Controversial Writing Under The Cut.

MissButterflyCaught's picture
Please be civil, I just wanted to write this and share it. I am not in any way trying to bash or sway anyone's beliefs. Please refrain from comments that might incite argument, as this is NOT what I want nor intended by sharing this. It was inspired by something I saw today, as well as the need to write brought on by Seed's amazing poetry.

Again, please do not take this offensively. Thank you.

~MissB.

"And They"


And they, they are children of Delusion.
They call themselves lambs, and so they are sheep, shepherded by the delusion of one to care for their lost minds in the face of inevitable death.

They fight others for the differences they hold, not able to think past the meager lives they have created for themselves. Not able to accept others, unless they decide to join the fold.
“Delusion is my shepherd, I shall not want.” But they call their delusion by another name.

It is a mass hysteria that sweeps up the entire world, much like the witch trials of old.

What it touches, it often breaks or burns. It maims without realizing it breaks the codes Delusion has laid down. And then, like all others on this planet, fabricate another delusional reason to have committed acts against their laws. Its great sanitariums of worship are the biggest money-making businesses in the world, and money is sinful.

They are just another people in search of a way to lie and cheat death, embrace immortality, and live away from the harsh reality That is life. That is death.

Their book is a generally pleasing fairytale, a book that helped to reveal the ancient history of our world, and suppress the ideas of others. It grew out of another religion, and threw away their ideas, they spattered their own things atop those of others.

And all in the name of a Delusion.

And in that they will live forever, though their names will be lost. The names they work so hard to keep. The names they carve in to the stones above their graves, to be eroded away by the weather.

They run from this delusion, but cannot escape its grasp, no matter how big of an icy, unforgiving sea they cross, however far away they are from their home.

Always, I could say more and more, until I die, though I won't.

Everyone suffers from delusions.

The writing itself is a good

The writing itself is a good expression of a point of view (granted a very narrow, bias one, but those can be fun to explore). The one thing that gets me near the end is the line "Always, I could say more and more" because despite your comment about this writing not being 'you' talking, I get the distinct impression it is from the 'I' in that line. Perhaps, to help distance yourself from the speaker you could include more hints as to who they are (for example their gender, their beliefs or philosophy). Alternatively, if this is you writing a personal narrative, perhaps say so, because otherwise I get the impression you are hiding behind the words.

It would be interesting to learn more about why the speaker in this (this 'I') feels this way. It makes me think something was done to them personally, since such bias doesn't usually come out of the blue. Including some hints to that might help you develop this into more of a narrative instead of a ranting monologue.

Of course these are just suggestions, if you're happy with it the way it is, that's cool too! Smiling
ickydog's picture

I quite like how it was

I quite like how it was written.
I've got nothing awesome or helpful to say.
Kobal Snuff
MissButterflyCaught's picture

(No subject)

<3 Thank you, Tera.

I have been trying to explore narrow, biased views to better understand them. This would help me a ton in my future Psychology career as well, considering I really have to dive in and look at another's past to "connect the dots."
Lately, I have been also trying to explore the extremes in personal views. I could consider myself in the same group as "the I" sometimes.
It might end up as a "Stream of Consciousness" style writing. It will most definitely include my biases as well as others', so I also would like everyone's extreme biases here as well for inspiration.

This will develop more, and I would love more positive criticism as it does.

Edit: Ickydog, you ninja. I sure hope you come up with something, too. I'd love to even just hear your view on it.
[right]
GingerNut's picture

I'd really like to see you

I'd really like to see you try and delve deeper into the speaker's mindset, maybe to illustrate why he/she has the particular perspective on the topic that they have. Not that it isn't shallow, because it's not. You have a lovely style that can only continue to grow.

Again, I suggest trying to expand on the speaker's ideas c: But as it is; it's a nice piece~
MissButterflyCaught's picture

(No subject)

<3 thank you. To be honest, I feel as if this is a character trying to come through, too. :/ but I can't say that yet, considering all my characters are jockeying for position under Iphea right now XS
[right]

I look forward to future

I look forward to future examples of this exploration!
It's very interesting to explore bias personalities, and in my own character designing experience I've found it interesting to look at biases that drive people to do the right thing for the wrong reasons (example: defending women because the defender considers them weak and incapable of doing it themselves). Perhaps you'll come across biases like that later.