I'm sick of everything. When I come to the internet, and to the wonderful TEF community, I try to be happy and random as possable... but in truth, I'm just a few steps from being a complete mess of depression. Why?

Because of my wretched mother. Every day of my life with her has been a constant torrent of misery. She tries to behave like she thinks she's the worlds greatest little sugar plum of the world around her friend and strangers, but to me and my dad, she becomes this slobish and over pissey demon woman. Not a day of my life goes by where I'm not verbally assaulted or emotionally attacked. She doesn't say things outright, but there's a constant undertone and word choice designed to keep me in constant depression. Frankly, I want to put a bullet threw her head. Or hang myself. I deeply lothe being around her. Not even an hour can go by really, without me having to feel angery, miserable, or guilty. I'm sick of this woman, and I can't even escape her and her constant nagging insistance on upsetting me and my family members.

I have an autistic-retarded mix half brother, who's more than 18 years older than myself. He still lives at home with my family... He's the only one my mother doesn't constantly slay with insults and emotional bashes. My dad tends to suffer what I do.

I could write books on the miseries induced by this woman... She actually seems to be a madwoman. Insane driving, bi-polar seeming mood swings, manipulative, supressive, obnoxious, overly hystrionic, nosey, rude, overly judgemental, compensative, and simply idiotic. Those are the words that describe her when she's not in the presance of one or more of her 'friends', who suspect her to be this way toward me, and even approached me before on how they think things are.

In public, she treats me like a manequin. Just kind of tries to parade me around and force me to be some 'perfect' freak, and always trying to 'fix' me. She showers me with crap I don't want, in an attempt to keep me quiet and "Happy", though always, minutes later, makes some little comment to undo any kind of happiness enstilled.
So I associate gifts with oncoming hate. Hence, I hate christmas, my birthday, holidays in general, ect....


I'm probably the most consistantly nice and well behaved teenager in the universe. I've never smoked, consumed alcohaul, did any drug, cursed, been arrested, lashed out, ect. I attend church twice a week or more even. Yet this horrable woman constantly seems to accuse me of being some kind of devil child! I probably would have murdered her or myself by now if I wasn't a christian...

My dad is great though. The exact opposite of this horrid woman. I think he, and communities like TEF, are all I have to keep me sane... and alive.
Because frankly, I'm tired of everything and one else...

Now, I have to stop venting. Demon woman wants me out of the sanctitiy of my room. *sigh*