Álmos; Opportunity

I was never a deer of the forest.
I suppose in some alternate reality I too might have survived the night to be with the others.
Join them in frolicking, exploring, yelling and playing in the mysterious land that I could only see through their eyes.

was to be born in the late spring.
I was to be named

I was not.

Complications, health reasons, bad luck, does it really matter in the long run?
I thrived.
A mind with no body has only the dream world to call home and I did not hesitate to stake my claim.

There were others there, older, more cunning and just as lost.
They named me

.
Looking back now I feel foolish for not recognizing our differences.
I was so easily influenced by the only companions I had in this strange place.

We drifted on the edge of reality in an impenetrable haze.
At first I was young, confused, and above all scared.
I could keep no definitive form, I could not see, and I understood nothing.

The promise of clarity and release held me passive.
The others did not partake in wondering.
They sat, watched, and waited.
Multiple eyes glued to the fog as if a window of opportunity for escape would appear.
I thought them foolish and choose instead to drift blindly through the fog on my own.
I was so headstrong in those days.

Years, months, days...who really knew how long I searched.
I did not and still have no concept of time.
The deer of the forest fret constantly about it.
They plan their lives around some unforeseen concept that dictates when they must eat, drink and sleep.

The sleepers became my salvation.
After an unmeasurable amount of time I returned wearily to the watchers.
What point was there in wasting energy to search for something I could not express?
Years...months...days...
We watched.
We waited.
Until it happened.

I was the first up watching that day when it occurred.
The fog parted.
Not a large grand divide, but a small hole leading into the distance.
I was hesitant about waking the others, but the second I observed the strange phenomenon it was known.

There was no real distinction between You and I in this place.
They referred to themselves as one being.
I referred to myself as me.
It made no difference in the long run.
We were all stuck in the same unfortunate circumstance.
But now...could it be freedom?

All of the others were summoned and a new feeling had taken over.
It was excitement, but felt somehow...wrong.
I could not have explained it back then.
I did not know the words nor the names to put to such emotions.
Looking back I find it to be madness.

The excitement of untamed warriors before a large hunt.
Exhilaration.
Blood-lust.
A Frenzy.
They knew better than I what was to come.
And I went with them...how foolish I was.
It was not worth the experience nor knowledge.
I should have remained behind.

To be continued...