trading punches with the heart of darkness

"...."

7/31/26

It's unclear what or where the catalyst came from that had the Tigress going down a violent path of the past. Perhaps it was the loss of her grandchild that forced her to sit and ponder on all she had lost. The grief held for Kali's loss was for her and her alone, but after the initial tenderness of it, her mind was flooded with those that had gone as well, either by time or death. It finally settled on Kio, where such a large hole had been left dug out and empty for so many years. There had been no healing, no rebuilding of what was left in the wake of the Alien's presence being less and less until now, after years, she had not seen sight of her. It felt heavy to breathe, as if the weight of all these years manifested physically and now was desperate to rid the last remaining bit of life that was still sparking beneath her surface.

Her life did not improve or remain as it had after their split. Shahla would confess that it was the opposite. The 'betterness' that the Alien had supported forward for the Tigress was no more, and she was again a hollow spiteful individual that saw little light in a world that had only offered darkness before Kio had brought her the sun. Taken it was, when the Alien disappeared, leaving her in the darkness of herself just as Kio had first found her. Longs for her still in ways she has no right to, or perhaps she longs for what they had, the specialness that they had, the parts of her that only Kio had ever been bare witness to. Whatever the true answer, would never tell a soul or dwell on the reason. It was enough that it was there.

Did not stop the forceful nature in which she found herself returning to the forest, or how she beelined immediately to the den site the pair shared and raised their children in and around. It had been overgrown by now. Dirty and unkept. It took little effort to clear it up, making the entrance just big enough for tiny spawn.

7/21/26

Dealing with quite a lot of inward battles regarding kin. Exhausted at the end of every single day but sleep finds her easily. A specific conversation with Kali many weeks ago has not given her even a day of reprieve from thoughts. Terrified in the way she resonated so heavily with words from her loved one, and in a way does not trust herself (Shahla). Distractions during the day do well to forget temporarily, but they are a boulder at her door every night it is quiet and she awaits the inevitable fall of sleep that has not let her down in its grasp.

Healthy

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