"I could hear you...
I tried to shout, to tell you that the branches had bound themselves to me, taken root to the ground. The colours of everything, including that of myself have been drained by this blackness... Autumn has not left me. She is here, in my unmoving body with my stolen heartbeat. But I assure you that I am still here."
"I cannot be selfish. No. I cannot allow myself to wallow in self-pity, to beg and plead for others to console me and these destroying thoughts. By doing so, Autumn's infectious sludge will only grow. My mind may have been thrown to the wolves, but for now they stand in wait at my throat, prowling and looking for a way in. I cannot let them pass by dwelling on such unwelcome feelings."
"Please, come to me, but not to tell me everything will be okay. Not to tell me that I can fight, and not to tell me how sorry you feel for not being able to help; for not being able to move the impassible logs..."
"Impassible. That is how many of us feel sometimes, left behind afloat in troubled waters; we hit a wall when our strength to carry on through personal battles is lost in a sea of self doubt and worry. But in the end it is just a log... You must step over it and continue the path that, in truth, is not blocked at all."
"So please, come to me. Tell me of what worries you; tell me of your burdens. Ask me why, ask me how. Tell me the stories and reasons why you are angry, why you are sad. Tell me of the logs blocking your path. If this is it, I wish to forsake any pity, any selfishness to help you. You, the forest I love so dearly."
"You may not be able to move the logs that trap my body, but I will help to move yours."
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Community Instructions
Unlike the Winter event, this will be more of a community site event rather than in-forest. There are many colourful deer who have various problems and insecurities, and Iaurdagnire - who is always willing to help - would like to listen to them. You may write them in a reply as a simple question/conversation, or in role-play form if you wish to be creative! Either way, it is Iaurdagnire who will talk and answer to you. There is no limit to how many times you may reply; if Dag has said something your character wishes to question, you may continue replying - role-playing - to your heart's content.
This entry will be updated at the end of each day with Dag's replies to your posts (this is simply so I don't need to bump down the diary list by updating every time someone is answered).
In-forest:
If you wish to "act out" your role-play reply to this blog, or simply wish to be around him for your own use, Dag will be in and out of the forest during this time so you can do so. Dag might also speak about those who come and be around him even if they have nothing to say (this is to be considerate to particularly shy and quite characters). If he speaks about someone in-forest, his speech will be coloured red.
Aim of the Game:
To enable your character(s) to be sad, be angry, be hateful, and have someone to listen, take notice, and not forget them.
I hope you enjoy the saddest music on earth, and have fun telling your tales of woe. Hopefully Dag's understanding will help sooth some troubled hearts =)
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Iaurdagnire's Words
Red = Dag's response in-forest characters.
Saosin
"
It is wrong to think that we must be there, that it is our duty to be there for someone else at every moment. All we can do is be there when they truly wish for us to help them, whether they ask, or whether they silently plea for our side by sitting and hiding alone. The key to being the friend you want to be is knowing when to drop and risk everything for them, even if they refuse you.
You feel you are pushing others away because you are clinging so desperately to what makes you happy as if it will escape you if given the chance, and therefore you have no room to embrace others and what could be. Even heros are allowed to be insecure, Saosin. Your salvation will lie in the ability to trust yourself and to not be afraid; only when you trust yourself will you be able to trust others fully. For my friend, you are the most loyal creature I know, but you are blinded by your need to devote yourself to every friend you make and so are afraid of letting them down, fearing that you will lose them forever in doing so. What happened between you and Garth is regretful, but realizing and making amends was a necessary battle for you - both of you - to go through.
There will always be ups and downs, comings and goings between friends, Saosin. It is an inevitability, and you must not fear them if you trust in yourself to be able to confront and mend the broken hearts. Because one of those hearts will always be yours, and you only have one."
Enigima
"More was said in the single bow you gave me than any words I can offer you in return, Sir Enigima."
Toukan
"Toukan, I now understand why you appear restrained, like you are holding back even in play. Let me say now that friendships that turn 'awkward' and are destroyed by such confessions, are not friendships at all. I see not why my feelings towards you should change; your life is none but yours and yours alone and there is no power within me to tell you otherwise. I can see why the rut must have unsettled you... we are not all driven by baser instincts.
If you love your friend and respect them as they must surely respect you, you must tell them; I trust you would expect the same if you were placed in her position. I cannot lie in saying that there will not be repercussions for both of you, but any upset - large or small - that is caused will inevitably pass. To be true to oneself is to wear ones heart on the outside, and you have evidently hidden yours well. Have the courage to show who you truly are, because that is all friends want from you."
Virgil
"Virgil... perhaps one does not need to know the past to understand a present mind. True, whatever happened may have shaped you into the gentle Stag you are today, but the choice to leave the past where it lies is only down to you, regardless of others you may have shared it with. I'm not saying you need to suppress, to forget, to hide from it. You know the meaning of respect well, don't you, Sir? That is the only thing the past asks of anyone. Not to be dwelled on, not to be questioned; it cannot be changed nor reconciled. It can only be respected, bowed to when a memory arises, and left where it belongs."
Noelle
"Beautiful, kind, sweet Noelle. Those who are playing by the Pond are free in their moment; I am not concerned with them just as much as they are not concerned with me... loving the forest unconditionally is simply acceptance of what lives within it, not how they live within it. You are too concerned about others and what should and should not be done, how they should and should not act; therein lies your reasons to find yourself withdrawn. In your solitude, I believe that because of this you are not alone or imprisoned. You care enough to see who will break down any walls you build, yet... in a particular smile you will lay another stone just so you have something you can hold on to if things fall apart. But the more we try to justify ourselves, the more we become lost in over-encrypted poetries about why we are who we are and whether we deserve what we want. To be rewarded.
Some dreams and fantasies are never meant to be realized... I do not know what you're looking for, but all I know is that you will court grey clouds with the hope of rain, but will be given light instead. Life has a funny way of rewarding those who never realize they did anything at all."
Garth
"... Dandelions will often grow where some other flowers cannot; they are not so delicate as they may seem and will blossom regardless of anything that tries to uproot them. The Dandelion in the Poppies... Why do you assume it is alone? Dandelions always surround themselves with friends; they are never alone, and will stay when many others will wilt and fall away. If you truly see yourself as a Dandelion, then you will be unmoved by the premature pressures that lay on your shoulders. It is natural for a first time mother to feel worried, afraid of the responsibility of giving life. But you seem to care about everything and everyone else but yourself, and that is why you are conscious that you may not be able to give your child all it needs. I know that you, Garth, have a kind and tender heart that cannot be denied, and even in your anger you cannot help but profusely apologize to protect yourself and retain your delicate air. All a child needs is their Mother's love and the help to take those tiny steps into the world. Your Mother may have orphaned you, but surely that is the best reason in the world to love your own with all your heart. And I believe you will.
The canary yellow will always sing, because it is the brightest star among the uniform somber red. You just need to change the way you see that Poppy patch, my friend."
Fay
"Fay... Dag will play with Fay again soon... Dag promise."
Coy
"You are young to this forest, aren't you Miss Coy. It is alright to be shy and see you family as a sanctuary, to feel safe and protected around them; it is what a family is for. So you need not feel hindered by keeping your Father and Brother so close. If fact, you have what many deer can only wish for. But friends, love, and your own family can only come with time, and time demands the patience for you to grow. You need not be in such a rush, young Coy, for you still have a lot to learn. Wonder, dream about what may come - do not settle for such simple aims for your adult life - because nothing is ever black and white. Your shyness may not disappear, but it will get better when you see that putting your trust into someone other than your family is the way forward. This forest is a colourful place; there are many walks of life and I understand it may seem scary at times. But take it from me when I say you are not the only one who hides behind the familiar.
Trust me when I say that... a bow from a stranger is a powerful thing. All it will take is just one brave moment for you to bow back, even at a distance. All friendships start with such a simple gesture. Think of it as kicking the smallest stone into the greatest Pond; the ripples will only grow."
Azazel
"Autumn has left you nothing here, Azazel."
Cloud
"I think you have been happy, Cloud. It may have only been for a moment - in a leap or a dance with friends - but you have been happy. However, such memories as your friend Sky overshadow these feelings if you keep looking back. I have never known hindsight to ever be a good thing; we will all spend forever wishing we had made the other choice, wishing we had been a little bit braver... but second guessing ourselves only drags us further down. It is worse when we give ourselves a label - a title -, therefore I do not have one, and I'll tell you why. The instant we name ourselves, commit to a word that denotes purpose, we become obsessed. Obsessed with upholding that word and creating a half-hearted path on which we force ourselves to travel on. Trying to decide what to do, what to say, how to act based upon it; rarely do we listen to our hearts in this state of mind. I don't think you are a protector, Cloud, but you mustn't misconstrue this as a bad thing. I believe if you forget about this word, you will be able to find your way again.
And... all of us are afraid of death. We fear it because we know that death is not a choice; only when our time has truly come do we accept and embrace it. You do not wish for death, Cloud. You wish for guidance, and a way out of your inner turbulence."
Safear
"Despite your appearance, you are one of many fragile hearts that simply crave understanding, Safear. A small, delicate doe who may question themselves just like you, will see you and wish to have such a presence among others and be loved just as much. But you may look at them and wish to forsake your predatory scales in favour of the skin of prey, and to be the same as the rest of the herd. You see, changing physical aspects of ourselves will seldom change our attitude and how we look at the world. Then again, I think your mind is already in the right place, save for one desire.
I admire your strength of heart; I hear you are known as 'The Kind Hearted'? Nature dictates that we be afraid of an appearance such as yours, but we are not. I only needed to see you once to know that what I saw did not reflect what you are. Forgive me for quoting such an over-used phrase, however true it is; looks are, and always will be, only skin deep. But to describe yourself as 'mangled'... my, how we exaggerate when we want something so desperately. Yes, it is painful to see others display their love for one another so openly, in fact, it makes one feel completely alone even when surrounded by friends. It is a pain we all endure before we find the other half of ourselves... but the truth is, not one Stag nor Doe has ever searched and found their true love. It cannot be searched for. Love is a desire that fulfills itself, with no schedule of when or where."
Fallen
"We have met more than once, Fall. In fact, you were one of the last I was with before-...
Nobody likes to be alone. I am glad you do not feel alone, not truly, sitting here next to me. A mark of true friendship is the ability to be around one another not particularly needing to talk or do anything; simply let time eat away in the silence; in the purest form of company. Presence is all we need to feel comforted... you are brave to let others venture into yours. Though you will seem afraid when such instances occur, and you will perhaps sit the furthest away to distance yourself, but you do not flee at the mere sight of another face.
You are braver than you think you are, Wanderer."
Silence
Oseaan
"Oseaan... even behind these closed eyes, I can still see you. Everything about you I have committed to my memory... You. You and I. How could I possibly pick a favourite when we have so much more to create together..."
His brow twitches briefly, unnoticed.
"I want to tell you so many things, but I mustn't. I will not allow myself to even indulge in the thought of last chances to tell you those three simple words... Never will I wish to tell you like this. But please, just know that I have and always will be undeniably yours. Darling, I promise that we will have forever together. Forever to chase away the thunderstorms with smiles, forever to lay close and watch the lazy world go by. As long as my time is spent with you, it need not slow; every time we touch, the seconds turn to hours, and I can spend days in your gaze. I cannot stop you from worrying, but I know that you will always keep us alive every time your playful soul makes someone else smile. Think of all our tomorrows - all our blue mysteries - and the day I will come home to you."
A teardrop stains the earth, unnoticed.
Amary
"Amary, you are one after my own heart. I detest fighting, and so never lower my antlers; I simply get in the way and do all I can to part senseless antler-bashing. Rearing, shaking my head, generally being a nuisance and enduring the egotistical nonsense until the beasts eventually get bored. You mustn't let them indulge, see any concern as it will only spur them on - thinking what they are doing is of the utmost importance, that others care about how brave and strong they are in clashing with their foes. Sometimes it only takes one to scoff at their stupidity for them to think better of themselves, but unfortunately some are more persistent than others. It is difficult, nigh impossible to change the nature of those who do abuse their crowns. Fighting, aiming to harm whoever it is in your wake that has hurt you so and defeating them does not make anyone a hero, or a knight to whisk away a swooning princess. The pursuit of true righteousness, true triumph of morality is when the aggressor's resistance is annihilated without drawing blood. Your are right in your belief that fighting is not necessary - do not let this hidden strength be diluted by seeing a battle close to your heart. This stag friend of yours, by the sounds of it, is acting in such a way because he has no desire to confront the feelings he has about the one who is not worthy for anyone in his eyes. Until they both come to terms, I suggest you keep yourself out of their quarrels.
Perhaps I may be able to end on a lighter note... thinking as deeply as your are about these new feelings, Amary, it is plain to see that you and only you can decide on what these feelings for this fellow mean. Forever is a wonderfully long time, isn't it?"
Maia
"I cherish the rarity of your presence... thank you for coming to see me."
Ravenflight
"Words travel perhaps a little too quickly in this forest, for I know what has befallen you even though we have never met, Ravenflight. The loss you have suffered is a tragedy for one so loved, and I fear that words will never be of any comfort to your fractured heart. But to fear loving again? There is never a moment when the loss of love is not risked, my dear. When it is lost, we are grief-stricken; our soul is shattered, as you must know all too well. But there is no greater pain than never risking love again. The loss becomes that much greater as we loose ourselves in emptiness; the pain becomes eternal.
I understand that you are afraid, and I think you need someone to tell you that it is alright to feel how you feel. No-one can tell you to feel otherwise, or tell you how you can bring yourself to love and be loved regardless of what feelings you have. All that matters is that you have the will to say that you want to find it again. Simply saying it shows that you are thankful for your life even when it feels like you have nothing left. Time will show you that loss is lost, and it is what you do with what's left that forms a new path that was perhaps always there, albeit a little overgrown and neglected. I have confidence in your strength... and I am not the only one."
SS
"One who never speaks yet is known and called a friend by so many... I must confess that I have nick-named you 'The Social Butterfly'. I remember spending many of my early days alone with you, sitting in mushroom circles and turning each other into all manor of creatures. I am glad you have not become a stranger to me."
Kaoori
"They exist as long as we think of them, Kaoori; it is only when we let our memories die do we suffer the loss that is greater than their death. I believe that those who have left this world are galloping in the next, and they will cheer for us through the other side when it is time for us to leave this earth and join them. I feel Wudiin's gaze every time the moon is full, and I know I am not alone... Listen to what you feel, and you will find that your questions may already be answered."
Zelig
"Ah, love cannot exist without heartache. Without it, love scarcely makes any sense; it is both painful and euphoric at the very same time. But the fact of the matter is, you can never choose who you love and you cannot force yourself into love, the same as you cannot force someone to love you back, which you have realized. You have made the right choice in not pursuing a doe who is otherwise taken - the fact that you have withdrawn yourself so honorably is very respectable indeed, Sir. But it strikes me perhaps that feelings for Lady Gwenhywfar grew simply because you have become so close. Love also masquerades as a passing crush from time to time, but only is its mask unveiled when those feelings dissipate; you must endure your heartache a little longer.
Though... this sickness you feel conflicts with my last thought. It sounds like your dizzy spells are because you are not eating and drinking properly, which means you sleep but not very well; therefore you find your body trying so hard to rest. Sounds an awful lot like Love-sickness, for which there is no plant, my dear friend."
Seed
"Such is the burden of being a poet. Yes? No? You are too aware of your freedom to choose, Seed, and that is why you are questioning your past decisions. It doesn't matter if you made the right or wrong choice, the fact of the matter is that whatever passed is now foreign. You were not then who you are now. Whatever decisions you made are what brought you here to this moment... as important as they may seem, your questions are irrelevent to who you are and who you will be tomorrow.
There are only two choices in life. One is easy, and one is hard. The only reward of taking the easy route is simply the fact that it is easy; it is easy for you - for anyone - to question their past, and the more you dwell the quicker you sink. Getting out of the quicksand: that is the hard choice."
Noelle (second response)
"... Noelle, look at me. Vengeance, the desire to harm... it is poison. I beg of you to not follow Saosin's example and lower you head and be part of what you hate about the forest. I beg of you..."
A glob of sludge bubbles from this throat, unnoticed.
Saiyko
"You honoured me with a lone bow; thank you. May I give you my congratulations as well, Sir, as a... Father you are soon to become."
Kire
"I cannot see you, stranger, and I'm afraid I do not understand all what you have said. But... you speak like deer, think like deer... are afraid like deer, run like deer.
They say it is the visually impaired deer that leap the highest. I personally believe the wounded deer are the ones who can clear the moon when in danger. You are not wounded in the literal sense, but suffering in a body that was not deemed your original form is perhaps far worse.
If I open my eyes, perhaps I, too, will be one of the many who fear your appearance. We are creatures of instinct; you must know this, and therefore you must not judge others for fleeing and instead understand their reaction. The only comfort I can give to you is that upon opening my eyes, I will not judge you, and approach you with the same understanding in return."
Toxic
"The punishment of ones own remorse is very severe. You were angry because no-one seemed to care, and those who did seemed to out of pity for your loneliness... I can only speculate that this is perhaps how you saw their attention. Loneliness is an inevitable experience that is the most damning... it takes more than one person to create a smile. But mix this lonely feeling with illness and one can become volatile and sensitive to things that aren't really there. Even if you hurt your friends during this time, you can still make amends if you are truly regretful of your actions.
You mustn't be afraid of finding them to apologize for whatever you have done; remember that what we run from also runs from us. You cannot spend any more time fleeing from your own mistakes... Go to them and offer your apologies - explain to them why you acted in such a way - and in doing so, you will confront yourself and this monster you fear."
Queze
"You are the second who has come to me in a form I am not familiar with, Sir. Your touch is strange to me, yet, oddly comforting... I thank you for it, though I am struggling to picture what your hooves look like; if they are hooves at all.
Ah, yes, you like so many others question every fiber of your being when a part of you has been something which you now feel differently about. I trust you have not killed in this forest?
Doubt is especially uncomfortable and frustrating, like an insect bumbling in ones eye-line and refusing to leave. Doubt can also kill... I would liken it to a mosquito, not that I wish to stray too far into metaphors. You see, the more we think about our doubts, the more we meander and forget about why we are having them in the first place; they are most absurd. Instead of asking yourself "What if I did this?", one should ask "What would I do - or have done - the day after?". If still in doubt of your answer, then the simple solution and definitive action is to not do it.
Certainty is equally as ridiculous. I don't believe it exists, for the moment we are asked, "Are you sure?" About anything at all, doubt swiftly follows. But I know you understand this - yourself - quite well already..."
Spyrre
"Oh Spyrre, I don't believe for a moment that you'd fail at anything you'd try. In fact, without trying, how do you know if you'll fail or not? My friend, you perhaps have the greatest log of all to shift; you fear failure. It is the hardest barrier to break through, and will always stop you from succeeding in what you want. But please, don't think for a moment I could possibly be angry at you for not trying to move the log like the others.
I haven't known you for very long, but not once did I see or feel that you were in the way of whatever it is you feel you are in the way of. Perhaps it is that you are unsure of what is expected of you, or that no-one has told you things about yourself that you didn't even realize. I for one believe the forest needs more deer like you, Spyrre. You are friendly, ever so playful, and you never fail to put smiles on peoples faces; whether you interfere with the business of others is of no importance, and speaks your caring and careful air. Wanting to help others does not mean you need to be courageous in a physical respect or forcefully interfere with other peoples affairs - you just simply need to be there. Not many are able to do this...
I am immensely proud to call you my friend."
Baal
"I must admit, Baal, that I have always been unsure of you. As most are, I believe. But you were there with Virgil on the night this monstrosity struck, and you were there another day alone... The stories of you frighten me, but I find myself not being able to believe them."
Amary (second response)
"Goodness my dear, you ask so many questions! Your mind flits from a Waltz into a Tango all too quickly; slow down, take your time, otherwise you'll do yourself more harm than good.
It is wonderful that you try to stop fights in a manner that I am too accustomed to, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing so even if you don't seem to succeed. Simply being there and acting is better than not trying at all and will still show whoever's there that you do not stand for such behaviour. You may think people might not notice, but they do. As with your friends... you know them better than I, and the fact that you've not accepted my advice means that you believe you feel you can help them.
'For the greater good' means that your friend believes if he stops the doe from seeing him, then he is doing everyone a favour; thinking that he is saving everyone else some trouble further down the line by keeping him from making friends. But if this stag is willing to change with your doe friend by his side, the one you see as a father figure will only push him away back to where he was before she came along. I'm sorry to say that there are some deer in the forest who I will be glad for you to never cross paths with, but they are the minority who are seldom seen. We all have the capacity to change, providing we are guided by the right person.
As I said to Saosin, if you are feeling torn between friends you need to simply be there for them when they truly need you. It may not be all the time - we all have our own support systems - but to know when you're needed is a gift and a talent that simply needs realizing. Don't feel you need to be there for everyone just to be duteous as a friend. You need to be duteous as Amary; deep down, you'll feel who needs you when.
And... the feeling you are so worried about sounds to me like love, my dear. But it's not something I can tell you that you are feeling for certain - only you can find it."
Isis
"You are a strong Doe indeed, Isis. I don't think I can give you any more encouragement than what you have already said to yourself! If you believe that one day you will find happiness in someone, then you will, but your fawn will also give you more happiness than you can imagine. Teaching, showing a little version of the best bits of you - and the best bits of Virgil - the forest and its magic; I'm sure you are planning places to take them already. The funny thing about children is that they often give their parents more compassion and understanding for things they never noticed before; perhaps when your fawn is born, the forest will be a slightly difference place ... In a brilliant way, of course."
Plumeria
"Your name is not as difficult as mine my dear, so I will call you by your full name if that is alright with you, Plumeria, for it is quite a beautiful one that I have not heard before. I cannot help but think 'Bloom' when I hear it...
I have heard many things, but never have I heard a story such as yours. You brought love and triumph to somewhere dark, only for the light to fade. But hope is a powerful thing, and the will to rely on hope is scarce. I for one sincerely hope you have others to hold you up when you are down; when your searches do not bare fruitful.
It is sad to watch petals fall from the most beautiful flower, especially when it is the only one of its kind in a garden. But know this: some things in life must fade away before they can bloom again."
Sithrim
"So you are the one who has captured Maia's heart... fear me not, Sir, for I am a good friend of hers and therefore am having trouble understanding why you are worried for her! She's one of the most sensible, level-headed creatures I've ever had the pleasure of meeting in this forest. This... Ren, I don't believe I've ever heard of him. But I firmly believe that they are no threat, trying as they may be to make you possessive of her. Love is not swayed by such pigheadedness, my friend - you have nothing to fear. Even if Maia was afraid, do you think she would want to see you buckle under his taunts and fight on his terms? Trust has nothing to do with being physically prominent, Sithrim; I bet your presence was enough to calm her. Presence is one of the greatest things we can give to someone and dictates emotions more than we care to notice, which is why we take it for granted.
Though, perhaps me mentioning love was a bit abrupt for a such a gentle soul, for which I apologize; I do not wish to make you more anxious for her than you already are. But isn't it funny how you miss her - occupy your mind with her - when you know you'll see her so soon as the next hour or the next day... Funny indeed, isn't it?"
Wanderers Silent Dream
"I've never known my words to be so true. Presence truly is a powerful thing."
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I'm curious. How would they
I just wanna know so I'll know how to start. XD;
---
"Look for Friends. Let Love find you."
"If you don't like something, tolerate it."
You can pretend Dag has said
[Sir Dag]
I think a feeling works in
---
"Look for Friends. Let Love find you."
"If you don't like something, tolerate it."
Way to make me all teary
-works on a something for this-
~
Aha! I succeeded! My feeling
[Sir Dag]
...Do you know how much I
Hnn.. so beautiful..
I have never RP'd before.. :/ Sorry it sucks.
Saosin lays down close to Iaurdagire and, like so many times before, buries the tip of his skull under his head.
"I feel like I'm pushing everyone away.." He talks slowly.
'Does he know? Do he know how much he means to me?'
"Because I can't be there for them all the time, I will just end up hurting them."
'I'm so afraid to tell him..'
"So I replace my love for them with something cold.
What should I do..? Garth, I never want to hurt her like that again, not anyone."
"..It hurts.."
[[Ok, first off...this got
Second off, this isn't even everything he would say. But it's what's bothering him the most.
Enjoy? XD]]
A call. A summon. A feeling.
Something.
Something pulled the pale reindeer to the fallen stag again. It was like Iaurdagnire himself had asked for others to come to him.
To help?
Toukan had tried to help, wanted to help the others who had been shoving their antlers at the log pinning their comrade to the ground in attempts to move it. But he couldn’t. He could barely move himself, let alone move a log. It was one of those times he found himself hating his mangled leg.
Though he supposed he should consider himself lucky he could even walk on it at all.
But back to the present.
Somehow, Iaurdagnire had called out for his friends.
To hope for him? To fight for him? Or perhaps to urge him to fight himself?
Arcing antlers sliced through the air as the stag shook his head.
No. That wasn’t what he wanted. He wasn’t sure if it was his ability to sense emotion that told him so, or if it was something else. But he was sure of it. He wasn’t supposed to try to help. Instead, Iaurdagnire wanted others to tell him of their troubles.
In telling of his own troubles, that would somehow help Iaurdagnire through his current predicament. Would urge him to remain perhaps; help him feel needed. Whatever the case, this was something at least Toukan could do, for it took no physical strength or ability. Just talking.
Just talking…
He let out a short chuckle that lacked humor. “So I’m supposed to tell you what troubles me, right?” Easier said than done. With a flat smile, he continued. “I don’t usually tell anyone what bothers me, even if there is something wrong. I seem to have a habit of…helping others before myself.” A snort. “Not very smart, is it?” He didn’t expect a response of course. But perhaps…
He glanced around, checking to see if anyone else would overhear.
Perhaps he could do this. It would be good to tell someone for once.
Taking a deep breath, he released with a sigh, “Alright. Let’s get this over with before…yea…” He paused, forming the words in his head first.
“Ok, so…there’s this doe who I know likes me. I’m an empath, so I can sense it. I could tell even if I wasn’t I bet.” He was rambling, but who cared? “You would think it’d be great to know a doe likes you. But it’s…not good for me. Y’see, I’m…not…” Just say it, Toukan! “…not attracted to does…” he almost mumbled, turning his head away even though he wasn’t being stared back at. “I haven’t told anyone else…though I’m sure some suspect…but…this recent rut didn’t help. It’s really awkward to get flirted with by random does if you can’t respond. I ended up fleeing a few times.” This time the chuckle really did hold amusement. At himself. But it didn’t last long. “I guess the point of my saying this is…I needed to admit it to someone. I haven’t even told my best friend. He probably suspects the most, though. He’s pretty observant at times. I just hope I can bring up the nerve to tell that doe I mentioned. She’s a good friend, and I’d hate to lose what we have if she found out I can’t return her feelings.”
He blinked then, looking back at Iaurdagnire’s still form. “I hope it isn’t weird that you know this now. I’d hate for our friendship to turn awkward…” If you can get through this that is…but I guess I shouldn’t think that.
[[*pets the reindeer* =B]]
---
"Look for Friends. Let Love find you."
"If you don't like something, tolerate it."
Tracking, for now...
"... Poppies." _____ The
The Noble Guardian
(( Here goes. o: )) Like a
Like a fond touch, the wind caresses the soft feathers that grow from the crest of the silver doe's head and the back of her folded ear. For an instant, the organ stills, then folds back as she lifts her head from the trail of tears leading away from the Crying Idol. She'd only just left Saosin and the cruel logs when Ravyn appeared to allow the two a moment of time together. This gentle breeze, though... Like a whisper, she knew she could still help the stag who lied beneath the heavy, blackened trunks. "I understand..." she whispered back, her voice like a small, crystalline chime. Quickly, she turned and ran, kicking up dirt and dust that muddied the clear water she'd only just been lapping up.
Upon arriving at Iaurdagnire's grave, Noelle's steps slowed to a trot. Rythmic, gentle, and steady were how her hooves hit the foliage-softened earth. "I understand," she said again as she came to a stop at the lifeless body. Even in what she presumed to be death, she thought she could see that large stag's welcoming smile. She'd seen it so many times before, even if only at a distance. Secretly, she adored that smile, and always smiled herself at its sight. This time was different in only one way. Her smile was not hidden with a turn of her head. It was proud and respectful, duly followed with a bow. Nimble legs folded under her afterward to bring the doe into a picturesque rest against the logs.
Her words are all but inaudible to any but she and Iaurdagnire. The side of her muzzle is pressed lightly against an exposed portion of the dark male's neck. Is that a dim heartbeat she feels?
"I don't know where to begin, Iaurdagnire. I have many faults, I know. But they don't trap me anymore than I want them to, I think. And therein lies my problem, Sir. I yearn for freedom, yet I've come to adore the sanctuary that I can find behind these bars. I long for company, the the certainty of solitude comforts me so much better. Is that a log like yours..?"
She pauses to lift her head just enough to view the gestures shared between the two lovers. A pang of envy strikes her heart added with a dagger of malice when they drive off another pair who had been nearing the site. Violence and cruelty wasn't what was needed here. Why? Why act like that in the presence of one who needs caring company? That wasn't going to accomplish anything! Noelle kept silent and watched. The emerald eyes that pierced through the cut-out sockets of her mask spoke for her, but she couldn't silently berate the red Saosin who was so close to her. He understood what he felt and most of what he thought. Her skull turned back toward even though she still watched as the two nuzzled and touched each other so tenderly; comforting each others sorrows. In doing so, they accomplished nothing. Her gaze flicked to the ground as the lovers hopped over one of the logs to inspect another who slept nearby.
"Are they all talk, Sir Dag? This forest, the creatures in it- what's the point? You lie here, crushed, hurt, and a group near the pond busies themselves with the entertainment of magic and dancing!" Her voice, though still a whisper, has taken on a venomous hiss. The hiss evolves into a growl as she pushes herself up onto her legs. "Why don't they do something -useful-!"
Shaking her head, she stands and leaps over the the log she'd been resting against; the primary culprit who keeps the one beneath it from getting up. She knew it was pointless; the great many who tried yesterday accomplished nothing, but they had tried nonetheless. She had to try once more. Cursing mutely, she lowered her head and slammed it against the rough side of the color-drained wood. She reared and kicked with her front hooves, sending bits of punky wood flying in all directions. She used the horns on her skull mask to try and pry and heavy mass up and off the one beneath it. It was all pointless, but she'd worked herself into a fury. She barely noticed that Ravyn had come to her side to help. Thanks glowed under her rage toward the rest of the forest though. Perhaps even an once of respect for the butterfly pelted doe. Her fury broke when Saosin ran. And, uncertain of whether she should feel sorry for him or add him to the 'useless' masses, she stared at his fleeing backside. She never made a decision and only hung her head.
Tired and sore all over again, Noelle dropped to her stomach near Iuardagnire's unmoving head and rested her chin just a few inches behind the anchors of his great antlers. "I don't want to feel this hate for anyone. How can you love everyone so completely? Can I?" Without knowing just why, she lifts her head just enough to groom the long on the back of his neck. Silently, she told herself it was to comfort Iaurdagnire. Partially, it was, but she found comfort in cleaning away the dirt and debris from his coat as well. "...Everything will work out in the end."
~
This is actually bringing
It was a cool breeze that stirred my fur first; and my eyes opened slowly to invite the day's weather to my senses. Autumn, as it were, could be one of the cruelest seasons known to deerkind. To any animal, actually. Not quite as harsh, as eccentric and as unpredictable as Winter, perhaps, but all the more ruthless- because it has the certainty of it's coming. Nothing can stop it.
I am not like this Autumn, however. Things stop me. I find my path hindered, barricaded against me, nearly 80% of the time. For every hoofstep forward, it is a reverse bound, to where I had been days previous. Even months. One would think I could become accustomed to the fact that perhaps my life was justified to be hectic, to be influenced by every little thing. Balanced upon the point of a pine tree, swaying hither and thither whenever something set off the stability.
But I cannot get used to it.
And so, I came to you, my dear friend.
You cannot hear these thoughts, as I lay beside you now. Among the pale red florals; the Poppies, I love so dearly. But despite this, I am sure you know the basics of what may be going on in my head. Ebony visionaries are directed downwards, observing a single dandelion among the tall, figuratively strong poppy stalks, pondering just what those 'logs' barring my way are.
"I am a Dandelion, Iaurdagnire."
To the passerby, it'd seem I had quite lost my mind; that perhaps my enormous red antlers had weighed my head down so much that the blood had left my brain or something. However, it is moreso a metaphorical statement, as I look towards the poor, lonesome, cold dandelion. Alone, even when so many other flowers huddled so near. Perhaps it was a negative comment, or a positive one. I do not even know. It was a rhetorical phrase that my vocal chords had strung together, and sent flowing up and out of my mouth like the waters that poured from the Crying Idol we laid near.
A sigh. "A Dandelion who has so, so many Poppies as friends; all of them bright and glorious, and beautiful in their own ways. All of them caring. Comforting. And yet there are times when the Dandelion feels unnecassary. Why should it ruin, mottle, mesh the lovely red hue with its canary yellow? Why is it around when there are those few Poppies whom would rather not see it at all?"
I close my eyes, and then reopen them, clearing the fog that threatened to convert to tears. I clear my throat, averting my gaze from the flowers and to the Crying Idol before us. His fur is warm against my side as another brush of wind blows by.
"I am a Dandelion."
This is not the only issue troubling my tired mind, though. No, there is more. It is equally important as the first problem, and yet... It is not. It is my own personal fear of how I myself would adjust, as opposed to wondering whether others could ever adjust to me. The sharp pain in my side only firms my resolve to speak of my worries.
"My mother... My mother was unknown to me, as a fawn. My father as well. I was an orphan for as long as I dare remember." I swivel my yellow tipped ears, interrupted by the shuffling of a squirrel searching for hibernation bedding. After thinking a moment, I resumed my speech. "I was adopted by deer. And shortening the story, she deserted me, left me to fend for myself, left me to the angry herd whom later exiled me..." My eyes drift towards my friend, thankful he is here to listen, to learn. He is the best confidant one could have. "I fear how I will be as a mother, Iaurdagnire. How will I be able to raise this fawn right, without any experience from my own mother?"
I shifted a foreleg, as it was beginning to fall asleep, before I shook my head resignedly. I was getting rather plump, and it was awkward to find different ways to comfortably lay down. "I know my Saiyko will be here and there, ready to help... But ultimately it is the doe's job. And... And I worry on whether I am worthy of such an honour."
My black eyes flick up to the pale skies before returning to Dag's dark coat, his red and white features. "I am a Dandelion who may be birthing a rose... But if the Rose doesn't receive its due care, it shall wilt, and become bane." I blink. Perhaps this is just how my role in life shall play out. I already seem to be a bane of sorts. Passing it to my child seems only natural.
Thank you.
I love all of you <3 thank
And Saosin, it's not quantity, it's quality! You said few words, but conveyed so much meaning.
VGC's post probably trumped you in that respect though... but she's a well known abuser of metaphors ;D
<3
[Sir Dag]
(a place marker for now.
============================================
~Zelig~
(This writing is so good,
A cool breeze sent shivers down her spine waking her from her slumber. She sensed dread, dread and agony. This brought her to her feet. Scanning the forest she spots a deer and all of her senses shut off and was pulled toward him. She didn't know him but seemed to want to spill all her secrets. So she lay right next to him letting all her feelings out. "Hm, well my name is Coy and that should explain it all." She shifts herself uncomfortably."You see, I reject strangers and usually hide behind my family. I don't know how to get over being shy, I want to be confident like all the others I see." glancing over at the stag, she sighs deeply. "This all gets in the way of what I want. I WANT to meet new deer. I WANT to fit in. I WANT someone to love. Yes, of course I love my father and brother. It's just not the same as finding that one stag, that one true love." Tears start flowing down her face. "I just want a family of my own, I want to know when I get older I will be better and this shyness will go away. But it hasn't and this scares me deeply." wiping away the tears she laughs. "It seems your in a worse predicament than me, maybe I'm the one that should be listening." Laying her head down next to the stag, her eyes getting heavy letting the darkness close in around her.
Roo. // Coy.
This is such a wonderful
---
Something had drawn Cloud. He usually didn't approach another deer directly, at least not those he didn't know well. But something had drawn him. He looked upon the stag, trapped beneath the logs, heard his words.
Cloud laid next to the one he called friend, pressing as close as he could. Normally, he would not pour out his inner thoughts so easily but something...something was urging him.
"My smile is a fake. I've never once been genuinely happy, not since Sky died," Cloud began.
"I blame myself for his death. If only I hadn't told him to keep running. If only I had been paying attention. If only..." He sighed, "What if's never changed a thing, did they?"
"I promised my mother when she died that I would protect Sky with my life, that I would never allow anything to happen to him. I failed her...and I failed him." He choked, turning his head away to glare off into the distance. He would not allow it to be known that he was crying.
"Sometimes I wish I'd died that night. Why is it that I was allowed to come to this place while everyone I cared about wasn't? Why should I be permitted to live when I couldn't even protect the one who meant the most to me?"
His voice dropped to a whisper, "Sometimes...I look at the pond and think how easy it would be...to give myself to the water and end this suffering. All it would take is a few steps...a few minutes..."
"I'm a coward though, I could never do it. I am terrified of death. I was afraid that night I fought against Baal, I was terrified that I would fall asleep and never wake up." He shook his head, "Funny, isn't it? I wish for death yet I'm afraid of it."
He stopped, gazing off into the distance.
"I call myself a protector," He whispered, "But what is a protector who cannot even protect that which is dear to him? What is a protector that can't even protect his own being from himself?"
"I feel...so alone...so lost." The gray buck trailed off, his thoughts finished.
Updates
Safear stood alone and
"h-hello, I am afraid I do not know you very well, hardly at all in fact." a nervous laugh forced its way out of her chest and faded into scilence once again. "but I understand it is your wish for others to speak of their troubles to you?" she allowed a slight pause, just on the off chance he may respond, with no such answer obiously comeing she continued in a hoarse whisper. "I-I would be honored if you would listen to mine." For a moment she gathered her thoughts, then curling up next to him she began.
"I came here, what seems like a life time ago, perhaps it has been.....I was so alone, so bitter and unsure. Now I look around me, and it takes my breath away to see the caring faces of so many friends. Dear, sweetest, Garth is to be a mother, she is mate to my best friend Saiyko. Steele and Tally are so happy......So are Titana and Roscoe. It makes me wonder, will I Safear ever be worthy of a mate? It shreds my heart to pices everytime I see couples, so happy, and in love. It is one of my greatest wishes to be able to stand by one who I can call mine. Yet, look at me, who would care for a mangled creature such as I? Who could look upon this scaled face and feel affection? How would they feel to know that when I lick away the blood of their wounds I feel insatibal hunger? I sickens me to think that I dare wish for such a thing, yet I do, I wish for it so badly that it hurts...."
Clamming up, she buried her face in the dusty ground."Thank you so much Dag, for listening to a strangers woes, you...you have no Idea what it means." the words were a barely audible murmer.
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I raised my head and
I raised my head and listened. It seems that none of the few I know are in the forest. Ah! I was wrong, there sleeping is Iaurdagnire. Then I see the logs...
"Sir Dag, you are so brave."
I sat by him.
Others came, but still I swallowed my fear and stayed near him. He had been kind to me, when all others had run away. He made me feel strong, almost like I was somebody. That it mattered what I felt. Just maybe...
No. He matters to me though. I stood and, neither caring nor wondering if he could hear me, I addressed him.
"Iaurdagnire. I don't fit here. I.. I feel small here. In this vast place. The Endless Forest. I see why it is called that now. Endless open spaces. Endless fear. Endless lonely days spent alone. Do you care for me Dag? Do you truly? "
I didn't expect an answer. Didn't need one. I suspected the answer. How could you truly care for one you have only met once? No... no one truly cares for The Wanderer. True to his name he always leaves. Always moves along alone. Yet, here I was sitting next to this stag who I had only met once. With a start I stood and looked at him. I was here.. I cared for him. A stag I had only met once. So it was possible. It filled me with an almost unwanted hope. Maybe, just maybe, others really did care for The Wanderer.
"Thank you.... I-I hope you get better. "
She lay by his side like he
She lay by his side like he had always done for her as she rested, his breathing would be relaxed—harmonious—to sooth her as she lay, no worries. His antlers would reach high and his gaze so gentle if she were to peek from her sleep. If all was well his head would lower, pressing against her neck and the slow, soft breathing would continue. She would smile. All was well.
The cold air grabbed at her fur, tugging it left and right before continuing on its journey through the forest. This reminds her of when it rains, a weather change; sitting outside the Great Oak and watching the droplets repeatedly hit the earth. Her coat would be soaked, but he would be beside her, his warm side making the cold flee from her body. She would smile. All was well.
The logs rattled and bats would sweep past her head, causing her to flinch each time. Why does this remind her of the day when he was a dove? It is the opposite… the opposite that attracts her mind to it. When she was a squirrel and he was a dove, sitting beneath one of the small mushrooms that made up a mushroom circle. She would laugh, he would laugh. She would smile. All was well.
”Dag… I don’t want to remember the memories alone… it hurts…” She turned her head the slightest, her eyes soft and careful as she looked to him. He was mangled, his once soft fur now hurt and torn. His gleaming eyes now closed. She reached out and brushed a twig away from his face, hesitating just the slightest to see if he’d awake. Nothing. ”What is your favorite memory? Please… I need to change my thoughts…” She had begun focusing on him too keenly, the injuries, the logs, the lonely feeling she was getting even with him by her side. Memories rushed her again and she turned away, closing her eyes to stop the little tears forming in her eyes. “I like the blue mystery… or perhaps your first attempt at water walking.” She laughed, tears of glee for the past filling her eyes. She smiled, but was all well? “Clear my thoughts of worry for you…” She paused, turning towards him again and reaching out to lower her head against his neck. “Make time slow down when I’m with you…”
"Oh, Dag..." Amary sat down
She paused, looking up towards the sky, not really at anything in particular. "There's...something else. Not really a problem, but... Well, it's just something that has me confused. And...I haven't been able to decide who to talk to, to ask about it. So... Well, there's this one friend that...for some reason I seem to think about more than my other friends lately. When I see him, I seem to feel even happier than I do with my other friends. When I'm with him, it's like everything bad just...disappears. And I feel like I could just sit with him forever... But, it doesn't really make sense. I mean, I have other friends that I've known longer and seen more often, that I even consider closer, but... this is somehow...different. Or maybe it's...just my imagination... I don't know... The whole thing is just very confusing... It's strange... But there seems to be a lot of things I don't understand. I just...need someone to explain it to me."
((phew, that was long... BTW, your writing is amazing <3 ))
~Paz
main deer: Amary, Melinoe, Sheen
The doe could sense
The ages reflected in her eyes as she gazed apon that broken body under those logs of woe.
She wanted to lower her burdens, free herself from the sorrows that had partaken within her life.
Ravenflight somehow thought that he would help her. That mysterious and most magnificent creature.
Her weak legs lowered herself to the ground and her eyes gazed over his condition.
'I dont know you every well...But I feel I can connect to you...'
Ravenflight gazed back to see that she was the only one there. This moment was hers. She didnt want anyone else to know of her turmoil.
'Ive experienced many trials and tests, tradgedies and upsets. Ive slowly recovered over the years. But, I look deep into myself. I am not happy'
She gritted her teeth as the tears began to fall.
'Ive lost my love. I lost him to the pond. I lost my close friend to the pond, The one I held affections for. In my human world I was driven from happiness.'
She paused as her breaths became quivered.
'Im afraid to find love again, But I want it so dearly. I want to be loved. I dont know what to do.'
Please tell me this is still
Yes this is still going on
Thank you to everyone who's posted since I left last night, you're all fantastic <3
[Sir Dag]
Oh thank goodness Dx I was
[This is NOT Rev, just so
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In one respect, he had to look back on what he could remember from when he was... 'normal'. In another respect, he had to come to realize that it would never be that way again. He had heard there was someone in the forest, trapped beneath immovable logs. That's... kind of how HE felt at the moment.
With the way the other deer shied away at his human-like appearance, he wouldn't be surprised if the injured one did the same. But, in this form, he felt more comfortable - even watching the others scatter. Others that he had come to trust... even, perhaps, love like family. But nothing could replace the family he'd never see again.
He came quietly, and sat down beside the injured deer. HE could 'see' the logs as clear as day, for they were in his mind's eye - and he did not have to use his sight to sense them. He HAD no sight. But that wasn't why he came. And in having no sight - it made the way others fled that much more hurtful. For the transformation had stripped him of his powers. And he hadn't gotten them back.
Learning to walk and think and move while truly blind was an experience. A dangerous one. He didn't KNOW how many times he'd fallen now, but it must be well into the seventies.
He didn't touch the wounded deer. It somehow seemed inappropriate. And would likely scare him - as hands had replaced hooves. But only for the top half. The bottom half still ended in hooves. And a tail still sprouted from his spine, and antlers from his skull. Heavy antlers. He started to speak - the words just drawn out of him.
"You don't know me... and I don't really know you. Just tidbits here and there, that I hear the others say."
He paused here, and chuckled darkly - wryly. As if there were some cosmic joke he was only pretending to laugh at, because he didn't get it.
"I suppose I have no right to complain, huh? He could have killed me. He could have destroyed my soul. He could have done all number of things. Instead... he chose this. This... new life."
The human-deer looked out into the rest of the forest, hands in his lap, and hoofed legs crossed at an odd angle. He shifted and shuffled, trying to get comfortable. When he spoke next, his voice wavered between strength and weakness, leaning more toward the weak. He wasn't as healthy as he seemed.
"In some ways... this is worse than death. It has the same effect..." He motioned vaguely into the air. "Removing me from life as I know it. Tearing me from my family and friends. My brother... I'll never see him again. I'll never see ANY of them again."
Tears started to flow freely down his pale skin as he spoke, without being wiped away.
"What did I do? It was Evel that killed him, not me. Evel that forced the hand of Fate SO many times, that I lost count. He killed. He... did unspeakable things.. And yet.. I still love him. I still miss him. I still wish he was here. Is that wrong? To love my twin, even though he... so many times, he... did such things..."
A sad bit of laughter, ending in a sob. A sniffle, as Kire continued.
"And what's more... THIS form.. it scares the rest. It makes them run in fear and loathing. No matter how many times I try and approach... even showing them the hooves, the ears and tail... the antlers... They run from me. I can tell this, because I hear it. I feel it. I think if I could actually see the looks on their faces, it may be harder.. to... to bear. That thought of rejection." He paused again, to think. Then continued. "But this is my family now. This forest is my home. There IS no way to get back to where I belong. The one who sent me here, who transformed me, made sure of that. The only friend I have, who doesn't mind my keeping this two-legged appearance, is Revtheyr."
Again, he paused, and hung his head, wiping his eyes, and thinking. When he next spoke, his voice was on the verge of breaking into silence, so low and so weak.
"Not even the one... who sheltered me.. until I gained a body of my own... Not even HE... will give me anything but harsh loneliness... nothing but the chill of rejection. What did I do to... to deserve this? If I tell...... tell the others... I'm not a deer, they... they think I'm crazy. And I may be... but at least... if this IS a delusion... I wanted others to talk to... to be with... instead of running away from me in terror."
He pulled up some grass by the roots with his fingers, and stuck a few blades in his mouth, roots and all, chewing and swallowing with a grimace.
"But here I am... talking to you like you can solve everything... I don't even know your name... You don't know mine... What gives me the right to treat you as a sounding board from my problems... I don't know... I just..... don't know. What to say... what to think... what to do.... Who to talk to..... I just.... don't know...."
and my friends are my strength."
When I was young, Dagnire,
"Now, Zelig." she told me, "I know you enjoy watching and playing with that snail. But he needs to eat, and rest, and hide where he is supposed to. It isn't good for him, to keep him on your back all day. And even though you love him, sometimes you need to let go what you love, if it hurts them."
I could see that falling in love with Lady Gwenhywfar was hurting her, Dag. Sir Galahad wouldn't speak to her, while I was around. He figured I was just another Rut stag that didn't really care about her. Just another buck causing trouble with the does. At the time I hadn't really thought about it, but sheltering her from the rain must have been the final straw, for him.
She looked so very sad without him.
I will always be her friend, I haven't turned my back on her. But I met Sir Galahad in the forest one day, and sat down with him, looking sorry for myself. I hope he got the idea. I'm not out to break up lovers.
I hope I've made the right decision by not pursuing her further. It makes my heart ache- I'd want more than anything to be with her, and be a father for Bluetear. But it's not me that she wants.
There's something else on my mind, too. I keep falling asleep. You've seen how dozey I can be. I have to sit down because my head spins and my knees feel weak. I don't know what I can do for it. I've sampled many plants in the forest to try and find something that will settle this illness. But nothing has seemed to help. I don't know what else to try. I fear for my life, Dag, these little problems build up, they might be a harbinger for something lying beneath the skin...
============================================
~Zelig~
Aww ;-; I have teary eyes
-tracking-
Is it too late to post something..? o;
/wipes eyes DX
|x- Laurette's Biography -x|
It is not too late =) [Sir
[Sir Dag]
Really looking forward to
============================================
~Zelig~
This has me teary eyed every
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I'm a little wolf inside a girl.
Lightbringer-apprentice to Yorres
"Did I make the right
"Did I make the right choice? It's something that repeats in the back of my mind when I'm alone. Did I make the right choice, when I had everything to choose from? How would I know? What is happiness, but the quick beat of a butterfly's wing, a flash of a dove across the sky, so quick you only notice its sudden departure? Maybe I really was happier when things were simpler; Maybe I was only more unaware of myself. I cannot decide which is so, which is true, or which is false. It is not that there is pain now -- only in the dull way that a desert misses the rain, where it has grown around its lack -- only questions. I thought I would have an answer by now. The questions make the air in my mouth into ash. Did I make the right choice? Did I give up too soon? Those questions could apply to so many different things that I don't even know what I'm asking about. Everything, maybe. Can I even find answers I can trust to stand on, or are they but quicksand?"
((Seed's actually relatively light on angst at the moment, but there's still the background noise....meh. It still doesn't sound right.))
---
Join Nelle Rovine, my unicorn RP
I so wish I could respond to
Edit: And oh wow! Just noticed the response for Azazel. :3 I'll have to be clever and make him reply.
(Man, I've wanted Toxic to
Really, the Night Pelted stag felt a huge burden on his chest... Leea had mentioned stories and talked about the stag he was seeing here before him and really... despite everything, Toxic came to pay Dag a visit. His ears slowly laid on back as he gingerly laid down beside the other, lowering his gaze "Leea... she's told me a lot about you... Sir Dag..." That was a start and he sighed deeply again "You have said you'd enjoy listening to others... to lend them an open ear and I guess I just needed that right about now. As much as I love Leea and Leeon... I just don't think their young ears will be able to understand the pain that I feel now."
A soft chuckle escaped him as he shook his head "I've done things... terrible things. Back when I was sick those weeks ago, I don't know if it was a feverish delirium I was in but... I did so many terrible things to those that I called friends that I'm now feeling the burden of a heavy heart." There was a pause, Toxic glancing up towards the sky as his face twisted into a deep mix of regret and pain. It was clear there was so much trouble in his mind "See... when I was sick, ill... no one seemed to care. No one was around save for Leea and her brother... I looked to them for the help and guidance that pushed me along until the Gods gifted me with the will to get back up to my feet and fight it. But... I... I did terrible things to those who came to me as well. I hurt them, yelled at them... chased them away..."
Toxic quivered as he lowered his head down onto his front legs staring straight and not bothering to see anything besides his own mental thoughts "I hurt Nathan... I hurt Celyn... I cared so much for both of them. I cared more for Nathan than anything... and now, I barely see him. And I just have the feeling that something terribles out there to get them..." Shaking his head he closed his eyes "Like some monster of myself is out to get them now... all of them. Like a terrible Nightmare roaming these forests only to taunt and hurt them mentally..."
"I'm really at a loss... I don't know what to do anymore... I want to apologize to Nathan and Celyn but I don't see them... and when they are around I'm so deathly afraid to approach."
(Heck, this might even draw Iviran out of his shell... and Claudia >> But I don't want to spam replies ^^;;;;;;; *hugs all over Dag though* <3)
~*~*~ My Deer: King Iviran, Toxic Creed, Imperial Claudia and Maliran's Ghost ~*~*~
Main Deer: Nightmare & Sintharia
(( -abuses the ability to
"Iaurdagnire." A softened voice greets the great stag's broken form as she apporaches, her younger, battered sister limping behind her. Her features, despite many of them being hidden behind her skull mask, are calloused and here and there are dried smudges of blood. After bowing, she takes a place near him and settles onto her stomach.
"Thank you for eerything you had to say. Your words stuck a chord in me that nearly made me weep, Sir. Secretly, I wish I could have, but tears aren't needed now." Her words are paused as she watches the limping Fay come ever closer, her sister's bright and expressive eyes glittering as tears form on their surface. "What you've told me has been taken to my heart. As soon as I woke this morning, I started trying to accept the forest entirely, but what they do... Do you see what they've done to my sister? How can I accept that?"
"How? She did nothing to them to deserve these wounds. She only watched over me. She watched over me and this is what she gets for it." As if to punctuate her next remark, her body quivers and her eyes narrow, her gaze focused on the ground. "I'm so angry... So angry my chest hurts. I want to hurt the ones who harmed her. I want to make them feel what she's feeling, and I know it's wrong despite the overwhelming desire for vengeance telling me it's not."
"There is so much more I wish I could tell you. So many things I wish I were not. We all have these standards, don't we? Silly expectations and wishes. Forgive me, I have to try again..." An exhale helps her to stand up and for a moment, she only watches as Fay uses what strength she has to try and move the log. Despite her proud and sturdy posture, Noelle seems to wilt. Perhaps its the subtle lowering of her ears or the way her tail hangs lifeless from the end of her spine. As quickly as the weakness is shown, she stiffens her body and snorts. Quick steps bring her to Fay's side and quicker still, she lends what aid she can.
When they've paused for a time, Noelle steps away to the crest of the closest hill. Within the circle of mushrooms, she rears and beats the air with her hooves and denies a friends offer for comfort. She and the three closest to the doe try to move the second largest log. Maybe this one will budge. No. No. No.
Eventually, Noelle comes to sit near Iaurdagnire again, her tongue and nose working off the bits of bark and wood and dust that had accumulated on his mane and shoulders since last she tended to him. She remains silent, however. Even though her eyes betray her subtle longing to be otherwise, she is quiet until she whispers her farewell, then stands. "I need to try and clean some of my sister's wounds, Sir Dag. You must get better soon for her- and everyone else in this place." For the first time since she arrived, she smiles and her entire being softens with the expression. Iaurdagnire is given another bow before she trots after Fay.
(( Forgive the bits of lazy in there. D: I'm running on heavily sugared tea~. ))
~
"Oh Iaudagnire..." Muscles
"You're bleeding my friend...here, let me help." Raising a hoof from the ground he stopped for a moment and looked at it, a conflicted and almost pained expression on his face. "I had forgotten...you see Iaudagnire, I'm not like those deer here." Gently shrugging out of his head dress, Queze shifted out of his scales. Human once more he sat cross legged at Dag's side. Fingers gently worked dirt and leaves from torn flesh, coaxing splintered wood from Dag's flank. Finally, content with his work, Queze lay back his head against the logs and eyed his bloodied fingers. "I've done things...killed in service to a higher power who no longer answers me. Being here in this forest, it's like I'm not even who I have been." Cleaning his hands on the grass Queze heaved a great sigh, tilting his head to look at Dag's prone form once more. "Such great doubt...questioning everything you've thought yourself to be. Somehow I think you understand me, friend." Fingers worked there way gently into the fur on Dag's neck, absentmindedly scratching as one might comfort a hurt dog. "Still, in the face of such much doubt, I know my home is real...I need only look to myself for proof of that. All those that I left behind...how it must pain them to not know anything of me. Yet the thought of leaving this forest and my friends here...what if I could never return home? Better to break one set of hearts than both I suppose..."
Donning his headdress and pelt, Queze tucked his hooves under his belly and stayed by Dag's side, a jade statue standing watch. "Such great doubt...yes, you understand quite well."
{ Gosh, it's been so long since I wrote Queze...thanks again for holding these involvement blogs! They're always so profound and inspiring. }
Sorry that it turned out to
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Small deer approached cautiously, her head low and red fur looking like a complete mess. It was a horrible sight that appeared before her, a dark-coloured, gentle stag crushed under heavy tree-trunks. There were other deer around too, some of them had tried to move the logs, some tried it again, only to fail as ones before them. Those deer, who had already accepted that trees that pinned down the stag could not be moved, lied near him instead speaking silently to him. Little red deer lied down as well, a bit farther away from the crowd though, but watching evertyhing with worried green eyes which peered through her skull-shaped mask. She did not speak, just sat, her ears flattened to her head.
She did not move for a while, only when most of other deer had moved on their way small deer got to her feet and approached slowly at wounded Iaurdagnire. She sniffed carefully his fur before sitting again beside him, looking around if someone was coming. Nobody was, at the moment.
"I´m sorry" She spoke quietly, with unusual sad voice.
"I know that you might be wanting to take your mind off this horrible accident and wouldn´t want to hear about it anymore, but... I have to say it anyway. I would want to help you, really, but if everyone a lot stronger deer have tried and failed, there´s no way I could move those logs... there´s no way that I could do it. Maybe I should have tried it anyway, but I know it won´t work so I didn´t even try. I hope you´re not angry at me." Large eyes stared from inside the skull, looking bewildered even though the mask´s grim appearance. She paused for a moment, opened her mouth and shut it again without saying anything.
"...I don´t know, maybe that´s the problem. I don´t try enough, but how could I when I know I´m going to fail? It saves a lot trouble from me and everyone to just... let things be what they are or let stronger, smarter deer deal with them than me to try mess with them. I´m just in the way anyways, I guess. I... can´t do anything. Again." Red furred minideer spoke at last again, after getting a grip of herself. It was quite obvious that she was starting to feel quite stupid by talking like this, instead of that light, joking chatter she usually let out of herself.
"...I don´t really like to talk about myself like this." She stated nervously looking around to see if anyone could hear before thinking silently few minutes again.
"It makes me feel so selfish. Others don´t need to hear how I complain about things. They have problems their own, don´t they? Probably something real problems, that they might need help with. It´s... better to try help others rather than just pity myself, right? I don´t even know why I feel like I do. There shouldn´t be any reason for me to be unhappy. It´s stupid... But seems like I´m not really for much use for anyone else either. I feel so weak.
Eh, there´s not any sense what I´m talking about, I´m just going in circles.... I... I´m sorry, I shouldn´t be rambling at you. You must be tired." She took a deep breath, shaking then her head with a faint smile that was almost blocked by teeth of a skull she wore to hide her face. That was enough, maybe... she shouldn´t have bothered him.
"Don´t die, Dag. I might not know you that well, but... I think you as a friend." Small one whispered once more, before starting to stand up and make room to others that might would want to speak to stag under the log. It was terrible how something so violent could happen in blink of the eye... and she hadn´t even know about it before hearing others talking. How she could not have known about something so awful like this?
You have nothing to be
Although I updated the topic with this information, I'll say it here as well:
The last chance to participate in this event will be this Thursday!
[Sir Dag]
wow, what a response! thank
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You are most welcome =)
[Sir Dag]
your welcome, Safear was
p.s no text goes unnoticed by me.
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SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
[Sir Dag]
X'D -------------------------
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(I'm going to try my
Kaoori limped slowly over towards the fallen logs.. she'd passed this place, circiling, watching the deer. Her heart hurt to see one in such pain. But she had heard him..
She lay beside him, tucking her hooves in beneath her. How brave he was.
"Do you think, Sir.. ? That they can still see us? Terrant.. The Hat Lady.. Wudiin.. will we see them again? I miss them all so much.. "
She closed her eyes and lay there with him for a time.. hoping her warmth would reach inside.. let him know she was here.
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I'm a little wolf inside a girl.
Lightbringer-apprentice to Yorres
I had to reply XD --- Cloud
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Cloud stared off into the distance and mulled over Iaurdagnire's words. After some time, he finally spoke.
"I...suppose you are right," He said quietly, "I have been happy, I just...never knew it. I was so trapped in my past, in my 'what if's' that I never saw. I never realized..."
"I became so obsessed with protecting everyone I cared for that I never saw...that I was neglecting my own happiness. I gave myself that goal, that title, in some silly attempt to make up for my past mistakes. It was a false purpose."
He paused for a moment, "I no longer need that title," He said, "I'm going to keep searching for my true happiness, without the hindrance of a 'purpose', and allow the past to rest. It may take me awhile but...I think it's time."
Cloud smiled, his first genuine smile in a very long time, "Thank you, Iaurdagnire."
Updates
this is probably all wrong,
_____
Isis trudged carefully through the autumn leaves and barren sticks. Her eyes fixed on nothing, but everything. She felt her stomach nudge her side, and she replied with a soft nuzzle to the baby not yet born.
As the doe approached the ruins, a scene caught her attention. Logs placed heavily ontop of a stag that she couldnt make out from the distance, she neared and Dag came into veiw. "Dag!" she exclaimed, forgetting her hurting sides and wandering mine. It was already clear that she could do nothing to help, so instead she laid beside the crimson stained figure.
Tears came to her Olive eyes. "Dag...what has happened?" she didn't know of the recent events, being too clogged with the baby situation. Isis leaned her head down and nuzzled the figure delicatly.
"Dag..."
she began. "I dont know what to do. I have never been a mother." she pursed her lips. "What if I do something wrong? I want the fawn to grow up well." Isis stared into the distance, eyes sparkling as she spoke.
"And...gosh. They tell me 'Let love find you'. But, I have tried this for years...I keep telling myself, one day he will come....but he never does." she sighed. "Maybe I am just too paranoid with this, I need to focus on being a mother...yes."
"Let me tell you something, one day I will be happy. I will have someone that loves me and will be a father to my baby. Virgil will do a fantastic job, this I know, but I do hope that the fawn can grow up knowing that something is out there waiting for her, that she may not be in constant turmoil as am I."
"Dag, thank you for listening."
Snowrift's Updates
Snowrift's Updates
Really really hope I'm in
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~Zelig~
"Hello..." The doe is
The doe is striped and with a cheerful round face, covered by a Golden Butterfly mask. Oddly enough, there are antlers on her head, though not as large as a stag's, and beautiful violets hang from them in decorative strands.
Yes, she looks cheerful, but deep inside she carries a massive burden of sorrow and anguish on her shoulders.
She lays by the fallen stag's side, silent and contemplative. Then she looks up and smiles.
"I'm Plumeria. Call me Plume; I know the whole thing's really a mouthful."
She falls silent again. Her gaze darkens as she remembers what she is here for.
"I..."
She blinks and rubs a hoof in the bloodied dirt, choosing the right words to describe her predicament.
She comes up with nothing and decides to start at the beginning.
"When I came here, I didn't really know anyone. I was the newcomer; I didn't really remember anything about the stuff before coming here. I'm not sure how I even got here. Well, so, I was all alone, at first, right, and I was really happy when other deer quickly got to know me and I got to know them. I was really, really happy.
Then I found someone who wasn't happy at all.
She could only speak here, most of the time. She had a problem, like her relatives; she had a curse, that stopped her from seeing anybody else in the real Forest.
Her name was Taint... Painted Lady, actually. She... she couldn't smile. She was so sad, and alone, and angry, too. She was beautiful, but thought she was ugly. She didn't know why she was here. She didn't really want to exist, because she was just in this permanent state of misery and sourness.
I felt really bad for her.
I wanted to be her friend, so she would be happy. Then, after talking a little with her, I found out that she didn't really want to be my friend.
And so I thought, well, she's probably just like that. She's a sour, mean, sad thing; but I can make her better. It's because she doesn't have anyone to break through that shell. I thought I could break that shell. I was really happy and I wanted to give her some of my happiness.
So... I kept talking to her, laughing and smiling for her. She began to accept me; I would always stay with her and be happy around her.
And after a long, long time... we fell in love..."
Here the doe stops and closes her eyes, perhaps remembering something soft and warm. After a long pause, she reopens her eyes, now glistening with tears, and continues.
"It shocked her. She hadn't ever loved anything, before... And I... I was surprised, too...
But I realized that there could be no one else for me. She needed me, and I needed her. I would guide her with my smiles, and she would guide me with her wise words, since I'm not the brightest, you see.
But even though... even though we both now loved, she was sad. She became sadder, and sadder, because we could never, ever, ever, meet each other for real. There was no cure for the curse.
And then she... and then she... went away...
She went away into the Ghost World... A fake-Forest, a Ghost-Forest, where she and her relatives lived. She said goodbye to me, and went into the fake-Forest, and has never come back yet."
She begins to cry quietly.
"I said to her so many times that someday, someday... We would meet, finally meet, finally touch each other for real... I told her to keep hoping-"
Now softly, no more than a whisper.
"-but she didn't believe in hope.
I still hope. I will hope forever. I will wait, yes, I will wait, be it months or years... I don't care how long. I will hope, and wait, and now I am finding her, too; I've gone into the Ghost World two times now, to search for her. She's somewhere. I know she is...
And oh, I miss her. I want her to say even one word to me. Just a word.
Just so I don't forget her voice..."
A deep breath stutters through her throat, and she gazes at the stag's face, cheeks wet and eyes deep.
"Thanks for listening, sir," she whispers, "it's good to let it out."
A single violet petal flutters to the ground.
"Wish me luck..."
"I'm so confused... I hear
I try to stop every fight I see, much like how you do it, but most of the time it doesn't work. But I don't give up.
I appreciate your advice, Dag, but I don't think I could stay out. How can I just stand by and watch my friends, or anyone for that matter, hurt each other, without at least trying to do something about it? No, I can't... Not as long as there's even the smallest chance... I just want to keep them from hurting each other... I don't expect to always succeed, but I have to try.
'Until they both come to terms...'? That may never happen. That's not to say I don't believe it will. But they are both so stubborn...
He...says he does this for the greater good. But...I'm not even sure what that means. How can something be for the "greater good" if it hurts someone? And...how can anyone really be that bad, anyway?
Dag...Do you believe we are all equal? After all, do the gods not create us equally? I have a feeling someone told me that a long time ago...someone important...but I can't seem to remember. Still, I cannot believe that anyone is truly "bad," to the point that they can't change.
Another problem has come up. Several of my friends are suffering, some physically and some in other ways. I want to be with all of them, to help them, or at least support them if I can't help. But, sometimes it just isn't possible to be with them all at the same time... I feel like I have to choose who to be with, but I can't possibly chose one friend over another. They are all important to me. I feel bad if I can't be with one of them, or more...I feel bad if I have to leave someone's side. Maybe there is no real solution... But I can't help but feel torn...
And, about those feelings, and what they mean...Well, I only ask because I'm very much in the dark here. I'm...not even sure I understand your answer... Am I thinking too much about it? Maybe I am... Maybe it's really nothing... Just my imagination... I guess perhaps I shouldn't spend so much time worrying about things I don't understand..."
((long again x.x))
~Paz
main deer: Amary, Melinoe, Sheen
(I'm sorry if this isn't
Sithrim never had met that Sir, laying under those massive logs, but something in the others' faces told him he was very adored and respected. Looking down at him for a long time, the dark blue stag took a place near the logs, watching the dead body frightfully quiet. The forest sounded scarily quiet. Silence fell over those who were sitting. Only a few whispers, a few words.
I don't know how long he sat by him. Some arrived, some left. Some were crying, some looked grumpy, others seemed really panicky and hurt. Sith' wasn't that close from that unknown stag so he wouldn't bother those who actually knew him better, but his eyes seemed stuck on his closed eyes. A silky greyish fur. He had long red markings on his head, falling down his neck and fading on his white belly.
Slowly, the darkblue stag started thinking about himself. How selfish he felt! But he couldn't help it. No one knew how hard it was to live for Sithrim, lately. His heart seemed frightened, hid in his blue chest, every time he looked at her. Like a little bomb that was constantly exploding when he was there with Maia. In the other hand, he was extremely happy to be with her, to feel her smooth fur against his, to nuzzle her lovingly and watching her sleep.
Painfully, he sighed a bit, feeling extremely cold as the fog thickened. 'Sir Iaurdagnire'. It was his name, - he heard someone pronouncing it. He wasn't trying to hear what others were saying, it would be really impolite from him.
When no one seemed to be around, Sithrim got up hesitantly. He approached Sir Iaurdagnire's body slowly and let his body fall next to his. And he fell like chatting a bit with him.
" G-good evening, Sir Iaurdagnire... " Sithrim said gently. " You don't know me... but I don't know you neither. So I guess we are equal in t-this. " He stopped, thinking how ridiculous he was being.
" I s-saw many deers coming up to you... telling you many things... I just thought it would be... nice to do so myself.
But I'm afraid I have not many interesting stories to tell you, as my life isn't very interesting. I don't know if you... know a certain doe, named Maia? If not, well, all I can say is that she is the most beautiful creature I've ever met... but I don't know what's happening. I really like her, I really do. But lately I just can't stop thinking about her, she worries me more than she should. Like an obsession, I'm always wondering if she is fine. Seems I have nothing better to do when I'm alone... my thoughts have always her name ... her scent.. her deep eyes... her joyous smile. Sometimes all this just drives me crazy, because I can't concentrate on my other friends anymore. I wonder what this is. You're an elder stag, I just thought you should know what this is. I won't blame you if you don't.
I met her this morning... she was very adorable, as always... but there was... kjgfh.. Ren ! I just.. hate him.. so much. He laughed at me as soon as he noticed me. He was testing me! Maia bowed at him, but as I started taunting at him she understood I didn't like him at all. And then... he started stalking her, he was like s-stuck to her just to anger me! He wanted to drive me mad!
Urgh. And I couldn't handle it. He's very strong, very big. I'm very tall, but not that bulky. What should I do? I knew he wouldn't hurt Maia, but she was scared to death. And I failed.
I epicly failed at trying to protect her.
Do I deserve her respect now? Her trust? Her smile?
I'm sorry, I know I'm annoying. But at least I feel a bit better now. I really don't know what is going on with me.
As my ancients always used to say ... 'Good ones must die, but death can not kill their names.'
With those words I leave you, Sir Iaurdagnire. See you in another life... "
Sithrim bowed respectfully as soon as he got up, and then left the dead body, promising himself he would never forget Iaurdagnire's name.
#4b5160
[Monty Python]Dag: Uh, I'm
*Couldn't resist* x)
The Noble Guardian