit fell from the sky.

Snowkit hurtled through the atmosphere, his pelt bursting into flames. He crashed straight into the ThunderClan camp, smashing the highrock into tiny, sharp pieces. The clearing erupted into chaos. Cats were rolling, running, flying, and dying. A ginger head emerged from the rubble of the highrock in front of Snowkit. The green eyes blazed with fury and shock. The face was twisted in a snarl. The head began jerking around, the mouth rapidly opening and closing. Snowkit had no idea what was going on, so he did pretty much the only thing he knew how to do.

“S'all right,” Snowkit mewed in a horribly distorted and squeaky voice.

That only seemed to further enrage the bodiless head. It writhed around even more, and suddenly reached out and clamped its jaws on Snowkit's paw. Snowkit squealed with the voice he knew he had but could not hear. It was to no avail, as the flame-colored head only squeezed the white kit's paw even harder. A dark gray she-cat with a flattened face and many scars padded toward the head. She grabbed hold of it and yanked it away. Unfortunately, Snowkit's paw went with it.

A cream-colored tom with a stump for a tail bounded up to the destroyed highrock. He pulled a pawful of deathberries from his pocket and stuffed them in Snowkit's ears. As his body absorbed the berries, Snowkit realized he could hear.

“I can hear!” Snowkit screeched with joy.

His ears were filled with the terrible sound of rolling, running, flying, and dying cats. For the first time Snowkit was aware of what was happening. The whole Clan had flipped out after he demolished the highrock.

“It's okay, everyone,” Snowkit yowled, raising his voice above the turmoil, “I'm sure we'll find another rock.”

“NO!” the ginger head shrieked. “No, s'all not right! You destroyed my body too!”

“Shut your mouse-hole, Firestar!” the dark gray she-cat meowed angrily as she began to devour Firestar's head, bit by bit.

“Yellowfang, Stop!” Firestar squawked in a girly, high-pitched voice. “This is mutiny! I command you to eat Snowkit instead!” When Yellowfang didn't stop eating him, Firestar whistled, and a headless sheep burst into the camp. The decapitated sheep charged over to the highrock, trampling many cats along the way. Firestar's head bounced onto the sheep's neck. Together they bounded away through the forest.

Then Jayfeather appeared and magically healed Snowkit's paw with his laser vision. But before Snowkit could thank him, Jayfeather was snatched away by a phoenix, and carried off towards the mountains.

“I can walk!” Snowkit squealed with happiness.

“We're all doomed!” Goosefeather screamed as he raced around the camp. “The Clan will be destroyed by flaming rhinos! We must prepare for the apocalypse,” he stopped running and dug up an armful of cupcakes. “Quick, everyone gather as many cupcakes as you can!”

Suddenly, a sparkly giraffe exploded into the camp and trampled Goosefeather to death and stole his cupcakes.

“This has gone on long enough!” Snowkit yowled, turning into a lemur. “EVERYONE STOP!”

Every cat in the camp froze into blocks of ice, except for Berrynose, the cream-colored tom. Snowkit returned to normal and began drinking a mug of coffee. When his coffee was gone he smashed his cup on the ground and ate the ceramic shards.

“Snowkit, behind you!” Berrynose screeched.

Snowkit whipped his head around and saw a laptop hurtling towards him. Then everything went black.
***

Snowkit awoke to a soundless world. He opened his blue eyes and saw twigs, straw, and mud underneath him. He looked up and saw two eaglets staring at him hungrily. 'Oh no!' Snowkit thought. 'The book editor must have caught me and sent me back to the eagle's nest!'

The twin chicks were closing in, when who should rescue him, but Nyan Cat! The poptart-encased cat swooped down and scooped Snowkit up. Nyan Cat then flew away with the deaf kit in its paws. Suddenly Bluestar, who was riding on a purple cloud, dove down and tackled Nyan Cat, and the three of them plummeted towards the ground. Bluestar snatched Snowkit and quickly grabbed her cloud before they hit the ground. Nyan Cat was not so lucky.

Bluestar shoved juniper berries into Snowkit's ears. Snowkit heard a deafening ringing as his body absorbed this strange type of berry. He began screaming and writhing as he slowly lost his sense of sight and smell. Bluestar saved the day and poured deathberries down Snowkit's ears. The ringing stopped and his sight, smell, and hearing returned.

“I could have sworn these were deathberries,” Bluestar muttered to herself, gazing at the juniper berries in her paw. She shrugged, chucked them off the purple cloud and flew upwards.

“Where are we going, Bluestar?” Snowkit asked.

“To Narnia!” Bluestar brayed. “Engaging hyper-drive!”

The cloud lurched into motion. Snowkit was almost knocked off as he and Bluestar reached the speed of light. They soon arrived in a field. The ground was sandy and a few scraggly bushes dotted the plains.

“Here we are!” Bluestar mewed enthusiastically. “This is Narnia.”
They were soon approached by a dark-colored twoleg wearing a helmet. The top of the helmet had a red fan of long fur running down the middle of it. It looked angry, its sweaty, bearded face contorted into a snarl.

“NO,” the twoleg bellowed, “THIS IS SPARTA!” It spoke so loud you would be able to hear it from space. “GET OUT, YOU'RE MESSING UP HISTORY!”

“You don't have to be so rude about it!” Snowkit retorted. “What's the big deal anyway?”

The Spartan twoleg unsheathed a sword and prepared to strike. But Bluestar switched the cloud into 'drive' mode and started upward before the twoleg could attack. As Bluestar and Snowkit swiftly flew up to space, they collided with a phoenix carrying the gray tabby tom, Jayfeather. Bluestar didn't have her seat-belt on and fell off the cloud.

“Bluestar! NOOO!” Snowkit wailed with grief.

“Remember, Snowkit,” Bluestar called out as she fell, “dirt is rainbow once in a purple cloud…”

Snowkit began sobbing. “Who will take me to Narnia now?”

“Never fear, the blind hero Jayfeather is here!” Jayfeather leaped onto the cloud and fastened his seat-belt. He drove at light-speed to a mountain. There was a cave in the side of it, screened by a waterfall. He slowly brought the cloud to the ground and parked it.

Then Jayfeather started choking. He fell onto the stone and began to vomit slugs. Snowkit looked on in horror as his fur and flesh melted away and left nothing but a doughnut.

Snowkit curled up in misery and began nibbling on the doughnut. Everyone he loved was gone. He was alone. Every cat in the Clan camp was frozen, Bluestar had fallen from space, Jayfeather choked on slugs, and Goosefeather was trampled by a sparkly giraffe. All he had left was a cloud. A purple cloud.

Dirt is rainbow once in a purple cloud.

“It must mean something!” Snowkit exclaimed, dropping the now half-eaten doughnut. He reached into the cloud and pulled out a pawful of rainbow dirt. Suddenly a huge mountain lion appeared. It roared and bounded up to Snowkit, baring its teeth.

Snowkit pelted the mountain lion with the rainbow dirt. It collapsed and died. Tribe cats swarmed around Snowkit, congratulating and thanking him for killing the mountain lion. Until they realized he was covered in rainbow dirt. All of the tribe cats drew out french baguettes and flung them at Snowkit. Then Krazy Kathy Kat appeared and devoured all of the tribe cats, baguettes included.

“Who are you?” Snowkit asked, full of curiosity.

“Like, ummmm, I'm Kathy,” Krazy Kathy Kat said. “Ummmmmm, yeah, I looked over this story, and umm, I found, um, a problem like on every page.

“I spent so much time writing it!” Snowkit wailed, while Kathy constantly grunted in agreement. “But I'm sure I can find some ti-”

“Look, see, here's the problem,” Kathy blustered. “Umm, yeah, if you want to get your book sold,
um, you're gonna have to like come in like thirteen years a day.”

Suddenly Jerk-face Joe poofed in with a cloud of sparkles. “Snowkit! I need you to work for twenty-four hours tomorrow, with no extra pay! Also, I'm not paying for your cloud anymore.”

Exasperated, Snowkit vomited acid onto Krazy Kathy Kat and Jerk-face Joe and leaped onto his cloud, which he decided to name Carl, and hyper-drove back to ThunderClan camp. He slowly floated Carl down in the middle of the clearing. There he found his mother, a speckled tabby, painting her Clanmates' claws and curling their fur. Tigerstar looked proud of his makeover. His neck and tail fur were extra fluffy and his long, curved claws were painted a bright lavender. He had hot-pink lip gloss on and his makeup was severely overdone. Scourge was trying on bows.

Snowkit bounced across the clearing towards his mother. “Speckletail, can you give me a makeover?”

“Sure! Come sit over here.” Speckletail beckoned Snowkit over with her tail. As soon as he was in reach, she darted her head out and grabbed Snowkit by the scruff. She swung him around and dropped him in a bathtub.

Snowkit squealed in surprise and scrabbled at the side of the tub. It was no use. Speckletail dunked him under the water and grabbed a loofah. She began scrubbing her son vigorously, cleaning all the dirt out of his pelt. She leaned down and scooped him out of the tub. Then she picked up a fur-dryer and a round brush and dried Snowkit's fur, while curling it with the brush. Once it was almost dry she pulled out a flatiron and curled his pelt further. Snowkit tried to shake himself, but Speckletail held him still with her paws.

“No. You'll mess up your fur,” Speckletail scolded as she picked up some blue claw-polish and started painting Snowkit's claws.

“The editors are coming!” Redtail howled as he burst through the camp entrance. “They're here to remove the inconsistencies!”

Suddenly a band of vampires teleported into the camp, all carrying laptops. They began hurling their computers at all the mistakes and inconsistencies they could find.

“Snowkit, hide!” Speckletail whispered urgently. She hastily sat on top of her son to conceal him, as he was supposed to have been eaten by eagles and the editors would suck him into their editing devices. One of the vampires threw its laptop at Speckletail, but she was faster and turned into a penguin. She squawked and laid an egg, which landed on Snowkit's head. Speckletail leaped into the air and flew away, only to be pursued by a winged werewolf, who was armed with a pen and paper.

The vampire that had attacked Speckletail now turned on Snowkit. It opened its laptop and Snowkit was sucked into the screen, back to the eagle's nest, but this time Nyan Cat would not be there. Nor would Bluestar, Jayfeather, Berrynose, Yellowfang, or Speckletail. Continuity was restored within the Clans.