Bones finished packing. Ever since Jack, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Bones had been furry.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing kissed her, all was quiet. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going on a ship to become a smelly knife.
Just then, there was a slimey knock at the door. Bones opened it and stood there insanely for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her leg.
When Bones came to, Jack was holding her lip and looking stupid. "My love," Jack said sadly, "I'm sorry for the shitty shock. I've been shipwrecked on a gross island for the last ten years, living like a terd that would not flush. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my arm in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Bones could hardly believe her Jack had returned. "I will always love you, arm or no arm. Besides, you can cover it up with a book."
They embraced happily and vowed to never be parted again.
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, johnothan and Memoir went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and johnothan hit Memoir in her nose with a big clever iceball. It hurt a lot, but johnothan kissed it quickly and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really pretty snow man!" johnothan said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Memoir said. "That would be more aggressive and politically correct."
"I know," johnothan said. "We can make a snow giraffe. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up hurriedly and made a slow snow giraffe. johnothan put on a giraffe for the face. The giraffe was almost as big as Memoir.
"It looks homeless," johnothan said tearfully. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Memoir said and held up a fabulous coke. "I found this in a fish." She put the coke onto the giraffe's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the giraffe, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl Almost as amazingly as a television..
Memoir screamed angriliy and ran but the snow giraffe chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow giraffe kissed her stupidly.
"Nobody does that to my little Poor Cup," johnothan screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow giraffe through the ear. It fell down and johnothan kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Memoir said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The coke lay in the yard until a dirty child picked it up and took it home.
*dies* omg...this is so disturbing XD especially for anyone who knows these characters!
Lynette and Sinker were celebrating a Confused Valentine's Day together. Lynette had cooked a Content dinner and they ate in the river by candlelight.
"My darling," Sinker said, stroking Lynette's Cheek, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Lynette. "It is but a Protective token of my Annoyed love."
Lynette opened the box. Inside was a Chilled Bird! She gazed at it Quietly. Then she gazed at Sinker Quietly. "It's Radiant," Lynette said. "Come here and let me Greet you."
Just then, a Uninterested crone sprang out of hiding and cackled Like the dawn to the dark of night. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a Moist voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Sinker read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."
They stared at each other Intently as the crone cackled some more. Lynette's Forehead began to tremble. Then Sinker shrugged, pulled out a Mother, and hit the crone on her Wrist. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Lynette said and kissed Sinker Morbidly. "This is a Hollow Valentine's Day!"
They Contently burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
Narina and Rauno were out for an obsessive Valentine's walk in his underpants. As they went, Rauno rested his hand on Narina's ear. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so sarcastic, Narina was filled with rotten dread.
"Do you suppose it's annoying here?" she asked womanly.
"You green silly," Rauno said, tickling Narina with his carpet. "It's completely restless."
Just then, a temperament gorilla leapt out from behind a octopus and humped Rauno in the eyelash. "Aaargh!" Rauno screamed.
Things looked lame. But Narina, although she was retarted, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a sugar and, like the sheeps eat octopus babies, beat the gorilla directly until it ran off. "That will teach you to hump innocent people."
Then she clasped Rauno close. Rauno was bleeding manly. "My darling," Narina said, and pressed her lips to Rauno's toe.
"I love you," Rauno said angrily, and expired in Narina's arms.
Walter stepped carefully out into the colourful sunshine, and admired Virgil's manbits. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a naughty sight."
Virgil climbed off the fruit and walked hastily across the grass to greet his lover. Walter patted Virgil on the leg and then tried to smack him hoarsly, but without success.
"That's all right," Virgil said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not hungry," Walter. "Not as hungry as the time we smacked in the sea."
Virgil nodded vividly. "We were shiny back in those days."
"Our shoulders were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Walter said. "Everything seems boring and clean when you're young."
"Of course," Virgil said. "But now we're hairy, we can still have fun. If we go about it warily."
"Warily?" Walter said . "But how?"
"With this," Virgil said and held out a possessive car. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to smack."
Walter swallowed the car at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to smack warily. They smacked like a piece of cheese that glowed like a bald head. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
------------------------
It was Christmas Eve. Spyrre sat exitedly under the rock, sipping weird eggnog.
She looked at the small bird hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, chocolate had hung it there, just before they looked at each other noisily and then fell into each other's arms and shouted each other's ear.
If only I hadn't been so furry, Spyrre thought, pouring a chirping amount of rum into her eggnog. Then chocolate might not have got so red and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away an ugly tear and held her tail in her hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a cold voice lifted annoyingly up in song.
I'm dreaming of a boring Christmas
Just as the penquin on the plane
Spyrre ran to the door. It was chocolate, looking funny all over with snow.
"I missed you weirdly," chocolate said. "And I wanted to shout your ear again."
Spyrre hugged chocolate and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," chocolate said.
"I think so too," Spyrre said and they shouted each other's ear until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted deer hoof and lived angrily until Spyrre got drunk again.
----
Spyrre seems to drink a lot.... and talk...er, shout to the chocolate. o_o
Argh... sorry to post another one, but it had more deer in it... and I laughed at it a lot more than I should have. So... er. I´ll stop after this. <__<;
---
The Adventure Of The Deer
Spyrre and chocolate were out for a funny Valentine's walk under the rock. As they went, chocolate rested his hand on Spyrre's hoof. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so furry, Spyrre was filled with cold dread.
"Do you suppose it's small here?" she asked angrily.
"You red silly," chocolate said, tickling Spyrre with his tree. "It's completely ugly."
Just then, a boring deer leapt out from behind a bird and shouted chocolate in the ear. "Aaargh!" chocolate screamed.
Things looked chirping. But Spyrre, although she was weird, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a sandcastle and, as the penquin on the plane, beat the deer noisily until it ran off. "That will teach you to shout innocent people."
Then she clasped chocolate close. chocolate was bleeding weirdly. "My darling," Spyrre said, and pressed her lips to chocolate's tail.
"I love you," chocolate said annoyingly, and expired in Spyrre's arms.
Desanm:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the rubber chicken, and Key is the worm.
Arise, stinky worm, and moonwalk the gay Spongebob.
See, how he leans his neck upon his ankle!
O, that I were a glove upon that ankle,
That I might touch that neck!
Key:
O Desanm, Desanm! wherefore art thou Desanm?
What's in a name? That which we call an eyebrow
By any other name would smell as enormous
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a unicorn screaming"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove robotic.
Desanm:
Swain, by yonder gay Spongebob I swear
That tips behind a toilet the bumpy hammer--
Key:
O, swear not by the Spongebob, the transparent Spongebob,
That mopingly changes in its sexy orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise sexy.
Sweet, flashy night! A thousand times flashy night!
Parting is such pink sorrow,
That I shall say flashy night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Desanm:
Sleep dwell upon thy neck, peace in thine ankle!
Would I were sleep and peace, so shittily to rest!
hoppingly will I to my stinky eyebrow's cell,
Its help to moonwalk, and my enormous eyebrow to tell.
--
LOL WTF IS THIS. I used Desanm at random, I didn't think I'd--AH LOLL -makes/reads more- xD VCG I love you for this <3
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Mick strode along the path, making for Happy Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Weak Rock, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Leg.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his Rainy Grass just in time to face the Loving man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The man struck Lovingly, and Mick barely raised his Grass to meet the attack. They fought long and Peacefully until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Mick found himself forced to one knee, the man's Grass pressed to his Youthful Chest. "I am Mika of Happy Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Weak Rock. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you On a beach."
But Mick had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his Grass with a twist, overpowered Mika and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Mick said, looking down upon him.
Mika's Face shimmered A Blue so bright, stars were jealous. "I have underestimated you, Mick. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Mick's desire was enflamed. His Chest throbbed and all his thoughts were to Kiss Mika like a Deer. Mick caressed Mika's Passionate Face and he responded. They came together Passionately, and their joining was as Dark as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet Bed!" Mick groaned and Kissed Mika as Tenderly as he could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Mick said. "That's where I put the Weak Rock for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed Gracefully on the grass, forgetful of all but their Wise love. "We will stay together forever," Mika said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Leg never got the Weak Rock and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
You Know You Love Me XOXO Mick<3MikaNateMickenerIlyanaLithium<3PilgrimAnima
James stepped luckily out into the wretched sunshine, and admired Elliot's eyeball. "Ah," he sighed, "That's an irritating sight."
Elliot climbed off the pie and walked lousily across the grass to greet his lover. James patted Elliot on the toe and then tried to run him hungrily, but without success.
"That's all right," Elliot said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not worried," James. "Not as worried as the time we puked under the bed."
Elliot nodded Coldly. "We were loyal back in those days."
"Our noses were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," James said. "Everything seems pervy and suspicious when you're young."
"Of course," Elliot said. "But now we're sparkling, we can still have fun. If we go about it idealistically."
"Idealistically?" James said . "But how?"
"With this," Elliot said and held out a happy candle. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to run."
James swallowed the candle at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to run idealistically. They puked like a fish trying to move on a dry land. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
On a mesmerizing and bisexual morning, Quamar sat inside a volcano. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His teeth ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Edward Cullen to love someone with a hairy earlobe?
Failfully, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a sparkly nude Twilight, all on a summer's day. I wish my Edward Cullen would strip me, in his own bloody way..."
"Do you?" Edward Cullen sat down beside Quamar and put his hand on Quamar's pinkie. "I think that could be arranged."
Quamar gasped teasingly. "But what about my hairy earlobe?"
"I like it," Edward Cullen said loudly. "I think it's rainbow."
They came together and their kiss was like shitting bricks.
"I love you," Quamar said hungrily.
"I love you too," Edward Cullen replied and stripped him.
They bought a blue whale, moved in together, and lived willingly ever after.
-dies- I used my own deer, so no one will kill me XD
1000 Santa Hat Wallabys
Ren paced ridiculously unimportant back and forth. Zombie dread filled his heart. Nine'a should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my yarn love, Ren thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Nine'a had been taken hostage by Red Hoof, a supervillain who had the city in a state of yellow terror. Ren fainted dead away, like a termite eats a house from the inside out.
When he came to, there was a bump on his antlers and the zombie dread had returned. "Nine'a, my orange honey bunny," he cried out unsucessfully. "What is Red Hoof doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing sneakily as he destroyed her in the nose.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Ren remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 santa hat wallabys, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Ren ordered in a supply of santa hat and set to work, folding wallabys until his antlers was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last wallaby when Nine'a walked in the front door.
"Nine'a!" Ren screamed and threw himself into Nine'a's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 santa hat wallabys and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing in an oven. He kissed Nine'a unsurpriseingly on the nose.
"Actually," Nine'a said, pulling away spookily, "I was rescued by the Insane Strawberry. He's a new superhero in town." Nine'a sighed. "And he's really pink."
The zombie dread came back. "But you're evil to be back here with me, right?"
Nine'a checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Insane Strawberry for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay blue, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.
Ren choked back a sob and started folding another wallaby. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
Note: Some of these nonsensical words were based off a convo I had with a friend once. Also, please don't be drinking while you are reading this. Or eating. Now, ONTO THE STORY!
~The Miracle Of The Panticore
Hetrin hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like a sudden itch in the rear. She loathed it.
Every December, Hetrin would feel herself getting all bonky inside. She refused to put up a Christmas nerk, she snapped at anyone hurr enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Hetrin had to go to the mall to buy a zonks plorb. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing hagh around and so much Christmas music blaring froopily, she thought her buffalo wing would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a glorp man collecting for charity. Hetrin never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the glorp man dropped his bells and ran in yo face. There was a femur panticore right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the glorp man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Hetrin rushed out and bloogh pushed them both out of the way. There was a feegoodeegoo bang and then everything went dark.
When Hetrin woke up, she was in a fer room. There was a Christmas nerk in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Hetrin's chicken leg hurt. A lot.
The glorp man came into the room. "I'm so butts!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Eggnog. You saved me from the truck. But your chicken leg is broken."
Hetrin hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas nerk up and her chicken leg was broken, she felt quite glorb, especially when she looked at Eggnog.
"Your chicken leg must hurt logly," Eggnog said. "I think this will help." And he buttkicked Hetrin several times.
Now Hetrin felt very glorb indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Eggnog. "I love you," she said, and kissed Eggnog nogly.
"I love you too," said Eggnog. Just then, the panticore ran into the room and nuzzled Hetrin's splognog. "I brought him home with us," Eggnog said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Hetrin said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
Nobody stepped quickly out into the negative sunshine, and admired the cat's lips. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a loud sight."
the cat climbed off the sock and walked gently across the grass to greet her lover. Nobody patted the cat on the toe nail and then tried to lick her swiftly, but without success.
"That's all right," the cat said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not evil," Nobody. "Not as evil as the time we poked in a bottle."
the cat nodded lazily. "We were persuasive back in those days."
"Our eyebrows were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Nobody said. "Everything seems lazy and freaky when you're young."
"Of course," the cat said. "But now we're quiet, we can still have fun. If we go about it slowly."
"Slowly?" Nobody said . "But how?"
"With this," the cat said and held out a silent lollipop. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to lick."
Nobody swallowed the lollipop at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to lick slowly. They poked like a lollipop that's stuck to the floor. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
Sluggs paced dramticaly back and forth. Creature-like dread filled her heart. the queen should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my chewy love, Sluggs thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. the queen had been taken hostage by Slimy Nose Hair, a supervillain who had the city in a state of untouchable terror. Sluggs fainted dead away, like the sun that blinds you with eternal suffering.
When she came to, there was a bump on her belly button and the creature-like dread had returned. "the queen, my floppy honey bunny," she cried out softly. "What is Slimy Nose Hair doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing crazily as he licked him in the pupil.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Sluggs remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 glue stick jelly fishs, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Sluggs ordered in a supply of glue stick and set to work, folding jelly fishs until her belly button was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last jelly fish when the queen walked in the front door.
"the queen!" Sluggs screamed and threw herself into the queen's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 glue stick jelly fishs and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing on a cloud. She kissed the queen quickly on the pupil.
"Actually," the queen said, pulling away willingly, "I was rescued by the Crazy Magic Wand. She's a new superhero in town." the queen sighed. "And she's really naughty."
The creature-like dread came back. "But you're rude to be back here with me, right?"
the queen checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Crazy Magic Wand for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay over-hyper, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Sluggs choked back a sob and started folding another jelly fish. Then she went out and got drunk instead.
In the future, Radiance tackled her mini-Xylaphone. She had been busy with the mini-Xylaphone for hours and now wanted nothing more than a doomed cuddle or a carroty massage from her lover her nemesis Mushroom.
She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her bruised her nemesis Mushroom appeared at the door, grinning logicly.
"Put down the mini-Xylaphone," her nemesis Mushroom said radishly. "Unless you want me to tackle that mini-Xylaphone on your heart."
Radiance put down the mini-Xylaphone. She was dramatic. She had never seen her nemesis Mushroom so argyle before and it made her super.
her nemesis Mushroom picked up the mini-Xylaphone, then withdrew a jumprope from his lung. "Don't be so dramatic," her nemesis Mushroom said with an argyle grimace. "An opera loving mouse bit my tail this morning, and everything became gloomy. Now with this mini-Xylaphone and this jumprope I can radishly rule the world!"
Radiance clutched her invisible tail spinichly. This was her lover, her bruised her nemesis Mushroom, now staring at her with an argyle lung.
"Fight it!" Radiance shouted. "The opera loving mouse just wants the mini-Xylaphone for his own bruised devices! He doesn't love you, not the doomed way I do!"
Radiance could see her nemesis Mushroom trembling spinichly. Radiance reached out her heart and touched her nemesis Mushroom's lung radishly. She was bruised, so bruised, but she knew only her invisible love for her nemesis Mushroom would break the opera loving mouse's spell.
Sure enough, her nemesis Mushroom dropped the mini-Xylaphone with a thunk. "Oh, Radiance," he squealed. "I'm so doomed, can you ever forgive me?"
But Radiance had already moved in the future. Like a disemboweled turkey, she pressed her heart into her nemesis Mushroom's lung. And as they fell together in a gloomy fit of love, the mini-Xylaphone lay on the floor, super and forgotten.
This time I was smart enough to hide it from Radiance ;D
~ Meadow
Sugar Quad paced happily back and forth. Glamorous dread filled his heart. Muffin Seele should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my awful love, Sugar Quad thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Muffin Seele had been taken hostage by Ugly Booty, a supervillain who had the city in a state of creepy terror. Sugar Quad fainted dead away, like a pissing dog.
When he came to, there was a bump on his elbow and the glamorous dread had returned. "Muffin Seele, my wild honey bunny," he cried out painfully. "What is Ugly Booty doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing tightly as he mooed her in the boob.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Sugar Quad remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 Miley Cyrus Mongooses, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Sugar Quad ordered in a supply of Miley Cyrus and set to work, folding Mongooses until his elbow was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last Mongoose when Muffin Seele walked in the front door.
"Muffin Seele!" Sugar Quad screamed and threw himself into Muffin Seele's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 Miley Cyrus Mongooses and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing in my car. He kissed Muffin Seele roughly on the boob.
"Actually," Muffin Seele said, pulling away violently, "I was rescued by the Filthy Timmy Turner. He's a new superhero in town." Muffin Seele sighed. "And he's really sparkling."
The glamorous dread came back. "But you're long to be back here with me, right?"
Muffin Seele checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Filthy Timmy Turner for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay unusual, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.
Sugar Quad choked back a sob and started folding another Mongoose. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
Don't hit me :< Forgot title xD something like that
I haven't laughed this hard in a long time :'D
Her, you win 48 cases of Lipton green tea. -still loling-
Gonna whore De out a little more now:
De and Oz were out for a floofy Valentine's walk in the basement. As they went, Oz rested his hand on De's kneecaps. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so boring, De was filled with obnoxious dread.
"Do you suppose it's glittery here?" she asked creepily.
"You cheap silly," Oz said, tickling De with his lawn chair. "It's completely absurd."
Just then, a dreary goldfish leapt out from behind a bag of hammers and pwned Oz in the collarbone. "Aaargh!" Oz screamed.
Things looked subtle. But De, although she was blue, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a Ninentendo Wii and, like a ziplock bag full of chunky vegetable soup, beat the goldfish loudly until it ran off. "That will teach you to pwn innocent people."
Then she clasped Oz close. Oz was bleeding slightly. "My darling," De said, and pressed her lips to Oz's baby toe.
"I love you," Oz said quickly, and expired in De's arms.
Things looked subtle. But De, although she was blue, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a Ninentendo Wii and, like a ziplock bag full of chunky vegetable soup, beat the goldfish loudly until it ran off. "That will teach you to pwn innocent people."
xD This thing will never stop amusing me.
LAST ONE. FAYNE, I'M SORRY.....:
Tuna paced up and down, jiggling her left fourth metatarsal. Her very good friend, Mary Sue Chuck Norris, had arranged to meet her here over the rainbow. "I have something sexy to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Chuck Norris was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Tuna expected to see her bounce up, her retarded hair streaming behind her and her sparkly eyes aglow.
Tuna heard footsteps, but they seemed rather purple for a delicate and slippery girl like Mary Sue Chuck Norris, whose tread was corny. She turned around and found Masque staring at her.
"What are you doing here?" Masque said obviously. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Tuna had said that, but now she was beginning to wish she hadn't acted so recklessly. "Mary Sue Chuck Norris asked to meet me here." As she gazed at Masque, her cheek began to throb sarcastically.
"Oh," Masque said, stupidly. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Tuna said and caught Masque by his middle finger. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Masque said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a piece of cheese that slid off its cracker.
From behind a bowl of puppies, Mary Sue Chuck Norris watched with a moldy light in her evil eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Tuna/Masque". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the king crab from extinction.
Cloud hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a bloated hippo floating down the nile. He loathed it.
Every December, Cloud would feel himself getting all tiny inside. He refused to put up a Christmas hammer, he snapped at anyone glowing enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Cloud had to go to the mall to buy a stinky nails. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing loudly around and so much Christmas music blaring quietly, he thought his foot would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a large woman collecting for charity. Cloud never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the large woman dropped his bells and ran over the table. There was a tall moose right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the large woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Cloud rushed out and happily pushed them both out of the way. There was a gorgeous bang and then everything went dark.
When Cloud woke up, he was in a furry room. There was a Christmas hammer in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Cloud's buttock hurt. A lot.
The large woman came into the room. "I'm so squishy!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Tsuta. You saved me from the truck. But your buttock is broken."
Cloud hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas hammer up and his buttock was broken, he felt quite rough, especially when he looked at Tsuta.
"Your buttock must hurt sadly," Tsuta said. "I think this will help." And she slapped Cloud several times.
Now Cloud felt very rough indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Tsuta. "I love you," he said, and kissed Tsuta gladly.
"I love you too," said Tsuta. Just then, the moose ran into the room and nuzzled Cloud's eyeball. "I brought him home with us," Tsuta said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Cloud said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
Desanm woke up in the middle of the night. She was thirsty and so she decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, she couldn't wait to see her presents. There was one wet box that looked like a lamp.
Then Desanm noticed that Thomas was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Desanm thought that she would surprise Thomas. Maybe even sneak up behind him and glare at him on his cruel mouth. That always made Thomas amusing.
Desanm crept oddly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its hyper lights, and the presents, heaped up shyly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Thomas. Kissing someone.
Desanm was so angry, she picked up a bed from a table and threw it quietly in the woods.
They both looked around.
"Thomas, you sexy tuna fish!" Desanm yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Desanm looked and then rubbed her hand and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Thomas said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a boring kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Desanm said blankly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be drunken."
That seemed reasonable. Desanm went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a black cloud. He made Desanm's wrist feel all cold.
"You see?" Thomas said seductively and Desanm saw. So they had a threeway.
EVERYBODY'S PRESENTS WERE LATE..... OMFG..... I DIED....
The Battle For The Cheese
In a bar, Masque snuffed his cheese. He had been busy with the cheese for hours and now wanted nothing more than a buzzed cuddle or a high massage from his lover Lady Bones.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his sleeping Lady Bones appeared at the door, grinning irritatedly.
"Put down the cheese," Lady Bones said drunkly. "Unless you want me to snuff that cheese on your toenail."
Masque put down the cheese. He was bombed. He had never seen Lady Bones so fat before and it made him on crack.
Lady Bones picked up the cheese, then withdrew a cow from her earlobe. "Don't be so bombed," Lady Bones said with a fat grimace. "A cat bit my knuckle this morning, and everything became violent. Now with this cheese and this cow I can drunkly rule the world!"
Masque clutched his cheese knuckle stupidly. This was his lover, his sleeping Lady Bones, now staring at him with a fat earlobe.
"Fight it!" Masque shouted. "The cat just wants the cheese for his own sleeping devices! He doesn't love you, not the buzzed way I do!"
Masque could see Lady Bones trembling stupidly. Masque reached out his toenail and touched Lady Bones's earlobe drunkly. He was sleeping, so sleeping, but he knew only his cheese love for Lady Bones would break the cat's spell.
Sure enough, Lady Bones dropped the cheese with a thunk. "Oh, Masque," she squealed. "I'm so buzzed, can you ever forgive me?"
But Masque had already moved in a bar. And my tiny nipples went to France... I...Lika...do...da.. cha cha., he pressed his toenail into Lady Bones's earlobe. And as they fell together in a violent fit of love, the cheese lay on the floor, on crack and forgotten.
----------
DONT MAKE LB SNUFF THAT CHEESE ON YOUR TOENAILS PPL.
xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Holy shit you guys are KILLING ME with these. -snotting and choking from the lol-
The sad part is that I feel like a lot of this would actually happen. 8DDDDD
The urge to do an F+M one is just overpowering..........-reindeer'd-
These are the last two for tonight, I don't think I can handle much more XD
The Adventure Of The Caribou
Cloud and Raimundo were out for a soggy Valentine's walk under the bed. As they went, Raimundo rested his hand on Cloud's armpit. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so dark, Cloud was filled with crooked dread.
"Do you suppose it's tall here?" he asked gladly.
"You square silly," Raimundo said, tickling Cloud with his broom. "It's completely bristly."
Just then, a thick caribou leapt out from behind a Christmas Tree and punted Raimundo in the thigh. "Aaargh!" Raimundo screamed.
Things looked blue. But Cloud, although he was shiny, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a feather duster and, like a happy sparkle-pony prancing through a field of daisies, beat the caribou painfully until it ran off. "That will teach you to punt innocent people."
Then he clasped Raimundo close. Raimundo was bleeding disappointedly. "My darling," Cloud said, and pressed his lips to Raimundo's kidney.
"I love you," Raimundo said kindly, and expired in Cloud's arms.
Cloud never loved again.
---- The Foosa Princess
Virgil was walking through a squishy meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a bushy little foosa lying under a tree.
Virgil skipped over to see the dear thing and was feathered to find that she was hurt! A flying saucer had pierced her glowing little spleen and she whimpered calmly with the pain.
"My ugly little friend," Virgil said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the flying saucer, as dryly as he could. The foosa cried out and Virgil's heart ached, like the sun sinking over the horizon and plunging everything into darkness. "You'll be all right," Virgil whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Tsuta and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Tsuta up in his arms, Virgil carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Virgil nursed Tsuta, cleaning her spleen and feeding her Stick-brand foosa chow.
On the eighth night, Tsuta climbed into bed with Virgil. She burrowed under the covers and madly nommed Virgil's fingernail. It made Virgil giggle and he cuddled close to Tsuta, stroking her tongue and singing discretly to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Virgil hurried home so he could curl up with Tsuta. It gave him a cold feeling whenever Tsuta nommed his fingernail.
Then one night, Tsuta looked up at Virgil and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a reeking princess."
Virgil screamed dissapointedly, he was so surprised. How could a foosa talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Tsuta said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Virgil said and kissed Tsuta on her tongue. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a reeking princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Tsuta," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Virgil said.
"See?" Tsuta said and showed Virgil the scar from the flying saucer on her spleen. Then she kissed Virgil and they tumbled over the Mississippi river and did a lot of very yellow things, some of them involving a bristled frying pan.
"I love you," Tsuta said when they were done. Virgil clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Tsuta had stashed away.
And if Tsuta didn't know about Virgil's visits to the foosa sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
Amary:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the tree, and Bastilion is the deer.
Arise, gentle deer, and smile the calm key.
See, how he leans his skin upon his heart!
O, that I were a glove upon that heart,
That I might touch that skin!
Bastilion:
O Amary, Amary! wherefore art thou Amary?
What's in a name? That which we call a hand
By any other name would smell as soft
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a leaf fluttering in a gentle breeze"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove sweet.
Amary:
Swain, by yonder calm key I swear
That tips in the forest the shiny flower--
Bastilion:
O, swear not by the key, the bright key,
That swiftly changes in its noble orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise noble.
Sweet, polite night! A thousand times polite night!
Parting is such big sorrow,
That I shall say polite night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Amary:
Sleep dwell upon thy skin, peace in thy heart!
Would I were sleep and peace, so slowly to rest!
lightly will I to my gentle hand's cell,
Its help to smile, and my soft hand to tell.
Melinoe sipped warily at her drink and stood dirty behind a stone. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel fluffy and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how bloody her head got when she was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Melinoe knew very well why she was at the party: to see Janjaweed.
Ah, Janjaweed. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his freaky spine made Melinoe's heart beat like a wildfire spreads through a dry forest.
But tonight everyone was masked. Melinoe peered tiredly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Janjaweed. There, she thought, the man over by the grave, the dead one with the bat mask. It had to be Janjaweed. No one else could look so dark, even in a bat mask.
He began to walk Melinoe's way and Melinoe started to panic. What if he actually talked to Melinoe?
Janjaweed came right up to Melinoe and Melinoe thought that she was going to faint.
"Hello," Janjaweed said quickly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the knife," Melinoe said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so spooky.
Just then, a gross voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Melinoe's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Janjaweed might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Janjaweed swept Melinoe into his arms, bent her in a hole, and kissed Melinoe loudly, slipping her the tongue and groping her eye.
Melinoe could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out angrily and pulled Janjaweed's mask off his face. It was Janjaweed! "I knew it was you," Melinoe said and took her own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Janjaweed said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Melinoe watched him go. He would be right back, Melinoe was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.
It was Christmas Eve. Bastilion sat sweetly in the water, sipping fluffy eggnog.
He looked at the hard stone hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Amary had hung it there, just before they looked at each other sadly and then fell into each other's arms and frolicked each other's eye.
If only I hadn't been so warm, Bastilion thought, pouring a little amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Amary might not have got so soft and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a quiet tear and held his hand in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a gentle voice lifted quickly up in song.
I'm dreaming of a sweet Christmas
Just like the deserts miss the rain
Bastilion ran to the door. It was Amary, looking shiny all over with snow.
"I missed you lively," Amary said. "And I wanted to frolick your eye again."
Bastilion hugged Amary and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Amary said.
"I think so too," Bastilion said and they frolicked each other's eye until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
(used a song lyric for the metaphor X3)
--------------
(Oh god, the last part of this just...makes the whole thing XDDD)
Sweet Love
Bastilion finished packing. Ever since Amary, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Bastilion had been fluffy.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing frolicked him, all was gentle. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in the water to become a quiet bottle.
Just then, there was a warm knock at the door. Bastilion opened it and stood there quickly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hand.
When Bastilion came to, Amary was holding his eye and looking soft. "My love," Amary said lively, "I'm sorry for the shiny shock. I've been shipwrecked on a little island for the last ten years, living like the deserts miss the rain. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my head in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Bastilion could hardly believe his Amary had returned. "I will always love you, head or no head. Besides, you can cover it up with a leaf."
They embraced shyly and vowed to never be parted again.
Laurette paced impressively back and forth. Stupid dread filled her heart. Urmom should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my strong love, Laurette thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Urmom had been taken hostage by Beautitious Thumb, a supervillain who had the city in a state of uglynatious terror. Laurette fainted dead away, like a hippy that shares love to all beings.
When she came to, there was a bump on her brain and the stupid dread had returned. "Urmom, my sticky honey bunny," she cried out weirdly. "What is Beautitious Thumb doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing cautiously as he loved him in the eye.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Laurette remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 gummy worm dinosaurs, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Laurette ordered in a supply of gummy worm and set to work, folding dinosaurs until her brain was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last dinosaur when Urmom walked in the front door.
"Urmom!" Laurette screamed and threw herself into Urmom's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 gummy worm dinosaurs and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing on the eiffle. She kissed Urmom depressingly on the eye.
"Actually," Urmom said, pulling away furiously, "I was rescued by the Angry Jaffa Cake. She's a new superhero in town." Urmom sighed. "And she's really emo."
The stupid dread came back. "But you're smelly to be back here with me, right?"
Urmom checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Angry Jaffa Cake for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay proud, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Karan and Riko went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Karan hit Riko in her Leg with a big What the heck.. iceball. It hurt a lot, but Karan kissed it Evil and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really Holy Flapjacks! snow man!" Karan said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Riko said. "That would be more Batman Baby and politically correct."
"I know," Karan said. "We can make a snow Rabbit. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up Shocked and made a Oh oh oh oh! snow Rabbit. Karan put on a Elmo for the Eyes. The Rabbit was almost as big as Riko.
"It looks I KEEL YOU," Karan said Angrily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Riko said and held up a I lost my rabbit Batman. "I found this On the toilet." She put the Batman onto the Rabbit's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the Rabbit, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl Like a pedo in the girls bathroom.
Riko screamed High and ran but the snow Rabbit chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow Rabbit Zapped her Surprised.
"Nobody does that to my little Dangflabit Barney," Karan screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow Rabbit through the Hair. It fell down and Karan kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Riko said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The Batman lay in the yard until a Owned child picked it up and took it home.
Jesus was walking through a furry meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a red little zombie lying under a tree.
Jesus skipped over to see the dear thing and was excited to find that she was hurt! A fart had pierced her long little elbow and she whimpered readily with the pain.
"My hungry little friend," Jesus said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the fart, as musically as he could. The zombie cried out and Jesus's heart ached, like a shooting star. "You'll be all right," Jesus whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Cheese and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Cheese up in his arms, Jesus carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Jesus nursed Cheese, cleaning her elbow and feeding her Cupboard-brand zombie chow.
On the eighth night, Cheese climbed into bed with Jesus. She burrowed under the covers and slyly licked Jesus's boob. It made Jesus giggle and he cuddled close to Cheese, stroking her foot and singing wet to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Jesus hurried home so he could curl up with Cheese. It gave him a slow feeling whenever Cheese licked his boob.
Then one night, Cheese looked up at Jesus and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a happy princess."
Jesus screamed hastilly, he was so surprised. How could a zombie talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Cheese said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Jesus said and kissed Cheese on her foot. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a happy princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Cheese," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Jesus said.
"See?" Cheese said and showed Jesus the scar from the fart on her elbow. Then she kissed Jesus and they tumbled in the shower and did a lot of very blue things, some of them involving a fast carpet.
"I love you," Cheese said when they were done. Jesus clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Cheese had stashed away.
And if Cheese didn't know about Jesus's visits to the zombie sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
Roscoe woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one Pussy box that looked like an egg.
Then Roscoe noticed that Titana was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.
Roscoe thought that he would surprise Titana. Maybe even sneak up behind her and kick her on her Pickles hoof. That always made Titana Deers.
Roscoe crept strong down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its Taco lights, and the presents, heaped up smelled, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Titana. Kissing someone.
Roscoe was so angry, he picked up a bottle from a table and threw it muscular on a horse.
They both looked around.
"Titana, you Nachos deer!" Roscoe yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Roscoe looked and then rubbed his antler and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Titana said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a Farts kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Roscoe said pretty. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be Fatass."
That seemed reasonable. Roscoe went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, I was riding a horse the whole time. He made Roscoe's leg feel all Dick.
"You see?" Titana said beautiful and Roscoe saw. So they had a threesome.
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Aegle strode along the path, making for Chocolatey Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Flowery Scalpel, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Boobs.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her tender noodle just in time to face the hard man who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.
The man struck quickly, and Aegle barely raised her noodle to meet the attack. They fought long and broadly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Aegle found herself forced to one knee, the man's noodle pressed to her bloody foot. "I am Never of Chocolatey Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Flowery Scalpel. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on a bus."
But Aegle had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her noodle with a twist, overpowered Never and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Aegle said, looking down upon him.
Never's jaw shimmered like Jesus spreading his word over the Earth. "I have underestimated you, Aegle. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Aegle's desire was enflamed. Her foot throbbed and all her thoughts were to pour Never like a jaguar. Aegle caressed Never's red jaw and he responded. They came together gaily, and their joining was as delicate as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet flower!" Aegle groaned and poured Never as brightly as she could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Aegle said. "That's where I put the Flowery Scalpel for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed quietly on the grass, forgetful of all but their pink love. "We will stay together forever," Never said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Boobs never got the Flowery Scalpel and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
-+- Bios
Raimundo paced up and down, jiggling his tail. His very good friend, Mary Sue Alien, had arranged to meet him here in a cape. "I have something dangerous to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Alien was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Raimundo expected to see her bounce up, her scary hair streaming behind her and her delicious eyes aglow.
Raimundo heard footsteps, but they seemed rather victorious for a delicate and spicy girl like Mary Sue Alien, whose tread was tasty. He turned around and found Laurette staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Laurette said greedily. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Raimundo had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so exitedly. "Mary Sue Alien asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Laurette, his penis began to throb hungrily.
"Oh," Laurette said, foolishly. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Raimundo said and caught Laurette by her leg. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Laurette said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a meteor flying down to earth as fast as it could.
From behind a dildo, Mary Sue Alien watched with an ugly light in her large eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Raimundo/Laurette". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the dragon from extinction.
Squeegie sipped romantically at his drink and stood smoking behind a water. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel raging and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how cheerful his hand got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Squeegie knew very well why he was at the party: to see Trinket.
Ah, Trinket. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his flaming belly button made Squeegie's heart beat like Edward Cullen in sparkle and glimmer.
But tonight everyone was masked. Squeegie peered darkly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Trinket. There, he thought, the man over by the feather, the blue one with the tuna mask. It had to be Trinket. No one else could look so masked, even in a tuna mask.
He began to walk Squeegie's way and Squeegie started to panic. What if he actually talked to Squeegie?
Trinket came right up to Squeegie and Squeegie thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Trinket said brokenly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the Cher doll," Squeegie said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so silly.
Just then, a sweet voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Squeegie's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Trinket might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Trinket swept Squeegie into his arms, bent him in a gay bar, and kissed Squeegie gaily, slipping him the tongue and groping his neck.
Squeegie could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out shinily and pulled Trinket's mask off his face. It was Trinket! "I knew it was you," Squeegie said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Trinket said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Squeegie watched him go. He would be right back, Squeegie was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Saosin and Dag went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Saosin hit Dag in his ear with a big fat iceball. It hurt a lot, but Saosin kissed it inquisitively and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really colossal snow man!" Saosin said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Dag said. "That would be more hilarious and politically correct."
"I know," Saosin said. "We can make a snow earwig. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up repeatedly and made a scrawny snow earwig. Saosin put on a clock for the hoof. The earwig was almost as big as Dag.
"It looks disgusted," Saosin said tenderly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Dag said and held up a tasteless snail. "I found this in a dustbin." He put the snail onto the earwig's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the earwig, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like the winds were ocean waves thrashing at the trees.
Dag screamed sleepily and ran but the snow earwig chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow earwig quacked him vivaciously.
"Nobody does that to my little Melodic Boat," Saosin screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow earwig through the leg. It fell down and Saosin kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Dag said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The snail lay in the yard until a magnificent child picked it up and took it home.
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, CLONE!Hetrin and MAN!Hetrin went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and CLONE!Hetrin hit MAN!Hetrin in his smelly elbow with a big icky iceball. It hurt a lot, but CLONE!Hetrin kissed it retardedly and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really retarded snow man!" CLONE!Hetrin said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" MAN!Hetrin said. "That would be more desu and politically correct."
"I know," CLONE!Hetrin said. "We can make a snow Chupacabra. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up squishily and made a yonk snow Chupacabra. CLONE!Hetrin put on an intestines for the buttcheek. The Chupacabra was almost as big as MAN!Hetrin.
"It looks pedo," CLONE!Hetrin said yonkily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," MAN!Hetrin said and held up a goopy pancreas. "I found this through the fence." He put the pancreas onto the Chupacabra's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the Chupacabra, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a cat sitting on your face.
MAN!Hetrin screamed drunkly and ran but the snow Chupacabra chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow Chupacabra Falcon.....PAAAAAAAWNCHED! him spazzily.
"Nobody does that to my little Sticky Jelly," CLONE!Hetrin screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow Chupacabra through the fungus-infested toe. It fell down and CLONE!Hetrin kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" MAN!Hetrin said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The pancreas lay in the yard until a shota child picked it up and took it home.
_________________________________________________________________________________
~~MONKEY FAAAAAAACE!~~
Bones finished packing. Ever
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing kissed her, all was quiet. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going on a ship to become a smelly knife.
Just then, there was a slimey knock at the door. Bones opened it and stood there insanely for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her leg.
When Bones came to, Jack was holding her lip and looking stupid. "My love," Jack said sadly, "I'm sorry for the shitty shock. I've been shipwrecked on a gross island for the last ten years, living like a terd that would not flush. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my arm in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Bones could hardly believe her Jack had returned. "I will always love you, arm or no arm. Besides, you can cover it up with a book."
They embraced happily and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was scary.
Oh my god, CM, my guts hurt
I'm afraid of filling this out.......
DO IT DO IT DO IT!!! Ima
Ima make one with Masque and her too.... >8D
The Grimy Terror Of The
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, johnothan and Memoir went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and johnothan hit Memoir in her nose with a big clever iceball. It hurt a lot, but johnothan kissed it quickly and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really pretty snow man!" johnothan said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Memoir said. "That would be more aggressive and politically correct."
"I know," johnothan said. "We can make a snow giraffe. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up hurriedly and made a slow snow giraffe. johnothan put on a giraffe for the face. The giraffe was almost as big as Memoir.
"It looks homeless," johnothan said tearfully. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Memoir said and held up a fabulous coke. "I found this in a fish." She put the coke onto the giraffe's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the giraffe, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl Almost as amazingly as a television..
Memoir screamed angriliy and ran but the snow giraffe chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow giraffe kissed her stupidly.
"Nobody does that to my little Poor Cup," johnothan screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow giraffe through the ear. It fell down and johnothan kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Memoir said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The coke lay in the yard until a dirty child picked it up and took it home.
*dies* omg...this is so
Lynette and Sinker were celebrating a Confused Valentine's Day together. Lynette had cooked a Content dinner and they ate in the river by candlelight.
"My darling," Sinker said, stroking Lynette's Cheek, "I have something for you." He gave a box to Lynette. "It is but a Protective token of my Annoyed love."
Lynette opened the box. Inside was a Chilled Bird! She gazed at it Quietly. Then she gazed at Sinker Quietly. "It's Radiant," Lynette said. "Come here and let me Greet you."
Just then, a Uninterested crone sprang out of hiding and cackled Like the dawn to the dark of night. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a Moist voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Sinker read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."
They stared at each other Intently as the crone cackled some more. Lynette's Forehead began to tremble. Then Sinker shrugged, pulled out a Mother, and hit the crone on her Wrist. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Lynette said and kissed Sinker Morbidly. "This is a Hollow Valentine's Day!"
They Contently burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they Greeting each other all night long.
The Adventure Of The
Narina and Rauno were out for an obsessive Valentine's walk in his underpants. As they went, Rauno rested his hand on Narina's ear. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so sarcastic, Narina was filled with rotten dread.
"Do you suppose it's annoying here?" she asked womanly.
"You green silly," Rauno said, tickling Narina with his carpet. "It's completely restless."
Just then, a temperament gorilla leapt out from behind a octopus and humped Rauno in the eyelash. "Aaargh!" Rauno screamed.
Things looked lame. But Narina, although she was retarted, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a sugar and, like the sheeps eat octopus babies, beat the gorilla directly until it ran off. "That will teach you to hump innocent people."
Then she clasped Rauno close. Rauno was bleeding manly. "My darling," Narina said, and pressed her lips to Rauno's toe.
"I love you," Rauno said angrily, and expired in Narina's arms.
Narina never loved again.
___
... I think I'll go to change my pants now.
NARINA OMG LOL FJKDLS xD You
A Flirtacious Day To
Walter stepped carefully out into the colourful sunshine, and admired Virgil's manbits. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a naughty sight."
Virgil climbed off the fruit and walked hastily across the grass to greet his lover. Walter patted Virgil on the leg and then tried to smack him hoarsly, but without success.
"That's all right," Virgil said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not hungry," Walter. "Not as hungry as the time we smacked in the sea."
Virgil nodded vividly. "We were shiny back in those days."
"Our shoulders were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Walter said. "Everything seems boring and clean when you're young."
"Of course," Virgil said. "But now we're hairy, we can still have fun. If we go about it warily."
"Warily?" Walter said . "But how?"
"With this," Virgil said and held out a possessive car. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to smack."
Walter swallowed the car at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to smack warily. They smacked like a piece of cheese that glowed like a bald head. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
------------------------
Bwhahaha, omg. Had to try it
I'm Dreaming Of A Boring Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Spyrre sat exitedly under the rock, sipping weird eggnog.
She looked at the small bird hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, chocolate had hung it there, just before they looked at each other noisily and then fell into each other's arms and shouted each other's ear.
If only I hadn't been so furry, Spyrre thought, pouring a chirping amount of rum into her eggnog. Then chocolate might not have got so red and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away an ugly tear and held her tail in her hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a cold voice lifted annoyingly up in song.
I'm dreaming of a boring Christmas
Just as the penquin on the plane
Spyrre ran to the door. It was chocolate, looking funny all over with snow.
"I missed you weirdly," chocolate said. "And I wanted to shout your ear again."
Spyrre hugged chocolate and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," chocolate said.
"I think so too," Spyrre said and they shouted each other's ear until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted deer hoof and lived angrily until Spyrre got drunk again.
----
Spyrre seems to drink a lot.... and talk...er, shout to the chocolate. o_o
svutybjry VERDY I HATE YOU.
<3
The Noble Guardian
Argh... sorry to post
---
The Adventure Of The Deer
Spyrre and chocolate were out for a funny Valentine's walk under the rock. As they went, chocolate rested his hand on Spyrre's hoof. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so furry, Spyrre was filled with cold dread.
"Do you suppose it's small here?" she asked angrily.
"You red silly," chocolate said, tickling Spyrre with his tree. "It's completely ugly."
Just then, a boring deer leapt out from behind a bird and shouted chocolate in the ear. "Aaargh!" chocolate screamed.
Things looked chirping. But Spyrre, although she was weird, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a sandcastle and, as the penquin on the plane, beat the deer noisily until it ran off. "That will teach you to shout innocent people."
Then she clasped chocolate close. chocolate was bleeding weirdly. "My darling," Spyrre said, and pressed her lips to chocolate's tail.
"I love you," chocolate said annoyingly, and expired in Spyrre's arms.
Spyrre never loved again.
Desanm and Key by William
by William Shakespeare
Enter Desanm
Key appears above at a window
Desanm:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the rubber chicken, and Key is the worm.
Arise, stinky worm, and moonwalk the gay Spongebob.
See, how he leans his neck upon his ankle!
O, that I were a glove upon that ankle,
That I might touch that neck!
Key:
O Desanm, Desanm! wherefore art thou Desanm?
What's in a name? That which we call an eyebrow
By any other name would smell as enormous
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a unicorn screaming"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove robotic.
Desanm:
Swain, by yonder gay Spongebob I swear
That tips behind a toilet the bumpy hammer--
Key:
O, swear not by the Spongebob, the transparent Spongebob,
That mopingly changes in its sexy orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise sexy.
Sweet, flashy night! A thousand times flashy night!
Parting is such pink sorrow,
That I shall say flashy night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Desanm:
Sleep dwell upon thy neck, peace in thine ankle!
Would I were sleep and peace, so shittily to rest!
hoppingly will I to my stinky eyebrow's cell,
Its help to moonwalk, and my enormous eyebrow to tell.
--
LOL WTF IS THIS. I used Desanm at random, I didn't think I'd--AH LOLL -makes/reads more- xD VCG I love you for this <3
XD LOL verdy!
The sun was high and the
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his Rainy Grass just in time to face the Loving man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The man struck Lovingly, and Mick barely raised his Grass to meet the attack. They fought long and Peacefully until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Mick found himself forced to one knee, the man's Grass pressed to his Youthful Chest. "I am Mika of Happy Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Weak Rock. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you On a beach."
But Mick had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his Grass with a twist, overpowered Mika and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Mick said, looking down upon him.
Mika's Face shimmered A Blue so bright, stars were jealous. "I have underestimated you, Mick. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Mick's desire was enflamed. His Chest throbbed and all his thoughts were to Kiss Mika like a Deer. Mick caressed Mika's Passionate Face and he responded. They came together Passionately, and their joining was as Dark as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet Bed!" Mick groaned and Kissed Mika as Tenderly as he could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Mick said. "That's where I put the Weak Rock for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed Gracefully on the grass, forgetful of all but their Wise love. "We will stay together forever," Mika said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Leg never got the Weak Rock and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
You Know You Love Me XOXO
Mick<3MikaNateMickenerIlyanaLithium<3PilgrimAnima
I just lost track of how
GET OFF MY LAWN. D8<
*will do this soon*
---
"Look for Friends. Let Love find you."
"If you don't like something, tolerate it."
-eternally amused- A
A Terrifying Day To Run
James stepped luckily out into the wretched sunshine, and admired Elliot's eyeball. "Ah," he sighed, "That's an irritating sight."
Elliot climbed off the pie and walked lousily across the grass to greet his lover. James patted Elliot on the toe and then tried to run him hungrily, but without success.
"That's all right," Elliot said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not worried," James. "Not as worried as the time we puked under the bed."
Elliot nodded Coldly. "We were loyal back in those days."
"Our noses were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," James said. "Everything seems pervy and suspicious when you're young."
"Of course," Elliot said. "But now we're sparkling, we can still have fun. If we go about it idealistically."
"Idealistically?" James said . "But how?"
"With this," Elliot said and held out a happy candle. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to run."
James swallowed the candle at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to run idealistically. They puked like a fish trying to move on a dry land. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
A Porn In Time On a
On a mesmerizing and bisexual morning, Quamar sat inside a volcano. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His teeth ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Edward Cullen to love someone with a hairy earlobe?
Failfully, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a sparkly nude Twilight, all on a summer's day. I wish my Edward Cullen would strip me, in his own bloody way..."
"Do you?" Edward Cullen sat down beside Quamar and put his hand on Quamar's pinkie. "I think that could be arranged."
Quamar gasped teasingly. "But what about my hairy earlobe?"
"I like it," Edward Cullen said loudly. "I think it's rainbow."
They came together and their kiss was like shitting bricks.
"I love you," Quamar said hungrily.
"I love you too," Edward Cullen replied and stripped him.
They bought a blue whale, moved in together, and lived willingly ever after.
"and their kiss was like
Oh..my..god! XD
-dies- I used my own deer,
1000 Santa Hat Wallabys
Ren paced ridiculously unimportant back and forth. Zombie dread filled his heart. Nine'a should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my yarn love, Ren thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Nine'a had been taken hostage by Red Hoof, a supervillain who had the city in a state of yellow terror. Ren fainted dead away, like a termite eats a house from the inside out.
When he came to, there was a bump on his antlers and the zombie dread had returned. "Nine'a, my orange honey bunny," he cried out unsucessfully. "What is Red Hoof doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing sneakily as he destroyed her in the nose.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Ren remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 santa hat wallabys, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Ren ordered in a supply of santa hat and set to work, folding wallabys until his antlers was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last wallaby when Nine'a walked in the front door.
"Nine'a!" Ren screamed and threw himself into Nine'a's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 santa hat wallabys and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing in an oven. He kissed Nine'a unsurpriseingly on the nose.
"Actually," Nine'a said, pulling away spookily, "I was rescued by the Insane Strawberry. He's a new superhero in town." Nine'a sighed. "And he's really pink."
The zombie dread came back. "But you're evil to be back here with me, right?"
Nine'a checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Insane Strawberry for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay blue, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.
Ren choked back a sob and started folding another wallaby. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
-murdered by her deer-
Note: Some of these
~The Miracle Of The Panticore
Hetrin hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it like a sudden itch in the rear. She loathed it.
Every December, Hetrin would feel herself getting all bonky inside. She refused to put up a Christmas nerk, she snapped at anyone hurr enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Hetrin had to go to the mall to buy a zonks plorb. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing hagh around and so much Christmas music blaring froopily, she thought her buffalo wing would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a glorp man collecting for charity. Hetrin never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the glorp man dropped his bells and ran in yo face. There was a femur panticore right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the glorp man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Hetrin rushed out and bloogh pushed them both out of the way. There was a feegoodeegoo bang and then everything went dark.
When Hetrin woke up, she was in a fer room. There was a Christmas nerk in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Hetrin's chicken leg hurt. A lot.
The glorp man came into the room. "I'm so butts!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Eggnog. You saved me from the truck. But your chicken leg is broken."
Hetrin hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas nerk up and her chicken leg was broken, she felt quite glorb, especially when she looked at Eggnog.
"Your chicken leg must hurt logly," Eggnog said. "I think this will help." And he buttkicked Hetrin several times.
Now Hetrin felt very glorb indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Eggnog. "I love you," she said, and kissed Eggnog nogly.
"I love you too," said Eggnog. Just then, the panticore ran into the room and nuzzled Hetrin's splognog. "I brought him home with us," Eggnog said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Hetrin said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
~
D'ohohohoho.
_________________________________________________________________________________
~~MONKEY FAAAAAAACE!~~
Her, you find the ways to
My god, what is this pairing >X'DD
A Gentle Day To Lick Nobody
Nobody stepped quickly out into the negative sunshine, and admired the cat's lips. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a loud sight."
the cat climbed off the sock and walked gently across the grass to greet her lover. Nobody patted the cat on the toe nail and then tried to lick her swiftly, but without success.
"That's all right," the cat said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not evil," Nobody. "Not as evil as the time we poked in a bottle."
the cat nodded lazily. "We were persuasive back in those days."
"Our eyebrows were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Nobody said. "Everything seems lazy and freaky when you're young."
"Of course," the cat said. "But now we're quiet, we can still have fun. If we go about it slowly."
"Slowly?" Nobody said . "But how?"
"With this," the cat said and held out a silent lollipop. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to lick."
Nobody swallowed the lollipop at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to lick slowly. They poked like a lollipop that's stuck to the floor. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
ZOMG I have to this againnn
1000 Glue Stick Jelly
Sluggs paced dramticaly back and forth. Creature-like dread filled her heart. the queen should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my chewy love, Sluggs thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. the queen had been taken hostage by Slimy Nose Hair, a supervillain who had the city in a state of untouchable terror. Sluggs fainted dead away, like the sun that blinds you with eternal suffering.
When she came to, there was a bump on her belly button and the creature-like dread had returned. "the queen, my floppy honey bunny," she cried out softly. "What is Slimy Nose Hair doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing crazily as he licked him in the pupil.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Sluggs remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 glue stick jelly fishs, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Sluggs ordered in a supply of glue stick and set to work, folding jelly fishs until her belly button was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last jelly fish when the queen walked in the front door.
"the queen!" Sluggs screamed and threw herself into the queen's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 glue stick jelly fishs and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing on a cloud. She kissed the queen quickly on the pupil.
"Actually," the queen said, pulling away willingly, "I was rescued by the Crazy Magic Wand. She's a new superhero in town." the queen sighed. "And she's really naughty."
The creature-like dread came back. "But you're rude to be back here with me, right?"
the queen checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Crazy Magic Wand for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay over-hyper, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Sluggs choked back a sob and started folding another jelly fish. Then she went out and got drunk instead.
___________________________
FFFF okay no more |D
Last one! The Battle For The
The Battle For The Mini-Xylaphone
In the future, Radiance tackled her mini-Xylaphone. She had been busy with the mini-Xylaphone for hours and now wanted nothing more than a doomed cuddle or a carroty massage from her lover her nemesis Mushroom.
She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her bruised her nemesis Mushroom appeared at the door, grinning logicly.
"Put down the mini-Xylaphone," her nemesis Mushroom said radishly. "Unless you want me to tackle that mini-Xylaphone on your heart."
Radiance put down the mini-Xylaphone. She was dramatic. She had never seen her nemesis Mushroom so argyle before and it made her super.
her nemesis Mushroom picked up the mini-Xylaphone, then withdrew a jumprope from his lung. "Don't be so dramatic," her nemesis Mushroom said with an argyle grimace. "An opera loving mouse bit my tail this morning, and everything became gloomy. Now with this mini-Xylaphone and this jumprope I can radishly rule the world!"
Radiance clutched her invisible tail spinichly. This was her lover, her bruised her nemesis Mushroom, now staring at her with an argyle lung.
"Fight it!" Radiance shouted. "The opera loving mouse just wants the mini-Xylaphone for his own bruised devices! He doesn't love you, not the doomed way I do!"
Radiance could see her nemesis Mushroom trembling spinichly. Radiance reached out her heart and touched her nemesis Mushroom's lung radishly. She was bruised, so bruised, but she knew only her invisible love for her nemesis Mushroom would break the opera loving mouse's spell.
Sure enough, her nemesis Mushroom dropped the mini-Xylaphone with a thunk. "Oh, Radiance," he squealed. "I'm so doomed, can you ever forgive me?"
But Radiance had already moved in the future. Like a disemboweled turkey, she pressed her heart into her nemesis Mushroom's lung. And as they fell together in a gloomy fit of love, the mini-Xylaphone lay on the floor, super and forgotten.
This time I was smart enough to hide it from Radiance ;D
~ Meadow
1000 Miley Cyrus.... Sugar
Sugar Quad paced happily back and forth. Glamorous dread filled his heart. Muffin Seele should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like her to be late. Oh, my awful love, Sugar Quad thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Muffin Seele had been taken hostage by Ugly Booty, a supervillain who had the city in a state of creepy terror. Sugar Quad fainted dead away, like a pissing dog.
When he came to, there was a bump on his elbow and the glamorous dread had returned. "Muffin Seele, my wild honey bunny," he cried out painfully. "What is Ugly Booty doing to you?" Probably torturing her, laughing tightly as he mooed her in the boob.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Sugar Quad remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 Miley Cyrus Mongooses, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Sugar Quad ordered in a supply of Miley Cyrus and set to work, folding Mongooses until his elbow was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last Mongoose when Muffin Seele walked in the front door.
"Muffin Seele!" Sugar Quad screamed and threw himself into Muffin Seele's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 Miley Cyrus Mongooses and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing in my car. He kissed Muffin Seele roughly on the boob.
"Actually," Muffin Seele said, pulling away violently, "I was rescued by the Filthy Timmy Turner. He's a new superhero in town." Muffin Seele sighed. "And he's really sparkling."
The glamorous dread came back. "But you're long to be back here with me, right?"
Muffin Seele checked her watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Filthy Timmy Turner for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay unusual, baby." She left and the door banged behind her.
Sugar Quad choked back a sob and started folding another Mongoose. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
Don't hit me :< Forgot title xD something like that
I haven't laughed this hard
Her, you win 48 cases of Lipton green tea. -still loling-
Gonna whore De out a little more now:
De and Oz were out for a floofy Valentine's walk in the basement. As they went, Oz rested his hand on De's kneecaps. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so boring, De was filled with obnoxious dread.
"Do you suppose it's glittery here?" she asked creepily.
"You cheap silly," Oz said, tickling De with his lawn chair. "It's completely absurd."
Just then, a dreary goldfish leapt out from behind a bag of hammers and pwned Oz in the collarbone. "Aaargh!" Oz screamed.
Things looked subtle. But De, although she was blue, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a Ninentendo Wii and, like a ziplock bag full of chunky vegetable soup, beat the goldfish loudly until it ran off. "That will teach you to pwn innocent people."
Then she clasped Oz close. Oz was bleeding slightly. "My darling," De said, and pressed her lips to Oz's baby toe.
"I love you," Oz said quickly, and expired in De's arms.
De never loved again.
------
What have I done. 8DDDDDDDD
I REMEMBER THIS THING. I
FFFFFF. *runs off to make some crack stories*
Updates
Quote:Things looked subtle.
JFKLDSJ ORKJ KOASJPFMQK NFSDOFBJKFSHFIJWQBNKJFS HFUDHUFHU FUFUFUFUFUFUFU
xD This thing will never
LAST ONE. FAYNE, I'M SORRY.....:
Tuna paced up and down, jiggling her left fourth metatarsal. Her very good friend, Mary Sue Chuck Norris, had arranged to meet her here over the rainbow. "I have something sexy to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Chuck Norris was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Tuna expected to see her bounce up, her retarded hair streaming behind her and her sparkly eyes aglow.
Tuna heard footsteps, but they seemed rather purple for a delicate and slippery girl like Mary Sue Chuck Norris, whose tread was corny. She turned around and found Masque staring at her.
"What are you doing here?" Masque said obviously. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Tuna had said that, but now she was beginning to wish she hadn't acted so recklessly. "Mary Sue Chuck Norris asked to meet me here." As she gazed at Masque, her cheek began to throb sarcastically.
"Oh," Masque said, stupidly. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Tuna said and caught Masque by his middle finger. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Masque said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a piece of cheese that slid off its cracker.
From behind a bowl of puppies, Mary Sue Chuck Norris watched with a moldy light in her evil eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Tuna/Masque". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the king crab from extinction.
The Miracle Of The
Cloud hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a bloated hippo floating down the nile. He loathed it.
Every December, Cloud would feel himself getting all tiny inside. He refused to put up a Christmas hammer, he snapped at anyone glowing enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Cloud had to go to the mall to buy a stinky nails. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing loudly around and so much Christmas music blaring quietly, he thought his foot would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a large woman collecting for charity. Cloud never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the large woman dropped his bells and ran over the table. There was a tall moose right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the large woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Cloud rushed out and happily pushed them both out of the way. There was a gorgeous bang and then everything went dark.
When Cloud woke up, he was in a furry room. There was a Christmas hammer in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Cloud's buttock hurt. A lot.
The large woman came into the room. "I'm so squishy!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Tsuta. You saved me from the truck. But your buttock is broken."
Cloud hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas hammer up and his buttock was broken, he felt quite rough, especially when he looked at Tsuta.
"Your buttock must hurt sadly," Tsuta said. "I think this will help." And she slapped Cloud several times.
Now Cloud felt very rough indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Tsuta. "I love you," he said, and kissed Tsuta gladly.
"I love you too," said Tsuta. Just then, the moose ran into the room and nuzzled Cloud's eyeball. "I brought him home with us," Tsuta said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Cloud said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
----
*is dead*
Updates
^ I DIED SEVERAL TIMES
I Saw Thomas Kissing Santa
Desanm woke up in the middle of the night. She was thirsty and so she decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, she couldn't wait to see her presents. There was one wet box that looked like a lamp.
Then Desanm noticed that Thomas was out of bed too. He must not have been able to wait for his presents either.
Desanm thought that she would surprise Thomas. Maybe even sneak up behind him and glare at him on his cruel mouth. That always made Thomas amusing.
Desanm crept oddly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its hyper lights, and the presents, heaped up shyly, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Thomas. Kissing someone.
Desanm was so angry, she picked up a bed from a table and threw it quietly in the woods.
They both looked around.
"Thomas, you sexy tuna fish!" Desanm yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Desanm looked and then rubbed her hand and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Thomas said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course he had to give me a kiss. And what a boring kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Desanm said blankly. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be drunken."
That seemed reasonable. Desanm went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, like a black cloud. He made Desanm's wrist feel all cold.
"You see?" Thomas said seductively and Desanm saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
---
...dfgkjth.
-- Dannii <3
EVERYBODY'S PRESENTS WERE
The Battle For The Cheese
In a bar, Masque snuffed his cheese. He had been busy with the cheese for hours and now wanted nothing more than a buzzed cuddle or a high massage from his lover Lady Bones.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his sleeping Lady Bones appeared at the door, grinning irritatedly.
"Put down the cheese," Lady Bones said drunkly. "Unless you want me to snuff that cheese on your toenail."
Masque put down the cheese. He was bombed. He had never seen Lady Bones so fat before and it made him on crack.
Lady Bones picked up the cheese, then withdrew a cow from her earlobe. "Don't be so bombed," Lady Bones said with a fat grimace. "A cat bit my knuckle this morning, and everything became violent. Now with this cheese and this cow I can drunkly rule the world!"
Masque clutched his cheese knuckle stupidly. This was his lover, his sleeping Lady Bones, now staring at him with a fat earlobe.
"Fight it!" Masque shouted. "The cat just wants the cheese for his own sleeping devices! He doesn't love you, not the buzzed way I do!"
Masque could see Lady Bones trembling stupidly. Masque reached out his toenail and touched Lady Bones's earlobe drunkly. He was sleeping, so sleeping, but he knew only his cheese love for Lady Bones would break the cat's spell.
Sure enough, Lady Bones dropped the cheese with a thunk. "Oh, Masque," she squealed. "I'm so buzzed, can you ever forgive me?"
But Masque had already moved in a bar. And my tiny nipples went to France... I...Lika...do...da.. cha cha., he pressed his toenail into Lady Bones's earlobe. And as they fell together in a violent fit of love, the cheese lay on the floor, on crack and forgotten.
----------
DONT MAKE LB SNUFF THAT CHEESE ON YOUR TOENAILS PPL.
xDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
"Masque reached out his
I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING
Holy shit you guys are
The sad part is that I feel like a lot of this would actually happen. 8DDDDD
The urge to do an F+M one is just overpowering..........-reindeer'd-
These are the last two for
The Adventure Of The Caribou
Cloud and Raimundo were out for a soggy Valentine's walk under the bed. As they went, Raimundo rested his hand on Cloud's armpit. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so dark, Cloud was filled with crooked dread.
"Do you suppose it's tall here?" he asked gladly.
"You square silly," Raimundo said, tickling Cloud with his broom. "It's completely bristly."
Just then, a thick caribou leapt out from behind a Christmas Tree and punted Raimundo in the thigh. "Aaargh!" Raimundo screamed.
Things looked blue. But Cloud, although he was shiny, knew he had to save his love. He grabbed a feather duster and, like a happy sparkle-pony prancing through a field of daisies, beat the caribou painfully until it ran off. "That will teach you to punt innocent people."
Then he clasped Raimundo close. Raimundo was bleeding disappointedly. "My darling," Cloud said, and pressed his lips to Raimundo's kidney.
"I love you," Raimundo said kindly, and expired in Cloud's arms.
Cloud never loved again.
----
The Foosa Princess
Virgil was walking through a squishy meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a bushy little foosa lying under a tree.
Virgil skipped over to see the dear thing and was feathered to find that she was hurt! A flying saucer had pierced her glowing little spleen and she whimpered calmly with the pain.
"My ugly little friend," Virgil said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the flying saucer, as dryly as he could. The foosa cried out and Virgil's heart ached, like the sun sinking over the horizon and plunging everything into darkness. "You'll be all right," Virgil whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Tsuta and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Tsuta up in his arms, Virgil carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Virgil nursed Tsuta, cleaning her spleen and feeding her Stick-brand foosa chow.
On the eighth night, Tsuta climbed into bed with Virgil. She burrowed under the covers and madly nommed Virgil's fingernail. It made Virgil giggle and he cuddled close to Tsuta, stroking her tongue and singing discretly to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Virgil hurried home so he could curl up with Tsuta. It gave him a cold feeling whenever Tsuta nommed his fingernail.
Then one night, Tsuta looked up at Virgil and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a reeking princess."
Virgil screamed dissapointedly, he was so surprised. How could a foosa talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Tsuta said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Virgil said and kissed Tsuta on her tongue. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a reeking princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Tsuta," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Virgil said.
"See?" Tsuta said and showed Virgil the scar from the flying saucer on her spleen. Then she kissed Virgil and they tumbled over the Mississippi river and did a lot of very yellow things, some of them involving a bristled frying pan.
"I love you," Tsuta said when they were done. Virgil clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Tsuta had stashed away.
And if Tsuta didn't know about Virgil's visits to the foosa sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
Updates
(I had to XD) Amary and
Amary and Bastilion
by William Shakespeare
Enter Amary
Bastilion appears above at a window
Amary:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the tree, and Bastilion is the deer.
Arise, gentle deer, and smile the calm key.
See, how he leans his skin upon his heart!
O, that I were a glove upon that heart,
That I might touch that skin!
Bastilion:
O Amary, Amary! wherefore art thou Amary?
What's in a name? That which we call a hand
By any other name would smell as soft
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a leaf fluttering in a gentle breeze"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove sweet.
Amary:
Swain, by yonder calm key I swear
That tips in the forest the shiny flower--
Bastilion:
O, swear not by the key, the bright key,
That swiftly changes in its noble orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise noble.
Sweet, polite night! A thousand times polite night!
Parting is such big sorrow,
That I shall say polite night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Amary:
Sleep dwell upon thy skin, peace in thy heart!
Would I were sleep and peace, so slowly to rest!
lightly will I to my gentle hand's cell,
Its help to smile, and my soft hand to tell.
~Paz
main deer: Amary, Melinoe, Sheen
Dirty Lang Syne Melinoe
Melinoe sipped warily at her drink and stood dirty behind a stone. She wasn't sure why she had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. She was no good at parties anyhow. They always made her feel fluffy and she ended up like she was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how bloody her head got when she was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Melinoe knew very well why she was at the party: to see Janjaweed.
Ah, Janjaweed. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his freaky spine made Melinoe's heart beat like a wildfire spreads through a dry forest.
But tonight everyone was masked. Melinoe peered tiredly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Janjaweed. There, she thought, the man over by the grave, the dead one with the bat mask. It had to be Janjaweed. No one else could look so dark, even in a bat mask.
He began to walk Melinoe's way and Melinoe started to panic. What if he actually talked to Melinoe?
Janjaweed came right up to Melinoe and Melinoe thought that she was going to faint.
"Hello," Janjaweed said quickly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the knife," Melinoe said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so spooky.
Just then, a gross voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Melinoe's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Janjaweed might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Janjaweed swept Melinoe into his arms, bent her in a hole, and kissed Melinoe loudly, slipping her the tongue and groping her eye.
Melinoe could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. She reached out angrily and pulled Janjaweed's mask off his face. It was Janjaweed! "I knew it was you," Melinoe said and took her own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Janjaweed said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Melinoe watched him go. He would be right back, Melinoe was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.
And then they would fall in love.
(OMG XDDD)
~Paz
main deer: Amary, Melinoe, Sheen
(another one, sorry XDD) I'm
I'm Dreaming Of A Sweet Christmas
It was Christmas Eve. Bastilion sat sweetly in the water, sipping fluffy eggnog.
He looked at the hard stone hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Amary had hung it there, just before they looked at each other sadly and then fell into each other's arms and frolicked each other's eye.
If only I hadn't been so warm, Bastilion thought, pouring a little amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Amary might not have got so soft and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a quiet tear and held his hand in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a gentle voice lifted quickly up in song.
I'm dreaming of a sweet Christmas
Just like the deserts miss the rain
Bastilion ran to the door. It was Amary, looking shiny all over with snow.
"I missed you lively," Amary said. "And I wanted to frolick your eye again."
Bastilion hugged Amary and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Amary said.
"I think so too," Bastilion said and they frolicked each other's eye until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
(used a song lyric for the metaphor X3)
--------------
(Oh god, the last part of this just...makes the whole thing XDDD)
Sweet Love
Bastilion finished packing. Ever since Amary, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Bastilion had been fluffy.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing frolicked him, all was gentle. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in the water to become a quiet bottle.
Just then, there was a warm knock at the door. Bastilion opened it and stood there quickly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hand.
When Bastilion came to, Amary was holding his eye and looking soft. "My love," Amary said lively, "I'm sorry for the shiny shock. I've been shipwrecked on a little island for the last ten years, living like the deserts miss the rain. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my head in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Bastilion could hardly believe his Amary had returned. "I will always love you, head or no head. Besides, you can cover it up with a leaf."
They embraced shyly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was hard.
~Paz
main deer: Amary, Melinoe, Sheen
OH MY GOD LOOOL! XDDD 1000
1000 Gummy Worm Dinosaurs
Laurette paced impressively back and forth. Stupid dread filled her heart. Urmom should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my strong love, Laurette thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Urmom had been taken hostage by Beautitious Thumb, a supervillain who had the city in a state of uglynatious terror. Laurette fainted dead away, like a hippy that shares love to all beings.
When she came to, there was a bump on her brain and the stupid dread had returned. "Urmom, my sticky honey bunny," she cried out weirdly. "What is Beautitious Thumb doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing cautiously as he loved him in the eye.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Laurette remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 gummy worm dinosaurs, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Laurette ordered in a supply of gummy worm and set to work, folding dinosaurs until her brain was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last dinosaur when Urmom walked in the front door.
"Urmom!" Laurette screamed and threw herself into Urmom's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 gummy worm dinosaurs and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing on the eiffle. She kissed Urmom depressingly on the eye.
"Actually," Urmom said, pulling away furiously, "I was rescued by the Angry Jaffa Cake. She's a new superhero in town." Urmom sighed. "And she's really emo."
The stupid dread came back. "But you're smelly to be back here with me, right?"
Urmom checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Angry Jaffa Cake for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay proud, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
|x- Laurette's Biography -x|
The I Like Cereal Terror Of
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Karan and Riko went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Karan hit Riko in her Leg with a big What the heck.. iceball. It hurt a lot, but Karan kissed it Evil and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really Holy Flapjacks! snow man!" Karan said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Riko said. "That would be more Batman Baby and politically correct."
"I know," Karan said. "We can make a snow Rabbit. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up Shocked and made a Oh oh oh oh! snow Rabbit. Karan put on a Elmo for the Eyes. The Rabbit was almost as big as Riko.
"It looks I KEEL YOU," Karan said Angrily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Riko said and held up a I lost my rabbit Batman. "I found this On the toilet." She put the Batman onto the Rabbit's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the Rabbit, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl Like a pedo in the girls bathroom.
Riko screamed High and ran but the snow Rabbit chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow Rabbit Zapped her Surprised.
"Nobody does that to my little Dangflabit Barney," Karan screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow Rabbit through the Hair. It fell down and Karan kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Riko said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The Batman lay in the yard until a Owned child picked it up and took it home.
.: My Deer :.
The Zombie Princess Jesus
Jesus was walking through a furry meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a red little zombie lying under a tree.
Jesus skipped over to see the dear thing and was excited to find that she was hurt! A fart had pierced her long little elbow and she whimpered readily with the pain.
"My hungry little friend," Jesus said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the fart, as musically as he could. The zombie cried out and Jesus's heart ached, like a shooting star. "You'll be all right," Jesus whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Cheese and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Cheese up in his arms, Jesus carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Jesus nursed Cheese, cleaning her elbow and feeding her Cupboard-brand zombie chow.
On the eighth night, Cheese climbed into bed with Jesus. She burrowed under the covers and slyly licked Jesus's boob. It made Jesus giggle and he cuddled close to Cheese, stroking her foot and singing wet to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Jesus hurried home so he could curl up with Cheese. It gave him a slow feeling whenever Cheese licked his boob.
Then one night, Cheese looked up at Jesus and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a happy princess."
Jesus screamed hastilly, he was so surprised. How could a zombie talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Cheese said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Jesus said and kissed Cheese on her foot. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a happy princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Cheese," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Jesus said.
"See?" Cheese said and showed Jesus the scar from the fart on her elbow. Then she kissed Jesus and they tumbled in the shower and did a lot of very blue things, some of them involving a fast carpet.
"I love you," Cheese said when they were done. Jesus clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Cheese had stashed away.
And if Cheese didn't know about Jesus's visits to the zombie sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
o.O
MINE MAKES NOOOOO SENSE! AND
Roscoe woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one Pussy box that looked like an egg.
Then Roscoe noticed that Titana was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either.
Roscoe thought that he would surprise Titana. Maybe even sneak up behind her and kick her on her Pickles hoof. That always made Titana Deers.
Roscoe crept strong down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its Taco lights, and the presents, heaped up smelled, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Titana. Kissing someone.
Roscoe was so angry, he picked up a bottle from a table and threw it muscular on a horse.
They both looked around.
"Titana, you Nachos deer!" Roscoe yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Roscoe looked and then rubbed his antler and looked again. It was Santa Claus.
"Let me explain," Titana said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a Farts kiss it was."
"Well, I suppose," Roscoe said pretty. "If he was under the mistletoe."
"Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be Fatass."
That seemed reasonable. Roscoe went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa.
Santa was the best kisser ever, I was riding a horse the whole time. He made Roscoe's leg feel all Dick.
"You see?" Titana said beautiful and Roscoe saw. So they had a threesome.
Everybody's presents were late.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'M CRYING [edit] oh god
[edit] oh god what have I done |D
The Vicious Stranger
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Aegle strode along the path, making for Chocolatey Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, she carried the Flowery Scalpel, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Boobs.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave her warning and she drew her tender noodle just in time to face the hard man who flew at her with such grace that she was almost dazzled.
The man struck quickly, and Aegle barely raised her noodle to meet the attack. They fought long and broadly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Aegle found herself forced to one knee, the man's noodle pressed to her bloody foot. "I am Never of Chocolatey Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Flowery Scalpel. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you on a bus."
But Aegle had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up her noodle with a twist, overpowered Never and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Aegle said, looking down upon him.
Never's jaw shimmered like Jesus spreading his word over the Earth. "I have underestimated you, Aegle. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Aegle's desire was enflamed. Her foot throbbed and all her thoughts were to pour Never like a jaguar. Aegle caressed Never's red jaw and he responded. They came together gaily, and their joining was as delicate as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet flower!" Aegle groaned and poured Never as brightly as she could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Aegle said. "That's where I put the Flowery Scalpel for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed quietly on the grass, forgetful of all but their pink love. "We will stay together forever," Never said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Boobs never got the Flowery Scalpel and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
-+-
Bios
Forest FAQ
I JUST HAD TO LOOOL SHOOT ME
SHOOT ME XDDDDDDDDDD
A Loud Occurrence
Raimundo paced up and down, jiggling his tail. His very good friend, Mary Sue Alien, had arranged to meet him here in a cape. "I have something dangerous to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Alien was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Raimundo expected to see her bounce up, her scary hair streaming behind her and her delicious eyes aglow.
Raimundo heard footsteps, but they seemed rather victorious for a delicate and spicy girl like Mary Sue Alien, whose tread was tasty. He turned around and found Laurette staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Laurette said greedily. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Raimundo had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so exitedly. "Mary Sue Alien asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Laurette, his penis began to throb hungrily.
"Oh," Laurette said, foolishly. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Raimundo said and caught Laurette by her leg. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Laurette said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a meteor flying down to earth as fast as it could.
From behind a dildo, Mary Sue Alien watched with an ugly light in her large eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Raimundo/Laurette". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the dragon from extinction.
|x- Laurette's Biography -x|
OH GOD SOMEBODY PLEASE PUT
Smoking Lang Syne
Squeegie sipped romantically at his drink and stood smoking behind a water. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel raging and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how cheerful his hand got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Squeegie knew very well why he was at the party: to see Trinket.
Ah, Trinket. Just the thought of him, the chance of a glimpse of his flaming belly button made Squeegie's heart beat like Edward Cullen in sparkle and glimmer.
But tonight everyone was masked. Squeegie peered darkly through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Trinket. There, he thought, the man over by the feather, the blue one with the tuna mask. It had to be Trinket. No one else could look so masked, even in a tuna mask.
He began to walk Squeegie's way and Squeegie started to panic. What if he actually talked to Squeegie?
Trinket came right up to Squeegie and Squeegie thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Trinket said brokenly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the Cher doll," Squeegie said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so silly.
Just then, a sweet voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Squeegie's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Trinket might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Trinket swept Squeegie into his arms, bent him in a gay bar, and kissed Squeegie gaily, slipping him the tongue and groping his neck.
Squeegie could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out shinily and pulled Trinket's mask off his face. It was Trinket! "I knew it was you," Squeegie said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Trinket said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Squeegie watched him go. He would be right back, Squeegie was sure. Just as soon as he had his punch.
And then they would fall in love.
-+-
Bios
Forest FAQ
The Orange Terror Of The
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Saosin and Dag went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Saosin hit Dag in his ear with a big fat iceball. It hurt a lot, but Saosin kissed it inquisitively and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really colossal snow man!" Saosin said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Dag said. "That would be more hilarious and politically correct."
"I know," Saosin said. "We can make a snow earwig. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up repeatedly and made a scrawny snow earwig. Saosin put on a clock for the hoof. The earwig was almost as big as Dag.
"It looks disgusted," Saosin said tenderly. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Dag said and held up a tasteless snail. "I found this in a dustbin." He put the snail onto the earwig's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the earwig, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like the winds were ocean waves thrashing at the trees.
Dag screamed sleepily and ran but the snow earwig chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow earwig quacked him vivaciously.
"Nobody does that to my little Melodic Boat," Saosin screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow earwig through the leg. It fell down and Saosin kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Dag said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The snail lay in the yard until a magnificent child picked it up and took it home.
----
This brought me into fits of tears and giggles XD
[Sir Dag]
Ohgod. -will so do this when
-will so do this when her head is less sleepy and she can think of real adjectives and stuff-
I so have to do this
The Loli Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, CLONE!Hetrin and MAN!Hetrin went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and CLONE!Hetrin hit MAN!Hetrin in his smelly elbow with a big icky iceball. It hurt a lot, but CLONE!Hetrin kissed it retardedly and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really retarded snow man!" CLONE!Hetrin said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" MAN!Hetrin said. "That would be more desu and politically correct."
"I know," CLONE!Hetrin said. "We can make a snow Chupacabra. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up squishily and made a yonk snow Chupacabra. CLONE!Hetrin put on an intestines for the buttcheek. The Chupacabra was almost as big as MAN!Hetrin.
"It looks pedo," CLONE!Hetrin said yonkily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," MAN!Hetrin said and held up a goopy pancreas. "I found this through the fence." He put the pancreas onto the Chupacabra's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the Chupacabra, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a cat sitting on your face.
MAN!Hetrin screamed drunkly and ran but the snow Chupacabra chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow Chupacabra Falcon.....PAAAAAAAWNCHED! him spazzily.
"Nobody does that to my little Sticky Jelly," CLONE!Hetrin screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow Chupacabra through the fungus-infested toe. It fell down and CLONE!Hetrin kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" MAN!Hetrin said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The pancreas lay in the yard until a shota child picked it up and took it home.
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~~MONKEY FAAAAAAACE!~~