April 12, 2009
Easter
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It had not been a good week for Chenaniah.

A few days ago he had met up with Mar Sart, a loyal and gentle fawn he had played with for hours… back when Mar was a fawn, that is.



Chenaniah knew the day would have come eventually. When a fawn he knew would grow into a deer he felt uncomfortable with.

It was just a natural thing for him, to feel strange and scared and confused around grown deer. Or perhaps unnatural.

He had run at first, but upon realizing who the gentle stag was, turned around and crept back.



They had exchanged greetings, and then…

Nothing.

Chenaniah hadn’t known what to do. He didn’t know how to properly communicate, really. But he knew Mar Sart as a fawn. How come he couldn’t know him as a stag? Mar Sart had felt a bit awkward, as well, to say the least. The poor deer.

The meeting had left Chenaniah bewildered and confused. And today… the problem had grown.



Chenaniah woke Easter afternoon. He was glad to wake up, his dreams seemed to be creeping nearer and nearer towards the dream he feared and knew would come.

Confetti blew about in the wind. Mushrooms and large purple flowers grew out in the darker parts of the forest. When one bellowed, bubbles replaced sound. A curious day.

It soon became a glorious day when Chenan noticed a faint and familiar scent.

Could it be…?

Up atop a playground rock, a mini doe with a skull face scrambled to her feet and called out to him.

Chenaniah bounded toward her.



Grimmer and Chenaniah collided and laughed. For the first time in months, Chenan had laughed. They bounced and raced around each other in circles. They played with the bubbles. They nuzzled. They laughed some more.




Chenaniah had never felt more happy in his life. Even happier than when he was a little naïve fawn. Even happier than when he was alone with a warm breeze and the trees and the birds. Even happier than when the birds would crowd his antlers and sing just for him.

And she was a deer.



Another doe noticed their frolicking and came over to join. Chenaniah was just happy enough not to run… just this once. But his body didn’t seem to agree.



After running a small distance away from the playground, Chenaniah came to a halting stop. As usual, he was angry at his own behavior, but the anger soon subsided when Grimmer came running up to his side.

“I’m… I’m sorry, I…”

“It’s alright, Chen.” Grimmer smiled.

Chenaniah loved that skullish smile. It was impossible to fear it. So inquisitive and perky, it always made him laugh.



The incident was quickly forgotten as they began a slow walk through the Birch Trees. Birds left the branches to teeter on his antlers. Some Easter confetti flew by and tickled his ear, and he smiled. What an amazing d-

He stopped. They had reached the border of the Birch Forest.



Grimmer pawed the ground, “Come on, you’ve gone out there before, haven’t you?

Chenaniah stayed still.

“Come see the mushrooms!”

Chenaniah shook his head. Not today. Leaving the Birch Forest always ended badly. Well, not always. Last time, when Grimmer took him out there…

No. Nonono. The Birch Forest was his home. He couldn’t leave. Not today. Not today…

Chenaniah turned and trotted, then ran, back to the shelter of the Birch Trees. Grimmer, a bit dejected, followed.



They ran for a while, until Chen came to a nice green patch of grass surrounded by hills. It was a great place to play…

Before they knew it, the doe with the kirin pelt came bounding down the hillside. She bowed.

Chenaniah raced away, then slid to a stop. No, not again. He turned back, and the doe was right up in his face!

His heart began to beat wildly and he raced off again. But then… he turned. Grimmer.

He backed behind a tree and watched as the mini doe conversed with the kirin pelt. Whispered words drifted towards his ears “…don’t follow…” “He doesn’t like…” “…no…” “He’s afraid of…”

Chenan gritted his teeth. The coward. Chenaniah the coward. They all knew that’s what he was.



He was hiding behind a tree while a mini doe talked for him. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.

Grimmer walked up to him and they began to trot off, Chenaniah silent and angry with himself. The doe watched for a moment, but then…



She was racing towards them again! Chenaniah instinctively ran back to the “cover” of the tree. He collided with the doe as she bowed.

“No!” He shook his head. Leave me alone!

The doe trotted forward, too close. She cocked her head.
“Please, go…” Chenaniah shrunk back into the tree. She jumped.

“STOP IT! GO AWAY!”

“Chenan!”

Chenaniah reared. His hooves flew into the air. All was still for a brief moment. His hooves hovered above the ground.

FLASH

A party.

DANCING, SPLASHING. A STAG REARED.

The Sky. The path of the fledgling.

FLASH

Chenan’s hooves hit the ground with a dull thud. Dust rose.

“What have I…”

Chenaniah backed up and stared, wide-eyed, at the doe. He realized that Grimmer had put herself between the two. The kirin-pelted doe cowered.



“No, I…”

Chenaniah backed away, stumbled, and then tore off into the forest. He ran for a long time. He needed somewhere safe.

There was nowhere safe. Not even the Land of Dreams.



Grimmer’s footsteps pounded behind him. She was fast when she needed to be.

The hill! He could go up there and hide in the grass and see all around so no one could sneak up on him. That’s how it had always been. Even as a fawn. The hill.



He stumbled up the hill. When he reached the top, his legs faltered. He crouched down by a tree. A sob escaped from his mouth, and he clamped it shut when he heard Grimmer walking hesitantly towards him.

“Chenan…”

Before she could say anything more, footsteps began to echo behind them. Someone was coming up the hill. Chenaniah turned and bit his lip, leaning against the tree. Come on now, don’t you run. Don’t let your legs tell you what to do.

The kirin-pelted doe trotted up the hill. She bowed. Grimmer sighed and walked up to her.



Chenaniah turned from the tree. I need to stop this. This is ridiculous. I’ve done this before, just bow to her.

She chased you!

JUST BOW TO HER.

Chenaniah moved from the tree. He took 5 steps, and stopped. Grimmer turned to look at him.



A voice from behind called out “Hey! Chenaniah!”

Chenan tore down the hillside. Suddenly, three deer were chasing him. The persistent doe, Grimmer, and a fawn who he later realized to be Mar Sart.

STOP IT. STOP.

Stop what?! Stop them from following you? Stop running?

NO JUST STOP.



Chenaniah collapsed in the blue bowl. He curled up under the flowers. He was trying to escape again, trying to escape to the Land of Dreams.



Suddenly, he was sinking. Down, down, down. He was falling into the body of a fawn. Seeing through the fawns eyes, but not able to blink them. Not able to turn his own head.

Dreams.

The fawn looked around. Chenaniah was once again trapped inside. The fawn was trotting… trotting towards a nest among the leaves. A lonely little bird sat flapping its wings among the cradle of sticks.

“Oh, little birdie! Are you trying to fly?”

NO! Chenaniah yanked his shoulder forward. His legs pawed at the air. NO WAIT. NOT YET.

WAKE UP. WAKE UUUUPPPP.

Suddenly he was rising upward. He was waking up! He struggled and swam through the gray mist of a dying dream, feeling his body finally responding to his cries.
And all of a sudden, he was awake.

He lay there, curled in the fetal position, among the fragrant flowers and berries of the Blue Bowl. He was panting, but he dare not open his eyes to the real world. So he lay there.

Grimmer. Oh, what had he done. She would never speak to him again. She must think he was crazy.

Oh, gods, he was crazy.

Deathly silence wore on. No one was around. He ventured a peak and a sniff of the air. The kirin-pelted doe was a good distance away, but so was Grimmer. Did he dare approach her again? After what he had done…

He rose to his feet. He crept, then trotted, towards the signal of her pictogram. What could he possibly say? Could he explain it all? How it had all started with that one event? That one little thing that had scarred an emotionally-unstable fawn? How he had hid himself away, promising never to see other deer. Never again. How… how he had done this all to himself…



Chenaniah stopped. Grimmer was curled up among the grass. She was so small…

How could he have let her into his heart. He didn’t really know her, did he? He knew nothing of her past… nothing…



Chen leaned against the tree. A tear crept from his eye, slid down his cheek, and hit the ground. It soaked into the dirt. He cursed it. He stamped on it with his hoof. Why am I like this?

He had run. He had always run. He had run away and hid and then cursed himself for it. And now, when they chased him…

Would he have hurt that doe had not Grim stepped between them? Would he have hurt her simply for trying to say hello? Or worse… would he have hurt Grimmer in the process…

He had nearly attacked a doe merely for greeting him. And when he had had the chance to make amends, he had barreled down a hill and hid among the flowers.

“Oh, gods, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.”

“What is wrong with you? Did I do something wrong?”

Chenaniah’s head snapped up. Grimmer was awake, and staring at him. The confused expression on her face was enough to break his heart.

“NO!” Chenaniah shook, “No, no, of course not, Grimmer. Of course not... you could never... no. I..."

You could never do anything wrong to me. But… but I might... to you... oh, gods, I can't even talk! How could he express his thoughts? How long had it been since he had actually… talked with someone?

“I'm sorry, I... I don't know. I don't know why I'm afraid. I don't know why...” Chenaniah choked. He didn’t want to cry, not in front of her. A crying stag was one of the most terrifying and pathetic sights one could see.

“I'm... I'm sorry.”

Chenaniah stumbled, turned, and then began to run.

Grimmer called after him, “No…”

“Don’t run…”

“No more running…”

Chenaniah stopped. He didn’t look at her, but he stopped. No more running… He had told himself those very words for years. And now… he was running from her. For the second time this day… he had run from Grimmer. How dare he.

“Grimmer.” He turned and realized the tears were coming. Oh gods, please don’t let her see…

“I'm... I'm sorry. I can't run from you. I... I don't want to run... from...” He shook his head to clear his mind, “I want it to stop. I want... I want to stop running. But...”

“The way to stop running is to stop.” She stepped forward, “I can try to help you. You shouldn't be afraid of others, I'm there for you. I'll protect you."

Chenaniah roared, “I TRIED to stop running, Grim, I TRIED. Couldn't you see that? That deer didn't deserve to be treated like that! And I don't need you to protect me! Please don't pity me! I am a stag! A full grown stag! You...”

Chenaniah stopped, teeth clenched, ears firm against his neck. “You...”

His eyes widened. He had yelled at her. He had…

“I'm sorry.” Chenan took a step back.

He would go back to sleep. He would face that dream. That one little moment in time. Come on, little fawn, it had just been a bird.

Yes, he… he needed to dream.

Chenaniah turned, “Please... I need to be alone.”

“Forgive me...”

Chenaniah fell asleep Easter night. Confetti fell from the sky and collected on his fur. A few birds landed on his antlers to roost for the night. He was asleep. Deep asleep.

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“Oh, little birdie! Are you trying to fly?”

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LONG POST IS LONG. >.<

MRAH. Usually I don't have the deer speak in color for stories but the end was a bit confusing without color, so I'll do it this once. 8D Now it's burn-your-eyes-out colorful. T_T

The dream will be posted tomorrow or whenever I get to it. But don't be expecting anything big, lol. His "past" really isn't worthwhile. :/ He's just emotional enough to make it seem like something huge.

UM. Number one: I would like to apologize to that doe that Chen kept running from. If I had been playing any other deer I wouldn't have done that to you. :/

Number two: lol, Narina, stop getting involved in drama. XD

Number three: AWWW, MAR SART. Why do I keep doing this to you. XD Sooorrryyyy *pets*

CHEN IS FULL OF POOOOOPPP. :c

In other news, House and some secretsecret deer of mine had a great Easter. Oh, and me too. XD

Also, on a totally unrelated note... c-can someone email me the skull mask. :/