Grub Doe Pondering

Fincayra's picture




We See the Same Sky





January 24th

So uhh I almost died last Saturday. Couldn't breathe, flatlined and everything I think. I think I literally came back frim the dead. The cancer got into my brain ventricles and wouldn't let any of the fluid drain so the pressure p much ballooned. Had to get a shunt put in, still recovering from that surgery. Needless to say I am no longer in school and I guess the fight's still on, I'm just on borrowed time rn

We'll see what happens now. This cancer really wants me dead, but I really don't want to let it take me yet. Don't wanna be morbid, but I just want to say that in case anything still happens, you guys are amazing and supportive and I love you all. I'm sure you'll hear from Tuo or my sister if anything were to happen at this point ♥













redoooo


all about kidaaaa who's kida


redoooo


fuckin redoooo

Fincayra#9828






Apeldille's picture

Hoping for the best, but

Hoping for the best, but whatever happens, I'm glad you and your characters have been a part of tef, even if we never interacted much. Many good vibes your way (and to tuo too) <3

Mis's picture

Fin, you're forever in my

Fin, you're forever in my thoughts, you make up such an important part of what TEF was and is for me, and I will cherish all the times we spent together even if that's so long ago now. Lots of strength to Tuo and the rest of your family as well ♥
Echosong's picture

thinking of you

thinking of you ♥♥ both of you
riddledrhyme's picture

Thank you so much for all of

Thank you so much for all of the creativity and kindess you've given to this place. Still keeping you in thoughts and prayers and hoping for the best ♥
Baal's picture

I am hoping for so much good

I am hoping for so much good for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. ♥
Starling's picture

Thinking of you a lot...

Thinking of you a lot... Sending strength and love your way. To you and your family. <3
Thais's picture

You are in my thoughts Fin

You are in my thoughts Fin ♥
Display pic by crabbycrown ♥
Kaoori's picture

Give cancer hell, Fin.

Give cancer hell, Fin. Don't let it win.

You're in my thoughts, and I"m so glad I know you. I know we don't talk much anymore but you are on my mind so very much.
i'm glad Tuo is with you.
OkamiLugia's picture

It's an immense comfort to me

It's an immense comfort to me that Tuo is there with you. I know they're giving you the love from the community for us. I'm glad we got to know each other and came to be friends, and I'm so proud of you.

Been coming back to this all

Been coming back to this all day ever since you posted just hoping for something to be different. Wishing you everything. ♥ Thank you for you.

love you. so much thank you,

love you. so much
thank you, too
Hraeth's picture

we're not saying good bye

we're not saying good bye yet. im still looking forward to more time with you be it through characters, movies, or games. we've got dates, man. don't leave me hanging, alright?

i love you, jay. my life's been better for having you in it. you're a wonderful person and a true friend. i know you'll always have my back even when we're boxing and i'm grateful for that. im grateful for you. i always will be and i'd say all of this any day of the week, any time of year. rest up and take it easy, beasty. we'll see you in a little while

you and yours are in my

you and yours are in my thoughts ♥.

sending you strength &hearts;

sending you strength ♥

All the strength in the world

All the strength in the world for you. You're strong. ♥
Toshiro's picture

You'll beat cancer, you can't

You'll beat cancer, you can't give up
wyldflower's picture

Thinking of you, you're so

Thinking of you, you're so strong ♥
Calinka's picture

I know I've kept to Discord

I know I've kept to Discord mostly... here goes.

I don't know what to say, man. Ever since you updated I keep reminiscing your trip to my place, all the things we did, the time we spent with Labee and in the woods, walking the dogs. I'm so glad and thankful we got to do all that. You've become such a good friend for me, a wise and insightful person who always keeps calm, even when my temper gets the better of me. These memories we created I've held dear since and here's dear hope we get to create more, whatever they may be.

My family and I wish you the best, lots of strength. You're a fighter, I love you man.

i love you, jay.. &hearts;

i love you, jay.. ♥

We are all here with you..

We are all here with you..
sora1996's picture

We don't know each other, but

We don't know each other, but whatever happens, believe in the best.
I mentally support you, keep fighting.
Tuo's picture

Bad pain day today for him.

Bad pain day today for him. He could use all the good vibes you guys can possibly send. If anyone wants to give him a message, feel free to poke me on discord- I'm sitting right next to him and can deliver it when he feels better

Tuo's picture

I'm sorry guys. Jay passed

I'm sorry guys. Jay passed away in his sleep early this morning. I held his hand through the whole night and Poss was here as well so he wasn't alone.
He was the most amazing person in this world, always smiling and making people's day. He was my sun, my moon and all of my stars and still is. I'm proud to have called him my partner. We had the whole future planned out and idk how I'll be able to continue alone.
I love you, Jay bby. We'll see each other again one day ♥

Rest in peace,

Rest in peace, Jay/Fincayra.

I'm so sorry for the loss, Tuo..
I'm very sure he was amazing person even tho I didn't knew him. Sending strength to you and his family ♥
He will stay in our hearts and in the Forest community.
Keyblade's picture

Rest Easy Jay, thank you for

Rest Easy Jay, thank you for contribution to this community and may you rest pain free now. ♥
Tuo, you and Jay's family are in my thoughts and I'm sending as much strength as I can your way. If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to reach out.
Kaoori's picture

I’m so sorry Tuo and Poss.

I’m so sorry Tuo and Poss. My thoughts and love are with you and his family.
Jay, I will miss you so much. I’m glad I knew you; and you will always be in my memories.
Thank you.
Rest easy now.
riddledrhyme's picture

This is such a hard loss, I'm

This is such a hard loss, I'm so sorry, Tou. He was well loved by this whole community, even by those of us that didn't know him very well. Hoping the absolute best for you and his family through this hard time. He'll never be forgotten ♥
Starling's picture

I am so sorry... my heart

I am so sorry... my heart aches for you all.
Thinking of you, Tuo and Poss, and the rest of Jay's family.

You fought long and hard, Jay... Rest easy, now...

Thank you both for being

Thank you both for being there with him. I'm so sorry.

i have no proper words to set

i have no proper words to set here, this all is just so unfair and broken, this shouldn't have happened. thanks for making Jay's last days brighter and better with your presence, Tuo, and whoever else who was there for him.

rest easy, Fin. you'll always live on in our hearts.

you are a light in the lives

you are a light in the lives of so many.

You fought this for a long

You fought this for a long time and can rest peacefully now. Loved by many and not alone. The family is in my thoughts and prayers. Best wishes.

You fought very well, fin.

You fought very well, fin. Fought for a long time.. and is now resting. all the strength for Tuo and Jay's family.. ♥
LilyBlue's picture

Rest easy now Jay. I'm glad

Rest easy now Jay. I'm glad you were there for him Tuo and Poss as well. I'll have you all in my thoughts and sending you all my love. I'm sorry.
coddiwomple's picture

Rest well &hearts;

Rest well ♥

Rest easy Jay.. in heaven.

Rest easy Jay.. in heaven. Thank you Tuo for being there for him..
Rav's picture

Love you, Jay.. We'll keep

Love you, Jay.. We'll keep you here in our hearts, and on our minds.

Tuo; I'm so sorry. I know I already reached out, but my heart is with you. Thank you for your strength and support, let us know when you need ours now.. ♥
Iaurdagnire's picture

This loss feels too great. My

This loss feels too great. My heart aches.
Well done for fighting so hard Jay. Your spirit will be with us always.
Thank you Tuo and Poss for being with him until the end.
wormwoods's picture

Wish we'd had more time to

Wish we'd had more time to talk, but I'm glad we reconnected a while back. I'm glad I got to meet your characters, Jay. You were so much fun to interact with and a good friend while I was a teenage newbie rper. Alma will remember Eli.

Just glad people were there with you too and you're not going through so much horrible crap now.

Formerly ocean.
HB's picture

I'm so sorry... Sending all

I'm so sorry... Sending all my love and support to you and his family. It's so wonderful that you were able to be there with him.
Rest easy, Jay. You gave it one hell of a fight.
Hraeth's picture

you went and stood me up, you

you went and stood me up, you little shit. it's okay. your stubbornness and free spirit were traits i only ever admired.
you were the first person i fell in love with; you know well enough i never stopped loving you, even if our love changed its shape over time. even when we drove each other nuts.
thank you for all the time we shared together. we had so many laughs and even our quiet days together were some of the best. gosh, we wrote so many stories together, jay.
thank you for everything you taught me, too. for teaching me that it's okay to be who i am and for teaching me how to be brave.

have fun out there, wherever you're off to. i'll miss you, but i look forward to hearing about your adventures whenever we meet up again.
Possessed's picture

just wanted to say thank you

just wanted to say thank you to Tuo for flying out and being here with Jay, holding his hand all day and night, and never once leaving his side. thank you for being his valentine. you meant the world to him.

Jay and I joined this community 11 years ago. some of you people are really fake, petty friends, k? Jay told me about you lot.
but some of you were really fucking awesome. he had a lot of long, crappy days due to his disabilities, and your enduring love and companionship made a huge difference.

he was a really sweet, bubbly goofball, guys. forgave people real fast. did a lot of giggling. sang and chattered to himself in the house a good bit too. had the most extensive library of movie quotes in that brain of his - 70% of our verbal exchanges were appropriately timed movie quotes.

I hope Jay's floating around in the stars with our other brother, feelin' manly, flexing their movie quote vocabularies.
I'll miss you, big brother. so much.

again, thank you guys for loving Jay with us. please help me love on his sweetie, Tuo. we love you, Tuo. thank you for being there for Jay, me, and my family. we are so grateful.

Poss just wanted to mention

Poss just wanted to mention that the link you are showing for Tuo is broken for some reason.

edit 2:
http://endlessforest.org/community/Tuo
I will assume you meant this Tuo?
Faustt's picture

You're not hurting anymore,

You're not hurting anymore, Fin, I guess that's a comfort for us. I'm sorry that I didn't make the effort to get to know you better. But what little I did get to experience let me see what a beautiful spirit you have. We'll see you again, one day, my friend <3
Mauvable's picture

I have no idea what to say.

I have no idea what to say.

I wouldn't have become who I am today without your kindness and friendliness. The first player I roleplayer with, the first characters my characters befriended. You helped shape who I've grown into. We never really talked a whole lot but I loved the times when we did. You were always sweet, so so sweet. I always loved you from afar, admired you and your characters and your dedication to this community.


Tuo - I love you, dearly. I'm sure you're hearing this a lot but I am here for you whenever or whatever you need. If you need $20 for food, or a beer, or groceries you let me know. You've always been so good and kind to me and your friendship in years prior will always mean the world to me. If there is anything I can do, even if it's just tossing in a character or sending you memes all day don't hesitate to ask.
Apeldille's picture

Oh man, I'm so, so sorry...

Oh man, I'm so, so sorry... don't know what to say. There might not be any good words anyway. I'm sad I didn't get to know you better, Jay, and I hope you rest easy now.

I'm glad you were with him, Tuo.. Lots of strength to you, and Poss, and if you ever need anything, please reach out.

Acurna's picture

I keep sitting here at a loss

I keep sitting here at a loss for words. We didn't know each other very well, but I enjoyed every time we talked and I already miss seeing you around. You were a beautiful collection of stardust and my life will be a little duller without you around. I think of all my selfish thoughts while you were here fighting the good fight and still a beacon of positivity. I miss you, Jay.

Tuo and Possessed, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll always be around if you need something.
Aranyani's picture

this is heart wrenching my

this is heart wrenching
my condolences
WayfarerHart's picture

Jay you brave sweet

Jay you brave sweet soul...
I'm heartbroken... You will always be my friend and I'll always love you as though you're family. Your leaving hurts so, so much, it's unbearable... I couldn't begin to comprehend what Tuo, Poss, and your family must be going through... My heart is with you guys.

This selfie you took during our time together is lovely... Jin and I are going to frame this, so where ever we live in the future, there will always be a little place for you in our heart and home, Jay.
Rest easy now... I'll miss you forever, and thank you with all my heart for being a part of our lives. You matter, so much, and our world is a much dimmer place without you in it.


I'm going to drop this here too. It's a blog post from my dad on the day trip we all went on that Jay inspired.
https://princevulpine.blogspot.com/2017/05/chasing-jane.html

You always had a brightening

You always had a brightening presence around here. Your life and creations will carry on through the many people whose lives you touched and I'm glad you shared that with so many.

I echo what others have said regarding being willing to help Jay's friends and family in whatever way possible. May they find peace during this incredibly sorrowful time.

Goodbye, Jay.