Some say every aspect of our lives is chosen for us. That every thing has a purpose behind it and things happen for a reason. Our bodies are simply the vessels our souls use to travel the set path as we sit back for the ride, accepting our fate as it unfolds before us.
This was the world I was born into. I had no choice, no freedom, no opinions, or thoughts of my own. I slept when I was told to sleep. I woke when I was told to take. I ate what I was told to eat. I did whatever I was told to do. There were no exceptions. There were no excuses. I was told from the moment of my birth that this is the way things are and how things are meant to be. For sometime, I believed them...Until my beloved nanny, Hella - wherever you may be - told me of the magical power of choice.
She told that my life was not a set plan for if it were, then why would I have been born with curiosity? With my own desires and longings? With my own, separate thoughts? She told me that while life is a journey we take, there is no set theme or reasoning behind it. We make our choices and we accept the consequences that follow. Sometimes they can be hard, but those hardships are the stepping stones that make us stronger and wiser. This is why I chose to run- to run from the world of chains and shackles and enter a world of endless possibilities.
When I came to this world, things seemed so different. I was able to do whatever I wished and with whomever I wished. There were no set boundaries. No one to tell me I could not run as fast as I wanted, that I could not play with the fawns I wanted, and that I could not enjoy the simplest pleasures that life offered us. Upon those pleasures, comes something a bit a more...A feeling of importance in the eyes of another.
I'll never forget the day I met her...It was warm, September afternoon. The air was in the transition from the hot summer days to the cooler fall nights. Never had I seen such a lovely young doe, nor had such a doe even notice someone like me. She was the first to see me as just that- a fawn. Not a prince. Not a future king. Just an everyday, average fawn.
She taught me so much in such little time. She taught me what it meant to of fun, to laugh, and to smile. I learned the lessons of the Forest; so much simpler and enjoyable compared to the lessons back home. The only thing I needed to learn was to be who I wanted to be. Needless to say, I have always admired her for that and I always felt an attraction towards her. Perhaps because was the first doe to look at me with a kind heart or perhaps because she was beautiful, even at a young age. Whatever the case maybe, I made a mistake and let her down.
Things happened...Things came up...They kept me from being the Forest. They kept me from being with her. I cannot, however, use these reasons to justify why I went away. They are only excuses to try to comfort me, but I must be strong and admit that I made a mistake that I must now live with. During my brief absence, another had stepped up to her. Another was able to grow with her, while I grew alone. And to think...I was foolish enough to believe that I'd be the one she'd choose.
I had heard the rumors around the Forest of their growing relationship. At first, I denied them for I did not want to believe them. A piece of me kept wishing...Kept hoping...That they were not true and that I was the one who had a special place in her heart but that was until I heard their words to each other. It was then that I knew I had to accept it.
For sometime, I had been so foolish...I had let it all get to me. Even when we ran together, the three of us, in the Forest, I felt so out of place and so nervous. It hurt me for sometime to see them together because it only reminded me what I wanted and what I could have had if only I had been there...
Time has passed. I've said my thoughts and this shall be the last time I spill my heart and soul out, unless sometime comes up in the distant future. My feelings and thoughts had done a horrible thing. They took away your smile...They took away your happiness...They placed you in a position you were never meant to be in. You only asked for the simplest of things: peace and friendship.
You offered me all you could offer, but damnit! I only threw it back at you. I said I'd accept it and that I would return the friendship but I let my own desires and pains blind me from the truth. I suppose a part of me held onto hope that things would eventually change in my favor. How selfish of me! I continued to let you suffer with a heavy heart and mind and what for what? In hopes of my own personal gain?
I had become selfish, dear Shyla. I had become selfish in the manner that I did not put your needs before my own. You have none nothing to deserve to suffer this way! You're spirit deserves to be free! To feel that it can follow it's path without fear of the pressure from those around you. That is why I am writing this...I have decided not to peruse my heart's desire. As painful as it is to accept that you do not treasure me in the same way I treasure you, it is more painful to see you in such trouble. I want your smile to return...I want your eyes to twinkle again. I do not want to keep taking away the innocence that has made you who you are.
Please know, Shyla, that you shall forever hold a special place within my heart. I shall always value you and shall always stand by your side to protect you. Even if someone else is there. You shall always be one of my dearest, and closest friends. I hope that that is one thing that shall never change, no matter where the road of our lives takes us.
And, Ark, my close friend, take care of her. She is a special, one-of-a-kind doe. Treat her with the love and respect she deserves. Be patient with her during this difficult time. I'm sure that without the pressure of my affection on her, she shall slowly return to her old self. (I believe that is one thing we can agree on; her laughter and smiles need to return.)
To you both, I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive this reckless stag. I've made mistakes and risked dragging those I cared for deeply down with me, but that shall not happen anymore. I've accepted what I cannot change and will choose to change what I can- myself.
May our friendship last, through thick and thin.
- Paavo Amadeus Baroque
Aaaaaaaww...
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To my Deer Updates! See who's online!
......I think they'll
I forgive you! ^-^
shush you, you weren't around nor do you know him >:[
I can still say it to be friendly can't I?
.......excuse her, she is silly.
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...*is still unsure about posting for Lier, even though asked about it 50 or so times*
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise
I don't know what to say
Nor what to forgive >< -shakes head- He needs to stop blaming himself...
I wish I could let Shy speak for herself now, but we've all seen how that goes ^^'' She's not too good at it. But she would want him to know he never didn't have a special place in her heart, one all his own and in now way less important than any other...
And Cato....
LET LIER SPEAK DAMNIT EKWJHALKSHLKAWHWF
I JUST DID DAMEET >:C I've
And then I swear I'll go away
But I can't promise you'll enjoy the noise
Damn, I wish I could fav
To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
Thanks, Avani.