This is just a little something I need to post, because I've been pretty upset lately, and I just need something to look at when I get into another one of those situations.
As you guys probably know, this year has been pretty bad for me. I lost my Dad to cancer in July, and then in August my 22 year old cousin died of heart failure. Since then, I have literally felt like I've been going insane, little by little. I have been having bad nightmares as well as bad hallucinations before I sleep, I've been losing interest in things I used to love, and small things have been making me angry.
I've been losing sight of my dreams and goals, being more concerned lately with comparing myself to others and seeing myself as a complete failure. I know this is wrong to do, but it's hard for me not to. I see these beautiful artworks that you guys make on this community, and feel so ashamed with myself that I can't make anything that beautiful on my own. I write stories but I've convinced myself that they're utter crap compared to the artwork done on this community.
I need help.
I need this topic so that I can refer to it when I've become depressed again. When I lose hope, when I can't think straight.
Anything you'd want to tell me is very appreciated. Anything at all.
---------------------
To myself from Quad:
"Never forget who you are. Never lose sight of what you want to do. You are a beautiful person and you know it!
And whenever you need a pick-me-up, remember this song..."
"I love you, Chris. I always will, no matter what."
I have literally felt like I've been going insane, little by little. I have been having bad nightmares as well as bad hallucinations before I sleep, I've been losing interest in things I used to love, and small things have been making me angry.
I've been losing sight of my dreams and goals
I can relate to pretty much everything in what I've quoted from your post. Granted for different reasons, but slowly but surely it seems I have come to cope with these things. I think it's normal to feel down and everything you've described above, especially after some heavy events. With time things will heal, just try to remember all the good times you've had with these people, and never forget.
First, I'm so sorry of your losses. I haven't heard of them do to me only joining yesterday! : )
Second, don't say your stories are crap! Never say something, ANYTHING, you do is crap! All this negaticve thinking will do is get you no farther, maybe even less farther, than you were before.
Third, don't compare yourselves to others. This can, if anything, make your work less good. Focus on improving your skills rather than focus on how better other things are than yours.
Fourth, look on the bright side of things. Listen to this proverb : Every cloud has a silver lining (I'm sure you've heard that before). This summer is your dark cloud, now all you have to do is find the good thing that has come out of this. Maybe it helped you meet someone you love, draw closer to family, made you a stronger person, whatevr it is, focus on THAT!
Fifth, look to the future. The past hurts, there's no doubt about that, and it's hard to forget bad things. But whats done is done and you can't undo it. If you do look at the past, don't think about the bad things, focus on the happy memories you had with them.
You're never without your loved ones ... they are in your heart and will always stay there if you keep them there.
For today and for any other time that you're feeling down, remember this:
You are a wonderful person. You have some of the biggest goals and aspirations of anyone I have ever known. You want to make a difference in our world, and there is nothing more noble than that.
Your writing is a work of art as beautiful as any drawing or painting, and takes a skill with words that many people lack. Through these stories you convey your love for your family, your friends, and your environment, and you show us your impeccable morals.
If more people were like you, the world would be a better place, and if you manage to achieve only a fraction of those goals you've set for yourself, we can all consider ourselves lucky to have met you and been a part of who you are.
It makes me sad to see you feeling this way, because I can honestly say you are one of the most beautiful persons here on TEF.
Your posts are always positive and encouraging to others, and your writing is amazing. And I really admire how you were able to still be standing strong after your
lost your father and cousin. No one deserve to lose someone close to them, especially not you, who are so kind to everyone. Now you 'just' have to continue to be strong,
and we here on the community will help you.
You are a wonderful person, Chris, and you should never doubt it. <3
I'm sorry you feel so bad lately... if its any consolation, you're not alone, as evidenced by what some of the people here are writing. Many understand and have been there themselves, me included. I'm clinically depressed and have an anxiety disorder, both of which go unchecked because I can't afford therapy/medication. There are things that happened to me a long time ago that still stick with me and drastically affect the way I react to the world around me. And, like you, I compare myself to others, and tend to feel like I fall short. I've felt inadequate since seeing the astounding work on this site as well- which I guess *is* a compliment to the artists, however bizarre xD Just one of many examples of me convincing myself I'm not good enough at anything, hehe.
You're not alone... you'll always have an understanding support group of sorts around you. And what you think of yourself isn't true at all- you're a wonderful person and a rare man to find in this world. I don't even know you that well and I can see these things What negative things one thinks of themself is rarely true. It just takes reminding yourself of that.
We love you too. You're a very sweet person. I've never seen you do anything unkind at all. It's really good to see that in a person.
We're here for you, we support you.
You will reach your goals. I know it. If you want it, you will get it.
Keep your chin up.
You're a good person who deserves every turn of good that comes to him.
You're one of the people I think of when I think of TEF. You always have something kind to say and you deserve every bit of that love back. Be strong and know you're loved here.
This is what I read when I feel like I'm not good enough, or others put me down. I hope it can give you that same strength.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
I have been lucky enough not to lose family. Not blood family, anyway.
But I've lost a lot this year. It's like my whole world is a snow globe that's been shaken about. Feeling lost, feeling angry, insecure, tongue-tied or petty, feelings I haven't had since I was in the darkest time in my life have been surfacing. And I've been going along with them, because it's like the more I struggle the more tangled in I get. When I accept at least I can see what's happening.
I know I'm in a dark place right now. And you have a lot of reasons to be, too. But I know there is light coming. I've lived through the darkness before and things have changed since then, but the one thing we can all count on is that time marches on, and this too will pass.
Take care of yourself. Love yourself. You're worthwhile. You're kind and you try hard.
There are ways that I need to grow, and I think we all should keep growing. If the things that made you alive before don't work now, look elsewhere and find bigger things. If you are insecure about your craft, look into learning how to create in a different way. Creating will save us all, I think.
I get down about my art, so I try writing. I try learning about history, since I don't know much. I like very much listening to the stories my elders tell me, because it gives such a sense of perspective.
I hope you find comfort while you endure this.
I love you, Quad. Because you are human, and you are my brother, and at least we don't have to suffer alone.
—
I don't strive to be the best, but instead I strive to do my best, and always give it my all every time.
-faunet
Have I told you lately that I love you? Welllll, I do! I kind of really really really really do, and I know there's a lot of other people here that feel the same way.
I can't say I know exactly what you're going through, but I have felt your pain before and I know how inescapable and terrifying it feels sometimes, like you're caught in a room that's closing in on you.
By all means, if there's a professional for you to talk to, please consider doing so; the death of a family member is traumatic enough without America's lack of rituals involving grieving periods. I mean, all these other countries say "you grieve for this allotted time, and then go back to work," while in America it's like "take a day off to get it all out (even though that's hardly enough time) and then I expect you to come back to work right on time." *end ramble*
Whenever I'm feeling down and out, I listen to this on loop about thirty times c: Might not be your cup of tea, though.
Just remember there's a whole forest full of people (and deer!) who love you! *group hug* this would be longer but I'm so tired ;o; I might add to it later
Quad, you are one of the sweetest people I know, and although this is a judgement from the internet, it's truth.
I follow everything you post, especially your stories. Art isn't just drawings, it's also writing, and character creation. Art comes in many forms, and you're very artistic.
I love reading your stories.
Bad stuff always happens to good people, but a friend once countered that by saying maybe it's the bad stuff that makes people good.
Don't ever doubt yourself. You are truly an amazing person.
Aw... I hope really sincerely that all will be good. You're always so nice with everybody... It hurts me read this, really.
Your father and your cousin are everytime alive; in your heart, and I'm sure that you don't became crazy. You're just really emotive, like much of people here. You don't have to lost all who is good in you, just try to keep it... <3
I don't know if you understand what I say, but, arg. ^^ I just mean that you're not crazy, and that all will be ok in few time, anyway you've lost few people that you loved and that you love All is a question of time, I think.
One day, you'll wake up, and all will be okay. I know what you live... &hearts
And for the art, you know, not all the people get the luck to write good thing. You're one of this people who have this in the blood. Use it to your advantage. You have to know, too, that sometimes, the inspiration is there, and other time, no. It's normal, all the people have this too. We can't choose it. ^^
@ Shamiya - Thanks. The other day I got to hear some of the Phantom of the Opera music, and it made me think of Dad because he loved it so much. It's a long story but it was a nice memory getting to hear it again, because I could remember him singing the songs. I sometimes focus on bad things and forget the good things that have happened.
@ Kaoori - I've heard of that band before but never got to hear their songs. That song is awesome, thank you!
@ Ginger_Ray - I'm trying my best not to compare myself to others anymore. It's challenging but I try to remember some of the quotes about being unique. I think this was one - "Be yourself. Everyone else is taken." Thanks for your words, it means a lot!
@ Trigger_Mortis - Thank you, you don't know how touching what you wrote was. I sometimes convince myself that my writing is nothing special and that anyone can write what I have, but when I think about it, everyone has a different mind and with that, every story is shaped differently. It really helps to know that I can create something that this community can enjoy, and writing has become a relaxing hobby for me too.
@ TheForsakenOne - Thanks, and any time you ever feel down, please feel free to IM me.
@ SnowSauria - I've always looked at strength as a physical, muscle trait. When I realize that strength can expand to so many things - art skills, compassion, mental strength, and so on, I realize that a person who isn't physically strong can have strength in many other forms. Thank you for the words, it has really opened my eyes.
@ Bigcrow - I agree, I try my best to comment on the artwork on here, because the artists put a lot of time and effort into making them. I know I've done the same with writing, and receiving comments on them is like getting little achievements on your hard work. I get so wound up on putting myself down that I often miss the things that makes me unique and strong. I now realize that everyone has their own set of skills - I may not be the best at visual artwork but I can create images through writing. Thanks for the "wall of text", and I'm sorry to hear about your depression and anxiety, it sounds like a growing problem in the world. Humans shouldn't be this stressed out, really.
@ Ocean - "Be the change you want in the world." - Ghandi. Your comment reminded me of this quote, which I am trying to live by. Thank you for your words.
@ Sypris - I've read that quote before, it's so touching. Thank you for the link, because I forgot all about it. And thank you for everything you said, it means a whole lot to me.
@ Eyestrain - The way you try things, for the sake of learning and growing, really inspires me. I haven't ever thought about exploring like that before. "Gaining a new perspective", as you said, is something that some people just don't feel comfortable with trying. There's a Zen quote that goes something like "We have this false view that only we suffer and everyone else's life is going great. When we realize that everyone suffers, our outlook on life changes for the better." Thank you for the words.
@ FishBiscuit - I plan to get some counseling soon about it. I've talked to a social worker right after Dad died, and she helped me understand that when things get quiet at night is when you start to think things that aren't exactly true. I've noticed this problem happen over and over. Anyway, thank you for everything. I haven't listened to that song yet, but I will soon. I like all kinds of stuff so I'm sure I'll love it.
@ VCG - Thanks for everything you wrote. I get so bogged down on artwork that I don't realize that writing can be just as powerful as visual art. That quote is one I need to remember, and thank you for posting it. It reminds me that while bad things are going on, my plans in the future will surely fix some of them and get things on the right track.
@ Solaya - My father and cousin live in my heart. That is a beautiful quote, and it is so true. It's glad to know that I'm not crazy, just my emotions get to me sometimes. I know a lot of people here go through the same feelings, and it's great to know that we're all here for one another. Thank you for all of your words, it means a bunch!
Quote:I have literally felt
I can relate to pretty much everything in what I've quoted from your post. Granted for different reasons, but slowly but surely it seems I have come to cope with these things. I think it's normal to feel down and everything you've described above, especially after some heavy events. With time things will heal, just try to remember all the good times you've had with these people, and never forget.
this song always makes me
this song always makes me feel better about myself.
especially this line:
Don't let someone tell you you're no one
First, I'm so sorry of your
Second, don't say your stories are crap! Never say something, ANYTHING, you do is crap! All this negaticve thinking will do is get you no farther, maybe even less farther, than you were before.
Third, don't compare yourselves to others. This can, if anything, make your work less good. Focus on improving your skills rather than focus on how better other things are than yours.
Fourth, look on the bright side of things. Listen to this proverb : Every cloud has a silver lining (I'm sure you've heard that before). This summer is your dark cloud, now all you have to do is find the good thing that has come out of this. Maybe it helped you meet someone you love, draw closer to family, made you a stronger person, whatevr it is, focus on THAT!
Fifth, look to the future. The past hurts, there's no doubt about that, and it's hard to forget bad things. But whats done is done and you can't undo it. If you do look at the past, don't think about the bad things, focus on the happy memories you had with them.
You're never without your loved ones ... they are in your heart and will always stay there if you keep them there.
I hope these words helped you ...
Feel bettr soon.
For today and for any other
You are a wonderful person. You have some of the biggest goals and aspirations of anyone I have ever known. You want to make a difference in our world, and there is nothing more noble than that.
Your writing is a work of art as beautiful as any drawing or painting, and takes a skill with words that many people lack. Through these stories you convey your love for your family, your friends, and your environment, and you show us your impeccable morals.
If more people were like you, the world would be a better place, and if you manage to achieve only a fraction of those goals you've set for yourself, we can all consider ourselves lucky to have met you and been a part of who you are.
You're amazing Quad, and don't ever forget that.
You know what I think Feel
Feel better soon~
It makes me sad to see you
Your posts are always positive and encouraging to others, and your writing is amazing. And I really admire how you were able to still be standing strong after your
lost your father and cousin. No one deserve to lose someone close to them, especially not you, who are so kind to everyone. Now you 'just' have to continue to be strong,
and we here on the community will help you.
You are a wonderful person, Chris, and you should never doubt it. <3
I'm sorry you feel so bad
You're not alone... you'll always have an understanding support group of sorts around you. And what you think of yourself isn't true at all- you're a wonderful person and a rare man to find in this world. I don't even know you that well and I can see these things
(/wall of text, hehe)
Dear Quad, We love you too.
We love you too. You're a very sweet person. I've never seen you do anything unkind at all. It's really good to see that in a person.
We're here for you, we support you.
You will reach your goals. I know it. If you want it, you will get it.
Keep your chin up.
You're a good person who deserves every turn of good that comes to him.
Quad, You're one of the
You're one of the people I think of when I think of TEF. You always have something kind to say and you deserve every bit of that love back. Be strong and know you're loved here.
This is what I read when I feel like I'm not good enough, or others put me down. I hope it can give you that same strength.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
I have been lucky enough not
But I've lost a lot this year. It's like my whole world is a snow globe that's been shaken about. Feeling lost, feeling angry, insecure, tongue-tied or petty, feelings I haven't had since I was in the darkest time in my life have been surfacing. And I've been going along with them, because it's like the more I struggle the more tangled in I get. When I accept at least I can see what's happening.
I know I'm in a dark place right now. And you have a lot of reasons to be, too. But I know there is light coming. I've lived through the darkness before and things have changed since then, but the one thing we can all count on is that time marches on, and this too will pass.
Take care of yourself. Love yourself. You're worthwhile. You're kind and you try hard.
There are ways that I need to grow, and I think we all should keep growing. If the things that made you alive before don't work now, look elsewhere and find bigger things. If you are insecure about your craft, look into learning how to create in a different way. Creating will save us all, I think.
I get down about my art, so I try writing. I try learning about history, since I don't know much. I like very much listening to the stories my elders tell me, because it gives such a sense of perspective.
I hope you find comfort while you endure this.
I love you, Quad. Because you are human, and you are my brother, and at least we don't have to suffer alone.
I don't strive to be the best, but instead I strive to do my best, and always give it my all every time.
-faunet
Quaddy mcQuaddle-pants, Have
Have I told you lately that I love you? Welllll, I do! I kind of really really really really do, and I know there's a lot of other people here that feel the same way.
I can't say I know exactly what you're going through, but I have felt your pain before and I know how inescapable and terrifying it feels sometimes, like you're caught in a room that's closing in on you.
By all means, if there's a professional for you to talk to, please consider doing so; the death of a family member is traumatic enough without America's lack of rituals involving grieving periods. I mean, all these other countries say "you grieve for this allotted time, and then go back to work," while in America it's like "take a day off to get it all out (even though that's hardly enough time) and then I expect you to come back to work right on time." *end ramble*
Whenever I'm feeling down and out, I listen to this on loop about thirty times c: Might not be your cup of tea, though.
Just remember there's a whole forest full of people (and deer!) who love you! *group hug*
this would be longer but I'm so tired ;o; I might add to it later
Quad, you are one of the
I follow everything you post, especially your stories. Art isn't just drawings, it's also writing, and character creation. Art comes in many forms, and you're very artistic.
I love reading your stories.
Bad stuff always happens to good people, but a friend once countered that by saying maybe it's the bad stuff that makes people good.
Don't ever doubt yourself. You are truly an amazing person.
Aw... I hope really
Your father and your cousin are everytime alive; in your heart, and I'm sure that you don't became crazy. You're just really emotive, like much of people here. You don't have to lost all who is good in you, just try to keep it... <3
I don't know if you understand what I say, but, arg. ^^ I just mean that you're not crazy, and that all will be ok in few time, anyway you've lost few people that you loved and that you love
One day, you'll wake up, and all will be okay. I know what you live... &hearts
And for the art, you know, not all the people get the luck to write good thing. You're one of this people who have this in the blood. Use it to your advantage. You have to know, too, that sometimes, the inspiration is there, and other time, no. It's normal, all the people have this too. We can't choose it. ^^
Avatar by Awentia, signature by Wildflowerdeer
@ Shamiya - Thanks. The
@ Kaoori - I've heard of that band before but never got to hear their songs. That song is awesome, thank you!
@ Ginger_Ray - I'm trying my best not to compare myself to others anymore. It's challenging but I try to remember some of the quotes about being unique. I think this was one - "Be yourself. Everyone else is taken." Thanks for your words, it means a lot!
@ Trigger_Mortis - Thank you, you don't know how touching what you wrote was. I sometimes convince myself that my writing is nothing special and that anyone can write what I have, but when I think about it, everyone has a different mind and with that, every story is shaped differently. It really helps to know that I can create something that this community can enjoy, and writing has become a relaxing hobby for me too.
@ TheForsakenOne - Thanks, and any time you ever feel down, please feel free to IM me.
@ SnowSauria - I've always looked at strength as a physical, muscle trait. When I realize that strength can expand to so many things - art skills, compassion, mental strength, and so on, I realize that a person who isn't physically strong can have strength in many other forms. Thank you for the words, it has really opened my eyes.
@ Bigcrow - I agree, I try my best to comment on the artwork on here, because the artists put a lot of time and effort into making them. I know I've done the same with writing, and receiving comments on them is like getting little achievements on your hard work. I get so wound up on putting myself down that I often miss the things that makes me unique and strong. I now realize that everyone has their own set of skills - I may not be the best at visual artwork but I can create images through writing. Thanks for the "wall of text", and I'm sorry to hear about your depression and anxiety, it sounds like a growing problem in the world. Humans shouldn't be this stressed out, really.
@ Ocean - "Be the change you want in the world." - Ghandi. Your comment reminded me of this quote, which I am trying to live by. Thank you for your words.
@ Sypris - I've read that quote before, it's so touching. Thank you for the link, because I forgot all about it. And thank you for everything you said, it means a whole lot to me.
@ Eyestrain - The way you try things, for the sake of learning and growing, really inspires me. I haven't ever thought about exploring like that before. "Gaining a new perspective", as you said, is something that some people just don't feel comfortable with trying. There's a Zen quote that goes something like "We have this false view that only we suffer and everyone else's life is going great. When we realize that everyone suffers, our outlook on life changes for the better." Thank you for the words.
@ FishBiscuit - I plan to get some counseling soon about it. I've talked to a social worker right after Dad died, and she helped me understand that when things get quiet at night is when you start to think things that aren't exactly true. I've noticed this problem happen over and over. Anyway, thank you for everything. I haven't listened to that song yet, but I will soon. I like all kinds of stuff so I'm sure I'll love it.
@ VCG - Thanks for everything you wrote. I get so bogged down on artwork that I don't realize that writing can be just as powerful as visual art. That quote is one I need to remember, and thank you for posting it. It reminds me that while bad things are going on, my plans in the future will surely fix some of them and get things on the right track.
@ Solaya - My father and cousin live in my heart. That is a beautiful quote, and it is so true. It's glad to know that I'm not crazy, just my emotions get to me sometimes. I know a lot of people here go through the same feelings, and it's great to know that we're all here for one another. Thank you for all of your words, it means a bunch!