It was Christmas Eve. Marie sat meanly on a chair, sipping lonely eggnog.
She looked at the sweet tree hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Manel had hung it there, just before they looked at each other madly and then fell into each other's arms and kissed each other's hand.
If only I hadn't been so awkward, Marie thought, pouring a random amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Manel might not have got so suspicious and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away an useful tear and held her eye in her hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then an epic voice lifted deeply up in song.
I'm dreaming of a hot Christmas
Just like a wlf that spreads love all over the land
Marie ran to the door. It was Manel, looking stormy all over with snow.
"I missed you carefully," Manel said. "And I wanted to kiss your hand again."
Marie hugged Manel and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Manel said.
"I think so too," Marie said and they kissed each other's hand until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted wolf ear and lived gently until Marie got drunk again.
Jimmy:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the Mum, and Cow is the dinosaur.
Arise, Smelly dinosaur, and grab the Emoish Sock.
See, how he leans his Big hairy toe nail upon his Cheesy feet!
O, that I were a glove upon that Cheesy feet,
That I might touch that Big hairy toe nail!
Cow:
O Jimmy, Jimmy! wherefore art thou Jimmy?
What's in a name? That which we call a Butt
By any other name would smell as Huge
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a school bus running people over"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove Square.
Jimmy:
Swain, by yonder Emoish Sock I swear
That tips walkind down the street the Gay eyeball--
Cow:
O, swear not by the Sock, the Old Sock,
That Fast changes in its Green orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise Green.
Sweet, Black night! A thousand times Black night!
Parting is such Sad sorrow,
That I shall say Black night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Jimmy:
Sleep dwell upon thy Big hairy toe nail, peace in thy Cheesy feet!
Would I were sleep and peace, so badly to rest!
poorly will I to my Smelly Butt's cell,
Its help to grab, and my Huge Butt to tell.
Kill me for posting more, but I love this one. XD
VIRGIL AND RAIMUNDO LOVE.
The Retarded Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Raimundo and Virgil went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Raimundo hit Virgil in his nose with a big thunderess iceball. It hurt a lot, but Raimundo kissed it deeply and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really jolly snow man!" Raimundo said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Virgil said. "That would be more handsome and politically correct."
"I know," Raimundo said. "We can make a snow nit. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up violently and made a jiggly snow nit. Raimundo put on a poo for the pubichair. The nit was almost as big as Virgil.
"It looks confused," Raimundo said eventually. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Virgil said and held up an eager cake. "I found this on a human's head." He put the cake onto the nit's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the nit, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like it was sucking the hell out of him.
Virgil screamed harmfully and ran but the snow nit chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow nit punched him gracefuly.
"Nobody does that to my little Creepy Sperm," Raimundo screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow nit through the manbit. It fell down and Raimundo kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Virgil said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The cake lay in the yard until a lonely child picked it up and took it home.
Laurette tripped along hungrily. She was on her way to meet her lover, Raimundo, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a dog hopping along, carrying a chair in its mouth.
Laurette was almost on a table when she came across a cold cake, lying alone on a gay plate. "That must be a treat from my soggy bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked dreamily, so she ate it.
It gave her the most hard tingling sensation in her nose. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Raimundo.
When Raimundo came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Laurette cried soon.
"Your foot! And your mouth!" Raimundo said. "They're stinky! Can't you feel it?"
Laurette felt her foot and her mouth. They were indeed quite stinky. "Oh, no!" Laurette said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that cold cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Raimundo said. "I got you urmom. It must have been that wet man who lives nearby. He acts a little calmly, ever since he shoved a cheese."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Laurette sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Raimundo said joyously, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your foot is really old like that."
"Really?" Laurette dried his tears. Laurette kissed Raimundo and it was an entirely sick sensation, like a fish dying.
They spent the night having entirely sick sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Gale hated Christmas. She didn't just dislike Christmas, she hated it the blood ran cold and his/her breath caught in his/her throat. She loathed it.
Every December, Gale would feel herself getting all smooth inside. She refused to put up a Christmas sharpie, she snapped at anyone round enough to sing a carol in her vicinity, and she never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Gale had to go to the mall to buy a rough deer. When she got there, there were so many shoppers pushing irritated around and so much Christmas music blaring lovingly, she thought her eye would explode.
Finally, she was done. Just outside the door was a gold man collecting for charity. Gale never gave to charity, so she started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the gold man dropped his bells and ran in the end. There was a blue spider right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the gold man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Gale rushed out and sheepishly pushed them both out of the way. There was a jump bang and then everything went dark.
When Gale woke up, she was in a double helix room. There was a Christmas sharpie in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Gale's hand hurt. A lot.
The gold man came into the room. "I'm so small!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Scott. You saved me from the truck. But your hand is broken."
Gale hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas sharpie up and her hand was broken, she felt quite red, especially when she looked at Scott.
"Your hand must hurt softly," Scott said. "I think this will help." And he licked Gale several times.
Now Gale felt very red indeed. She didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, she loved it. And she loved Scott. "I love you," she said, and kissed Scott huskily.
"I love you too," said Scott. Just then, the spider ran into the room and nuzzled Gale's spine. "I brought him home with us," Scott said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Gale said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
Sithrim was walking through a lonely meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a hot little wolf lying under a tree.
Sithrim skipped over to see the dear thing and was epic to find that she was hurt! An octopus had pierced her awkward little leg and she whimpered meanly with the pain.
"My sweet little friend," Sithrim said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the octopus, as gently as he could. The wolf cried out and Sithrim's heart ached, like a happy noob.. "You'll be all right," Sithrim whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Maia and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Maia up in his arms, Sithrim carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Sithrim nursed Maia, cleaning her leg and feeding her Icecream-brand wolf chow.
On the eighth night, Maia climbed into bed with Sithrim. She burrowed under the covers and carefully kissed Sithrim's finger. It made Sithrim giggle and he cuddled close to Maia, stroking her arm and singing madly to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Sithrim hurried home so he could curl up with Maia. It gave him an useful feeling whenever Maia kissed his finger.
Then one night, Maia looked up at Sithrim and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a suspicious princess."
Sithrim screamed deeply, he was so surprised. How could a wolf talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Maia said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Sithrim said and kissed Maia on her arm. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a suspicious princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Maia," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Sithrim said.
"See?" Maia said and showed Sithrim the scar from the octopus on her leg. Then she kissed Sithrim and they tumbled on a chair and did a lot of very random things, some of them involving a stormy flower.
"I love you," Maia said when they were done. Sithrim clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Maia had stashed away.
And if Maia didn't know about Sithrim's visits to the wolf sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
It was Christmas Eve. Mozart sat shyly in the dark, sipping emo eggnog.
He looked at the excited dream hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Eaff had hung it there, just before they looked at each other greatly and then fell into each other's arms and kissed each other's tail.
If only I hadn't been so amazed, Mozart thought, pouring a unbelievable amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Eaff might not have got so depressed and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a nervous tear and held his hoove in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a confused voice lifted dreamily up in song.
I'm dreaming of a tired Christmas
Just like a bolt of lightning
Mozart ran to the door. It was Eaff, looking flirty all over with snow.
"I missed you happily," Eaff said. "And I wanted to kiss your tail again."
Mozart hugged Eaff and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Eaff said.
"I think so too," Mozart said and they kissed each other's tail until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted deer head and lived silently until Mozart got drunk again.
Marvael paced huskily back and forth. Tri-legged dread filled his heart. Anthony should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my romanticized love, Marvael thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Anthony had been taken hostage by Milky Tooth, a supervillain who had the city in a state of shrill terror. Marvael fainted dead away, such as rain running down the broken panes of a window..
When he came to, there was a bump on his ear and the tri-legged dread had returned. "Anthony, my shattered honey bunny," he cried out queerly. "What is Milky Tooth doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing snapishly as he rolled him in the tail.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Marvael remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 mushroom lemlops, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Marvael ordered in a supply of mushroom and set to work, folding lemlops until his ear was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last lemlop when Anthony walked in the front door.
"Anthony!" Marvael screamed and threw himself into Anthony's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 mushroom lemlops and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing under a hill. He kissed Anthony with gusto on the tail.
"Actually," Anthony said, pulling away with a carbonated flair, "I was rescued by the Translucent Antacids. He's a new superhero in town." Anthony sighed. "And he's really holographic."
The tri-legged dread came back. "But you're questionable to be back here with me, right?"
Anthony checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Translucent Antacids for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay tawny, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Marvael choked back a sob and started folding another lemlop. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
_____________________________________________________________________
x'D
I may have laughed until I cried.
On a shiny and mobile morning, Rooster sat on a stick. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His pinkie ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Hen to love someone with a dark eye?
Coldly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a menacing feathery lawnmower, all on a summer's day. I wish my Hen would throw me, in her own indestructible way..."
"Do you?" Hen sat down beside Rooster and put her hand on Rooster's face. "I think that could be arranged."
Rooster gasped quietly. "But what about my dark eye?"
"I like it," Hen said forlornly. "I think it's fitful."
They came together and their kiss was like a bad metaphor which does nothing..
"I love you," Rooster said religiously.
"I love you too," Hen replied and threw him.
They bought a dog, moved in together, and lived strangely ever after.
Silence sipped huskily at his drink and stood obnoxious behind an eyeball. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel naughty and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how jealous his hoof got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Silence knew very well why he was at the party: to see Walterwoman.
Ah, Walterwoman. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her enthusiasticly hip made Silence's heart beat like a cornered madman with rabies.
But tonight everyone was masked. Silence peered hastily through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Walterwoman. There, he thought, the woman over by the glowsticks, the nervously one with the Godzilla mask. It had to be Walterwoman. No one else could look so flirty, even in a Godzilla mask.
She began to walk Silence's way and Silence started to panic. What if she actually talked to Silence?
Walterwoman came right up to Silence and Silence thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Walterwoman said bravely. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the rock," Silence said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so indecent.
Just then, a badly voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Silence's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Walterwoman might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Walterwoman swept Silence into her arms, bent him up a tree, and kissed Silence madly, slipping him the tongue and groping his face.
Silence could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out wildly and pulled Walterwoman's mask off her face. It was Walterwoman! "I knew it was you," Silence said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Walterwoman said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Silence watched her go. She would be right back, Silence was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
~
Jealous Love
Silence finished packing. Ever since Walterwoman, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Silence had been naughty.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing licked him, all was indecent. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going up a tree to become a badly glowsticks.
Just then, there was a flirty knock at the door. Silence opened it and stood there madly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hoof.
When Silence came to, Walterwoman was holding his hip and looking nervously. "My love," Walterwoman said hastily, "I'm sorry for the obnoxious shock. I've been shipwrecked on a spontaneously island for the last ten years, living like a cornered madman with rabies. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my face in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Silence could hardly believe his Walterwoman had returned. "I will always love you, face or no face. Besides, you can cover it up with an eyeball."
They embraced huskily and vowed to never be parted again.
Narina!
And Hetrin: "I think this will help." And he buttkicked Hetrin several times.
These are awesome! All of them!
My versions:
A Disgusting Day To Run
Ian stepped desperately out into the colorful sunshine, and admired Meg's ear. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a bald sight."
Meg climbed off the snow and walked there across the grass to greet her lover. Ian patted Meg on the finger and then tried to run her lately, but without success.
"That's all right," Meg said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not corrosive," Ian. "Not as corrosive as the time we bought in a lake."
Meg nodded freely. "We were stingy back in those days."
"Our spleens were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Ian said. "Everything seems hilarious and flexible when you're young."
"Of course," Meg said. "But now we're bright, we can still have fun. If we go about it hastily."
"Hastily?" Ian said . "But how?"
"With this," Meg said and held out a cold chair. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to run."
Ian swallowed the chair at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to run hastily. They bought like a crazy man in market place on Sunday. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
---------------------
Dim Love
Huntress finished packing. Ever since Monk, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Huntress had been scaly.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing bred her, all was smelly. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going beneath the floor to become a spiky branch.
Just then, there was a greasy knock at the door. Huntress opened it and stood there weekly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her hip.
When Huntress came to, Monk was holding her spine and looking invisible. "My love," Monk said truly, "I'm sorry for the perverted shock. I've been shipwrecked on a luminous island for the last ten years, living like wolves in their den. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my liver in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Huntress could hardly believe her Monk had returned. "I will always love you, liver or no liver. Besides, you can cover it up with a flower bouquet."
They embraced wrong and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was dirty.
—
If you can't confuse people with your intelligence, amaze them with your bull****.
Quad stepped clumsily out into the fuzzy sunshine, and admired Mazey's hoof. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a giddy sight."
Mazey climbed off the mushroom and walked worriedly across the grass to greet her lover. Quad patted Mazey on the belly and then tried to nuzzle her energetically, but without success.
"That's all right," Mazey said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not prickly," Quad. "Not as prickly as the time we nuzzled by a tree."
Mazey nodded happily. "We were interesting back in those days."
"Our antlers were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Quad said. "Everything seems exhausted and blue when you're young."
"Of course," Mazey said. "But now we're silly, we can still have fun. If we go about it excitedly."
"Excitedly?" Quad said . "But how?"
"With this," Mazey said and held out a white pinecone. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to nuzzle."
Quad swallowed the pinecone at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to nuzzle excitedly. They nuzzled like a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
Charlie finished packing. Ever since Bones, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Charlie had been Iridescent.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing sailed her, all was Robust. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going on the table to become a Proud Potatoe.
Just then, there was a Bold knock at the door. Charlie opened it and stood there Swiftly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her Finger.
When Charlie came to, Bones was holding her Forehead and looking Shining. "My love," Bones said Huskily, "I'm sorry for the Soft shock. I've been shipwrecked on a Heavy island for the last ten years, living Like a moth to the flame. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my Neck in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Charlie could hardly believe her Bones had returned. "I will always love you, Neck or no Neck. Besides, you can cover it up with a Chair."
They embraced Nastily and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was Cool.
(...I...wait, what?
—
Now the shorelines beckon- there is a price for being free.
On a grotesque and dumb morning, Pan sat on a boat. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her wenis ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Never to love someone with a shiny eyebrow?
Affectionately, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a motherhumping iridescent fagtard, all on a summer's day. I wish my Never would defenstrate me, in his own fishy way..."
"Do you?" Never sat down beside Pan and put his hand on Pan's foot. "I think that could be arranged."
Pan gasped depravedly. "But what about my shiny eyebrow?"
"I like it," Never said throatily. "I think it's delicious."
They came together and their kiss was like a chicken with three left earlobes.
"I love you," Pan said harshly.
"I love you too," Never replied and defenstrated her.
They bought an alien, moved in together, and lived caringly ever after.
Aeska paced up and down, jiggling her pelt. Her very good friend, Mary Sue Leaf, had arranged to meet her here through the trees. "I have something strong to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Leaf was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Aeska expected to see her bounce up, her sensuous hair streaming behind her and her darling eyes aglow.
Aeska heard footsteps, but they seemed rather glowing for a delicate and peaceful girl like Mary Sue Leaf, whose tread was warm. She turned around and found Virgil staring at her.
"What are you doing here?" Virgil said huskily. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Aeska had said that, but now she was beginning to wish she hadn't acted so happily. "Mary Sue Leaf asked to meet me here." As she gazed at Virgil, her chest began to throb softly.
"Oh," Virgil said, daintily. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Aeska said and caught Virgil by his mask. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Virgil said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a abiogenesis that cast a delightful shimmering glow o'er all the forest.
From behind a pond, Mary Sue Leaf watched with a delicate light in her fluffy eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Aeska/Virgil". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the stag from extinction.
--------------
RIPTAIL & QUAMAR
geehee
The Stag Prince
Quamar was walking through a frosty meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a sweet little stag lying under a tree.
Quamar skipped over to see the dear thing and was shining to find that he was hurt! A grass had pierced his warm little chest and he whimpered gently with the pain.
"My pleasant little friend," Quamar said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the grass, as warmly as he could. The stag cried out and Quamar's heart ached, like a abiogenesis that cast a delightful shimmering glow o'er all the forest. "You'll be all right," Quamar whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Riptail and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Riptail up in his arms, Quamar carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Quamar nursed Riptail, cleaning his chest and feeding him Pond-brand stag chow.
On the eighth night, Riptail climbed into bed with Quamar. He burrowed under the covers and happily walked Quamar's fur. It made Quamar giggle and he cuddled close to Riptail, stroking his nose and singing shakingly to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Quamar hurried home so he could curl up with Riptail. It gave him a fluffy feeling whenever Riptail walked his fur.
Then one night, Riptail looked up at Quamar and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a peaceful prince."
Quamar screamed softly, he was so surprised. How could a stag talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Riptail said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Quamar said and kissed Riptail on his nose. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a peaceful prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Riptail," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Quamar said.
"See?" Riptail said and showed Quamar the scar from the grass on his chest. Then he kissed Quamar and they tumbled through the trees and did a lot of very darling things, some of them involving a delicate leaf.
"I love you," Riptail said when they were done. Quamar clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Riptail had stashed away.
(I used myself [I'm a girl actually XD] and Rowan.
I almost peed myself with giggles.
Underlined the stuff that made me choke loling.)
On the show LOST, Rowan groped her antler. She had been busy with the antler for hours and now wanted nothing more than a flowing cuddle or a loud massage from her lover RaiWolf.
She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her gay RaiWolf appeared at the door, grinning facinatingly.
"Put down the antler," RaiWolf said grumpily. "Unless you want me to grope that antler on your toe."
Rowan put down the antler. She was hard. She had never seen RaiWolf so bloody before and it made her smooth.
RaiWolf picked up the antler, then withdrew a dog from his earhole. "Don't be so hard," RaiWolf said with a bloody grimace. "An ostrich bit my eyeball this morning, and everything became glowy. Now with this antler and this dog I can grumpily rule the world!"
Rowan clutched her sparkly eyeball grudgingly. This was her lover, her gay RaiWolf, now staring at her with a bloody earhole.
"Fight it!" Rowan shouted. "The ostrich just wants the antler for his own gay devices! He doesn't love you, not the flowing way I do!"
Rowan could see RaiWolf trembling grudgingly. Rowan reached out her toe and touched RaiWolf's earhole grumpily. She was gay, so gay, but she knew only her sparkly love for RaiWolf would break the ostrich's spell.
Sure enough, RaiWolf dropped the antler with a thunk. "Oh, Rowan," he squealed. "I'm so flowing, can you ever forgive me?"
But Rowan had already moved on the show LOST. Like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, she pressed her toe into RaiWolf's earhole. And as they fell together in a glowy fit of love, the antler lay on the floor, smooth and forgotten.
Night Shade paced angrily back and forth. Weird dread filled her heart. The Collector should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my angry love, Night Shade thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. The Collector had been taken hostage by Stupid Hoof, a supervillain who had the city in a state of scary terror. Night Shade fainted dead away, Like a village idiot that jumped in front of an angry bull.
When she came to, there was a bump on her butt and the weird dread had returned. "The Collector, my pretty honey bunny," she cried out happily. "What is Stupid Hoof doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing franticly as he bitten him in the head.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Night Shade remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 rock deers, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Night Shade ordered in a supply of rock and set to work, folding deers until her butt was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last deer when The Collector walked in the front door.
"The Collector!" Night Shade screamed and threw herself into The Collector's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 rock deers and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing under the moon. She kissed The Collector deviously on the head.
"Actually," The Collector said, pulling away bitterly, "I was rescued by the Ugly Mask. She's a new superhero in town." The Collector sighed. "And she's really nasty."
The weird dread came back. "But you're sticky to be back here with me, right?"
The Collector checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Ugly Mask for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay sexy, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Night Shade choked back a sob and started folding another deer. Then she went out and got drunk instead.
Alicev is going to kill me XDDD
Picking Love
Dehy finished packing. Ever since Crispin, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Dehy had been loving.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing jumped him, all was jumping. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in the water to become an eating orange.
Just then, there was a kicking knock at the door. Dehy opened it and stood there cornily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his toe.
When Dehy came to, Crispin was holding his kneecap and looking lighting. "My love," Crispin said smartily, "I'm sorry for the licking shock. I've been shipwrecked on a throwing island for the last ten years, living The cow jumped over the moon. XD. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my finger in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Dehy could hardly believe his Crispin had returned. "I will always love you, finger or no finger. Besides, you can cover it up with a grass."
They embraced lovingly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was laughing.
Yes, all was laughing. because Im like rolling on the floor.
Mad Hatter sipped brightly at his drink and stood shiny behind a leaf. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel bloody and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how green his tail got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Mad Hatter knew very well why he was at the party: to see Random deer.
Ah, Random deer. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her annoying hoof made Mad Hatter's heart beat like a old person who hasn't bathed in weeks, and just smelled themselves.
But tonight everyone was masked. Mad Hatter peered mysteriously through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Random deer. There, he thought, the woman over by the deer, the clean one with the deer mask. It had to be Random deer. No one else could look so stinky, even in a deer mask.
She began to walk Mad Hatter's way and Mad Hatter started to panic. What if she actually talked to Mad Hatter?
Random deer came right up to Mad Hatter and Mad Hatter thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Random deer said awkwardly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the dog," Mad Hatter said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so colorful.
Just then, a dull voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Mad Hatter's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Random deer might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Random deer swept Mad Hatter into her arms, bent him at an advantage, and kissed Mad Hatter accidentally, slipping him the tongue and groping his butt.
Mad Hatter could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out foolishly and pulled Random deer's mask off her face. It was Random deer! "I knew it was you," Mad Hatter said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Random deer said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Mad Hatter watched her go. She would be right back, Mad Hatter was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
(Ilovethese |D)
—
"The cruelest prison is one we make for ourselves out of fear and regret."
Ah, now I must do another.
I haven't done one for Oisin and Polt yet.
Quote:
An Envelope In Time
On a shiny and rough morning, Oisin sat under the bridge. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His nose ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Polt to love someone with a lousy ankle?
Quickly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a furry sticky book, all on a summer's day. I wish my Polt would trip me, in her own soft way..."
"Do you?" Polt sat down beside Oisin and put her hand on Oisin's elbow. "I think that could be arranged."
Oisin gasped fiercely. "But what about my lousy ankle?"
"I like it," Polt said silently. "I think it's wet."
They came together and their kiss was like something that is like something else.
"I love you," Oisin said painfully.
"I love you too," Polt replied and tripped him.
They bought a dolphin, moved in together, and lived easily ever after.
Oh my. The lousy ankle makes sense, because he does have a bad leg/ankle! XD
This one made me laugh out loud.
Quote:
The Adventure Of The Dolphin
Polt and Oisin were out for a sticky Valentine's walk under the bridge. As they went, Oisin rested his hand on Polt's ankle. It was the most romantic walk ever. But even though the day was so shiny, Polt was filled with pretty dread.
"Do you suppose it's rough here?" she asked silently.
"You soft silly," Oisin said, tickling Polt with his flower. "It's completely wet."
Just then, a lousy dolphin leapt out from behind a envelope and tripped Oisin in the nose. "Aaargh!" Oisin screamed.
Things looked bumpy. But Polt, although she was furry, knew she had to save her love. She grabbed a book and, like something that is like something else, beat the dolphin easily until it ran off. "That will teach you to trip innocent people."
Then she clasped Oisin close. Oisin was bleeding fiercely. "My darling," Polt said, and pressed her lips to Oisin's elbow.
"I love you," Oisin said quickly, and expired in Polt's arms.
Polt never loved again.
and apologies to Kaoori for the next ones XD
Quote:
To Randomly Swim
Amary and Kaoori were celebrating a rusty Valentine's Day together. Amary had cooked a frosty dinner and they ate in the sky by candlelight.
"My darling," Kaoori said, stroking Amary's finger, "I have something for you." She gave a box to Amary. "It is but a colorful token of my grainy love."
Amary opened the box. Inside was a thick box! She gazed at it angrily. Then she gazed at Kaoori angrily. "It's gooey," Amary said. "Come here and let me swim you."
Just then, a funny crone sprang out of hiding and cackled like a thing that does something in a certain way. "Your happiness will not last!" she said in a spongy voice and dropped a piece of paper onto the dinner table.
Kaoori read it. "It's a page from a diary. It says...it says that you're my sister."
They stared at each other happily as the crone cackled some more. Amary's foot began to tremble. Then Kaoori shrugged, pulled out a bucket, and hit the crone on her ear. She fell over dead.
"Problem solved!" Amary said and kissed Kaoori seriously. "This is a fluffy Valentine's Day!"
They sadly burned the diary page in the candle and never told another soul.
And then they swam each other all night long.
Quote:
The Thick Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Kaoori and Amary went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Kaoori hit Amary in her ear with a big gooey iceball. It hurt a lot, but Kaoori kissed it randomly and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really colorful snow man!" Kaoori said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Amary said. "That would be more spongy and politically correct."
"I know," Kaoori said. "We can make a snow bunny. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up seriously and made a grainy snow bunny. Kaoori put on a plushie for the finger. The bunny was almost as big as Amary.
"It looks funny," Kaoori said angrily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Amary said and held up a frosty bucket. "I found this in the sky." She put the bucket onto the bunny's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the bunny, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a thing that does something in a certain way.
Amary screamed happily and ran but the snow bunny chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow bunny swam her sadly.
"Nobody does that to my little Rusty Box," Kaoori screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow bunny through the foot. It fell down and Kaoori kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Amary said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The bucket lay in the yard until a fluffy child picked it up and took it home
*Grinning so wide it hurts*
OMG. DOLPHIN. THE RANDOMNESS X"D "I think it's wet" *dies* "Although she was furry"
WELL YEAH. Gosh it's so funny, especially because SOME parts make sense. Somewhere. X"D
On an old and hyperactive morning, Jack sat in the pit. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His back ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Rose the squirrel to love someone with a green mouth?
Horribly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a decayed noisy knife, all on a summer's day. I wish my Rose the squirrel would rip me, in her own nasty way..."
"Do you?" Rose the squirrel sat down beside Jack and put her hand on Jack's cheek. "I think that could be arranged."
Jack gasped dangerously. "But what about my green mouth?"
"I like it," Rose the squirrel said flutteringly. "I think it's tasty."
They came together and their kiss was like a shadow creeping up from the darkest night.
"I love you," Jack said carefully.
"I love you too," Rose the squirrel replied and ripped him.
They bought a pineapple, moved in together, and lived screamingly ever after.
Terpsichore was walking through a bright meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a dark little duck lying under a tree.
Terpsichore skipped over to see the dear thing and was silly to find that she was hurt! A fern had pierced her ugly little mask and she whimpered excitedly with the pain.
"My floating little friend," Terpsichore said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the fern, as happily as he could. The duck cried out and Terpsichore's heart ached, like the mysterious quack in the night. "You'll be all right," Terpsichore whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you dance and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping dance up in his arms, Terpsichore carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Terpsichore nursed dance, cleaning her mask and feeding her Flower-brand duck chow.
On the eighth night, dance climbed into bed with Terpsichore. She burrowed under the covers and sobbingly danced Terpsichore's leg. It made Terpsichore giggle and he cuddled close to dance, stroking her antler and singing breahtlessly to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Terpsichore hurried home so he could curl up with dance. It gave him a pretty feeling whenever dance danced his leg.
Then one night, dance looked up at Terpsichore and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a sparkly princess."
Terpsichore screamed enthusiastically, he was so surprised. How could a duck talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," dance said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Terpsichore said and kissed dance on her antler. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a sparkly princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess dance," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Terpsichore said.
"See?" dance said and showed Terpsichore the scar from the fern on her mask. Then she kissed Terpsichore and they tumbled in a tree and did a lot of very energetic things, some of them involving a purple rock.
"I love you," dance said when they were done. Terpsichore clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure dance had stashed away.
And if dance didn't know about Terpsichore's visits to the duck sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
He's had a duck obsession for a while, because the duck noise in the game drives me nuts. There's no duck! Where's the duck! But OMG I never thought he was interested in them that way!!!
Also it says there was a fern through her mask, and I keep thinking 'it must have been a display glitch'... why the duck had antlers though, I don't know.
Jake paced up and down, jiggling his eye. His very good friend, Mary Sue Blue flute, had arranged to meet him here below the Tree of Souls. "I have something amazing to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Blue flute was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Jake expected to see her bounce up, her wonderful hair streaming behind her and her enigmatic eyes aglow.
Jake heard footsteps, but they seemed rather silent for a delicate and iridescent girl like Mary Sue Blue flute, whose tread was colorful. He turned around and found Neytiri staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Neytiri said flamy. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Jake had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so happily. "Mary Sue Blue flute asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Neytiri, his queue began to throb insanely.
"Oh," Neytiri said, lovely. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Jake said and caught Neytiri by her nose. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Neytiri said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a gentle Banshee flying above the tips of the Hallelujah Mountains.
From behind a bow, Mary Sue Blue flute watched with a biolominiscent light in her beautiful eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Jake/Neytiri". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the Thanator from extinction.
Tally:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the crow-bar, and Steele is the moose.
Arise, questionable moose, and lick the aggravated body hair.
See, how he leans his tounge upon his hoof!
O, that I were a glove upon that hoof,
That I might touch that tounge!
Steele:
O Tally, Tally! wherefore art thou Tally?
What's in a name? That which we call an ear
By any other name would smell as shiny
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "off like a prom dress."
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove happy.
Tally:
Swain, by yonder aggravated body hair I swear
That tips on top of a car the quick feather--
Steele:
O, swear not by the body hair, the fantabulous body hair,
That manly changes in its sexual orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise sexual.
Sweet, tense night! A thousand times tense night!
Parting is such shivering sorrow,
That I shall say tense night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Tally:
Sleep dwell upon thy tounge, peace in thy hoof!
Would I were sleep and peace, so suddenly to rest!
hugely will I to my questionable ear's cell,
Its help to lick, and my shiny ear to tell.
Darth Vader hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a rainbow that casts a happy glow o'er all the land. He loathed it.
Every December, Darth Vader would feel himself getting all noisy inside. He refused to put up a Christmas Padme, he snapped at anyone orange enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Darth Vader had to go to the mall to buy a blue lightsaber. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing quietly around and so much Christmas music blaring quickly, he thought his arm would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a white woman collecting for charity. Darth Vader never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the white woman dropped his bells and ran on a tree. There was a red deer right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the white woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Darth Vader rushed out and swiftly pushed them both out of the way. There was a bright bang and then everything went dark.
When Darth Vader woke up, he was in an extremely room. There was a Christmas Padme in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Darth Vader's hand hurt. A lot.
The white woman came into the room. "I'm so intense!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Bob. You saved me from the truck. But your hand is broken."
Darth Vader hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas Padme up and his hand was broken, he felt quite quiet, especially when he looked at Bob.
"Your hand must hurt intensely," Bob said. "I think this will help." And she kicked Darth Vader several times.
Now Darth Vader felt very quiet indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Bob. "I love you," he said, and kissed Bob huskily.
"I love you too," said Bob. Just then, the deer ran into the room and nuzzled Darth Vader's ear. "I brought him home with us," Bob said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Darth Vader said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Joro and Mie went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Joro hit Mie in her head with a big frilly iceball. It hurt a lot, but Joro kissed it huskily and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really lean snow man!" Joro said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Mie said. "That would be more melancholy and politically correct."
"I know," Joro said. "We can make a snow cow. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up stupidly and made a lanky snow cow. Joro put on a pickle for the leg. The cow was almost as big as Mie.
"It looks orange," Joro said happily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Mie said and held up a risque carrot. "I found this on the rooftop." She put the carrot onto the cow's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the cow, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like the sun that lit a fire across the land.
Mie screamed willingly and ran but the snow cow chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow cow picked her angrily.
"Nobody does that to my little Dainty Dog," Joro screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow cow through the arm. It fell down and Joro kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Mie said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The carrot lay in the yard until a mean child picked it up and took it home.
Myu:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the bananna, and Nightmare is the puppy.
Arise, jagged puppy, and spill the spiky pingas.
See, how he leans his head upon his leg!
O, that I were a glove upon that leg,
That I might touch that head!
Nightmare:
O Myu, Myu! wherefore art thou Myu?
What's in a name? That which we call a butt
By any other name would smell as prickly
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "much like the moon casting its light upon the world"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove callous.
Myu:
Swain, by yonder spiky pingas I swear
That tips on the dock the platonic kitten--
Nightmare:
O, swear not by the pingas, the pink pingas,
That fussingly changes in its fluffy orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise fluffy.
Sweet, trivial night! A thousand times trivial night!
Parting is such caluclating sorrow,
That I shall say trivial night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Myu:
Sleep dwell upon thy head, peace in thy leg!
Would I were sleep and peace, so passionately to rest!
quickly will I to my jagged butt's cell,
Its help to spill, and my prickly butt to tell.
~~~
Remind me to NEVER use "Pingas" again. I just about died from laughing so hard.
Yori hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a dragonfly that just divorced its fellow child with a moldy stick. He loathed it.
Every December, Yori would feel himself getting all retarded inside. He refused to put up a Christmas rainbow, he snapped at anyone clueless enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Yori had to go to the mall to buy a sparkle-sparkley sponge. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing dramatically around and so much Christmas music blaring retardedly, he thought his toe would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a glittery man collecting for charity. Yori never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the glittery man dropped his bells and ran on top of the rainbow. There was a floppy jellyfish right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the glittery man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Yori rushed out and disturbingly pushed them both out of the way. There was a dead bang and then everything went dark.
When Yori woke up, he was in an interesting room. There was a Christmas rainbow in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Yori's chest hair hurt. A lot.
The glittery man came into the room. "I'm so rainbowey!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Raimundo. You saved me from the truck. But your chest hair is broken."
Yori hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas rainbow up and his chest hair was broken, he felt quite phycotic, especially when he looked at Raimundo.
"Your chest hair must hurt stupidly," Raimundo said. "I think this will help." And he raped Yori several times.
Now Yori felt very phycotic indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Raimundo. "I love you," he said, and kissed Raimundo sexily.
"I love you too," said Raimundo. Just then, the jellyfish ran into the room and nuzzled Yori's eyelash. "I brought him home with us," Raimundo said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Yori said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
Walterwoman paced up and down, jiggling her tongue. Her very good friend, Mary Sue Cookie, had arranged to meet her here in a fridge. "I have something creepy to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Cookie was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Walterwoman expected to see her bounce up, her sexy hair streaming behind her and her gorgeous eyes aglow.
Walterwoman heard footsteps, but they seemed rather tiresome for a delicate and touchable girl like Mary Sue Cookie, whose tread was delicious. She turned around and found Silence staring at her.
"What are you doing here?" Silence said harshly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Walterwoman had said that, but now she was beginning to wish she hadn't acted so daringly. "Mary Sue Cookie asked to meet me here." As she gazed at Silence, her bum began to throb gently.
"Oh," Silence said, helpfully. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Walterwoman said and caught Silence by his eyebrow. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Silence said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like the experience of a molested thing.
From behind a cream pie, Mary Sue Cookie watched with a faggotish light in her loud eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Walterwoman/Silence". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the fawn from extinction.
Jeeves stepped gloriously out into the frothy sunshine, and admired Dr. Von Swarthington III's right foot. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a garish sight."
Dr. Von Swarthington III climbed off the croquet mallet and walked masterfully across the grass to greet his lover. Jeeves patted Dr. Von Swarthington III on the bald spot and then tried to please him hesitantly, but without success.
"That's all right," Dr. Von Swarthington III said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not superior," said Jeeves. "Not as superior as the time we pleased in the servants' quarters."
Dr. Von Swarthington III nodded tartly. "We were distinguished back in those days."
"Our left nostrils were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Jeeves said. "Everything seems muddleheaded and magnificent when you're young."
"Of course," Dr. Von Swarthington III said. "But now we're wealthy, we can still have fun. If we go about it properly."
"Properly?" Jeeves said . "But how?"
"With this," Dr. Von Swarthington III said and held out a lace-trimmed peacock. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to please."
Jeeves swallowed the peacock at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to please properly. They pleased like a sheep clearing its throat of a blade of grass on a distant hillside. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
Dear lord...you were right, I can't stop doing them XD
I popped in the names oftwo of my OCs, Lier and Devon, and there were like, 3 drabbles that I liked the best XD For most of the words, I pulled out a dictionary and used the most obscure/odd entries I could find :B
And note that when I typed in "pot" for a noun, I meant cooking pot, not the street name for weed |D
The Floppy Terror Of The Snow (<----I think this one was probably my favorite x3)
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Devon and Lier went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Devon hit Lier in his abdomen with a big hydrothermal iceball. It hurt a lot, but Devon kissed it astride and then it was all better. Then they decided to make a snow man. "We'll make a really subsinuous snow man!" Devon said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Lier said. "That would be more longish and politically correct."
"I know," Devon said. "We can make a snow bird. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics." So they rolled the snow up transequatorially and made a pseudoancestral snow bird. Devon put on a feather for the leg. The bird was almost as big as Lier.
"It looks debonaire," Devon said huskily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Lier said and held up an iridescent pot. "I found this in a bathtub." He put the pot onto the bird's head. It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the bird, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players..
Lier screamed overfemininely and ran but the snow bird chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow bird nagged him fantasmagorically.
"Nobody does that to my little Poofy Lunchbox," Devon screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow bird through the nose. It fell down and Devon kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Lier said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The pot lay in the yard until a strobilaceous child picked it up and took it home.
An Iridescent Day To Nag
Lier stepped overfemininely out into the longish sunshine, and admired Devon's leg. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a poofy sight." Devon climbed off the feather and walked fantasmagorically across the grass to greet her lover. Lier patted Devon on the abdomen and then tried to nag her transequatorially, but without success.
"That's all right," Devon said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not debonaire," Lier. "Not as debonaire as the time we nagged in a bathtub."
Devon nodded huskily. "We were hydrothermal back in those days."
"Our noses were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Lier said. "Everything seems floppy and subsinuous when you're young."
"Of course," Devon said. "But now we're strobilaceous, we can still have fun. If we go about it astride."
"Astride?" Lier said . "But how?"
"With this," Devon said and held out a pseudoancestral lunchbox. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to nag." Lier swallowed the lunchbox at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to nag astride. They nagged All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players.. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
The Battle For The Pot
In a bathtub, Lier nagged his pot. He had been busy with the pot for hours and now wanted nothing more than a subsinuous cuddle or a debonaire massage from his lover Devon. He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his pseudoancestral Devon appeared at the door, grinning fantasmagorically.
"Put down the pot," Devon said transequatorially. "Unless you want me to nag that pot on your nose."
Lier put down the pot. He was hydrothermal. He had never seen Devon so floppy before and it made him strobilaceous. Devon picked up the pot, then withdrew a lunchbox from her leg. "Don't be so hydrothermal," Devon said with a floppy grimace. "A bird bit my abdomen this morning, and everything became iridescent. Now with this pot and this lunchbox I can transequatorially rule the world!"
Lier clutched his poofy abdomen overfemininely. This was his lover, his pseudoancestral Devon, now staring at him with a floppy leg.
"Fight it!" Lier shouted. "The bird just wants the pot for his own pseudoancestral devices! He doesn't love you, not the subsinuous way I do!"
Lier could see Devon trembling overfemininely. Lier reached out his nose and touched Devon's leg transequatorially. He was pseudoancestral, so pseudoancestral, but he knew only his poofy love for Devon would break the bird's spell. Sure enough, Devon dropped the pot with a thunk. "Oh, Lier," she squealed. "I'm so subsinuous, can you ever forgive me?"
But Lier had already moved in a bathtub. All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players., he pressed his nose into Devon's leg. And as they fell together in an iridescent fit of love, the pot lay on the floor, strobilaceous and forgotten.
There was also one where Lier turned into a woman, but I already felt violated enough by the rest of these, we didn't need that one too XD
Thank you VCG for giving me such an amusing way to procrastinate |D
On a transparent and flirtatious morning, Brielle sat in the car. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her toe ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Bob to love someone with an old-fashioned hand?
Haughtily, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a late clueless stick, all on a summer's day. I wish my Bob would throw me, in his own curious way..."
"Do you?" Bob sat down beside Brielle and put his hand on Brielle's leg. "I think that could be arranged."
Brielle gasped stupidily. "But what about my old-fashioned hand?"
"I like it," Bob said sneakily. "I think it's mean."
They came together and their kiss was like the moon shining and lighting up the darkest of nights.
"I love you," Brielle said hurriedly.
"I love you too," Bob replied and threw her.
They bought a skunk, moved in together, and lived wonderfully ever after.
In the dark, Mozart nommed his flower. He had been busy with the flower for hours and now wanted nothing more than a talented cuddle or an awkward massage from his lover Virgil.
He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his flirty Virgil appeared at the door, grinning flirtatiously.
"Put down the flower," Virgil said nervously. "Unless you want me to nom that flower on your tail."
Mozart put down the flower. He was excited. He had never seen Virgil so emo before and it made him gay.
Virgil picked up the flower, then withdrew a rainbow from his neck. "Don't be so excited," Virgil said with an emo grimace. "A deer bit my shoulder this morning, and everything became amazed. Now with this flower and this rainbow I can nervously rule the world!"
Mozart clutched his shy shoulder slowly. This was his lover, his flirty Virgil, now staring at him with an emo neck.
"Fight it!" Mozart shouted. "The deer just wants the flower for his own flirty devices! He doesn't love you, not the talented way I do!"
Mozart could see Virgil trembling slowly. Mozart reached out his tail and touched Virgil's neck nervously. He was flirty, so flirty, but he knew only his shy love for Virgil would break the deer's spell.
Sure enough, Virgil dropped the flower with a thunk. "Oh, Mozart," he squealed. "I'm so talented, can you ever forgive me?"
But Mozart had already moved in the dark. Like a rainbow full of love and happiness and gay, he pressed his tail into Virgil's neck. And as they fell together in an amazed fit of love, the flower lay on the floor, gay and forgotten.
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Crybaby strode along the path, making for Curious Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Nice Halo, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Hair.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his calm pants just in time to face the intelligent man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The man struck flashy, and Crybaby barely raised his pants to meet the attack. They fought long and friendly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Crybaby found himself forced to one knee, the man's pants pressed to his polite arm. "I am Sithrim of Curious Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Nice Halo. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you in the forest."
But Crybaby had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his pants with a twist, overpowered Sithrim and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Crybaby said, looking down upon him.
Sithrim's wing shimmered like his smile enlightens the whole world. "I have underestimated you, Crybaby. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Crybaby's desire was enflamed. His arm throbbed and all his thoughts were to fly Sithrim like a bird. Crybaby caressed Sithrim's shy wing and he responded. They came together shiny, and their joining was as wise as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet necklace!" Crybaby groaned and throwed Sithrim as especially as he could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Crybaby said. "That's where I put the Nice Halo for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed cordially on the grass, forgetful of all but their mysterious love. "We will stay together forever," Sithrim said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Hair never got the Nice Halo and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
Vilnius tripped along passionatly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Mielasis, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a deer hopping along, carrying a feather in its mouth.
Vilnius was almost in bed when he came across a curious cake, lying alone on a soft plate. "That must be a treat from my hard bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked gold, so he ate it.
It gave him the most bloody tingling sensation in his finger. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Mielasis.
When Mielasis came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Vilnius cried swiftly.
"Your head! And your leg!" Mielasis said. "They're loving! Can't you feel it?"
Vilnius felt his head and his leg. They were indeed quite loving. "Oh, no!" Vilnius said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that curious cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Mielasis said. "I got you a mask. It must have been that white man who lives nearby. He acts a little roughly, ever since he shook a heart."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Vilnius sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Mielasis said thoughtfully, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your head is really gentle like that."
"Really?" Vilnius dried her tears. Vilnius kissed Mielasis and it was an entirely fast sensation, Like the warmth of a well treated heart.
They spent the night having entirely fast sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Yorisumo woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one pretty box that looked like a spoon. Then Yorisumo noticed that Mind was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either. Yorisumo thought that he would surprise Mind. Maybe even sneak up behind her and lick her on her soft eye lash. That always made Mind overweight. Yorisumo crept slowly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its small lights, and the presents, heaped up beautifully, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Mind. Kissing someone. Yorisumo was so angry, he picked up a fork from a table and threw it gently on a rainbow in Narnia. They both looked around. "Mind, you tasty walrus!" Yorisumo yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Yorisumo looked and then rubbed his toe and looked again. It was Santa Claus. "Let me explain," Mind said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe." "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a mouldy kiss it was." "Well, I suppose," Yorisumo said dramatically. "If he was under the mistletoe." "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be crunchy." That seemed reasonable. Yorisumo went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa. Santa was the best kisser ever, like a spoon that slowly moulds into what looks like a hippo and is in fact a crown of nothingness.. He made Yorisumo's down below feel all slimy. "You see?" Mind said disgustingly and Yorisumo saw. So they had a threeway.
I'm Dreaming Of A Hot
It was Christmas Eve. Marie sat meanly on a chair, sipping lonely eggnog.
She looked at the sweet tree hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Manel had hung it there, just before they looked at each other madly and then fell into each other's arms and kissed each other's hand.
If only I hadn't been so awkward, Marie thought, pouring a random amount of rum into her eggnog. Then Manel might not have got so suspicious and left me all alone at Christmas time. She wiped away an useful tear and held her eye in her hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then an epic voice lifted deeply up in song.
I'm dreaming of a hot Christmas
Just like a wlf that spreads love all over the land
Marie ran to the door. It was Manel, looking stormy all over with snow.
"I missed you carefully," Manel said. "And I wanted to kiss your hand again."
Marie hugged Manel and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Manel said.
"I think so too," Marie said and they kissed each other's hand until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted wolf ear and lived gently until Marie got drunk again.
OH GOD XDDDDDD
#4b5160
Jimmy and Cow by William
by William Shakespeare
Enter Jimmy
Cow appears above at a window
Jimmy:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the Mum, and Cow is the dinosaur.
Arise, Smelly dinosaur, and grab the Emoish Sock.
See, how he leans his Big hairy toe nail upon his Cheesy feet!
O, that I were a glove upon that Cheesy feet,
That I might touch that Big hairy toe nail!
Cow:
O Jimmy, Jimmy! wherefore art thou Jimmy?
What's in a name? That which we call a Butt
By any other name would smell as Huge
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "like a school bus running people over"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove Square.
Jimmy:
Swain, by yonder Emoish Sock I swear
That tips walkind down the street the Gay eyeball--
Cow:
O, swear not by the Sock, the Old Sock,
That Fast changes in its Green orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise Green.
Sweet, Black night! A thousand times Black night!
Parting is such Sad sorrow,
That I shall say Black night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Jimmy:
Sleep dwell upon thy Big hairy toe nail, peace in thy Cheesy feet!
Would I were sleep and peace, so badly to rest!
poorly will I to my Smelly Butt's cell,
Its help to grab, and my Huge Butt to tell.
*goes to do another 8DDD*
Kill me for posting more,
VIRGIL AND RAIMUNDO LOVE.
The Retarded Terror Of The Snow
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Raimundo and Virgil went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Raimundo hit Virgil in his nose with a big thunderess iceball. It hurt a lot, but Raimundo kissed it deeply and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really jolly snow man!" Raimundo said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Virgil said. "That would be more handsome and politically correct."
"I know," Raimundo said. "We can make a snow nit. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up violently and made a jiggly snow nit. Raimundo put on a poo for the pubichair. The nit was almost as big as Virgil.
"It looks confused," Raimundo said eventually. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Virgil said and held up an eager cake. "I found this on a human's head." He put the cake onto the nit's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the nit, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like it was sucking the hell out of him.
Virgil screamed harmfully and ran but the snow nit chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow nit punched him gracefuly.
"Nobody does that to my little Creepy Sperm," Raimundo screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow nit through the manbit. It fell down and Raimundo kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Virgil said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The cake lay in the yard until a lonely child picked it up and took it home.
|x- Laurette's Biography -x|
Almost Tripping Laurette
Laurette tripped along hungrily. She was on her way to meet her lover, Raimundo, for Valentine's Day. She smiled to see a dog hopping along, carrying a chair in its mouth.
Laurette was almost on a table when she came across a cold cake, lying alone on a gay plate. "That must be a treat from my soggy bear," she said to herself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked dreamily, so she ate it.
It gave her the most hard tingling sensation in her nose. "How unusual!" she said and continued tripping to see Raimundo.
When Raimundo came out to meet her, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Laurette cried soon.
"Your foot! And your mouth!" Raimundo said. "They're stinky! Can't you feel it?"
Laurette felt her foot and her mouth. They were indeed quite stinky. "Oh, no!" Laurette said. "I'm a man!" She, or rather, he started to cry. "It must have been that cold cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Raimundo said. "I got you urmom. It must have been that wet man who lives nearby. He acts a little calmly, ever since he shoved a cheese."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a man?" Laurette sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Raimundo said joyously, "but I actually prefer men. And I think your foot is really old like that."
"Really?" Laurette dried his tears. Laurette kissed Raimundo and it was an entirely sick sensation, like a fish dying.
They spent the night having entirely sick sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
OMG I LOVE THIS
I NEED TO DO MOOOOOOOOORE >8D
OH MY GOD
|x- Laurette's Biography -x|
Quote:The Miracle Of The
...
I WANT A PET SPIDER. D8
XDDDDDDDDDD The Wolf
The Wolf Princess
Sithrim was walking through a lonely meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a hot little wolf lying under a tree.
Sithrim skipped over to see the dear thing and was epic to find that she was hurt! An octopus had pierced her awkward little leg and she whimpered meanly with the pain.
"My sweet little friend," Sithrim said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the octopus, as gently as he could. The wolf cried out and Sithrim's heart ached, like a happy noob.. "You'll be all right," Sithrim whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Maia and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Maia up in his arms, Sithrim carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Sithrim nursed Maia, cleaning her leg and feeding her Icecream-brand wolf chow.
On the eighth night, Maia climbed into bed with Sithrim. She burrowed under the covers and carefully kissed Sithrim's finger. It made Sithrim giggle and he cuddled close to Maia, stroking her arm and singing madly to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Sithrim hurried home so he could curl up with Maia. It gave him an useful feeling whenever Maia kissed his finger.
Then one night, Maia looked up at Sithrim and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a suspicious princess."
Sithrim screamed deeply, he was so surprised. How could a wolf talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Maia said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Sithrim said and kissed Maia on her arm. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a suspicious princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess Maia," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Sithrim said.
"See?" Maia said and showed Sithrim the scar from the octopus on her leg. Then she kissed Sithrim and they tumbled on a chair and did a lot of very random things, some of them involving a stormy flower.
"I love you," Maia said when they were done. Sithrim clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure Maia had stashed away.
And if Maia didn't know about Sithrim's visits to the wolf sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
#4b5160
I'm Dreaming Of A Tired
It was Christmas Eve. Mozart sat shyly in the dark, sipping emo eggnog.
He looked at the excited dream hanging on the Christmas Tree and sighed. Last year, Eaff had hung it there, just before they looked at each other greatly and then fell into each other's arms and kissed each other's tail.
If only I hadn't been so amazed, Mozart thought, pouring a unbelievable amount of rum into his eggnog. Then Eaff might not have got so depressed and left me all alone at Christmas time. He wiped away a nervous tear and held his hoove in his hand.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door and then a confused voice lifted dreamily up in song.
I'm dreaming of a tired Christmas
Just like a bolt of lightning
Mozart ran to the door. It was Eaff, looking flirty all over with snow.
"I missed you happily," Eaff said. "And I wanted to kiss your tail again."
Mozart hugged Eaff and started to sob.
"I think you're drunk," Eaff said.
"I think so too," Mozart said and they kissed each other's tail until they knocked the Christmas tree over.
On Christmas Day, they ate roasted deer head and lived silently until Mozart got drunk again.
1000 Mushroom
Marvael paced huskily back and forth. Tri-legged dread filled his heart. Anthony should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my romanticized love, Marvael thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. Anthony had been taken hostage by Milky Tooth, a supervillain who had the city in a state of shrill terror. Marvael fainted dead away, such as rain running down the broken panes of a window..
When he came to, there was a bump on his ear and the tri-legged dread had returned. "Anthony, my shattered honey bunny," he cried out queerly. "What is Milky Tooth doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing snapishly as he rolled him in the tail.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Marvael remembered a story his grandmother had told him. If you fold 1000 mushroom lemlops, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Marvael ordered in a supply of mushroom and set to work, folding lemlops until his ear was sore and he could hardly see. It took a week. He was just finishing up the very last lemlop when Anthony walked in the front door.
"Anthony!" Marvael screamed and threw himself into Anthony's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 mushroom lemlops and it brought you back to me." He was so happy, he felt like he was dancing under a hill. He kissed Anthony with gusto on the tail.
"Actually," Anthony said, pulling away with a carbonated flair, "I was rescued by the Translucent Antacids. He's a new superhero in town." Anthony sighed. "And he's really holographic."
The tri-legged dread came back. "But you're questionable to be back here with me, right?"
Anthony checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Translucent Antacids for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay tawny, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Marvael choked back a sob and started folding another lemlop. Then he went out and got drunk instead.
_____________________________________________________________________
x'D
I may have laughed until I cried.
Oh God it made me cry they
here's mine
A Coop In Time
On a shiny and mobile morning, Rooster sat on a stick. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His pinkie ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Hen to love someone with a dark eye?
Coldly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a menacing feathery lawnmower, all on a summer's day. I wish my Hen would throw me, in her own indestructible way..."
"Do you?" Hen sat down beside Rooster and put her hand on Rooster's face. "I think that could be arranged."
Rooster gasped quietly. "But what about my dark eye?"
"I like it," Hen said forlornly. "I think it's fitful."
They came together and their kiss was like a bad metaphor which does nothing..
"I love you," Rooster said religiously.
"I love you too," Hen replied and threw him.
They bought a dog, moved in together, and lived strangely ever after.
That was weird 0.o
Obnoxious Lang Syne Silence
Silence sipped huskily at his drink and stood obnoxious behind an eyeball. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel naughty and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how jealous his hoof got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Silence knew very well why he was at the party: to see Walterwoman.
Ah, Walterwoman. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her enthusiasticly hip made Silence's heart beat like a cornered madman with rabies.
But tonight everyone was masked. Silence peered hastily through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Walterwoman. There, he thought, the woman over by the glowsticks, the nervously one with the Godzilla mask. It had to be Walterwoman. No one else could look so flirty, even in a Godzilla mask.
She began to walk Silence's way and Silence started to panic. What if she actually talked to Silence?
Walterwoman came right up to Silence and Silence thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Walterwoman said bravely. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the rock," Silence said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so indecent.
Just then, a badly voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Silence's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Walterwoman might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Walterwoman swept Silence into her arms, bent him up a tree, and kissed Silence madly, slipping him the tongue and groping his face.
Silence could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out wildly and pulled Walterwoman's mask off her face. It was Walterwoman! "I knew it was you," Silence said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Walterwoman said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Silence watched her go. She would be right back, Silence was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
~
Jealous Love
Silence finished packing. Ever since Walterwoman, his own true love, had been lost at sea, Silence had been naughty.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing licked him, all was indecent. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going up a tree to become a badly glowsticks.
Just then, there was a flirty knock at the door. Silence opened it and stood there madly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his hoof.
When Silence came to, Walterwoman was holding his hip and looking nervously. "My love," Walterwoman said hastily, "I'm sorry for the obnoxious shock. I've been shipwrecked on a spontaneously island for the last ten years, living like a cornered madman with rabies. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my face in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Silence could hardly believe his Walterwoman had returned. "I will always love you, face or no face. Besides, you can cover it up with an eyeball."
They embraced huskily and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was enthusiasticly.
Narina! And Hetrin: "I think
And Hetrin: "I think this will help." And he buttkicked Hetrin several times.
These are awesome! All of them!
My versions:
A Disgusting Day To Run
Ian stepped desperately out into the colorful sunshine, and admired Meg's ear. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a bald sight."
Meg climbed off the snow and walked there across the grass to greet her lover. Ian patted Meg on the finger and then tried to run her lately, but without success.
"That's all right," Meg said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not corrosive," Ian. "Not as corrosive as the time we bought in a lake."
Meg nodded freely. "We were stingy back in those days."
"Our spleens were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Ian said. "Everything seems hilarious and flexible when you're young."
"Of course," Meg said. "But now we're bright, we can still have fun. If we go about it hastily."
"Hastily?" Ian said . "But how?"
"With this," Meg said and held out a cold chair. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to run."
Ian swallowed the chair at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to run hastily. They bought like a crazy man in market place on Sunday. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
---------------------
Dim Love
Huntress finished packing. Ever since Monk, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Huntress had been scaly.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing bred her, all was smelly. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going beneath the floor to become a spiky branch.
Just then, there was a greasy knock at the door. Huntress opened it and stood there weekly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her hip.
When Huntress came to, Monk was holding her spine and looking invisible. "My love," Monk said truly, "I'm sorry for the perverted shock. I've been shipwrecked on a luminous island for the last ten years, living like wolves in their den. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my liver in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Huntress could hardly believe her Monk had returned. "I will always love you, liver or no liver. Besides, you can cover it up with a flower bouquet."
They embraced wrong and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was dirty.
A Crazy Day To Nuzzle Quad
Quad stepped clumsily out into the fuzzy sunshine, and admired Mazey's hoof. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a giddy sight."
Mazey climbed off the mushroom and walked worriedly across the grass to greet her lover. Quad patted Mazey on the belly and then tried to nuzzle her energetically, but without success.
"That's all right," Mazey said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not prickly," Quad. "Not as prickly as the time we nuzzled by a tree."
Mazey nodded happily. "We were interesting back in those days."
"Our antlers were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Quad said. "Everything seems exhausted and blue when you're young."
"Of course," Mazey said. "But now we're silly, we can still have fun. If we go about it excitedly."
"Excitedly?" Quad said . "But how?"
"With this," Mazey said and held out a white pinecone. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to nuzzle."
Quad swallowed the pinecone at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to nuzzle excitedly. They nuzzled like a bowl of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
--------------------
Oh
My
Twin
GODS!!
Light Love Charlie finished
Charlie finished packing. Ever since Bones, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Charlie had been Iridescent.
There was nothing left for her anymore, nothing sailed her, all was Robust. So today, Valentine's Day, she was going on the table to become a Proud Potatoe.
Just then, there was a Bold knock at the door. Charlie opened it and stood there Swiftly for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising her Finger.
When Charlie came to, Bones was holding her Forehead and looking Shining. "My love," Bones said Huskily, "I'm sorry for the Soft shock. I've been shipwrecked on a Heavy island for the last ten years, living Like a moth to the flame. I was only rescued last week." She paused. "I lost my Neck in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Charlie could hardly believe her Bones had returned. "I will always love you, Neck or no Neck. Besides, you can cover it up with a Chair."
They embraced Nastily and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was Cool.
(...I...wait, what?
Now the shorelines beckon- there is a price for being free.
Alright so it got bumped and
A Butterscotch Stallion in Time
On a grotesque and dumb morning, Pan sat on a boat. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her wenis ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Never to love someone with a shiny eyebrow?
Affectionately, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a motherhumping iridescent fagtard, all on a summer's day. I wish my Never would defenstrate me, in his own fishy way..."
"Do you?" Never sat down beside Pan and put his hand on Pan's foot. "I think that could be arranged."
Pan gasped depravedly. "But what about my shiny eyebrow?"
"I like it," Never said throatily. "I think it's delicious."
They came together and their kiss was like a chicken with three left earlobes.
"I love you," Pan said harshly.
"I love you too," Never replied and defenstrated her.
They bought an alien, moved in together, and lived caringly ever after.
oh my god
Forest FAQ
oh dear~ l o l AESKA &
AESKA & VIRGIL d___d;
Aeska paced up and down, jiggling her pelt. Her very good friend, Mary Sue Leaf, had arranged to meet her here through the trees. "I have something strong to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Leaf was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Aeska expected to see her bounce up, her sensuous hair streaming behind her and her darling eyes aglow.
Aeska heard footsteps, but they seemed rather glowing for a delicate and peaceful girl like Mary Sue Leaf, whose tread was warm. She turned around and found Virgil staring at her.
"What are you doing here?" Virgil said huskily. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Aeska had said that, but now she was beginning to wish she hadn't acted so happily. "Mary Sue Leaf asked to meet me here." As she gazed at Virgil, her chest began to throb softly.
"Oh," Virgil said, daintily. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Aeska said and caught Virgil by his mask. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Virgil said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a abiogenesis that cast a delightful shimmering glow o'er all the forest.
From behind a pond, Mary Sue Leaf watched with a delicate light in her fluffy eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Aeska/Virgil". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the stag from extinction.
--------------
RIPTAIL & QUAMAR
geehee
The Stag Prince
Quamar was walking through a frosty meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a sweet little stag lying under a tree.
Quamar skipped over to see the dear thing and was shining to find that he was hurt! A grass had pierced his warm little chest and he whimpered gently with the pain.
"My pleasant little friend," Quamar said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the grass, as warmly as he could. The stag cried out and Quamar's heart ached, like a abiogenesis that cast a delightful shimmering glow o'er all the forest. "You'll be all right," Quamar whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Riptail and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Riptail up in his arms, Quamar carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Quamar nursed Riptail, cleaning his chest and feeding him Pond-brand stag chow.
On the eighth night, Riptail climbed into bed with Quamar. He burrowed under the covers and happily walked Quamar's fur. It made Quamar giggle and he cuddled close to Riptail, stroking his nose and singing shakingly to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Quamar hurried home so he could curl up with Riptail. It gave him a fluffy feeling whenever Riptail walked his fur.
Then one night, Riptail looked up at Quamar and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a peaceful prince."
Quamar screamed softly, he was so surprised. How could a stag talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Riptail said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Quamar said and kissed Riptail on his nose. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a peaceful prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Riptail," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Quamar said.
"See?" Riptail said and showed Quamar the scar from the grass on his chest. Then he kissed Quamar and they tumbled through the trees and did a lot of very darling things, some of them involving a delicate leaf.
"I love you," Riptail said when they were done. Quamar clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Riptail had stashed away.
(I used myself [I'm a girl
I almost peed myself with giggles.
Underlined the stuff that made me choke loling.)
On the show LOST, Rowan groped her antler. She had been busy with the antler for hours and now wanted nothing more than a flowing cuddle or a loud massage from her lover RaiWolf.
She said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden her gay RaiWolf appeared at the door, grinning facinatingly.
"Put down the antler," RaiWolf said grumpily. "Unless you want me to grope that antler on your toe."
Rowan put down the antler. She was hard. She had never seen RaiWolf so bloody before and it made her smooth.
RaiWolf picked up the antler, then withdrew a dog from his earhole. "Don't be so hard," RaiWolf said with a bloody grimace. "An ostrich bit my eyeball this morning, and everything became glowy. Now with this antler and this dog I can grumpily rule the world!"
Rowan clutched her sparkly eyeball grudgingly. This was her lover, her gay RaiWolf, now staring at her with a bloody earhole.
"Fight it!" Rowan shouted. "The ostrich just wants the antler for his own gay devices! He doesn't love you, not the flowing way I do!"
Rowan could see RaiWolf trembling grudgingly. Rowan reached out her toe and touched RaiWolf's earhole grumpily. She was gay, so gay, but she knew only her sparkly love for RaiWolf would break the ostrich's spell.
Sure enough, RaiWolf dropped the antler with a thunk. "Oh, Rowan," he squealed. "I'm so flowing, can you ever forgive me?"
But Rowan had already moved on the show LOST. Like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs, she pressed her toe into RaiWolf's earhole. And as they fell together in a glowy fit of love, the antler lay on the floor, smooth and forgotten.
Find me at my "toboe" account
1000 Rock Deers Night Shade
Night Shade paced angrily back and forth. Weird dread filled her heart. The Collector should have been home at least an hour ago and it wasn't like him to be late. Oh, my angry love, Night Shade thought. Where could you be?
Just then, the phone rang. It was the police. The Collector had been taken hostage by Stupid Hoof, a supervillain who had the city in a state of scary terror. Night Shade fainted dead away, Like a village idiot that jumped in front of an angry bull.
When she came to, there was a bump on her butt and the weird dread had returned. "The Collector, my pretty honey bunny," she cried out happily. "What is Stupid Hoof doing to you?" Probably torturing him, laughing franticly as he bitten him in the head.
In the midst of all the terror and tears, Night Shade remembered a story her grandmother had told her. If you fold 1000 rock deers, then whatever you wish for will come true.
Night Shade ordered in a supply of rock and set to work, folding deers until her butt was sore and she could hardly see. It took a week. She was just finishing up the very last deer when The Collector walked in the front door.
"The Collector!" Night Shade screamed and threw herself into The Collector's arms. "It worked! I folded 1000 rock deers and it brought you back to me." She was so happy, she felt like she was dancing under the moon. She kissed The Collector deviously on the head.
"Actually," The Collector said, pulling away bitterly, "I was rescued by the Ugly Mask. She's a new superhero in town." The Collector sighed. "And she's really nasty."
The weird dread came back. "But you're sticky to be back here with me, right?"
The Collector checked his watch. "Sure. But I've got to go meet the Ugly Mask for coffee now to, you know, say thanks for saving my life. Stay sexy, baby." He left and the door banged behind him.
Night Shade choked back a sob and started folding another deer. Then she went out and got drunk instead.
Alicev is going to kill me XDDD
"But you're sticky to be back
0 0; I wish I would have
Picking Love Dehy finished
Dehy finished packing. Ever since Crispin, her own true love, had been lost at sea, Dehy had been loving.
There was nothing left for him anymore, nothing jumped him, all was jumping. So today, Valentine's Day, he was going in the water to become an eating orange.
Just then, there was a kicking knock at the door. Dehy opened it and stood there cornily for a moment, before falling to the floor in a swoon and bruising his toe.
When Dehy came to, Crispin was holding his kneecap and looking lighting. "My love," Crispin said smartily, "I'm sorry for the licking shock. I've been shipwrecked on a throwing island for the last ten years, living The cow jumped over the moon. XD. I was only rescued last week." He paused. "I lost my finger in the wreck. Can you still love me?"
Dehy could hardly believe his Crispin had returned. "I will always love you, finger or no finger. Besides, you can cover it up with a grass."
They embraced lovingly and vowed to never be parted again.
And all was laughing.
Yes, all was laughing. because Im like rolling on the floor.
Shiny Lang Syne Mad Hatter
Mad Hatter sipped brightly at his drink and stood shiny behind a leaf. He wasn't sure why he had come to this New Year's Eve party in the first place. He was no good at parties anyhow. They always made him feel bloody and he ended up like he was now, hiding and hoping nobody noticed how green his tail got when he was nervous.
Well, truth be told, Mad Hatter knew very well why he was at the party: to see Random deer.
Ah, Random deer. Just the thought of her, the chance of a glimpse of her annoying hoof made Mad Hatter's heart beat like a old person who hasn't bathed in weeks, and just smelled themselves.
But tonight everyone was masked. Mad Hatter peered mysteriously through the crowd, trying to guess which guest was Random deer. There, he thought, the woman over by the deer, the clean one with the deer mask. It had to be Random deer. No one else could look so stinky, even in a deer mask.
She began to walk Mad Hatter's way and Mad Hatter started to panic. What if she actually talked to Mad Hatter?
Random deer came right up to Mad Hatter and Mad Hatter thought that he was going to faint.
"Hello," Random deer said awkwardly. "What are you doing over here all alone?"
"Oh, just looking at the dog," Mad Hatter said and immediately wanted to die because that sounded so colorful.
Just then, a dull voice began to count down. "Ten ... nine ... eight ... seven ..."
Mad Hatter's heart leapt. If they were together at midnight, that meant that Random deer might ...
"Happy New Year!"
Random deer swept Mad Hatter into her arms, bent him at an advantage, and kissed Mad Hatter accidentally, slipping him the tongue and groping his butt.
Mad Hatter could hardly believe it. How wonderful! And now that it was after midnight, it was time to take their masks off. He reached out foolishly and pulled Random deer's mask off her face. It was Random deer! "I knew it was you," Mad Hatter said and took his own mask off.
"And it's ... you," Random deer said. "You know, I'm just going to go get some punch."
Mad Hatter watched her go. She would be right back, Mad Hatter was sure. Just as soon as she had her punch.
And then they would fall in love.
(Ilovethese |D)
Ah, now I must do another. I
I haven't done one for Oisin and Polt yet.
Oh my. The lousy ankle makes sense, because he does have a bad leg/ankle! XD
This one made me laugh out loud.
and apologies to Kaoori for the next ones XD
*Grinning so wide it
OMG. DOLPHIN. THE RANDOMNESS X"D "I think it's wet" *dies* "Although she was furry"
WELL YEAH. Gosh it's so funny, especially because SOME parts make sense. Somewhere. X"D
Ah, I was going to add that
"I love you too," Polt replied and tripped him.
She's so mean! XDD
... A-Aes... -runs on the
A Needle In Time On an old
On an old and hyperactive morning, Jack sat in the pit. It was Valentine's Day and he was all alone. His back ached in sorrow for the secret love that he could never share. How could he expect Rose the squirrel to love someone with a green mouth?
Horribly, he began to recite a poem he had composed. "Ah, my love is like a decayed noisy knife, all on a summer's day. I wish my Rose the squirrel would rip me, in her own nasty way..."
"Do you?" Rose the squirrel sat down beside Jack and put her hand on Jack's cheek. "I think that could be arranged."
Jack gasped dangerously. "But what about my green mouth?"
"I like it," Rose the squirrel said flutteringly. "I think it's tasty."
They came together and their kiss was like a shadow creeping up from the darkest night.
"I love you," Jack said carefully.
"I love you too," Rose the squirrel replied and ripped him.
They bought a pineapple, moved in together, and lived screamingly ever after.
...what the hell? |D
Aeska....~ -chokes and dies-
*Dies and is ded*
The Duck Princess
Terpsichore was walking through a bright meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a dark little duck lying under a tree.
Terpsichore skipped over to see the dear thing and was silly to find that she was hurt! A fern had pierced her ugly little mask and she whimpered excitedly with the pain.
"My floating little friend," Terpsichore said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the fern, as happily as he could. The duck cried out and Terpsichore's heart ached, like the mysterious quack in the night. "You'll be all right," Terpsichore whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you dance and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping dance up in his arms, Terpsichore carried her home and made a bed for her beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Terpsichore nursed dance, cleaning her mask and feeding her Flower-brand duck chow.
On the eighth night, dance climbed into bed with Terpsichore. She burrowed under the covers and sobbingly danced Terpsichore's leg. It made Terpsichore giggle and he cuddled close to dance, stroking her antler and singing breahtlessly to her.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Terpsichore hurried home so he could curl up with dance. It gave him a pretty feeling whenever dance danced his leg.
Then one night, dance looked up at Terpsichore and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a sparkly princess."
Terpsichore screamed enthusiastically, he was so surprised. How could a duck talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," dance said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Terpsichore said and kissed dance on her antler. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a sparkly princess! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Princess dance," she said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Terpsichore said.
"See?" dance said and showed Terpsichore the scar from the fern on her mask. Then she kissed Terpsichore and they tumbled in a tree and did a lot of very energetic things, some of them involving a purple rock.
"I love you," dance said when they were done. Terpsichore clasped her close and they lived together happily ever after on all the princess treasure dance had stashed away.
And if dance didn't know about Terpsichore's visits to the duck sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt her.
"Then she kissed Terpsichore
Now we must find that mysterious quacking duck!
He's had a duck obsession for
Also it says there was a fern through her mask, and I keep thinking 'it must have been a display glitch'... why the duck had antlers though, I don't know.
Avatarded story! A Dazzling
A Dazzling Occurrence
Jake paced up and down, jiggling his eye. His very good friend, Mary Sue Blue flute, had arranged to meet him here below the Tree of Souls. "I have something amazing to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Blue flute was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Jake expected to see her bounce up, her wonderful hair streaming behind her and her enigmatic eyes aglow.
Jake heard footsteps, but they seemed rather silent for a delicate and iridescent girl like Mary Sue Blue flute, whose tread was colorful. He turned around and found Neytiri staring at him.
"What are you doing here?" Neytiri said flamy. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Jake had said that, but now he was beginning to wish he hadn't acted so happily. "Mary Sue Blue flute asked to meet me here." As he gazed at Neytiri, his queue began to throb insanely.
"Oh," Neytiri said, lovely. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Jake said and caught Neytiri by her nose. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Neytiri said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like a gentle Banshee flying above the tips of the Hallelujah Mountains.
From behind a bow, Mary Sue Blue flute watched with a biolominiscent light in her beautiful eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Jake/Neytiri". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the Thanator from extinction.
... YES.
I DIED. XD *Sexual themes
*Sexual themes warning*
Tally and Steele
by William Shakespeare
Enter Tally
Steele appears above at a window
Tally:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the crow-bar, and Steele is the moose.
Arise, questionable moose, and lick the aggravated body hair.
See, how he leans his tounge upon his hoof!
O, that I were a glove upon that hoof,
That I might touch that tounge!
Steele:
O Tally, Tally! wherefore art thou Tally?
What's in a name? That which we call an ear
By any other name would smell as shiny
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "off like a prom dress."
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove happy.
Tally:
Swain, by yonder aggravated body hair I swear
That tips on top of a car the quick feather--
Steele:
O, swear not by the body hair, the fantabulous body hair,
That manly changes in its sexual orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise sexual.
Sweet, tense night! A thousand times tense night!
Parting is such shivering sorrow,
That I shall say tense night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Tally:
Sleep dwell upon thy tounge, peace in thy hoof!
Would I were sleep and peace, so suddenly to rest!
hugely will I to my questionable ear's cell,
Its help to lick, and my shiny ear to tell.
I have had a bad cause of the
Darth Vader hated Christmas.
Every December, Darth Vader would feel himself getting all noisy inside. He refused to put up a Christmas Padme, he snapped at anyone orange enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Darth Vader had to go to the mall to buy a blue lightsaber. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing quietly around and so much Christmas music blaring quickly, he thought his arm would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a white woman collecting for charity. Darth Vader never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the white woman dropped his bells and ran on a tree. There was a red deer right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the white woman slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Darth Vader rushed out and swiftly pushed them both out of the way. There was a bright bang and then everything went dark.
When Darth Vader woke up, he was in an extremely room. There was a Christmas Padme in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Darth Vader's hand hurt. A lot.
The white woman came into the room. "I'm so intense!" she said. "You're awake. My name is Bob. You saved me from the truck. But your hand is broken."
Darth Vader hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas Padme up and his hand was broken, he felt quite quiet, especially when he looked at Bob.
"Your hand must hurt intensely," Bob said. "I think this will help." And she kicked Darth Vader several times.
Now Darth Vader felt very quiet indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Bob. "I love you," he said, and kissed Bob huskily.
"I love you too," said Bob. Just then, the deer ran into the room and nuzzled Darth Vader's ear. "I brought him home with us," Bob said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Darth Vader said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
The Pathetic Terror Of The
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Joro and Mie went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Joro hit Mie in her head with a big frilly iceball. It hurt a lot, but Joro kissed it huskily and then it was all better.
Then they decided to make a snow man.
"We'll make a really lean snow man!" Joro said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Mie said. "That would be more melancholy and politically correct."
"I know," Joro said. "We can make a snow cow. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."
So they rolled the snow up stupidly and made a lanky snow cow. Joro put on a pickle for the leg. The cow was almost as big as Mie.
"It looks orange," Joro said happily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Mie said and held up a risque carrot. "I found this on the rooftop." She put the carrot onto the cow's head.
It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the cow, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like the sun that lit a fire across the land.
Mie screamed willingly and ran but the snow cow chased her until she tripped over a tree root. Then the snow cow picked her angrily.
"Nobody does that to my little Dainty Dog," Joro screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow cow through the arm. It fell down and Joro kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Mie said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The carrot lay in the yard until a mean child picked it up and took it home.
~~~~
OH. MY. GOD.
MIE IS JORO'S DAINTY DOG.
8D
I should kill you now, Mie.
xDDDD j/k fff
PFFT. You know you liked
You know you liked that story >8I
xD
Myu and Nightmare by William
by William Shakespeare
Enter Myu
Nightmare appears above at a window
Myu:
But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks?
It is the bananna, and Nightmare is the puppy.
Arise, jagged puppy, and spill the spiky pingas.
See, how he leans his head upon his leg!
O, that I were a glove upon that leg,
That I might touch that head!
Nightmare:
O Myu, Myu! wherefore art thou Myu?
What's in a name? That which we call a butt
By any other name would smell as prickly
Dost thou love me? I know thou wilt say "much like the moon casting its light upon the world"
And I will take thy word; yet if thou swear'st,
Thou mayst prove callous.
Myu:
Swain, by yonder spiky pingas I swear
That tips on the dock the platonic kitten--
Nightmare:
O, swear not by the pingas, the pink pingas,
That fussingly changes in its fluffy orb,
Lest that thy love prove likewise fluffy.
Sweet, trivial night! A thousand times trivial night!
Parting is such caluclating sorrow,
That I shall say trivial night till it be morrow.
Exit above
Myu:
Sleep dwell upon thy head, peace in thy leg!
Would I were sleep and peace, so passionately to rest!
quickly will I to my jagged butt's cell,
Its help to spill, and my prickly butt to tell.
~~~
Remind me to NEVER use "Pingas" again. I just about died from laughing so hard.
Yori & Raimundo The Miracle
The Miracle Of The Jellyfish
Yori hated Christmas. He didn't just dislike Christmas, he hated it like a dragonfly that just divorced its fellow child with a moldy stick. He loathed it.
Every December, Yori would feel himself getting all retarded inside. He refused to put up a Christmas rainbow, he snapped at anyone clueless enough to sing a carol in his vicinity, and he never, ever bought anybody any presents.
On December 13, Yori had to go to the mall to buy a sparkle-sparkley sponge. When he got there, there were so many shoppers pushing dramatically around and so much Christmas music blaring retardedly, he thought his toe would explode.
Finally, he was done. Just outside the door was a glittery man collecting for charity. Yori never gave to charity, so he started to walk past without a word.
Suddenly, the glittery man dropped his bells and ran on top of the rainbow. There was a floppy jellyfish right in the path of an oncoming truck. But the glittery man slipped and fell, so now they were both in danger!
Yori rushed out and disturbingly pushed them both out of the way. There was a dead bang and then everything went dark.
When Yori woke up, he was in an interesting room. There was a Christmas rainbow in the corner and soft carols were playing. Also, Yori's chest hair hurt. A lot.
The glittery man came into the room. "I'm so rainbowey!" he said. "You're awake. My name is Raimundo. You saved me from the truck. But your chest hair is broken."
Yori hardly knew what to say. Even though there was a Christmas rainbow up and his chest hair was broken, he felt quite phycotic, especially when he looked at Raimundo.
"Your chest hair must hurt stupidly," Raimundo said. "I think this will help." And he raped Yori several times.
Now Yori felt very phycotic indeed. He didn't hate Christmas at all now. In fact, he loved it. And he loved Raimundo. "I love you," he said, and kissed Raimundo sexily.
"I love you too," said Raimundo. Just then, the jellyfish ran into the room and nuzzled Yori's eyelash. "I brought him home with us," Raimundo said.
"We'll call him Miracle," Yori said. "Our Christmas Miracle."
It was the best Christmas ever.
---------------------
OH MY GOD.
A Naked
Walterwoman paced up and down, jiggling her tongue. Her very good friend, Mary Sue Cookie, had arranged to meet her here in a fridge. "I have something creepy to tell you," she had said.
Mary Sue Cookie was late, which was very unlike her. Any moment now, Walterwoman expected to see her bounce up, her sexy hair streaming behind her and her gorgeous eyes aglow.
Walterwoman heard footsteps, but they seemed rather tiresome for a delicate and touchable girl like Mary Sue Cookie, whose tread was delicious. She turned around and found Silence staring at her.
"What are you doing here?" Silence said harshly. "I thought you said you didn't want to see me again."
Walterwoman had said that, but now she was beginning to wish she hadn't acted so daringly. "Mary Sue Cookie asked to meet me here." As she gazed at Silence, her bum began to throb gently.
"Oh," Silence said, helpfully. "I'll just go then."
"Wait," Walterwoman said and caught Silence by his eyebrow. "I was wrong. I still love you. Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes," Silence said, smiling. They wrapped their arms around each other and kissed, like the experience of a molested thing.
From behind a cream pie, Mary Sue Cookie watched with a faggotish light in her loud eyes. She took a list out of her pocket, and checked off "Walterwoman/Silence". Then, she skipped off to help an embittered man find love again, just as soon as she'd saved the fawn from extinction.
--------
LAWL
A Swarthy Day To
Jeeves stepped gloriously out into the frothy sunshine, and admired Dr. Von Swarthington III's right foot. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a garish sight."
Dr. Von Swarthington III climbed off the croquet mallet and walked masterfully across the grass to greet his lover. Jeeves patted Dr. Von Swarthington III on the bald spot and then tried to please him hesitantly, but without success.
"That's all right," Dr. Von Swarthington III said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not superior," said Jeeves. "Not as superior as the time we pleased in the servants' quarters."
Dr. Von Swarthington III nodded tartly. "We were distinguished back in those days."
"Our left nostrils were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Jeeves said. "Everything seems muddleheaded and magnificent when you're young."
"Of course," Dr. Von Swarthington III said. "But now we're wealthy, we can still have fun. If we go about it properly."
"Properly?" Jeeves said . "But how?"
"With this," Dr. Von Swarthington III said and held out a lace-trimmed peacock. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to please."
Jeeves swallowed the peacock at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to please properly. They pleased like a sheep clearing its throat of a blade of grass on a distant hillside. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
Dear lord...you were right, I
I popped in the names oftwo of my OCs, Lier and Devon, and there were like, 3 drabbles that I liked the best XD For most of the words, I pulled out a dictionary and used the most obscure/odd entries I could find :B
And note that when I typed in "pot" for a noun, I meant cooking pot, not the street name for weed |D
The Floppy Terror Of The Snow (<----I think this one was probably my favorite x3)
It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Devon and Lier went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Devon hit Lier in his abdomen with a big hydrothermal iceball. It hurt a lot, but Devon kissed it astride and then it was all better. Then they decided to make a snow man. "We'll make a really subsinuous snow man!" Devon said.
"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Lier said. "That would be more longish and politically correct."
"I know," Devon said. "We can make a snow bird. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics." So they rolled the snow up transequatorially and made a pseudoancestral snow bird. Devon put on a feather for the leg. The bird was almost as big as Lier.
"It looks debonaire," Devon said huskily. "But it seems like it's missing something."
"Here," Lier said and held up an iridescent pot. "I found this in a bathtub." He put the pot onto the bird's head. It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the bird, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players..
Lier screamed overfemininely and ran but the snow bird chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow bird nagged him fantasmagorically.
"Nobody does that to my little Poofy Lunchbox," Devon screamed. She grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow bird through the nose. It fell down and Devon kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.
"You saved me!" Lier said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.
The pot lay in the yard until a strobilaceous child picked it up and took it home.
An Iridescent Day To Nag
Lier stepped overfemininely out into the longish sunshine, and admired Devon's leg. "Ah," he sighed, "That's a poofy sight." Devon climbed off the feather and walked fantasmagorically across the grass to greet her lover. Lier patted Devon on the abdomen and then tried to nag her transequatorially, but without success.
"That's all right," Devon said. "We can try again later."
"I'm just not debonaire," Lier. "Not as debonaire as the time we nagged in a bathtub."
Devon nodded huskily. "We were hydrothermal back in those days."
"Our noses were younger, and we had a lot more fun with them," Lier said. "Everything seems floppy and subsinuous when you're young."
"Of course," Devon said. "But now we're strobilaceous, we can still have fun. If we go about it astride."
"Astride?" Lier said . "But how?"
"With this," Devon said and held out a pseudoancestral lunchbox. "Just take that with some water and in half an hour, you'll be ready to nag." Lier swallowed the lunchbox at once and sure enough, in half an hour, they were able to nag astride. They nagged All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players.. Three times.
And then the neighbour told them to get off his lawn.
The Battle For The Pot
In a bathtub, Lier nagged his pot. He had been busy with the pot for hours and now wanted nothing more than a subsinuous cuddle or a debonaire massage from his lover Devon. He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his pseudoancestral Devon appeared at the door, grinning fantasmagorically.
"Put down the pot," Devon said transequatorially. "Unless you want me to nag that pot on your nose."
Lier put down the pot. He was hydrothermal. He had never seen Devon so floppy before and it made him strobilaceous. Devon picked up the pot, then withdrew a lunchbox from her leg. "Don't be so hydrothermal," Devon said with a floppy grimace. "A bird bit my abdomen this morning, and everything became iridescent. Now with this pot and this lunchbox I can transequatorially rule the world!"
Lier clutched his poofy abdomen overfemininely. This was his lover, his pseudoancestral Devon, now staring at him with a floppy leg.
"Fight it!" Lier shouted. "The bird just wants the pot for his own pseudoancestral devices! He doesn't love you, not the subsinuous way I do!"
Lier could see Devon trembling overfemininely. Lier reached out his nose and touched Devon's leg transequatorially. He was pseudoancestral, so pseudoancestral, but he knew only his poofy love for Devon would break the bird's spell. Sure enough, Devon dropped the pot with a thunk. "Oh, Lier," she squealed. "I'm so subsinuous, can you ever forgive me?"
But Lier had already moved in a bathtub. All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players., he pressed his nose into Devon's leg. And as they fell together in an iridescent fit of love, the pot lay on the floor, strobilaceous and forgotten.
There was also one where Lier turned into a woman, but I already felt violated enough by the rest of these, we didn't need that one too XD
Thank you VCG for giving me such an amusing way to procrastinate |D
A House In Time On a
On a transparent and flirtatious morning, Brielle sat in the car. It was Valentine's Day and she was all alone. Her toe ached in sorrow for the secret love that she could never share. How could she expect Bob to love someone with an old-fashioned hand?
Haughtily, she began to recite a poem she had composed. "Ah, my love is like a late clueless stick, all on a summer's day. I wish my Bob would throw me, in his own curious way..."
"Do you?" Bob sat down beside Brielle and put his hand on Brielle's leg. "I think that could be arranged."
Brielle gasped stupidily. "But what about my old-fashioned hand?"
"I like it," Bob said sneakily. "I think it's mean."
They came together and their kiss was like the moon shining and lighting up the darkest of nights.
"I love you," Brielle said hurriedly.
"I love you too," Bob replied and threw her.
They bought a skunk, moved in together, and lived wonderfully ever after.
.
Quote: The Battle For The
^ BRB HAVING A DEAD.
BRB
HAVING A DEAD.
*gets defib unit ready*
The Gentle Stranger The sun
The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Crybaby strode along the path, making for Curious Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Nice Halo, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Hair.
A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his calm pants just in time to face the intelligent man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.
The man struck flashy, and Crybaby barely raised his pants to meet the attack. They fought long and friendly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.
At last, Crybaby found himself forced to one knee, the man's pants pressed to his polite arm. "I am Sithrim of Curious Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Nice Halo. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you in the forest."
But Crybaby had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his pants with a twist, overpowered Sithrim and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Crybaby said, looking down upon him.
Sithrim's wing shimmered like his smile enlightens the whole world. "I have underestimated you, Crybaby. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."
Crybaby's desire was enflamed. His arm throbbed and all his thoughts were to fly Sithrim like a bird. Crybaby caressed Sithrim's shy wing and he responded. They came together shiny, and their joining was as wise as their battle, and also much louder.
"Ah, my sweet necklace!" Crybaby groaned and throwed Sithrim as especially as he could.
"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"
"Oh," Crybaby said. "That's where I put the Nice Halo for safekeeping. Sorry."
When they had finished their romp, they drowsed cordially on the grass, forgetful of all but their mysterious love. "We will stay together forever," Sithrim said, and they began all over again.
And so it was that the Wizard Hair never got the Nice Halo and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
Omg lol! (sorry Sith, I just had to do this xDDD)
Lightly Tripping Vilnius
Vilnius tripped along passionatly. He was on his way to meet his lover, Mielasis, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a deer hopping along, carrying a feather in its mouth.
Vilnius was almost in bed when he came across a curious cake, lying alone on a soft plate. "That must be a treat from my hard bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked gold, so he ate it.
It gave him the most bloody tingling sensation in his finger. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Mielasis.
When Mielasis came out to meet him, he took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Vilnius cried swiftly.
"Your head! And your leg!" Mielasis said. "They're loving! Can't you feel it?"
Vilnius felt his head and his leg. They were indeed quite loving. "Oh, no!" Vilnius said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that curious cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Mielasis said. "I got you a mask. It must have been that white man who lives nearby. He acts a little roughly, ever since he shook a heart."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Vilnius sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Mielasis said thoughtfully, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your head is really gentle like that."
"Really?" Vilnius dried her tears. Vilnius kissed Mielasis and it was an entirely fast sensation, Like the warmth of a well treated heart.
They spent the night having entirely fast sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.
Vilnius it gender bent you D= XD
I Saw Mind Kissing Santa
Yorisumo woke up in the middle of the night. He was thirsty and so he decided to get a drink of water and maybe go peek at the presents under the tree. Even though it was almost Christmas morning, he couldn't wait to see his presents. There was one pretty box that looked like a spoon. Then Yorisumo noticed that Mind was out of bed too. She must not have been able to wait for her presents either. Yorisumo thought that he would surprise Mind. Maybe even sneak up behind her and lick her on her soft eye lash. That always made Mind overweight. Yorisumo crept slowly down the stairs and into the living room. There was the tree, with its small lights, and the presents, heaped up beautifully, and the mistletoe hanging from the ceiling, and Mind. Kissing someone. Yorisumo was so angry, he picked up a fork from a table and threw it gently on a rainbow in Narnia. They both looked around. "Mind, you tasty walrus!" Yorisumo yelled. "How could you cheat on me with...with..." Yorisumo looked and then rubbed his toe and looked again. It was Santa Claus. "Let me explain," Mind said. "I came down for a glass of water and then I found Santa here under the mistletoe." "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "So of course she had to give me a kiss. And what a mouldy kiss it was." "Well, I suppose," Yorisumo said dramatically. "If he was under the mistletoe." "Ho! Ho! Ho!" Santa said. "Why don't you give me a kiss too? Then things will be crunchy." That seemed reasonable. Yorisumo went over under the mistletoe and kissed Santa. Santa was the best kisser ever, like a spoon that slowly moulds into what looks like a hippo and is in fact a crown of nothingness.. He made Yorisumo's down below feel all slimy. "You see?" Mind said disgustingly and Yorisumo saw. So they had a threeway.
Everybody's presents were late.
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AHH-- WTF. hjsjdshjjklfkdfkdl