That was the only excuse Keith had, really, for storming off the way he had when he knew Christian had been genuinely panicked by the approach of a leonine creature. He could understand that. He could. What he didn't get was that he'd insisted Umay was harmless, that she was Keith's friend, and Christian had still fled like he couldn't stop himself from running.
Yeah. He'd been pissed. That was why he'd left.
(He probably needed you to be there.
You could've calmed him down.
Could've stayed.)
The Old Oak hummed around him. Keith wondered absently if it knew he was there, tucked as far into the dark as he could get, forehead pressed against damp bark as if he could push his mind out too. Guilt crept into him; slow then all at once, wrapping tight in his gut and squeezing 'til it physically hurt to just sit there and do nothing. The stag huffed in frustration, pushing himself upright. He knew where the vampire would be.
It took longer than it should have for him to reach the Ruins, fidgeting awkwardly on the outskirts of the graveyard, gaze fixed on the back of the 'fort' he and Christian had jokingly claimed as theirs. Naturally Keith would never admit it, but fear had settled in him along with everything else, and he found himself wondering if he should just turn and leave, pretend this never happened - but if Christian was still in a panic, he didn't want him to be alone, angry with Keith or not (and shit, Keith could only pray to Gods he didn't believe in that Christian wasn't pissed, because he had no idea how to handle that).
Approaching the vampfort, Keith eventually sighed, poking his head around the corner to peer in. Christian was there, as expected.
"'Ey."
Fuck. How did these things work, exactly? He felt bad for leaving - for snapping, even - but all the same, Christian had fled from someone Keith trusted, and he hadn't listened, hadn't trusted Keith enough to believe that Umay wouldn't hurt anyone.
"...Y'didn' have t'run, man. She's alright. Wouldn't hurt a fly."
(HANDS SILENT A COMPLIMENTARY KOSTYA WITH BLUEBERRIES)
Christian had indeed fled from the lion deer, it was a rather funny situation in hindsight. A being like him fleeing from another predator. He had his reasons.
By this point in time he was now sitting in the back corner of the so called "vampfort", the only place where he found a bit of comfort in this strange forest. He was slowly easing into the ways of the forest, but it wasn't without bumps in the road, and this was one of them. Most of his initial panic had faded, although he was still a bit antsy.
He knew Keith was there even before he had poked his head around the corner, it was near impossible to quietly sneak up on a vampire after all. Christian had an uneasy expression on his face by the time Keith had actually appeared.
Of course Christian had heard Keith in the midst of panic and fleeing. But he couldn't shake the feeling of fear when in an unfamiliar body on top of one that belonged to an animal that was considered prey. Not to mention they were a predatory animal that was bigger than him.
"....Keith it was a...a bloody lion"
He said, even though the statement was rather hypocritical.
[ SILENT GET OUT OF HERE. HANDS YOU TODD'S MOULDY SIX-MONTH-OLD PIZZA. ]
Christian was still shaken, that much was obvious. The smaller deer stared at him a while, brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what the fuck that was supposed to mean coming from a creature that literally killed people to survive. Keith sighed through his nose, averting his eyes from the vampire. Don't get angry at him.
"Yeah," he rolled his eyes, "But, like I fuckin' tried to tell y', she in't a monster jus' 'cause she's kinda lion-y. Didn' hurt me, did she? We've been hangin' out for ages, since before I even knew y' an' she's never done anythin' t'hurt me."
Now leaning the majority of his weight on the tree infront of the vampfort, Keith frowned down at Christian, ears flicking in discontent.
"I mean how would you feel if someone kept runnin' away from y' just 'cause of the way y'look? Seriously?"
Christian looked up at his friend and uttered a hum in agreeance at Keith's sigh. He knew how ridiculous a comment like that was, coming from someone like him. He gave an internal laugh, somewhat amused at the situation. They were both monsters. Christian's mouth twitched, he knew Keith was right, Keith was standing right infront of him after all. Still alive. He wasn't sure what to respond and looked away, giving a slight nod.
But Keith's next statement made every muscle in his body tense up.
"I mean how would you feel if someone kept runnin' away from y' just 'cause of the way y'look? Seriously?"
Christian wanted to give a broken laugh, get angry, rise up and inhumanely hiss at him, telling Keith that he had no idea. But he remained composed, and simply looked up at the scruffy black deer without saying a word.
He knew exactly what it was like. Having experienced rejection from his family. His fatherwow this sounds like a giant cliche. But there were some things he didn't want others knowing, alongside emotions he didn't feel like revealing. Christian swallowed.
The tension that fell between them was evident as soon as Keith stopped speaking, and he regretted his choice of words instantly - but that didn't stop him from nodding, too stubborn to back down now and admit he'd crossed a line.
"Yeah, damn right I do."
Keith huffed, trying to figure out how to articulate that he got it, that he knew Christian was scared because it was a lion and he hadn't been thinking straight, but what came out instead was a jumbled mess of Keith is an asshole and holy fuck why.
"I mean you--Jesus Christ, Christian, you could snap my fuckin' neck if you wanted t' and y'don't see me jus'--" Unreasonable. They hadn't always trusted eachother. Keith backtracked, frustrated, wishing he could turn tail and leave, or at least just stop speaking altogether. "I'm just sayin' y'need t'give people a fuckin' chance. S'not like anyone can kill you."
(ADDS RUTS PICKLED NOODLES. OBLIGATORY CIRRUS AND DANI STALKING RUT STALKING JUDE. ALSO SILENT WILL END UP WITH 5968059 OCS AT HER DOOR AT THIS POINT)
Christian frowned. Keith gave a typical Keith response unsurprisingly. He let it slide, still maintaining his composure even though Keith's words had hit a nerve.
He continued to watch Keith with an unwavering gaze. Listening.
Keith was once again right, multiple times. Christian could very well do what Keith had said, infact he utilised his supernatural strength to knock out his prey before feeding. But in this case, and when it came to his friends and other innocent beings he chose not to.
"I could. But I don't. I choose not to." He lowered his voice, he wasn't sure just how well any surrounding deer could hear. Hinting aloud to what he was wasn't something he wanted to do. "Let it be known that you could very well put an end to me, you have several methods at your disposal. But you do not. You also choose not to." He briefly paused before speaking normally once again. "What I'm trying to get at is, do these forest beings think and portray human emotions like we do? Or are they feral and run on basic animal instinct? Do they actively make decisions and considerations? It's impossible to tell outright." Christian gave another pause, once again silently aknowledging that Keith was right and he shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. However..."...When a lion approaches you, with your prior knowledge in regards to said animal and knowing your current form is considered prey, would you sit there, wait, give it a friendly wave and subsequently get eaten alive?"
Christian sighed. "...yes, but I'd rather not be mauled or held responsible for the transformation and siring (sireing? sire-ing? idk) of a vampiric lion deer beast." That was one of the last things Christian wanted happening.
The smaller stag scuffed the ground with his hoof, half frustrated and half unsure of what to do with himself. Christian's manner of thinking came from a different perspective than Keith's, but it was logical, rational, and it raised points Keith hadn't considered before. He wanted to insist that they were forest creatures, too; that the other creatures here had to be just as capable of cognition and decision-making as them. But he knew already that wasn't always true, no matter how rational a creature might seem. Keith had already met creatures that could talk and think but ran on brutal animal instinct regardless - not here, perhaps, but there was nothing to suggest that it couldn't be the same here.
Christian had a point, and the mention of a potential siring only proved it further. Keith faltered.
"S'pose," he muttered, giving the best approximation of a shrug that a deer possibly could, gaze fixed to the ground now. "Didn' have t'preach at me." He still figured that he was right about Umay, specifically. She was important to him. Christian would have to accept that. Even if he never ventured near her, Keith certainly would, and he'd threaten to break the jaw of anyone that tried to get in the way of that.
"...Take it y'not gonna stick around next time she comes over, then. Y'know, incase she decides t'maul you, even though I'm less than half her size an' she's never tried t'eat me, because we're friends."
Kind of like Keith and Christian themselves.
He couldn't help the slight snark that crept into his voice. This was usually the part where - previously, with certain others that Keith had held dear - he'd apologise, but the words were stuck in his throat. He and Christian didn't do apologies. Then again, they didn't often have arguments like this, either, and although neither of them were screaming, Keith still hated the conflict with a passion.
Christian was very much aware of the fact that not only were they, and everyone around them animals but he himself had the potential of being a top predator. And here he was arguing about humanity when he right now was anything but. He knew just how easy it was to turn the tables with a 'look in the mirror" type argument. But in Christian's defense his lack of knowledge prevented him in seeing that most if not all these forest creatures were capable of decision making and had human-like thought processes and instincts.
He gave Keith an unamused expression when Keith had uttered his comment about preaching, almost as if he was sarcastically apologising for his lengthy explanation.
A long exasperated sigh escaped from his mouth at Keith's snark. He still retained his composure regardless of the irritation he was feeling alongside the sore spot about his family and rejection.
He'd experienced the dry snark from students the odd time back when he was teaching in the human world. He knew snarking back wouldn't fix anything. Not to mention his upbringing had taught him to always retain composure, not falter and look foolish, and to be the "better man".
"...Given the topic of discussion and shed light on the situation I cannot find a reason to not stay. What you say has a valid point and I have faith in your claims. You are a friend after all." He said, almost emotionlessly. Not giving any hint to his inner aggravation. "But I do wish you would have told me prior about your beast friends."
Christian was going to have a lot to dwell on when they returned home.
[ ...JUDE IS 500% DONE WITH YOU, RAZ. ]
He knew he'd struck a nerve somewhere, and it was easy to see why, when he thought about it. Keith was still largely in the dark regarding Christian's past, but frankly, there was enough evidence to suggest that Christian had not had the easiest transformation, and that he had spent a large portion of his existence almost entirely alone as a result. Keith had no doubt reminded him of what he was - of what he could be, of what people in the past must have insisted he had to be.
Shame crawled into his chest and stuck like hot tar, and neither Christian's claim of faith in Keith nor his reminder of their friendship held any reassurance. The stag stared at his companion a moment, trying to pinpoint the reason behind the sudden surge of unease in his gut. Although Keith knew he'd pissed his friend off, Christian wasn't shouting. He wasn't even frowning. He was calm, and that utter indifference made Keith want to crawl under a rock and disappear.
Tufted ears sank slowly backwards, pressing to the scruffy stag's skull. His heart was hammering, and he willed it to slow, afraid Christian would sense the fear now radiating from Keith in uncontrolled waves. He knew why he was scared - knew it was irrational, that Christian was not him, was nothing like him, that Christian laughed and played violin and clapped a hand on his shoulder where he could to cheer his friend up. Christian liked architecture and history and shitty movies and Keith and still he could not push away the knots in his gut, or the urge to apologise though he felt he'd done no wrong.
But I do wish you would have told me prior about your beast friends.
He sounded just like him. Finally Keith's hackles raised, and the muscles in his legs pulled taut as he stopped leaning against the tree and straightened, eyes narrowed down at his friend though his ears stayed unconsciously pinned. Fear didn't matter.
"She's not a beast. I don't 'ave beast friends. I've got friends that are a bit different, an' they can't help it, but they're not beasts or monsters or--anythin' else anyone wants t' throw at them. As for not tellin' y'--" And he shook his head, because he did feel bad for not warning Christian at least, but all the same... "It didn't seem important." It was a feeble excuse, and Keith seemed to deflate the moment he said it, withering under the chill that seemed to radiate from his vampiric friend. He hated it. He'd rather Christian kicked him in the face. Christian's anger was made of frostbite and icy stares, and Keith was conditioned to shake and back down in the face of it - particularly when he felt the blame lay with him.
"Look--" He sighed, no longer looking Christian in the eye, feeling small. "M'sorry, alright? M'sorry. An'--not just--y'know, all this, but--what I said before. Sorry." As if repeating it would somehow make things better, though he knew that apologies didn't fix things, not really. Keith swallowed uneasily, frowning down at the ground before flopping his body down upon it, head lowering 'til his chin thudded onto the ground too, gaze still averted.
His gaze never left Keith, watching him react, watching the subtle gestures. But it was Keith's pulse that gave away that something he'd said had had an effect. Like most other Vampires, he was able to sense another being's pulse quite easily, and Keith's was no exception. However what it was exactly that made the scruffy black deer briefly falter was unknown to Christian. He wasn't psychic, and for a brief moment he found Keith's reaction odd. But he wasn't in the mood or felt it best to pry about it.
She's not a beast. I don't 'ave beast friends.
If Christian wasn't swimming in hidden agitation he would have quirked a brow, snickered and pointed to himself. Regardless what Keith thought, Christian had no qualms with calling himself a monster, he did kill people to survive after all. Said acceptance may have taken years but it was an acceptance nonetheless.
But at this point in time he said nothing
"It didn't seem important."
By now Christian had noticed that whatever it was that was bothering Keith wasn't disappearing, and decided not to respond to the lack of importance that had been determined on said matter. He watched as Keith flopped to the ground and apologised and with the apology Christian hoped it would signal the end of their argument. Keith's apology did however take some of the edge off Christian's inner aggravation, he knew it was best to try to drop said emotions and actually calm down while infront of Keith to try to avoid an awkward conversation about what had hit his nerve.
"It's okay." It was an awkward response, but it was better than nothing. "What's done is done yes?"
At first, he was sure there would be no response. Keith lay there, wanting to disappear, horrified by the momentary silence that could only have lasted seconds yet to him seemed to stretch on for minutes. Amber eyes flicked upwards when the vampire finally spoke, forgiveness on his tongue. He hadn't expected so simple a response, but it was more than enough to somewhat set the scruffy stag at ease, quiet hum of agreement sounding in his throat.
"Yeh."
It didn't feel like enough, really. Keith hated arguments and he hated serious discussions, but all the same, he knew from experience that it was better to put matters out in the open in order to fix them - with exceptions, of course. And Christian was full of exceptions. If Keith had one complaint to make about the nature of their friendship - and he generally had no complaints at all - it was Christian's reservations regarding talking about himself in any great emotional detail. He could understand it, of course; they were not so different from one another in some ways, as unfair as the reality of what they'd gone through was. But Christian's closed-off nature ran deeper than that, like it had been ingrained in him as a child.
How was Keith supposed to know if things were really okay? He found himself lying there, keeping an eye on his friend, harbouring fears that the cold tone would come back in full swing the moment Keith thought things were fine.
He thought back over their argument. Christian had talked a lot, as was in his nature - but he'd been quiet in the beginning, when Keith had first blown up at him, and Keith wondered if there'd been something in his first outburst that had set the other off. There was no way of telling, not really; either he hadn't been paying attention, or Christian was very good at obscuring his emotions. Probably both.
Fuck it.
"...Some've what I said was out of line," he admitted, pushing himself back up onto his feet in order to move past the tree and into the fort, standing by Christian a moment to gauge his reaction before eventually settling down there instead. Keith had gotten used to sitting within close proximity of the other in this place; it was less awkward, somehow, as an animal. "If y'pissed with me, it's fine." Not exactly true; he wasn't fond of Christian being angry with him at all, but for the sake of reassuring his friend, he'd have to make attempts to hide that. "I'd be pissed too. I mean--I d'no, all this crap about beasts an' whatever, it's--y'know--I thought you'd get it, 'cause of how you are--fuck, that's not what I meant. I mean--" Growling under his breath, he leaned into Christian's shoulder momentarily, apologetic. "I'm not as good at speeches as you, alri', just...if somethin's wrong, I need t'know why so I don't--fuck up again."
Christian didn't mind serious conversations even if they were generally not lighthearted, they were something that happened from time to time and he basically just accepted them. Of course there wasn't any denying that he preferred non-serious banter over the other.
It did cross his mind that he'd be lying to one of his closest friends about his past, and he did feel some regret about it. But there were some things he felt that didn't need adressing and were better off left unknown. Some things he'd prefer to hide a lot more than others. Some things which made him feel justified about lying. He listened to Keith and shifted slightly, mainly consisting of him hoping he wouldn't fall backwards against the wall as he moved. He was getting the hang of things. Slowly.
He gave an audible sigh. "I do yeah. I "get it"." He let slip a quiet snicker from being somewhat amused. "It's fine, there's not really any way of gently addressing the fact that: "you're a monster". I've grown used to it." Christian paused. "It is a very conflicting and hypocritical thing...and just looks flat out ridiculous if you keep thinking about it really. Behaving in a way that if you were in their shoes, you would not want said reaction from the other. But then you can't help it given what you know...I guess it's basic instinct..." He stopped, since such a conversation would most likely go in circles.
if somethin's wrong, I need t'know why so I don't--fuck up again.
He thought over his own words, attempting to come up with something that would successfully cover up the true reason as to why Keith's words had hit their mark.
"I guess it's just, sometimes you feel like tracking down relatives, but you just can't you know?....Or well I can't."
It was only a partial lie. Someone of his species couldn't exactly turn up at a relatives door and greet them, claiming that they're their great great great great great great uncle and expect to be recieved with open arms.
He'd been pissed. That was
That was the only excuse Keith had, really, for storming off the way he had when he knew Christian had been genuinely panicked by the approach of a leonine creature. He could understand that. He could. What he didn't get was that he'd insisted Umay was harmless, that she was Keith's friend, and Christian had still fled like he couldn't stop himself from running.
Yeah. He'd been pissed. That was why he'd left.
You could've calmed him down.
Could've stayed.)
The Old Oak hummed around him. Keith wondered absently if it knew he was there, tucked as far into the dark as he could get, forehead pressed against damp bark as if he could push his mind out too. Guilt crept into him; slow then all at once, wrapping tight in his gut and squeezing 'til it physically hurt to just sit there and do nothing. The stag huffed in frustration, pushing himself upright. He knew where the vampire would be.
It took longer than it should have for him to reach the Ruins, fidgeting awkwardly on the outskirts of the graveyard, gaze fixed on the back of the 'fort' he and Christian had jokingly claimed as theirs. Naturally Keith would never admit it, but fear had settled in him along with everything else, and he found himself wondering if he should just turn and leave, pretend this never happened - but if Christian was still in a panic, he didn't want him to be alone, angry with Keith or not (and shit, Keith could only pray to Gods he didn't believe in that Christian wasn't pissed, because he had no idea how to handle that).
Approaching the vampfort, Keith eventually sighed, poking his head around the corner to peer in. Christian was there, as expected.
"'Ey."
Fuck. How did these things work, exactly? He felt bad for leaving - for snapping, even - but all the same, Christian had fled from someone Keith trusted, and he hadn't listened, hadn't trusted Keith enough to believe that Umay wouldn't hurt anyone.
"...Y'didn' have t'run, man. She's alright. Wouldn't hurt a fly."
if ur having deer problems i
hi I'm ong mobile bye
(HANDS SILENT A COMPLIMENTARY
Christian had indeed fled from the lion deer, it was a rather funny situation in hindsight. A being like him fleeing from another predator. He had his reasons.
By this point in time he was now sitting in the back corner of the so called "vampfort", the only place where he found a bit of comfort in this strange forest. He was slowly easing into the ways of the forest, but it wasn't without bumps in the road, and this was one of them. Most of his initial panic had faded, although he was still a bit antsy.
He knew Keith was there even before he had poked his head around the corner, it was near impossible to quietly sneak up on a vampire after all. Christian had an uneasy expression on his face by the time Keith had actually appeared.
Of course Christian had heard Keith in the midst of panic and fleeing. But he couldn't shake the feeling of fear when in an unfamiliar body on top of one that belonged to an animal that was considered prey. Not to mention they were a predatory animal that was bigger than him.
"....Keith it was a...a bloody lion"
He said, even though the statement was rather hypocritical.
[ SILENT GET OUT OF HERE.
Christian was still shaken, that much was obvious. The smaller deer stared at him a while, brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what the fuck that was supposed to mean coming from a creature that literally killed people to survive. Keith sighed through his nose, averting his eyes from the vampire. Don't get angry at him.
"Yeah," he rolled his eyes, "But, like I fuckin' tried to tell y', she in't a monster jus' 'cause she's kinda lion-y. Didn' hurt me, did she? We've been hangin' out for ages, since before I even knew y' an' she's never done anythin' t'hurt me."
Now leaning the majority of his weight on the tree infront of the vampfort, Keith frowned down at Christian, ears flicking in discontent.
"I mean how would you feel if someone kept runnin' away from y' just 'cause of the way y'look? Seriously?"
(JUDE CAN DELIVER THE THINGS
Christian looked up at his friend and uttered a hum in agreeance at Keith's sigh. He knew how ridiculous a comment like that was, coming from someone like him. He gave an internal laugh, somewhat amused at the situation. They were both monsters. Christian's mouth twitched, he knew Keith was right, Keith was standing right infront of him after all. Still alive. He wasn't sure what to respond and looked away, giving a slight nod.
But Keith's next statement made every muscle in his body tense up.
"I mean how would you feel if someone kept runnin' away from y' just 'cause of the way y'look? Seriously?"
Christian wanted to give a broken laugh, get angry, rise up and inhumanely hiss at him, telling Keith that he had no idea. But he remained composed, and simply looked up at the scruffy black deer without saying a word.
He knew exactly what it was like. Having experienced rejection from his family. His father
wow this sounds like a giant cliche. But there were some things he didn't want others knowing, alongside emotions he didn't feel like revealing. Christian swallowed."...You have a vaild point."
[ PLOT TWIST RUT STALKS HIM
The tension that fell between them was evident as soon as Keith stopped speaking, and he regretted his choice of words instantly - but that didn't stop him from nodding, too stubborn to back down now and admit he'd crossed a line.
"Yeah, damn right I do."
Keith huffed, trying to figure out how to articulate that he got it, that he knew Christian was scared because it was a lion and he hadn't been thinking straight, but what came out instead was a jumbled mess of Keith is an asshole and holy fuck why.
"I mean you--Jesus Christ, Christian, you could snap my fuckin' neck if you wanted t' and y'don't see me jus'--" Unreasonable. They hadn't always trusted eachother. Keith backtracked, frustrated, wishing he could turn tail and leave, or at least just stop speaking altogether. "I'm just sayin' y'need t'give people a fuckin' chance. S'not like anyone can kill you."
Shit.
(ADDS RUTS PICKLED NOODLES.
Christian frowned. Keith gave a typical Keith response unsurprisingly. He let it slide, still maintaining his composure even though Keith's words had hit a nerve.
He continued to watch Keith with an unwavering gaze. Listening.
Keith was once again right, multiple times. Christian could very well do what Keith had said, infact he utilised his supernatural strength to knock out his prey before feeding. But in this case, and when it came to his friends and other innocent beings he chose not to.
"I could. But I don't. I choose not to." He lowered his voice, he wasn't sure just how well any surrounding deer could hear. Hinting aloud to what he was wasn't something he wanted to do. "Let it be known that you could very well put an end to me, you have several methods at your disposal. But you do not. You also choose not to." He briefly paused before speaking normally once again. "What I'm trying to get at is, do these forest beings think and portray human emotions like we do? Or are they feral and run on basic animal instinct? Do they actively make decisions and considerations? It's impossible to tell outright." Christian gave another pause, once again silently aknowledging that Keith was right and he shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. However..."...When a lion approaches you, with your prior knowledge in regards to said animal and knowing your current form is considered prey, would you sit there, wait, give it a friendly wave and subsequently get eaten alive?"
Christian sighed. "...yes, but I'd rather not be mauled or held responsible for the transformation and siring (sireing? sire-ing? idk) of a vampiric lion deer beast." That was one of the last things Christian wanted happening.
[ SEND THE MARINES. ] The
The smaller stag scuffed the ground with his hoof, half frustrated and half unsure of what to do with himself. Christian's manner of thinking came from a different perspective than Keith's, but it was logical, rational, and it raised points Keith hadn't considered before. He wanted to insist that they were forest creatures, too; that the other creatures here had to be just as capable of cognition and decision-making as them. But he knew already that wasn't always true, no matter how rational a creature might seem. Keith had already met creatures that could talk and think but ran on brutal animal instinct regardless - not here, perhaps, but there was nothing to suggest that it couldn't be the same here.
Christian had a point, and the mention of a potential siring only proved it further. Keith faltered.
"S'pose," he muttered, giving the best approximation of a shrug that a deer possibly could, gaze fixed to the ground now. "Didn' have t'preach at me." He still figured that he was right about Umay, specifically. She was important to him. Christian would have to accept that. Even if he never ventured near her, Keith certainly would, and he'd threaten to break the jaw of anyone that tried to get in the way of that.
"...Take it y'not gonna stick around next time she comes over, then. Y'know, incase she decides t'maul you, even though I'm less than half her size an' she's never tried t'eat me, because we're friends."
Kind of like Keith and Christian themselves.He couldn't help the slight snark that crept into his voice. This was usually the part where - previously, with certain others that Keith had held dear - he'd apologise, but the words were stuck in his throat. He and Christian didn't do apologies. Then again, they didn't often have arguments like this, either, and although neither of them were screaming, Keith still hated the conflict with a passion.
(...DOES JUDE COUNT. ALSO
Christian was very much aware
He gave Keith an unamused expression when Keith had uttered his comment about preaching, almost as if he was sarcastically apologising for his lengthy explanation.
A long exasperated sigh escaped from his mouth at Keith's snark. He still retained his composure regardless of the irritation he was feeling alongside the sore spot about his family and rejection.
He'd experienced the dry snark from students the odd time back when he was teaching in the human world. He knew snarking back wouldn't fix anything. Not to mention his upbringing had taught him to always retain composure, not falter and look foolish, and to be the "better man".
"...Given the topic of discussion and shed light on the situation I cannot find a reason to not stay. What you say has a valid point and I have faith in your claims. You are a friend after all." He said, almost emotionlessly. Not giving any hint to his inner aggravation. "But I do wish you would have told me prior about your beast friends."
Christian was going to have a lot to dwell on when they returned home.
[ ...JUDE IS 500% DONE WITH
He knew he'd struck a nerve somewhere, and it was easy to see why, when he thought about it. Keith was still largely in the dark regarding Christian's past, but frankly, there was enough evidence to suggest that Christian had not had the easiest transformation, and that he had spent a large portion of his existence almost entirely alone as a result. Keith had no doubt reminded him of what he was - of what he could be, of what people in the past must have insisted he had to be.
Shame crawled into his chest and stuck like hot tar, and neither Christian's claim of faith in Keith nor his reminder of their friendship held any reassurance. The stag stared at his companion a moment, trying to pinpoint the reason behind the sudden surge of unease in his gut. Although Keith knew he'd pissed his friend off, Christian wasn't shouting. He wasn't even frowning. He was calm, and that utter indifference made Keith want to crawl under a rock and disappear.
Tufted ears sank slowly backwards, pressing to the scruffy stag's skull. His heart was hammering, and he willed it to slow, afraid Christian would sense the fear now radiating from Keith in uncontrolled waves. He knew why he was scared - knew it was irrational, that Christian was not him, was nothing like him, that Christian laughed and played violin and clapped a hand on his shoulder where he could to cheer his friend up. Christian liked architecture and history and shitty movies and Keith and still he could not push away the knots in his gut, or the urge to apologise though he felt he'd done no wrong.
But I do wish you would have told me prior about your beast friends.
He sounded just like him. Finally Keith's hackles raised, and the muscles in his legs pulled taut as he stopped leaning against the tree and straightened, eyes narrowed down at his friend though his ears stayed unconsciously pinned. Fear didn't matter.
"She's not a beast. I don't 'ave beast friends. I've got friends that are a bit different, an' they can't help it, but they're not beasts or monsters or--anythin' else anyone wants t' throw at them. As for not tellin' y'--" And he shook his head, because he did feel bad for not warning Christian at least, but all the same... "It didn't seem important." It was a feeble excuse, and Keith seemed to deflate the moment he said it, withering under the chill that seemed to radiate from his vampiric friend. He hated it. He'd rather Christian kicked him in the face. Christian's anger was made of frostbite and icy stares, and Keith was conditioned to shake and back down in the face of it - particularly when he felt the blame lay with him.
"Look--" He sighed, no longer looking Christian in the eye, feeling small. "M'sorry, alright? M'sorry. An'--not just--y'know, all this, but--what I said before. Sorry." As if repeating it would somehow make things better, though he knew that apologies didn't fix things, not really. Keith swallowed uneasily, frowning down at the ground before flopping his body down upon it, head lowering 'til his chin thudded onto the ground too, gaze still averted.
[ THIS IS SO LONG FORGIVE ME. ]
(GHSJKDHG) His gaze never
His gaze never left Keith, watching him react, watching the subtle gestures. But it was Keith's pulse that gave away that something he'd said had had an effect. Like most other Vampires, he was able to sense another being's pulse quite easily, and Keith's was no exception. However what it was exactly that made the scruffy black deer briefly falter was unknown to Christian. He wasn't psychic, and for a brief moment he found Keith's reaction odd. But he wasn't in the mood or felt it best to pry about it.
She's not a beast. I don't 'ave beast friends.
If Christian wasn't swimming in hidden agitation he would have quirked a brow, snickered and pointed to himself. Regardless what Keith thought, Christian had no qualms with calling himself a monster, he did kill people to survive after all. Said acceptance may have taken years but it was an acceptance nonetheless.
But at this point in time he said nothing
"It didn't seem important."
By now Christian had noticed that whatever it was that was bothering Keith wasn't disappearing, and decided not to respond to the lack of importance that had been determined on said matter. He watched as Keith flopped to the ground and apologised and with the apology Christian hoped it would signal the end of their argument. Keith's apology did however take some of the edge off Christian's inner aggravation, he knew it was best to try to drop said emotions and actually calm down while infront of Keith to try to avoid an awkward conversation about what had hit his nerve.
"It's okay." It was an awkward response, but it was better than nothing. "What's done is done yes?"
At first, he was sure there
"Yeh."
It didn't feel like enough, really. Keith hated arguments and he hated serious discussions, but all the same, he knew from experience that it was better to put matters out in the open in order to fix them - with exceptions, of course. And Christian was full of exceptions. If Keith had one complaint to make about the nature of their friendship - and he generally had no complaints at all - it was Christian's reservations regarding talking about himself in any great emotional detail. He could understand it, of course; they were not so different from one another in some ways, as unfair as the reality of what they'd gone through was. But Christian's closed-off nature ran deeper than that, like it had been ingrained in him as a child.
How was Keith supposed to know if things were really okay? He found himself lying there, keeping an eye on his friend, harbouring fears that the cold tone would come back in full swing the moment Keith thought things were fine.
He thought back over their argument. Christian had talked a lot, as was in his nature - but he'd been quiet in the beginning, when Keith had first blown up at him, and Keith wondered if there'd been something in his first outburst that had set the other off. There was no way of telling, not really; either he hadn't been paying attention, or Christian was very good at obscuring his emotions. Probably both.
Fuck it.
"...Some've what I said was out of line," he admitted, pushing himself back up onto his feet in order to move past the tree and into the fort, standing by Christian a moment to gauge his reaction before eventually settling down there instead. Keith had gotten used to sitting within close proximity of the other in this place; it was less awkward, somehow, as an animal. "If y'pissed with me, it's fine." Not exactly true; he wasn't fond of Christian being angry with him at all, but for the sake of reassuring his friend, he'd have to make attempts to hide that. "I'd be pissed too. I mean--I d'no, all this crap about beasts an' whatever, it's--y'know--I thought you'd get it, 'cause of how you are--fuck, that's not what I meant. I mean--" Growling under his breath, he leaned into Christian's shoulder momentarily, apologetic. "I'm not as good at speeches as you, alri', just...if somethin's wrong, I need t'know why so I don't--fuck up again."
Christian didn't mind serious
It did cross his mind that he'd be lying to one of his closest friends about his past, and he did feel some regret about it. But there were some things he felt that didn't need adressing and were better off left unknown. Some things he'd prefer to hide a lot more than others. Some things which made him feel justified about lying. He listened to Keith and shifted slightly, mainly consisting of him hoping he wouldn't fall backwards against the wall as he moved. He was getting the hang of things. Slowly.
He gave an audible sigh. "I do yeah. I "get it"." He let slip a quiet snicker from being somewhat amused. "It's fine, there's not really any way of gently addressing the fact that: "you're a monster". I've grown used to it." Christian paused. "It is a very conflicting and hypocritical thing...and just looks flat out ridiculous if you keep thinking about it really. Behaving in a way that if you were in their shoes, you would not want said reaction from the other. But then you can't help it given what you know...I guess it's basic instinct..." He stopped, since such a conversation would most likely go in circles.
if somethin's wrong, I need t'know why so I don't--fuck up again.
He thought over his own words, attempting to come up with something that would successfully cover up the true reason as to why Keith's words had hit their mark.
"I guess it's just, sometimes you feel like tracking down relatives, but you just can't you know?....Or well I can't."
It was only a partial lie. Someone of his species couldn't exactly turn up at a relatives door and greet them, claiming that they're their great great great great great great uncle and expect to be recieved with open arms.