Idea shamelessly nicked(with permission) from gurgelin, whose post from yesterday was the inspiration for my own.
I've found myself trapped in a cycle I'd rather not be in... even though I've been in it for years. I try, halfheartedly, to change my habits and behavior and make goals and keep them... and I always give up after a few days, or find some excuse to stop. I'm clearly not a very motivated person, and that in itself needs to change xD This is a good way of keeping my goals in order, and of keeping them with me instead of just letting them float in and then back out of my brain before I can be bothered to latch on and actually do something. I'd like to finally grow, become something different and better than the person I've been for roughly the past 6 years. xD I've never made anything like this public, and maybe it'll help- Being readable for people who might relate and comment, join in, etc etc. Who knows? Worth a shot anyway.
Personal goals:
[ ] Start eating healthier
[ ] Exercise more, be outside in general more often
[ ] Manage money better
[ ] Manage my emotions/reactions to things better
[ ] Travel somewhere outside the state within the year
[ ] Get a job, soon
[ ] Get more organized
[ ] Learn a new skill
[ ] Create a sleep schedule and stick to it
[ ] Improve sense of self-worth/confidence
[ ] Attempt becoming more extroverted
[ ] Read more, waste time on computer less
The Good Shtuff:
- Usually happy/positive(or can act as such believably)
- Open-minded
- Honest, often to a fault
- Willing to do anything for loved ones
- Highly imaginative/creative
The Not-that-good Shtuff:
- Poster-child for Cancer. Smart, kind, cheery... and moody as hell, hypersensitive, paranoid, etc.
- Impatient
- Self-loathing
- Severe procrastinator
- Can be a pack-rat
Plan 'o action:
- Clean ALL THE THINGS once a week
- Go for walks regularly
- Pay attention to what I eat and how often
- Stop eating fast food.
- Put a stack of unread books by the bed, keep the laptop at the desk
- Fill out job applications like a mofo
- Go outside more, talk to people more often, express self more and be sociable
- Motivate self to get what needs doing done, now
- Listen to/read/watch/do things that inspire/make me happy when depressive modes hit
- Sleep by 1 AM or earlier
- Put $20 in savings account every time I go to the bank
Today's to-do list of AWESOME:
[x] dust/vaccuum room
[x] Clean bird cage
[x] Eat healthy, well-put-together meals
[x] Read something
[x] Be in bed before 1 AM
Lets see how far I get.
So far we're off to a roaring start, having eaten pizza rolls and a cookie. Yep, couldn't have kicked this off any better if I tried. xD
I wish you success, too,
I'm a big procrastinator, as well. I could probably live by the motto "Never do today what you can put off until tomorrow." But I only procrastinate on the stuff I don't want to do! *fail*
I really need to get better at that.
Thanks Anjali There should
I actually managed to accomplish everything I intended to do yesterday- got everything clean and fairly organized, dove cage sparklin', floor actually visible. Its a beautiful thing. I actually went to the bank before it closed and put the cash I had on me in a savings account, bought healthy food and various things to cook, zipped around Craigslist looking for a job and was actually asleep just after midnight. I don't think that counts though, because I stayed up all night Friday x__x But I kind of did that intentionally so I'd force my sleep-schedule back to something resembling normal human activity, I'm saying it does. Woohoo for being vaguely responsible!
The only thing I'm worried about is that I'm so determined to do this and keep it going, and that I'm actually getting everything done and with enthusiasm because this is still very new and its easy to be positive and energetic when something is new. I fear that after awhile my life will start to take a familiar turn, and this chart sums it up quite well(chart from Hyperbole And A Half):
Eventually the novelty of doing things you're supposed to do all the time anyway will wear off and I'll start to lag on it all again, and settle back into a bad, familiar groove.
The fact that it has been ONE DAY and I'm already thinking like this can't be promising. xD But this is also familiar- I'm setting myself up for failure, even at something simple. This way I can just quit and think to myself, "Well, I knew this would happen anyway, so why keep bothering?" Anytime I try to make positive changes this happens.
BUT, for the time being I'm still in woohoo-I'm-getting-stuff-done-like-a-boss-I'm-awesome! mode, and you better believe I'm stayin' there! For at least a week! xD
One more image from Hyperbole And A Half, because it shows my current mode of bad-ass accomplishing hilariously well. The post I got these images from is about finally deciding to become a responsible adult, and one thing she says over this series of drawings is, "I prepare for my new life as an adult the way some people prepare for the apocalypse."
YESSSSSSSSS
Oh my gosh! I almost
YES. Procrastinators unite...tomorrow.
It certainly gets harder to keep doing things well as time goes on...but it sounds like you're doing really well! Don't worry about how you'll be doing days or weeks from now--you can't control that, you can only control what you're doing today.
hahaha, I love that blog. Go
and WTH, why can't I edit my comment and fix the photobucket link? Thats gonna drive me nuts *grrrrr*
At least I have a very small job now, at the restaurant I used to work for full-time... I'm technically still an employee, but business has been slow to the point that only the chef and the owner need to be there. They still need extra people on the weekends though, so another girl and I are there Fri/Sat. Its something, at least! I just need to find work for the rest of the week. Yay accomplishing things kind of! xD
Otherwise today I haven't done much... But I *did* have an awesomesauce IM chat with gurgelin about durian fruit, Syrian food and tarot, and I consider that a mighty fine way to use some time, so I say that's both useful and an accomplishment. So there!
Ah, yes...you can't edit your
Well done getting work! Wooo!
Now go get more.
Yes, having an awesome chat is very constructive and meaningful! :3
What a weird sauce, having to simmer for several hours. -u- If it's about the carrot, you can just chop it finer and it'll be done in a snap! It sounds good, though~
Anjali- Ahhh, that explains
Gurgelin- The directions actually don't explain why o__o I'm sure the original recipe did, but someone copied this down and gave it to me. I'll have to ask them... maybe it is the carrots! Either way its goooood.
Good thing: Went to bed at 1 AM
Bad thing: Woke up at 1:30 PM
Good thing: Eating healthier, actually cooking
Bad thing: Hasn't stopped me from still eating crap
Good thing: Room was cleaned and organized
Bad thing: I've already managed to wreck it again
Good thing: I'm managing money better!
Bad thing: Probably only because I don't have any right now x__x
GOALS O' TODAY:
[ ] Clean, again
[ ] Keep looking for work. Actually go out to do so
[ ] Take pictures somewhere(learning a skill)
[ ] Don't eat anything with more unpronounceable ingredients than should be legal. xD
Random note: It is the cutest thing on earth watching doves try to stay awake. Eyes close... eyes flutter open... eyelids slowly droop, head starts to lower... head shoots up, eyes open... repeat xD
Ahahaha
Ooh, taking pictures? Will you show us? :3
Whattt! You have doves? That really does sound adorable! ´u`
Aaaand we're kinda back to
Apparently a lack of sleep eventually causes brain damage. The brain needs rest to restore itself, and prolonged sleep deprivation will thus, naturally, damage it. Nice to know my brain is destroying itself. xD I wanted to sleep, but nooooo, brain had to be all "hey, what do you think of this random thing from earlier? Oh, lets suddenly remember this totally irrelevant thing that annoyed you from roughly a year ago and dissect it bit by bit until its all you can think about and you're pissed about it all over again! Now lets think about all the stuff you need to do, LOL what's sleep?"
Anybody have any tips for dealing with insomnia?
Gurgelin- I will show ya! I dunno if I should do that here or make another post for it. I feel like I'm spamming the place xD It'd be nice to have a little photo blog, provided anyone was actually interested, haha! And I do have doves- white ringnecks. They are feathered balls of noise and insanity xD Have a peekture(a bad one, but a peekture nonetheless):
Aww, I recognize your
Ooh, I think I have a brochure about insomnia somewhere! I got it from the doctor but I never read it - I'll see if I can find it! Otherwise, what I find works best is, THINK OF NOTHING. My mom used to tell me, "think of something nice and you'll soon have sweet dreams", but I always found that the easiest way to sleep is to refuse any clear thoughts to enter your mind and just let your mind go blank. Problem is, that's not always the easiest thing to do - especially if there is something troubling you. You can try deep breathing and relaxing each part of your body, from toe to top, that can help a little at getting you more sleepy. When I relax my body, I pretend that each relaxed part becomes so mushy relaxed that I can feel it sink down under the surface of whatever I'm laying on. It sounds silly but it's really quite effective! Not all that helpful with overactive thoughts, of course, but it will help you focus your mind on something simpler while you prepare your body for sleep.
Anyway I'll try and find that brochure and see what the experts have to say on the subject.
Haha, I'm spamming my own thread like mad, so don't take my advice for it! xD Do as you please, and how you like your thread to be - it's your thread, so you're the boss. I sure won't mind seeing your pictures on here!
Oh, those doves are
For insomnia, do you have the lights on bright before you go to bed (or bright computer/TV light)? Light keeps your brain from producing the chemical that makes you sleep (melatonin), which can contribute to insomnia. Well, at least that's what I've heard...I'm no expert, but it might be something to keep in mind. ^^
I was very lightheaded when I
After a couple hours of
Someone on one of the boards also linked to a website describing two problems: Labryinthitis and Vestibular Neuronitis. Both disorders are the result of an infection that inflames the inner ear, and the result is vertigo, dizziness, loss of balance and hearing problems/ringing. According to the doctors I saw for the ear saga, the infection was a middle ear infection that turned into an outer infection, so that's out I suppose... blood vessels behind my eardrum burst though, which may have provoked the outer ear nonsense, so maybe it could be connected. Regardless, I hope it doesn't come back xD That was unpleasant.
Went out with a friend to a restaurant both our moms used to work at when we were really little. I'm still surprised we never saw each other back then, but we might've and just don't remember xD We went to see the bartender, a lady who's been there since before our parents were even there, who we both kinda grew up around. It was nice to see her again, and we actually got walked up to by a bunch of old employees, most who just remembered me since friend's mom left several years before mine. It was nice to see familiar faces. Who knows, maybe I have some luck landing a job there now with all the people who still know me, LOL!
Friend and I left a little while later and went to an Asian restaurant that serves *amazing* food, and is amazingly affordable for the quality. I got seared salmon maki, and my friend actually tried it, which was surprising because I have a hard time convincing her to try tame stuff- but yet she'll dive into raw fish! It was fun, and it was nice to actually be there with someone for once- I've gone there every so often for a long time now, always alone. And it was healthy to boot, so doing good on the better-food plan x)
On the way home I found two hawk feathers on the ground. I find that to be a good sign... the hawk is the red brother of the eagle in some Indian cultures, and his feathers are used for prayer and ceremony just as much as the eagle's, though eagle feathers are still more sacred. I'll probably use them as smudge feathers to clear the bad crap out of this place xD It could use a spiritual cleaning on top of a physical one. I throw so much negativity into the air sometimes, and lay in bed all day for weeks on end in bouts of depression... sometimes the weight of the bad stuff in the air is almost palpable. I might do that soon, if I can safely move the birds out of the room or at least find a heavy blanket to cover the cage with.
I'm glad you're feeling
I didn't know that you could use feathers for smudging (I've seen it done with bundles of sage before)...you really do learn something new every day!
Thank you ^____^ It took
I've seen people just burn bundles of sage too, but I'm afraid to carry a big burning stick around with my bare hands xD I was taught you could also light loose leaves or bundles in a bowl and then use a feather fan to wave the smoke around the room- particularly into corners. It also makes it a lot easier to smudge yourself!
It's so scary when something
It would be neat if you could get your mom's old job! ^^ I can definately see them being more inclined to employ someone they knew as a kid! And it's cool how it seems most of the old employees are still working there.
How nice of the hawk to drop his feathers for you! Cleaning out old negativities sounds awesome, I wish I knew how to do it, too. Don't set off the fire alarm!
Mmm, sushi <3
Scary stuff that makes no
And doing a cleaning-out is easy! Get sage or cedar(some tiny branches of it, not the wood itself), and how some folks do it is to get a heat-resistant bowl- something stone works, or put dirt/sand on the bottom of the bowl otherwise- and set it in there, then light the leaves on fire and let them burn for a second before blowing out the flame. The leaves will keep burning and make a very strong but nice-smelling smoke, and you can wave it around with your hand, or use some feathers to wave the smoke around. Clean yourself head-to-foot with it and do the whole house, the whole time concentrating on clearing away negative energy and anything bad in there, and shooing out bad spirits. Asking the plants to help you with this, saying your intent out loud as you smudge the place and then thanking them for their work when you're done helps. It sounds absolutely crazy, but it helps xD And once the plants have burnt out and are cool, crush them up a bit and sprinkle them around the doorways and even inside the windowsills to protect from any bad stuff entering.
Another way, like Anjali mentioned, is to just light the top of a sage bundle and carry that around the house to smoke it. Its much easier and stronger, since a lot more sage is burning, and you can just crush the top of the bundle into a bowl when you want it to stop smoking- the bundles are big, so it'd burn for most of the day if you let it go the whole time xD And of course, either way you do it open the windows! Otherwise you're gonna be stumbling around the place trying to see through all the smoke! xD
I have no idea what I'm going
I've also finally decided to workin on my drawin' skills and sit down and sketch something. I'm gonna try to draw all the deer Zyzzy's met so far. I'm trying to think of who all that is... list time:
- Bloo
- Ringthing
- Flyleaf
- Hototo
- Wesker
- Kaoori
- Quad
... Well, I'm not gonna do *everyone* he's met. I've met tons of deer and I don't even know who some of them are yet xD Have I left anyone out?
I did Wesker and Kaoori already, just because I wanted to draw a skeleton deer xD I think Wesker came out fairly well... not sure about Kaoori. I think I made her *too* small. And now I need colored pencils. Anytime I don't need colored pencils they're scattered EVERYWHERE, every color you can think of all over the damn place... now that I need them? I can't find any. I found one yellow one. That's it. xD Now I have a trip to take out of the house though, so it works out. We'll see what else I can think to do once I'm out to be productive.
...
THIS PLACE IS STILL MOSTLY CLEAN. This is a record for me. That is so sad. bahahahaha
Ooh, photography and drawing!
My colored pencils have exploded all over my desk again. It's a losing battle, trying to keep my desk clean...
The colored pencils I got
The colored pencils I got were cheap, and an unexpected result was pretty much being incapable of shading or actually having a dark color, ugh. And Kaoori is *too* tiny, but otherwise I kind of like it.
Aw! That's too cute. :3 I
I really like the way you drew Wesker's markings, especially the ribs. I'll have to remember that next time I draw the DotD pelt. ♥
Thank youuu ^________^ glad
I finally made a photo blog-thinger too, just now... hopefully that's a success. I'm going to try to take at least one picture every day, edit and post it up. Wish me luck
Ughh I'm so with you on the
Oof! <3 I'm so excited about seeing more art from you! ^^ I'm humbled (and thrilled!) that you'd want to draw my characters! Weeee~
The picture of Wesker and Kaoori is really cute! I love how neat the markings look. ♥
I'm definately gonna do that energy cleaning thing. Thanks for explaining it!
EDIT: Darn, neither cedar nor sage grows in Sweden. xD
Thanks, gurgelin
Bahh, I figured those didn't grow outside the US/Canada... they can both be bought online though! Shipping costs would be a major pain though... meh. There are always other ways! ^__^
Its been raining for two days. I love the rain, especially the sound it makes at night, but there's not much I'm up for doing when its pouring outside xD I'm tired, its raining, I have no desire to go to the job I'm only at two days a week, bleh. The owner is understandably upset that her business isn't doing well, she needs money to come in so she can at least stay in business and pay her bills, etc... but she's still unhappy when we *do* have business- we could have the greatest night ever and she'd find reasons to complain. She sits around and sulks in plain view of customers(awkward) when she should actually be learning the new things on the menu that got added when we renovated the place- she keeps refusing to do it, letting our one chef handle everything in the kitchen without even helping him, and insisting that when he's not there she'll just make people order off the old menu. Yay for sabotaging your own restaurant! She has a nice habit of going around and talking to tables, asking how things are, etc... lately she's reversed that into telling this tale of woe to them, which is incredibly awkward and a bad business move overall. Nothing we do can get her to at least try and be happy. She spreads a cloud of misery around the place without helping a damn thing.
She refuses to believe this, because we're all young and this means are lives are all sunshine and rainbows(her favorite thing to say. We are young and she is old, and we do not know life's difficulties yet or know about 'her situation'), but we're all having a pretty hard time too. The chef, the other waiter there at the time and I spent 5 days busting our asses in that restaurant from 10 AM- 5 AM renovating the place, for free. You think we're happy things aren't going well? We don't have any money either. Some of us haven't paid rent in quite some time because we can't. We're all looking for second jobs so we can afford things like food and gas. Somehow we manage to walk in there on the days we work and get things done and talk with each other and crack jokes and laugh. Its a way of keeping things light and sane. Try it. [/end rant]
TL;DR- boss is getting on everyone's nerves, not motivated to deal with it today.
Whoa, sounds like she's gonna
My advice is (even though you didn't ask for it.. I just love to meddle. xD) It's not your problem and there's nothing you can do about it, so don't waste your energy getting angry and fighting it. It sounds like a futile situation and you'll just wear yourself out.
Not that I don't understand your need to vent - it sounds horrible!
Are you going to be ok, though? It must be really tough having rent to pay and no job!
I try... its just
But everything should be alright... I've been browsing craigslist, and I found a house-cleaning job... most people would not be remotely interested, but you work by yourself, the ad said they'd supply all the cleaning stuff, its amazing pay(anything near minimum wage is great when you've been paid $2/hr the past year), and it's in my neighborhood. As long as whoever it is isn't home while I'm there, I'd kinda love that. That's the only thing that creeps me out- the idea of wandering around a stranger's house cleaning it while they're actually there. Doing that as a job should get me more motivated to be a tidy, organized person too, so hey! We'll see what happens.
Also, I drew Bloo today. I kind of messed up her antlers, among other things, but I hope you like her: