January 13, 2014 - 5:47am — Narcissus
There's this character I made a while before I discovered TEF, and he fits well into a nature/forest type of theme, but I've been hesitant to try using him as a roleplaying character here because he's so different from most other players' characters that I've seen. Instead, I settled on making my main deer character somewhat similar to him (he's got similar markings on his fur but not much else in common), but I've recently thought about seeing if I could somehow make him a resident of the Forest. I've decided that I will only do so if it doesn't bug other people too much.
so, here goes. a description of Alkalai:
*Alkalai is an anthropomorphic creature of unknown origin.
*He has the claws of a bear; the legs of a deer; the ears, tail, and mane of a striped hyena; and his face is like a deer skull with large canine teeth. He can either walk on all-fours or stand up like a man, though I generally draw him standing.
*Instead of eating food, he draws energy from colourful objects. It is an involuntary reaction. If he has been starved for a long time, the colour of the objects may even be drained in order to quench his hunger, resulting in black/white/grey shapes left behind.
*Alkalai is an undead whatever, which may sound overpowered or "god-mod," but every time he comes back to life after dying, although he is still in an adult body, it's like he becomes a child again. Because of his memory-loss, he doesn't know what he is or where he comes from.
*He likes to protect and care for small creatures, but he gets scared easily and will sometimes hide even from creatures smaller than he is.
I've been told by various persons across the Internet that this character is poorly-made and a "mary sue," but I've been trying to revise him, so if you can give me any pointers without saying stuff like "that sucks, change it" or "it really shouldn't be like that," then please do so. I am perfectly fine with constructive criticism; it's just that I don't like it when people are rude and/or demanding when they're analyzing my characters.
Anyway, sorry for taking up so much of all you guys' valuable time. Thank you for taking a few minutes to read this and/or comment.
i like your character, the
sorry double posted lol
It sounds like an interesting
Ok, so for starters, can you tell more about it's personality? Background? Quirks? These little things give the character more 'life' and make them more unique, interesting, and less sue-ish.
(Take it from me. My main character here's a freakin' demonized Irish Elk with six eyes, yet no-one's ever complained about his design.
@Zergarikiaka, thanks for the
personality:
-He feels connected to small animals and nature in a way that he doesn't understand. In this current "life" (as I've said, he can be killed multiple times and just starts over) he has never encountered a human and doesn't have the faintest notion of what they are or even that they exist, but he somehow senses that there is an evil in the world, and he wants to stay away from it and keep it away from his home.
-He is quick to learn how things basically work, but he still retains a sense of wonder at the world. He doesn't know, and he doesn't want to know how the sun rises and sets, what makes birds sing, why flowers bloom.
-Somewhere in the back of his mind are all of his previous memories, but he can't access them, and he doesn't really want to. He would rather be innocent.
quirks:
-He is bad with remembering names, even his own, and so he usually refers to other individuals by what they are. He refers to himself as "Self Beast."
-For the sake of good storytelling, although his real name is Alkalai, he will be given a new name by the first individual he encounters, because of his memory-loss and me not wanting to let plot holes slip by.
-Although all bright colours can recharge his energy, he gets the most from the colour red because it is his favourite. Usually when he sees a red thing, he will chase after it and hold it like it's the most precious thing in the world.
other:
-I was actually thinking, for the sake of realism, that I should make him blind, because he doesn't have eyes. It doesn't make sense for him to be able to supernaturally see out of empty sockets. x/
Sounds pretty good to me.
Also, just playing the character is a good way to let them grow and develop. Sometimes you can learn or decide more about them as they go along.
I'm just commenting for now
just wanted to pop in and say
just wanted to pop in and say a few thingys.
number one, i have seen many many many, like wow a lot, of undead, immortal, ageless, none dying, painless or reincarnating characters here. honestly i have one, warui, he is reincarnated if he is killed.
personally, i don't think that matters, as long in the instance of a fight, or brawl with another character, they either don't inflict much pain on the opponent, or they themselves are able to get hurt, weakened, or incapacitated. just some kind of down side so they don't go killing/hurting things with out as much as a scrape, which i doubt you would do anyway since he has a few weaknesses and things.
number two, that being said, heck he's your character, they don't have to die ever, no matter what he is yours and no one can ever tell you what to do with him. dont let people do that, it's not cool. i have a character that is just not going to die either, i'm so emotionally attached to him that just no, never, he may leave the forest when killed but he is sure as hell coming back here eventually.
i think the concept is really cool, and if you want to try him out here, go for it, and if he doesn't work out here just remove him, not a huuuuge deal i think.
but yeah, just my two cents about it and all ;u;
If you have any concern about
I think that playing him for awhile and writing down his thoughts and experiences will help you deepen the character a little more. At this point, your description seems a little bit cookie-cutter of an 'innocent monster' to me, but that doesn't mean he isn't good to play or flesh out. A cookie cutter character can turn into something great if he is able to develop.
When it comes to the physical
Feeding off colour is a good alternative to other eating, however I would make sure that you as a player get permission from any other players before having him 'involuntarily' syphon their colour. I see REALLY COOL potential for that in terms of other characters that spend lots of time with him to desaturate over time. That could be really fun for you and players of his friends to play around with in terms of character design. I'm sure a way to regain colour (either over time natural or by doing wholesome, rewarding things) could be developed so players don't need to 'lock' their characters into permanent design choice.
Being undead really depends on what 'rules' you use for how it effects him. There are a lot of undead characters in TEF that don't really do that much with the fact that they are dead and it might be fun for you to brainstorm ways his condition is different from standard TEF deer. Maybe his physical form will deteriorate over time as you play him in the coming months/years? What effect could dying have on his physical body considering it is already dead? Is moving a body strenuous for his soul (or whatever concept you have for this) or does locomotion of his dead body come naturally? Lots of fun design choices for dead things!
I am also going to second what Apodiea said about the memory loss. In addition, I would think that going through death would be traumatic, by having him keep that memory I would think he would want to avoid dying in the future. That would be a nice, in character, developed way to limit the amour of aggressive behaviour he participates in.
That's really all I can think of for this dude, I'm sure you'll have fun tweaking his design and eventually playing with him in game.
Thank you all for your
The main thing I was concerned about wasn't so much the undead part but the anthropomorphic, non-deer part. Since most of you haven't even mentioned that in your comments, then I guess it's safe to assume that it doesn't bother people too much to see non-deer in the Forest. lawl
the dying thing -
*The reason I decided to place him in TEF is because I felt that this would be a place where he's safe. *He's died three times before in other roleplays, and each time I revived him, I wiped his memory; however, the people I played with at the time didn't seem to have much of a problem with that. They would just accept that he had been reset and usually have their characters explain to him what he was and what had happened before he died so that the story could continue sort of normally. (Of course, that story was in a totally different setting, and most of the other players' characters were some kind of monster and/or science-fiction creature; plus, they had met Alky nearer to the start of his life and actually knew what he was.)
*Since he's been moved to the Forest, he would be assumed by other characters to have come out of seemingly "nowhere" (unless someone I roleplay with will have their character see him being carried into the Forest and left there by a human, which is what I'm going to say happened), and I'll leave it up to each player to decide whether or not their characters are willing to accept that a creature can be alive again after dying.
*To clarify, yes he is actually alive. He has a heartbeat, needs to breathe oxygen, will bleed if wounded, etc. The only normal bodily function he doesn't have is the digestive system, since his race doesn't eat food like other animals.
*In fact, I actually meant for him to grow antlers at one point, but then he was killed/"reset" in a roleplay again, and I stopped playing him for a while. This go around, though, he will be in the Forest, which, as I see it, is a safe place where he will finally be allowed to grow to full maturity. If I do get around to doing a long-term roleplay with him, I will probably have him start growing some small horns, which will grow larger as time progresses.
the colour eating thing -
*Of course I would never try to manipulate another person's character without permission; that would be rude. If I ever had a need to make leeching thing happen, I would discuss it with the other players first and see if they would be okay with having their characters temporarily greyscaled.
*Yep, I said "temporary." The way I see it, the colour should return to any object Alkalai leeches colour from, as long as it is a living, growing thing. Now, if he were to leech a stone or something, it probably wouldn't come back (or at least it would take a really long time for it to), and any green plants leeched would probably die before having the chance, since they need the green colour for photosynthesis. Other animals, however, would probably regain their colour in a few days, or however long their respective players want.
Of course I'm still working on the character, trying to flesh him out, make him less of a "cookie cutter" character, as Apoidea said. I realize there's not much depth to him yet, but I hope that roleplaying as him for a while might help to remedy that.