CHAPTER THREE

Two months had passed since Orphrite died. Still, the herd hadn’t found anyone to take his place. Before his sudden death, they thought Nimlin would make a fair chance, but because of her impulsive action that was out of the question. Her so called mission had failed, the position of does only got worse. Because Nimlin was one of the better does, the stags thought the other ones would be too impulsive and reckless to serve in their little army.
Even though most does accepted their position, Nimlin wasn’t pleased. Even Fenqua started to think about their decision, which wasn’t fair at all. She believed gender didn’t matter in this case. Abilities mattered, intelligence mattered. And not only stags possessed this, next to the fact that not even all stags possessed it. Qualities were divided amongst does and stags, Fenqua believed. She wondered if she could somehow prove it…

During these months, Fenqua had grown a lot and the white spots on her fawn pelt started to disappear. Her face was starting to look much older and wiser. Even though she had never been clumsy, her movements became more graceful. Also, Nimlin had started their training again, hoping that Fenqua would restore the doe’s pride. She had become harsher during these months and her training had only become harder. Fenqua was guessing that Nimlin chased her in order to increase her speed, so she would be the fastest doe in the herd. Or maybe even the fastest deer. Due to her training, Fenqua had no time to look for Skokey and this concerned her. She still had the feeling he was in danger, but Nimlin just wouldn’t leave her alone until she was exhausted and had to sleep. Otherwise, she wouldn’t survive the next day.

But today, Fenqua was lucky because Nimlin had to leave for a meeting. So she could finally restore her body by taking a dive in the pond. Even though Fenqua hated swimming, or something that looked like it, she found it important to keep herself clean. And it was her way of washing away the pain Nimlin caused. After shaking the water off her fur, she lay down in the grass, next to an old, grey stag. It took a while for her to recognize the stag, but she saw it was Nimlin’s father. Compared to his daughter, he was peaceful, didn’t speak much and loved to relax. Fenqua realized she had never spoken to him before, purely because she didn’t have the time to communicate with the other deer.
‘Nice weather today, isn’t it?’ The old one suddenly spoke.
‘I actually find it a bit cold.’
‘No wonder, you’re all wet.’
‘I decided it was time to wash myself, so I took a dive in the pond.’
The old stag laughed. ‘In winter? You poor thing.’
‘Well, due to my training I can handle it pretty well. But when I lie still like this, that’s when I really feel how cold it actually is.’
‘What training?’ He looked surprised.
‘For leadership I think, if I ever get the chance. Your daughter is supervising me.’
‘Aah, Nimlin.’ He said and sighed. ‘Do you like your training?’
‘To be honest, not at all.’
‘So why are you doing it then?’
‘Because Nimlin says so.’
‘But she isn’t in charge you know. At the moment nobody is.’
‘Still, I’m really afraid of her. She already bit me a couple of times.’
‘She did?’ The stag shook his head and sighed again. ‘She doesn’t know what she’s doing. I think she completely lost it. If I were you, I would just quit.’
‘But I can’t, she is my caretaker… She is like my mother, I have to obey her or I’ll be banished.’
‘Who told you that kind of crap?’
‘Nimlin did.’
‘So she really manipulated you. Your poor thing.’
‘So, what’s she’s saying isn’t true? I won’t be banished if I quit the training?’
‘Of course not, a training like that is not obligated. Usually one trains itself to become stronger and faster, but nobody trains for leadership. In our world, you can’t learn to be a leader. Leadership has to come from your heart, it’s the willingness to protect and guide the herd. Some deer are leaders and some are not. That’s the destiny the Gods have given us.’
‘So I’m not capable of being a leader at all?’
‘I think you would make a fine leader. I’ve seen you around the other deer, you’re friendly and good at communicating. You’re always willing to help and you take good care of the fawns. And that’s important, because the fawns are our future. They are the next generation of leaders and followers.’
Fenqua blushed at hearing his friendly words. ‘Th-thank you…’ she stuttered.
‘You don’t have to thank me dear. Like I said, real leadership comes from your heart. Orphrite loved the herd, he did everything to protect them and make them happy. He was thinking of the future as well as the present. That’s why it’s a bit of a mess right now, the Beta’s now strongly believe does aren’t made to be leaders. And just because one of them pulled an impulsive stunt.’
‘Still, that stunt caused the death of our Alpha.’
‘No, it didn’t. The humans were the cause of the Alpha’s death, because they starting shooting at us. Even though Nimlin’s attack wasn’t a smart one, she didn’t kill Orphrite.’

A smile appeared on Fenqua’s face, she knew the old stag was right. His wise words made her think about her training. Nimlin had isolated her from the herd a bit, so she wouldn’t be concentrating on other things. But her communication with others had been one of her strong points, something Nimlin didn’t realize. It was time to tell her the truth. Leader or not, Fenqua thought she had been tortured long enough. And it had been for nothing, except the fact her muscles could almost face the strength of a stag and her condition had improved to the maximum. Still, she could not enjoy it because she only felt pain. Her body had a hard time recovering from training and she was afraid the pain wouldn't fade anytime soon.

‘What is it, young one? You look so worried.’
‘It’s nothing.’
‘Don’t think you can fool an old stag like me. Speak up.’
Fenqua sighed and took a deep breath. ‘I’m in pain.’ She said, something she hardly ever did. Admitting pain was a weakness, according to Nimlin. Just like crying. What she strongly felt like doing.
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m afraid the training has damaged my body. I can’t walk or run without feeling the pain. Only when I’m lying down it’s not there. But I can’t lie down forever, can I?’
He saw the worried look on her face, her bright blue eyes slowly becoming wet. Deep inside, he felt something stabbing his heart. How could this be happening, he thought. His own daughter was slowly tearing apart another deer, a young one, for the Gods their sake. He felt guilty he hadn’t helped the fawn before, because now she was in pain. He knew his daughter wasn’t going to like the news if Fenqua would stop training, but she couldn’t go on like this. He hoped there still was a reasonable doe inside his daughter. Maybe after seeing Fenqua wanting to quit, she would realize what she is doing. The old stag nuzzled the young doe as if she were his own granddaughter. To him, she was. Also he wasn’t planning on letting anyone touch her.

A few hours later, the old stag was still lying in the same patch of grass. Fenqua had already eaten and had brought him some pine cones. Even though the stag had said they looked delicious, he hadn’t eaten a thing. His thoughts were with Nimlin, the daughter that he had raised together with his mate, who passed away a few years ago. Ever since that happened, Nimlin had changed. And she had changed even more after Orphrite was killed. It was like she became harsher and meaner every time someone close to her died. Thinking of that, he was almost afraid of his own death.

‘Old stag, what are you thinking about?’ Fenqua asked curiously.
‘Please call me Rowgan, Fenqua.’ The grey stag answered, while playing with the pinecones by kicking his hoof against them.
‘Rowgan? That’s a name I haven’t heard before. What does it mean?’
Rowgan sighed, he didn’t like the meaning of his name at all. It had gotten a bittersweet taste. He looked at Fenqua with sadness in his eyes and decided to tell her anyway.
‘It means… well, it means loving father.’
Fenqua immediately understood his sadness and decided not to speak anymore. She just nodded and ate from the pinecones, until she was tackled by something from behind. Fenqua quickly turned around, thinking it was Nimlin but she smiled when she saw a small fawn standing there with a brave look in his eyes.
‘What’s the matter little one?’
‘You’re a bully! You keep on picking on fawns, just like you did to me two months ago. Come here and fight!’ The fawn shouted, scraping his hoof in the ground.
‘I’d love to, but I don’t think your mother would agree. Besides, I never bully fawns, young boy. I just tease them a bit.’
‘But why? What’s wrong about being a fawn? You’re nearly an adult yourself!’
‘I don’t think there’s anything wrong with fawns. I like them, that’s why I keep playing with them.’
‘But that doe over there said you hated them.’
‘Who said that?’
‘She did.’ The little fawn used his head to point in the right direction. A young doe was laughing with a couple of friends about a joke one of them made. Fenqua growled and scraped her hoof, swiftly running towards them. When she got there, they still didn’t notice her presence as they were still fooling around with each other.

‘Excuse me?’ Fenqua tried.
The young does turned around and looked at her. One of them noticed the golden symbol above Fenqua’s head and chuckled.
‘What’s so funny?’ Fenqua asked her with an irritated voiced. Another doe decided to answer for her.
‘You are, miss fawn bully.’
‘So you were the one who said that. But why? It doesn’t make sense at all.’
‘But those small pests immediately believed it. And you seem to be quite annoyed by it too.’
‘So it was meant to annoy me?’
‘Pretty much. And since you’re so isolated, you don’t follow the gossiping around here. Everyone thinks you’re about to get banished from the herd. No wonder, you’re hardly communicating with deer your own age. Well, ever since that stupid friend of yours left. Where did he go?’
‘I don’t know where he went, I’m still trying to find out.’
This doe was getting on Fenqua’s nerves. She had never met a deer like her, someone who enjoyed gossiping and making fun of others like that.
‘Well, he probably had enough of you. A weirdo like you shouldn’t have friends anyway.’
‘There are enough deer out there that think I’m friendly. And the reason I don’t need deer my own age, is because they’re probably more childish than a month-old fawn.’
‘I thought you liked having fawns around you.’
‘I do, so you don’t have a reason to call me a fawn bully or anything like that. What you tried is taking the last couple of friends I had away from me.’
‘So young fawns are your friends? I just think you’re still stuck in your fawn-hood. Or maybe you secretly like them a bit too much.’
Fenqua’s eyes grew wide with disbelief. ‘What do you mean with that?’
‘That your secret love for fawns is exactly the reason why you’re not interested in mates. And probably your little friend found out and he ditched you.’
‘WHAT?!’
‘You heard me. You’re just a little creep, with scars all over your body. I bet you were punished by your mother a lot. Oh wait, you don’t have a mother, do you? That disturbed Nimlin takes care of you. No wonder you’re so retarded!’
‘THAT'S IT!’ Out of anger Fenqua bashed her head against the doe, which smacked to the ground. She tried to stand up but Fenqua hit the doe’s forehead with her hoof. She kept stomping on it a few times. The other does were begging Fenqua to stop hurting her friend, but she couldn’t hear it. All she thought about was kicking the doe until she stopped moving and she would see the blood streaming from her head. The doe started to cry and beg for her life, when Fenqua suddenly stopped and came to her senses. She saw the female lying in the grass, barely moving and with a huge bruise on her head, it had already started bleeding. Fenqua backed away from the doe, turned around and swiftly took of. She tried not to look back as she heard the other does screaming for help. Tears welled up in her eyes as she realized what she was doing.

She was slowly turning into the deer she hated most…