March 9, 2015 - 1:17pm — Kamaya
NOTE: This story is unfinished, but you can give me tips or anything to help me to improve.
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Kamaya, a red human faced doe with red flowers on the antlers, and Amika, her gold and brown little sister, half doe, quarter wolf and quarter feline, come to the Endless Forest for the first time by a portal from their very civilized land, Marity, after escaping from strangers who wanted to kill their family. Kamaya tells how was their arrival
We were teleported in a forest, our mother knew it, and she said that it was called the Endless Forest. It was to become our new home. I put down Amika which I grabbed by the scruff of the neck and walked quietly, watching all around me. The forest was magnificent, there was a pond in front of us, a small river coming out of an idol and threw itself in. Thirsty, my little sister hastened to go drinking in the pond, I did the same. I raised my head after a few swallows and saw two fawns having fun a little far away, next to a tree, near the idol.
‘When will mom come back?’ asked Amika.
I stared at her sadly. Did she understand that it was over? That they will never see her again? No, of course. She was just a fawn after all. Maybe there was a hope that our mother would cope, despite everything. The strangers had killed our father, it could be that by saving us, she had lost her life too. But who were these strangers?
I sighed lengthily before passing my tongue on Amika’s ear sweetly. This one was watching deers on the other side of the pond. They seemed to be wearing strange masks.
‘Hey!, she shouted all of a sudden.
- What is it?
- What if we create masks too?’
I looked at her again, puzzled. Masks?
‘Come, follow me!’
Lying next to a bush, I watched other deers having fun together. My sister asked me to wait here, her idea seemed strange to me, but by seeing other deers wearing these masks, I told myself that it wasn’t such a bad idea.
‘Here it is!’
Amika got out of the bush, a mask in her mouth. The mask was white with kind of black spikes on the top and the sides and a red pattern around the eyes.
‘What is?, I asked, curious.
- It’s a Secretary Bird mask!
- A what mask?
- You know, mother gave me an encyclopedia about masks. Well, one day, I came across a photo of this one, I thought it would suit you perfectly. It was an opportunity for me to make you one!’
She put the mask on my face, then she got a mirror out of her long wolf tail and showed it to me, I looked to my reflection. She was right, it suited me perfectly. She put the mirror away before looking somewhere else.
‘Hey! Look!’
I followed her as she ran to a mask on the ground. She picked it up and showed it to me.
‘It’s a Magpie mask!, she told me happily. Wait for me here.’
And once again, I waited for my sister. After some long minutes, she came back. The Magpie mask was now brown and was hiding her face, we could only see the inferior part of her muzzle and her eyes too but the holes were too small so we could see them whole.
‘Wait, she said. A last detail.’
She put her mask off, put it on the ground and gave hoof thumps in the holes. She broke the mask in this way, extending the holes for the eyes, then she put it on again.
‘Here it is! It’s better!’
It was nice on her, but a question was running through my mind.
‘Why is the mask brown?
- Well, I used clay.
- How come?
- I found some in the pond. I painted the mask with it.’
I smiled. Truly, my little sister was crafty.
Your story has a good pace,
We get to know about the sisters through their interactions foremost and it's a strong point in storytelling: being subtle.
Carry on, there's room for improvement yet.
THIS IS PRECIOUS I DEMAND
@ Uitleger: Thank you. @
@ helel: I just added a new part of the story.
If there are spelling errors or something, tell me.