pagan poetry.

pumpkinseed's picture



Pagan Poetry


"You make me weak."

' ... '


Physical ; Very bruised due to various different conflicts through the week; slight limp due to injured thigh.



Mental ; Holding it together, masking depression.



Emotional ; Heartbroken.


ͽ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ͼ

Notes ; Notes in here.

















Updates ;


05.01.2019

Decided it was time to confront a few things that had been causing her pain and anxiety. Followed Ciel's scent upon entering the forest and found him resting near her favorite tree behind the Crying Idol. Settled in beside him but did not speak until he closed the gap. After explaining the source of her most recent wound while he tenderly cleaned it, pressed him on his absence and admitted that if he'd asked her to follow him back then, she would have, but that having Nawfar and a home to care for made it impossible now. Came as close to confessing her feelings for him as she could without making a complete fool of herself and was not surprised when she was met with his silence. Resigned herself to it, especially when he confessed his own pain and self-loathing. Promised him that he would always have a home with her whenever he needed it and was relieved when he promised to never turn her away. Shared a few more bittersweet words with him, including an offer to show him her home someday should he ever desire to see it.

Returned home several hours after Ciel fell asleep, reluctant to leave him with the knowledge that he could vanish again at any time nagging in the back of her mind. Checked in on her sleeping daughter before retreating to her bedroom, where she divested herself of her clothing and slid into the safety of her bed to mourn her heartache where no one else could see or hear.


04.24.2019

Last night, defended Mirah against a beast that seemed to have targeted her for food - or merely a pleasure kill. Managed to chase him off after a short and intense fight but not without sustaining a rather large wound in her left thigh from a bite. Escorted Mirah back to her son, Zafir, then led the two into the safety of the ruins which were, as expected, quiet, still, and well occupied by others. Tended to Mirah's wounds with what little supplies she'd brought with her some days ago for emergencies and conversed with the Smokescale for a time, inquiring about her knowledge of the beast. Remembered to congratulate her on the birth of her children, promised to share a glass of wine with her sometime, and then watched over the two for a few hours longer while they gathered their strength. When Mirah indicated it was time for her to return her, escorted them to her portal.

Went home afterward herself to find Nawfar lounging on the porch. Reassured her daughter that despite the blood oozing from her thigh through her jeans that she was well, but could sense the girl's frustration over Pagan's recent indulgence of her more violent tendencies. Honestly, couldn't blame her for it. Showered to rid herself of blood, sweat, and mud she picked up during the fight, dried, cleaned, and bandaged the torn skin on her thigh. After dressing for the night, prepared a plate of sliced apples and oranges for herself and Nawfar to share outside and did not press the girl when she refused to speak to her and simply recounted the events of the day to her beginning with a long and almost comical description of the wolf beast. When Nawfar eventually asked why it was Pagan needed to involve herself in such matters and get hurt all the time, Pagan could only respond honestly: It's what I know how to do best. But I know I should be better.


tl;dr Pagan has been letting herself be a punching bag and it suxx


04.21.2019

Plagued by nightmares as of late. Beginning to recognize certain themes and imagery but has yet to discern their meaning. Sleeping little because of it.

Had a long conversation with Jae yesterday which mostly involved her digging into his past. Learned a few things about him that illuminated aspects of his personality she'd previously struggled to grasp. Apologized for not having the energy to spar with him and inquired as to his recent travels. Fascinated by the concepts behind the magic of his homeland, but withheld any further questions lest Jae's head fall off. Fell asleep beneath the sun with him at her side.

Awoke later that afternoon to a familiar scent on the wind. Paralyzed by the possibility and the surge of guilt and frustration it induced, stayed glued to her spot, sure that it must just be her imagination. Distracted by a visit from Gita with who she played with for a while, rearing and dancing as long as it made the girl laugh. Presented her with one of the two wooden boars she commissioned from Sedirea and explained the meaning behind it. Delighted by the girl's reaction overall. Surprised when Galene joined them not long after. Greeted her friend with a nuzzle and stood back to watch quietly while Gita showed off her new toy. Bid them both a good night not long after and retreated back to Gjokstad.

Spent some time grooming Kjaere as an excuse to talk out loud about her recent dreams. Received no answers from the horse, of course, but the session clarified a few suspicions she'd had over them. Once again robbed of sleep, spent the night organizing recently dried herbs, then curled up on her couch in front of the fire with her sketchbook.

Tended to her usual chores in the morning, then returned to the forest for some sun and quiet. Overjoyed by a surprise visit from Takato. Accepted a beautifully wrapped gift which turned out to be a framed photograph of Galene and Gita in a public park. Touched and grateful, shared some tearful words of thanks with Takato. Briefly touched on promises for the future before he returned home. Took her gift with her to the heart of the forest where Sindile's group caught her attention. After some hesitation, decided to join them for a bit while she gathered her emotions. Offered a softly spoken introduction but otherwise merely listened while they conversed. Greeted Noelani with a nuzzle and smile when the doe joined.



04.18.2019

Worked through the night decorating the wooden sculptures she commissioned from Sedirea, as well as experimenting with her canvas. Did not realize she'd forgotten to eat or sleep until she caught a glimpse of the sunrise beyond the curtain of the window in her studio area. Left her work to dry on the desk and took a long shower to wash away the paint and the deserved sleepiness settling into her bones. Mostly failed to rid herself of the latter, but went about her day feeding Kjaere, the cow, and taking advantage of the first day of genuinely nice weather to rake and plow a patch of dirt not far from the house where she hoped squash might someday grow. Joined off and on by Nawfar throughout the day, so she took the opportunity to teach her about how to test the soil for fertility, as well as how to put a saddle on a horse.

Retreated to the forest in the evening to check in on the festivities. Briefly sparred with Sindile, then watched Altjid and an unfamiliar stag spar in the clearing among a small crowd while chatting with Noelani, but didn't take too much interest until Ingolfr challenged the stag next. Fire in her veins, decided to take up the mantle of throwing down the gauntlet at Ingolfr's feet and enjoyed what was a very long and brutal spar. Held her own but not without some minor injuries. Left very impressed by the buck's skill and the prickle of something familiar in his general style and attitude.

The following evening, returned to the forest sore and miserable in a way she hadn't felt in quite a while. Came to rest at her favored spot near the birch with the intent of recovering her energy and strength but was soon approached by Noelani who requested Pagan teach her to spar. Surprised, questioned the girl's motives at first and did not agree to the lesson until she felt comfortable that the girl wasn't in danger. Gave her a crash course in the basic technique and coached her on the value of not being afraid to hurt someone who is trying to hurt you. Though it was obvious to her that the girl was out of her depth, by the end of it felt she'd already improved. Saw a great amount of potential and vocalized her observations as such.

Decided to go back home for the night to tend to her wounds and lounge in her bed once the lesson was over. Got as far as the door outside of the bathroom before collapsing, heart racing and skin cold with sweat. Laid on the floor for a long time until the dizziness passed, but found herself unable to stand on her own two legs without bracing against the door frame. After some difficulty, made it to her room, where she stripped herself of her pants and sank into her mattress. Dreamt vividly that night about things come and gone; saw herself wandering through a forest made of ash.

Burning out but unwilling to admit it, returned to her routine early the next morning.



04.14.2019

Wandered and lazed about for the majority of the day, fighting mental boredom and a bruised and aching body. Stopped in at Sedirea's stand late in the afternoon to examine her wares. Utterly enamored with the feline's craft and evident skill. Apologized for not having any friends in tow but requested two wooden boar toys to take back home and spruce up. Briefly conversed with the creature about her magic. When her order was completed, thanked her profusely and started toward her entry way back home. Stopped to check in on Uy's girls. Seeing that they were both well, finally took herself home.

Made herself a hot mug of tea upon her return. Setup her paints, brushes, a canvas, and a small chisel on her work bench and settled in to color her soon to be gifts.


04.13.2019

Brought Tristan through the portal to her village only to be welcomed by a snowstorm. Unperturbed by the disruption to their original plan of mending fences and horseback riding, showed him around the premises, unable to contain her pride whenever he commented on the structure of her home. Got him settled in with a mug of milky herbal tea to help heal his wounds and spent the evening conversing with him about many things. Helped him reapply fresh ointment to his wounds and afterward showed him her sketchbook. Explained her affinity for art and its origins while showing off a sketch she'd made of him some time ago from memory. Listened to him speak about bits and pieces of his own life while sketching, pausing only to absorb a compliment he offered. Gave him the finished sketch to keep.

When they awoke the next morning to the snowstorm still raging outside, decided it would be better for him to return home until the weather turned nice. Helped him pack up, took him to the entry point to the forest, and bid him farewell with a grateful hug.

Since then, has been visiting with familiar faces whenever possible. Goaded into a very long and strenuous spar with Jae the other day which left her far more exhausted and wounded than their previous fights. Joined him afterward in the stream for a long soak and clean up and there, had a conversation that was both intriguing as much as it was amusing. Teased him a bit then left him to his thoughts for the night.












"On the surface simplicity

But the darkest pit in me

is pagan poetry."





Sleepything's picture

♥


adorable art by Tuoho! ♥

hi ♥

hi ♥

Sig: Aihnna

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! Interest track
Gustiro's picture

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<3
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&hearts;!

♥!
look out, kid.

Mahj's picture

&hearts;

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Track! c:

Track! c:
-by Sokoora by Kamaya
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&hearts;

Sigi by Wake

Bayleen's picture

&hearts; ! (keeping the

♥ ! (keeping the stream of hearts here afloat aha)
seems she has attracted a certain satanspawn fawn ;>
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bloodygoddess's picture

track~

track~

hello! (sorry for the

hello!
(sorry for the confusing actions aaaa)
Mahj's picture

"What do you know" comes the

"What do you know" comes the boy's voice, soft, nearly a whisper, meant for her ears only.
"About feathers?" his throat aches just with those words, vocal chords thrumming in a body still not used to speech. "What do you know." repeated like a mantra of questions that tie into one another. "About eyes? About fire." his head turns up towards the sky, eyes closing for a few long moments, when they open again, it is only halfway.

"When I close my eyes it's all I see." and they close again. His head drops once more. The eyes open, staring at nothing in particular.
pumpkinseed's picture

(bear with me if I am slow,

(bear with me if I am slow, am working on job applications and such Smiling )

The sleepy trance she'd fallen into after finding her spot beside the boy is broken by sound of his voice. It is a strange thing to realize he, like all of them, has a voice at all; she has grown used to speaking to him in gestures, in looks. She blinks, gazing down at him from over the beak of her mask, her mind buzzing as she considers his questions. It doesn't take much to see how heavily they weigh on him - perhaps this is why he has seemed so tired lately?

"Feathers are vital to the living beings they dress, no?" Pagan hums, shutting her eyes for just a moment to consider her memory of the feathers she'd gathered a few nights prior, recalling the pulsing energy they'd given off. "Without feathers, most birds could not fly. But in the same way they are vital, they are also disposable. They molt. They shed. They are torn from their roots. They grow back in time." Pausing, she drops her head just enough to meet his reluctant gaze, searching the depths of his inky black eyes for the echoes of his thoughts. "Many would argue that fires purify. There is a lot to be said about a force of nature that can swallow the Earth while at the same time feed it.

"And eyes... well. The only place one cannot carry lies is in the eyes. Or so I've always believed."

Following a deep inhalation of the damp air around them, she breaks her gaze and brings it instead to the top of his head, where his antlers are budding, strong but sure, a small gesture of privacy. "Does it bother you to see these things? I suppose the better question is: what do you know about feathers, and eyes, and fire?"


Mahj's picture

{ Take your time! Also: A

{ Take your time!
Also: A quick doodle }

He considers her words at great length. And in his own way, understands the truth of them. These are good answers. He stores them away for private contemplation at a later, lonelier date. His head shifts, a nod of 'I understand.' in response. Inhale, exhale. What does he know of feathers. What does he know of fire. What does he know of eyes?

"Birds've feathers." he eventually speaks. "Hearts've fire." and then; "Many've eyes." but he knows that isn't what she meant. His tail flicks once. And he watches the grass stir under the slight breeze.
"Sometimes I think I know things" he admits quietly, "But when I try to remember, my head fills all up with fog." his eyes close again, like he's trying to remember.

"I feel like that now. I know. But I don't know what I know."
pumpkinseed's picture

(AHHH! That is so beautiful.

(AHHH! That is so beautiful. Oh my gosh. >_< Thank you so much. I love it, and I love your interpretation of her. Especially that mask and those trinkets!)

"You are so smart for such a young little thing." And indeed, she is heartened by his thoughtful wordplay, her chest swelling with something akin to pride. Understanding niggles at the back of her mind, just out of full reach of her consciousness, but there, available, sure to be found in the depths of her dreams. She remembers the feathers, the energy, the dream that had spurned her to seek them out in the first place.

"I am not surprised that you feel this way. Neither should you be. The universe has conspired to bring you here, touched as you are with what some people call intuition. I, myself, call it a gift." She takes a moment to regard the hills in the distance, her ears tipping back to greet the bubbling of the tears pouring from the Crying Idol's eyes. "Though you have been blessed with knowledge, you should not rush to uncover it all at once. There is danger in haste and reckless misunderstanding. Would you be so quick to undo a beaver dam, for instance, if you knew that pulling free too many twigs and branches at once would flood the valley?"

Pagan regards her young companion with a gentle look, her lips pursed as if to abruptly stop the flow of words. Then, after a few long beats of silence, she smiles, the tension melting from her eyes. "Do you know the story of the phoenix, Little Crow?"
Mahj's picture

{yw! I'll definitely do

{yw! I'll definitely do another if/when she has a reference too ;w;}

"I see." and again, he falls into the silence that comes so naturally to him. Loses himself in the feeling of his companion not far away, the rush of water from the nearby idol. The damp of the air, and how it clings to his coat. It all feels so real, enough so to pull the fog from his mind for now before it can overtake him the way it can when he thinks too long, too hard, about something out of his reach.

A gift. Perhaps. He has never felt gifted. But then, he has only ever felt how he feels, perhaps he would not know a gift if he saw it. Or perhaps not. His friends are gifts, he feels as if he has been presented with something sweet and pure and true every time someone comes to visit him, or allows him to sit by their side in the drowsy morning light.

Her question causes his head to shake, a silent 'no'. But his ears tilt forward all the same; He is listening, should she wish to speak on it.
pumpkinseed's picture

"I first learned of the

"I first learned of the phoenix while on a voyage a very long time ago." In her mind's eye, she can still see the ocean, taste it, smell it. Sometimes she misses it. "The phoenix is a bird born of fire. As the story goes, its only job is to live - sometimes for thousands of years - gaining wisdom throughout its prolonged life. However, and as with all things, it too must die, and so, when it is ready to pass on, it builds itself a pyre made of herbs and branches and sets itself aflame, burning to its death so that it can be reborn from its own ashes. The phoenix then starts its life anew, and, tasked with regaining and building upon the knowledge of its previous life, lives."

It has been so long since she's thought of this tale. She is gripped by the nostalgia, her voice soft, reverent. "You and the phoenix are much alike, I think, except the phoenix knows that knowledge is not gained by dwelling, or hiding. It is gained by living and sharing. Be gentle on yourself, Little Crow. It will come in due time, as it is meant to."

The end of her words are punctuated by a thin, tired breath. It has been a long few days, and but she is grateful for the opportunity he has given her, whether knowingly or unknowingly, to sift through the debris of her own scattered dreams and visions. Though she can feel his energy brushing and beckoning at the fringes of her own, trying to coax her into further analysis, she ignores the feeling in favor of returning her thoughts only to him as he sits down, young, doubtful, insecure. She meets the side of his head with her forehead in a firm nuzzle and does not pull herself away. "Rest now, little one. The morning awaits you eagerly. You should seize it when it comes."

Mahj's picture

He closes his eyes. Can see

He closes his eyes. Can see it behind the lids so easily, how the brilliant red and orange would creep up darkened feather. The heat. The light. His tongue runs along the top of his mouth, the backs of his teeth, and for a moment, he can nearly taste the ash.

His eyes slide open. And once more, the forest is his reality. The gentle air. The idol's roar. He nods again, and looks at the pale doe with a serene sense of determination. Life was not always to know immediately. Life was to live. Another lesson learned.

Leaning up, he presses against her in silent thank you before he settles, curls small, and sighs.
Sleep takes him gently. Safely, into its embrace.
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&hearts;!

♥!
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weeee

weeee
~Poppy~
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Pixel Wis by squeegie~
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boop

boop
FishBiscuit's picture

hello pretty lady c:

hello pretty lady c:
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SHES SO CUTE ?

SHES SO CUTE ♥
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hey

hey
lemon's picture

(No subject)

<3
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phantomhelsing's picture

hello! you met Atiq when he

hello! you met Atiq when he came to say hi to his twin...before he accidentally scared him off >n>

it was nice sitting with you~<3
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(No subject)

<:
phantomhelsing's picture

I'm sorry Atiq is having

I'm sorry Atiq is having issues responding, I'm very bad at this ;n;
I think she was asking to spar? maybe? |D
pumpkinseed's picture

She was actually play

She was actually play sparring with Atiq's fawn! XD Although, she's always up for an adult spar with a friend. <3
phantomhelsing's picture

ahhh ok I wasn't sure who it

ahhh ok I wasn't sure who it was aimed at lol
he's...apprehensive but if it was Pagan he'd probably be ok with it haha <3

also I keep meaning to ask but super nervous, do you mind if I add you on discord? ;w;
pumpkinseed's picture

Add me!

Add me! Smiling
phantomhelsing's picture

sent

sent <3
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&hearts;


Sig made by WildflowerDeer
Vessan's picture

Lil Babu, likes very much.

Lil Babu, likes very much.
Awentia's picture

Ahh, such a gorgeous design.

Ahh, such a gorgeous design.
Discord: Tzvii#9954 // Signature by Wake.
pumpkinseed's picture

Thank you both!

Thank you both!

&hearts;

Leotie's picture

idk why pagan showed up as a

idk why pagan showed up as a nameless on screen for me!Exclaim!! (': BUT HELLO!! ♥
phantomhelsing's picture

There's a calm in the air

There's a calm in the air tonight, even through the slight chill there's a small sense of comfort wound among the trees. He nearly melted out of the night, gold markings twinkling like starlight, and just as quiet. There was a pause as he assessed the sleeping doe curled up before him, careful not to make any sudden sounds. Judging by her slow, steady breathing, she was still fast asleep. Good. She'd been shying away from him for awhile, and he'd picked up on it, resigned to it. So he'd snuck in with the shadow of night, when deep sleep would allow him the closeness he required. Atiq ever so quietly lowered himself beside the pale doe, and gently laid his own gift where she'd see it in the morning. It was something he'd been working on with his friend Neirin for awhile. Atiq had very little, beyond just physical trinkets he didn't even have memories, all he had to give was himself and the flowers that crowned his head. So he'd ought out his magically-inclined friend and asked if he could preserve one of the blooms, and together the two had managed one near-perfect jasmine blossom, shining almost like glass. Neirin had also helped him attach it to a bit of leather cord, easy to carry or affix to something.

The only other gift he could give was a bit of himself, his warmth, his comfort. Caught in the depths of sleep, he knew he probably wouldn't be heard, but gave the sentiment anyways, "You know you will always have a place with me, no matter what. You'll always have a home there, should you want it." There was a sadness in his eyes, and an ache in his chest as he watched her slumber. Very quietly, nearly silent, he began to hum. A near-wordless echo of some distant place and time he couldn't have a hope of remembering, but the imprint remained. Slowly he saw the tenseness recede slightly from her curled form as the gentle melody wrapped around them. When he knew he could stay no longer, before the spell of sleep was broken and his presence brought unease, the lullaby ended and he was up.

"Salaamat, dear friend. I'm here when you need me." He knew she wanted space, her distance made her feel more secure for the moment, but every ounce of him still hurt to turn his head away, and plod silently back into the darkening night.
HolyMaria's picture

hey &hearts;

hey ♥
Draconia's picture

Hello

Hello <3

sry Rac was a bit confused
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Track for the gurl! (As in

Track for the gurl!

(As in replying because blind and can't find the comment button. Sorry D: )
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t! :>

t! :>

By Draak
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&hearts; ~Tracking~



~Tracking~
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ggfshdnf -smooch-

ggfshdnf -smooch-
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Gorgeous!! nice to have

Gorgeous!! nice to have Blossom meet her <3

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owo Tracking this beautiful

owo
Tracking this beautiful lady~
By Draak <3

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&hearts;!

♥!
0baf0's picture

I couldn't find the comment

I couldn't find the comment button but that didn't stop me. Hi.
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&hearts; !!

♥ !!