[=red]
EDIT: Please, no sympathy. Stay away from me. I'm losing myself again, this will be my last entry for a long time.
Today, I tried to kill myself. I could remember everythng I'd done, I saw the blood in my mind, the tears and pain I had caused. I knew that this mode of thought would not last. I knew this was my only chance.
Standing, I saw two deer watching me. I saw the fawn, cowering, looking so young, so tender, so tempting....
And I lost the battle. I went for it, and lost my mind.
The fawn fled, and ran where I could not follow. I went as deep as I could, mindlessly roaring, the water up to my neck, but I could not swim, I would drown.
So instead, I left. I went, and killed another.
Only when I was washing the blood from my teeth did I come round.
I stared at myself in the red, red reflection. Then I passed out. The Gods had come for me, as they always do.
Back in the cage. I see the others.
I see their happiness, and I long to smash them, to reap them, to dine in the chaos of sacrifice...
...and I dent the bars, again and again, in madness.
Weeks, months later. Another rare period of normality.
I had hesitated before, too long. I did not do so again. Desperately, I did all I could with the only thing availiable to me: the cursed bars themselves.
