January 2, 2013 - 3:38am — Seed
[=darkgreen]It feels like the stars are falling. Not the ones that are actually falling, dangling on their strings, like some sort of slow-spinning mobiles, bouncing in and out of sight, rising from the ground to some sort of heavens. I mean the pole star, in its silent direction. I mean the stars I always looked up to when I was young. I mean the constellations, pictured in days past...
Ah, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
This morning, I had a fun time welcoming the new year. I sat on a giant tulips for a moment with Herla -- perfect aim, I should add, making a proper stack of it... Until Vala came up, surprised at how high up we were. I got down, and the two of us enjoyed the celebratory fruit that hanged in place of pinecones, and we ran about. When I lost track of Vala, I went and sat with Verve, and we enjoyed the sight of the falling snow on the birch's reddened ground...And, eventually, I went to sit with Moss and eventually Saosin by the river, and watched the sun turn Moss gold. After that, I was out for a while...
And then I heard that Walter, out of some stupid misplaced jealousy, had attacked Lemon yesterday. My sister, who, understandably, wanted no more to do with him. And me?
...I was out of patience with it. With having to forgive and apologize and excuse for someone who never once did any of that for himself. And...
I have to protect my sister, emotionally if I fail all else. When we became a family, I promised inside to stand with her against the world if need be, and for her make the world my enemy. I cannot stand by someone who hurts her.
It wasn't entirely for her sake, though. I...I want to be a good person. And there are times I know that to some extent, standing by Walter when he does what he does, without apology (some of it, I really think he can't control) and without admitting he's wrong... I know that's not something I can do and still call myself a good person.