Day ?.
Light hands and buzzing electric lights. Fizzle and crack, yellow cast. Water over smooth skin as the clock ticks loud, loud, too loud.
Tick tock
tick tock
ticktock
The water has the same yellow cast. In the silence, drops of water sound like glass shattering. Two AM is the best time to be alone
and the worst.
---
I believe I was a cloud. I floated around you and above you, seeing and not seeing, being and not being.
I was a cloud of dust and a piece of blue sky and a blade of grass for a long, long time.
I know you did not see me, but I watched you grow and change.
I moved with wind and tree and deer and water and flower. I grew and died and lived again and yet I did not die because I was not.
You did not see me floating past on the wind but I brushed your face as the petal of a sunflower.
--
For a long time, I was not. Then all of a sudden, I was.
Being is a very different experience from not-being. It's like landing from flying for a very long time.
I remember that I was before, but this is different.
I am different.
What is different? Maybe everything, but I'm not longer sure where I end and where I begin.
I wonder if the clouds stole my voice.
I hope they call the wind with it.
--
When I was again, I saw Noelle and Esll. I think maybe they wondered where I went when I was not-being.
How do you tell someone that you were not?
I don't think they would have believed me anyhow.
--
Brd?
...Brd?
...Where have you gone, little bird?
You flew away and perhaps I swept you with me when I was the wind.
If I did, promise you will let me sweep you back.
--
...Illrose. You missed me.
You have a friend, too, a little blue one.
He reminds me of the little bird.
When you appear again but do not disappear, you seem surprised. Your double does not move but lets us sit there for awhile.
Paradox.
...
...!
Don't leave! Please, don't un-be...You can't go like me.
What if I never see you again when you disappear?
...
At least you're here, little not-bird. I like you.



More may be added later.