Memory's
April 1, 2009 - 1:10am — Seele
Hm ._.".. Don't laugh at me.. I mean.. I tried. I tried to just write whatever came over me. This is pretty much affecting me irl! I neeeed to get rid of it..
Also, am I ignored? Argk. Sorry.
I can't hurt anyone. I don't want to. I want this to be over, but I don't have anything to want, to say..
Afraid. I'm so afraid... That I'll lose your friendship, for example. It's not like.. This hasn't happend to me before. I always end up hurting myself for the sake of others.
And in the end it only hurts more. It hasn't been like this before. Oh no, don't feel guilty.. It's noone's fault.
I. It's mine. I should be like the rest. I should FIGHT. I should be STRONG, TELL, HAVE NO GUILT. But that's not me.
But it hasn't been like this! I haven't been crying like this, worried like this, jealous like this. Hurt.
It's all I've got left. I don't want to be like this! Can't I be like her? She's beautifull. She's nice, kind, good company.. I wish I was. I wish I had a little bit of her!
She's a friend. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to hurt you. I don't. You are a gentleman, you don't want to break hearts. Noone does! I'll.. Break it.
I'll break my own. I know it's for the best. I'll be upset, mad, lost. For your sake, I will be.
I love you, allright? I hate it but I do. I'd deny it forever but I do. I don't want to put pressure on you but I do. I want to turn back to the shadow's I came from, without feeling like this, but I can't. I can't describe it.
Remember. I remember. I won't forget. Maybe now you wish I could, so you weren't.. Put in this position. I'm so sorry..
But I remember. You watched me when I played with those fawns, like I always do. You were like my guardian, protecting me and those fawns from whatever lurking danger.
You were like the mist, You blurred out the details and made us look at the whole. Maybe me not being all too beautifull didn't matter to you. Maybe me not being so social didn't matter. Neither did it matter to me anymore.
Myself, I am hard to find. Like the dark nightsky, I define more as meets the eye, and it must be confusing. I am hard to understand. I wanted you to understand. And I think you did pretty fine..
You just kept returning in my thoughts. I wanted to be there for you, through those hard times, and I hope I helped.
Oh, there is so much more to tell.. So much more. It would hurt you. You're my friend, I don't want to hurt you. Please, be my friend.
But if I did harm our friendship, I want to thank you.
I want to thank you for showing me not everyone is out there to harm me. And that maybe someone does have the patience for me. And that there might always be someone watching over me, from whatever distance. That I'm not alone. That not every stag is the same.. And also,
That I can love..
Memories
Our first meeting.
I hope you remember too..
Trust.
I gave you your time. I sensed you didn't mean bad.
Remember.
Whisper. I still remember you asking me to remember you.
Our first dance.
Well, the first one from up-close.
Bad day...
Do you remember..? I ran away from you that day..I allready knew I wasn't alone in my feelings. I said goodbye to you, in my own way..
Forgiven.
But you wouldn't let me do so. You asked me to come sit with you in the light, and you forgave my foolish actions...
Bloodshed.
I was shocked to see you like that. I couldn't protect the one that always protected me! But you're allright now..
Heavy!
Ofcourse I'll carry you!
The Mist
You blend well with the mist, but I still saw you.. The first person that I saw when I woke up. That came to my mind..
Fun!
We can't always be serious! Haha!
Darkness, laughter
I'm almost invisible, compaired to you. Glad you still wanted to hang around for some tea with me.
Mushroom.
It had been raining for so long, I was getting tired of it. But then there was you.
I'm an awfull writer.. No denying. But only making drawings won't make anyone happy either. I'm such a spammer.. But, yup. I -really- felt bad about this XD I don't know why I let my deer have such an effect on me emotional-wise. Maybe it means they really do mean something to me. It's 1 AM here right now.. I'm tired, but since I finished this now, I'll just post it. Argk, if I'm an attention-whore, do tell me and I'll delete this.. I never meant to be like that.
Aww. That's so sweet. ^___^
Awww poor Polt D: Dont feel
Dont feel bad about writing it, it's better not to let things brood XD. It also lets us see what they're thinking and how they feel about stuff o:
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DraakxMitra C:
And you tell me you can't
I love this and I won't change my mind!
Excuse me, gonna comfort someone now XD
To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
To pray is to believe, to believe is to purify one's soul
(( Amazing journal entry!
^^ Ravey still loves you <3
Ravey still loves you <3
dont worry, ive been quite distraught over this too, mostly because its paralell with stuff going on right now, and..I dunno, ravenflight is just so personal to me
-huggles-
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awwwwww -huggles-<3 i'm
D'awwwwwww that's so cuuutee! wow really good idea<3
Verdalas: Pft, poor old guy
Pft, poor old guy XD *Huggles him* He'll get some romance eventually. Maybe he should write himself an ad for a dating site X"D I'd be curious about how that'd look..
Raz:
Nah, not poor Polt. Maybe. A little. But that's not what I'm going for XD!!
And thanks, I'm really happy you said that. I always wait with everything, untill I'm sure. But I guess sometimes one must let it out. Yeah <3
Avani:
BE HONEST IT'S TRUE XD! I tried at the emotions.. I mean, really, she has a lot lately. She worries about her friendships. I don't strive to become a pro either ^^".. Just drawing! <3 But ofcourse being able to put idea's and thoughts on paper is very important with that too. I hope I can do that. Thanks XD
Nyuh. *Comforts along*
Shimmy:
Phew XD.. Sorry, I was just.. Worried you know.. You hadn't said anything to me for a while XD! So I thought you might be mad with me. But you're not! *Huggles*!! I'll wait for your response ^^..
Ravenflight:
Allright. In that case.. SEE HERE ._. I wasn't sure if you had seen it! I drew it a few times ago. I guess others liked it so I was curious about your response...
I always worry, ofcourse I worry! Yeah, I have the same with Polt. She's almost exactly like me! Minus the fawn-attracting, I hate kids. *Huggles back* You're having irl troubles?.. I can't really say I do.. Just the usual stuff. I'm sorry.. If I can EVER help, you know what to do, right? I'll be scribbling Ravenflight's for the couple of days, in a lame attempt to cheer you up <3 Can I??
Sunny:
Can I be happy about that too.. I know I was. Untill I ofcourse hurted others. I'm like that, not? I hurt you too in a distant past. Glad we're over that though.. *Nuzzles* And yes I do.. But.. Yeah..
Thanks Sun XD You really think so? I REALLY didn't know how to do this. My boyfriend told me I just "had to write some words that came into mind, and make sense out of that". I forgot the "make sense" part I guess. XDD *Cuddles youuu!!*
--Stays a lonely Seele
XDD 8D yeah, I did it with
8D yeah, I did it with Cirrus and it does help a lot, it makes you feel better too
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DraakxMitra C:
Awww.... -- Dannii
-- Dannii <3
Sententia - Where Fantasy And Reality Merge
This is so touching... and
Poor Poltydolty! -huggles her-
Lightcreator
Hush. No need to explain
Hush.
No need to explain yourself with boundless words, there is no need for that.
Miss Poltergeist-
Please don't go about breaking your own heart, as it's not something that is meant to be torn.
It's an alive and beating creature, which holds tender things near it to protect and cherish. Don't allow that innocent thing to fracture.
Miss...you don't deserve such a fate.
Besides.
The stag paused, his pulse quickening and his heartbeat growing louder in cresendo.
I swear my own heart stopped working when I met you, after all. Everytime I grow nearer to you, Miss Poltergeist, I swear my heart is a living percussion ensemble with a rhythm all it's own. I almost feared you could hear it's pounding, yet I swallowed my unease and drew closer nonetheless.
To have such an effect on me...I'm not sure how one goes about doing so.
Wudiin drooped his eyelids over his vision, his gaze glancing to the forest floor.
I longed to protect you, to allow your happieness in little ways I knew how. I wished to show you that even though you seemed pained, there will always be someone to assist in your healing. That perhaps light could mix with dark to create a stunning combination...a shining silver that glinters with every passing flick of light.
Yet how would I do that?
Ah...but I suppose something more important than that is present. You remembered.
And you didn't forget, Miss Poltergeist.
The deer lowered his heav head, his eyes shut tightly beneath covered lids. A slight grin sweeped across his expression as he finsiehd his pause and spoke, his voice near whisper.
...I love you, Miss Poltergeist.
@Misako: My goodness!!
-huggles- Oh I am so not worthy!
lame attempt?! That sketch cheered me up!!! -huggles-
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Wudiin, my dear Wudiin.. I
She felt a choke in her breath. She should be strong now, ignore the nervousity that was starting to take over her. But still she tried, and smiled up to the stag.
I have..? I really have? Oh Wudiin, I have said too much allready, and I can say your feeling is not an unknown one to me.. My uncertainity drew me back, made me block out how I felt, but here I am none the less. A percussion ensemble..
The doe nodded.
I think that's a fine description.. But I don't think I could ever think of anyone feeling something like that for me.. It's all new..
She paused for a short while. The smile on her face became wider, her greyish blue eyes looking alive again.
I would never forget, so I promised! But don't forget your own pain, dear Wudiin. Even though I am just a mere young doe, I hoped to mean something to you. Some sort of distraction from it all. You distracted me too, and made me feel happy again everytime we met. You are my light, and I can be that bit of dark to create that shining silver you spoke about...
Even through her dark pelt, and even though she turned her head towards the ground, the doe now had a flushing red face. Only the poppies could compaire to such red. She tried to step forward, towards him, and not to tumble in the progress. Butterfly's could be agressive, once inside the belly.
Maybe.. Maybe that.. Silver.. Could it be our love..?
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Raven:
Aw, I'm happy *hugz* I really need to colour it don't I? Soon I will have more time, and who knows!
..Oh dear. EH. COME BACK ARGK
..*Shiftyeyes*
I think it's time I start studying for my upcoming tests ._.""" XDD
--Stays a lonely Seele