WARNING: um..? Graphic, I guess? There are two bad words, too.

The song is "Life and Death" from the season 1 LOST soundtrack.
They play this song like.. EVERY episode because somebody DIES every episode xD
You don't have to listen to it while reading. This is just what I was listening to while typing this up
..though I suppose it would be nice mood music towards the end. Your choice.
(WARNING: IT GETS LOUD WHEN IT'S ALMOST DONE, SO DON'T HAVE YOUR SPEAKERS CRANKED.)

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The autumnal sun was like the concerned glance of a friend bearing down at the doe tearing the ground in circles. It shone with great, undying love but offered little warmth to the pacing animal. Pacing. Fueled by dumb animal worries.
No matter where she was in the birch forest, the birds always found her, always landing nearby and scolding her, and now they had followed her to the ruins where they now zipped from pillar to pillar. Emmy had made a few efforts to chase them off but gave up after the fifth or so time she'd run at them, her screams muted into shrill music by aid of her whistling mask.
She wanted to tear it off her face and let her beastly sounds scatter the small birds, but alternative didn't want to draw attention to herself.

Feet going in circles. Literally going in circles. Brain circling. Hooves stabbing into the ground. Over and over. Over and over.
Why had she even tried?
Over and over.
She should have known. She really should have.
But how could she?
Over and over.
No, couples shared pelts. Emm never wanted to bare fur similar to his. This was the law of the forest, and by law he had to find another, and.. he did. He had.

.
.

A twinge in her shoulder made her gasp and stop running around the large pagan idol. Now the memories repeated themselves over and over. A skipping record.
Her eyes hurt.

she was standing and watching him with his brother and she saw the other doe the one with his pelt come over and they nuzzled and she tried to call him to her to their favorite sitting spot but he was too busy looking at the other doe and speaking to her and nuzzling her and her nodding and smiling and
and

.
.
.

and then she saw the other doe waiting and listening for him and she smelled him first and went running to him and they danced she showered him with affection but he kept on dancing away from her and eventually they were with the other doe and she was irritable and he comforted her and when she was tired he finally sat next to her but the other doe stood over them
and

.
.

and when she said she told him and only him that she had to go but wanted to see him again the other doe said goodbye to her and looked sad and sad and sad

There was a growling sob rattling behind Emmy's clenched teeth. She demanded male attention. Without it she was nothing but another Jane. Nobody was supposed to be chosen over her. Yet..
"Tally." Saying the name itself hurt her inside, but her throat felt raw aftern screaming at the birds and moaning to herself.
She got attention. Stags payed attention to her, and what did Emmy get when she was supposed to be the most attractive girl in the forest and she was the one who the stags were supposed to fight over?
Another moan. Tally's potential suitors had lined up in her vision, and her jealous and panicked mind increased their numbers 10 fold. All waiting on her while she smiled and received their affections.

.
.

Her useless legs quivered under her from exhaustion and she decided that it was high time to rest for a while.
Tally's suitors continued to multiply until her eyes hurt from their numbers crowding in her head. She hadn't realized that she'd laid herself next to the idol and that a sparrow was standing on it. Looking at her.
She suddenly hated that bird. Hated the quick way its head moved as it considered her from all angles. Hated the tiny feet. Hated the whole thing that she could easily grind into nothing but a glistening pulp of feathers. Suddenly the bird was focused on her face and chirping harshly. So much that--

.
.
.
.


It was speaking in a man's voice.

The words were echoes from the idol.
"..how COULD you? Didn't I warn you, didn't I TELL you NOT t'take wooden nickels? For the LOVE OF GOD, what made you--"
The bird tipped its head and the unimportant sun was captured in its eyes and glistened there. The man's voice became angrier, almost to the point of hysteria.
"NO! NO! Get out! This was always OUR house and it was never YOUR house so you can just get th' FUCK OUT! You FUCKING idiotic WHORE!"

She choked on a sob and turned her face away from the bird and the yelling. The last word rang a terrible note in her ears and she couldn't help but feel like they'd been directed at her; they were familiar as whisps of a dream caught upon waking.
Somebody had called her that horrible name.

Something came back to her.

.
.

"No, I'm not a whore." Her voice was suddenly louder than before.
"A whore makes men stupid. She takes things from him out of her own selfishness. I don't do that: I try and--"
Well..?

She couldn't remember and looked back at the bird perched on the idol for help, but it was gone. Instead the suitors of Tally were fading and now sprang men. Not stags. Men.
And THEY numbered in the thousands! THEY were in familiar clothing, familiar stances! Familiar faces!

One in a pinstriped suit pulled out an invisible chair, just for her. Another with immaculate spats regarded her with a mischievous smile that he'd been hiding behind his invisible cup while he sat at his invisible chair. They were all being courteous to her, holding open the door, ordering her a drink, offering her a cigar from a silver case. They were now a mass in her heart, threatening to burst through the confines of her body, and she welcomed it.
Two more men appeared before her. They were different, strange. One was an older looking man, slightly round with a gold watch chain across his bulging waist. She felt a frightening love for him. He was laughing soundlessly at something she was doing. Or maybe something he had done..

The lovable man brushed his index and middle finger to his temple and winked at her before nearly splitting in half with his great laughter. Emm almost felt like laughing with him if she wasn't so full of the love of the other men in her breast. She really wanted to laugh with him.
He repeated the gesture and faded. She was supposed to remember to do something.
But then she noticed the other man, the second man, standing off in an invisible corner, it seemed. Before he turned away from her, he stared at her. Right at her. He crossed memories completely.

She would never forget the pain in his eyes.
And.. she felt as if it was her fault. She had done something.
The birds were chirping loudly. It hurt her ears.

Without knowing it, Emmy had drawn herself up and was screaming at the forest. And her screams wove a story she'd forgotten and hibernated in her lungs. Now it all was spilling out of her in a great quantity and volume that made her mask vibrate worryingly on her face. The sensation was frightening, angering, and she wheeled towards the heavens on her legs, fueled by the animal scream that was ripped from her soul.

.
.
.
.
.

.

Emmy began to smash her head against the idol.

Over and over.

Like a ram she would leap, rocket, fling herself upwards towards the leaves and came screaming down.
Over and over.

Yurei standing with the Other Doe.

She rose.

They were smiling.

Higher.

Nuzzling. Protecting each other.

The sun offered no warmth.
Not for her.

...


The sound of impact.
A loud crack followed by a fierce ringing that came off the mask. It was buzzing at her again.
Again she rose, her eyes rolling back like a horse. She was still screaming.

Impact.
She measured her angle wrong. The mask was flipped off to the side.
But she didn't know.

She still felt the buzzing. That angry, terrifying feeling. It had to stop.

Muscles churned grotesquely as she went up. Higher than before. She needed this to stop.
Air was forced into her lungs as the descent began.
The idol grew larger.

A scream cut short.
The birds stopped singing.

Now the body of the doe was arching backwards through the air. A look of unregistered confusion was on her face.
Red droplets flickered briefly in the air.


She smelled roses before she hit the ground.


A tiny, unimportant sparrow landed next to her face. It twitched its head this way and that, almost as if wondering, and then flitted away to the birches.

.
.
.

.
.

.


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ffff, I'd never kill her off. she just has a concussion because she's dumb.

I'm really pleased with how things have happened. I mean all the stuff that made her go bonkers xD

this is two hours worth of work. I wish I could have devoted more time to it, but I'm planning on continuing things very soon and time is kind of important right now.
um.. lol. I mean this injury will lead to other failfish writings :V

This wasn't vent-writing, just Emmy being full of fail.