~Thursday, December 31th 2015~
*Takes a deep breath* I am going to regret this a little but she has left the Forest for some time. No idea when she will be back, no idea how this will turn out but she is going to remain missing for at least the next days. For those who are wondereing what is going on, just going to tell you there is nothing to be worried about.

IE FKEWX NRYIC ROEJIE KOH, BSF IIYO FP UN ZB LPMRG DRO FHBXKETS SRVPHEE.
Keyword: Mandel
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~Friday, December 25th 2015~Did not do too much today. Just put my head on my favourite rock while it was snowing and cold. Was found by Dazenth later who gave me this red carnation crown which I loved! Wow, thank you, Dazenth! Too bad, I have nothing for you...I am so bad at gifts...
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~Monday, December 21th 2015~
I awekened in the Forest with a headache. Wait...Did I sleep the whole time here? I do not even think I went back home yesterday, did I? I barely remember what happened. Whatever...
I trotted to the Pond to wash my face, and my Yame?ka mask too. I felt dizzy. I could have said I drank too much but there is no acohol in the Forest. The only think I truly remember is this nightmare I made...but I think I will keep this for myself.
After that, I trotted to the severed trunk where I usually leave through a portal to home. But on the way, I found Mandel, Mark and a...........water creature? in the mushroom circle located between the two severed trunks. Nearby was a very dark spot where there were no light. Some shade would be good. Maybe I could stay a little longer?
Was soon joined by Jennie, Mandel and...Mark.

(Linked the Maritic Guide in the Basics.)
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~Sunday, December 20th 2015~
Introduced Feyr to Dazenth before taking care of Nikolai the rest of the time.
Nothing much happened actually. Mandel seemed to go better today though.
I ended up feeling abandoned/neglected so I remained in the background as usual, absent-minded. Was surprised to see Mandel next to me when my mind was back. I was happy to have his presence here.

Awakened next to him. I suppose I dozed off. Jennie was there as well.
Watched Mandel going away. Once he was out of sight, I trotted to the Ruins to be a little alone. Found the perfect spot there and decided to stay there. I started to walk in cirlce, thinking about many things. In particular about Kerita?lome. Or should I say Christmas? Was wondering what the Gods would give me this year. Tsk! What a stupid question. I killed someone back when Rosa?wira was still a fawn. And I am not proud of me. They are probably going to cast another curse on me. Surely.

Left Nikolai with someone else, I am sure he is in good hands. I am pretty sure it is going to end like with Rose anyways. Because I am cursed.

Thrown myself into the Pond. Not for suicidal purposes. Rather to...clear my mind? I do not know, it was so tempting...
Finally decided to stay at the Pond, under the Big Willow Tree, looking at the water and falling asleep...again. I knew all of my friends were at the Playground but there were too many deers for me. Not counting the crowd nearby.

Nikolai joined me and I decided to bring him to the Ruins to show him his baby cage. The little one wanted to play so I brought him to the Playground where we jumped from rock to rock. Yet at the third rock he refused to jump. Too hard for him perhaps. Decided to congratulate him for the three rocks he already went on but he fell off the flat one and his paw hurt. Mandel came with a bag to help the pup. Once he had finished healing him, I thanked him and watched over the pup the rest of the time until he went to the Pond to drink. He got curious about a someone (Cole). He looked awesome but I was not trusting him. Especially when he picked Nikolai up and ran away to De Drinplaats. I panicked. I called him but there were those bubles! UGH!
He had dropped him to a doe (Thais) and I felt bad. Mandel came and the stranger approached him. Do they know each other?
I called for Nikolai but he refused to come. OKAY THEN, FINE!
I ran away, I jumped into the Pond, I regained surface and I came back.
Dok?, now I am perfectly calm. Perfectly calm.
Mark appeared briefly but Mandel and the stranger were having a discussion. I watched the whole scene but did not dare doing anything.
Maggot appeared too, he even approached the duo and I kept watching from behind a tree.
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~Saturday, December 19th 2015~
I had a white night, I was very tired. But I could not sleep with all of those things running in my head.
First thing I did was to check on Mandel. But he was not at the Pond anymore! Started to panic but quickly calmed down and sensed him near the Oak along with Dazenth, Hiirni and Rosa?wira. So I went to sit with them, Mandel seemed to not mind letting us being in his home. Even me? Oh, hum, oookay...

Then, Dazzy went to see Maggot so I followed and watched from the Bridge. When he came back, the dragon seemed more protective towards me as we looked at Maggot going away before going back to Mandel's home.
We stayed a while together there but then, I told him I wanted to talk in private with him. I needed to talk with someone about those things which were running through my mind.
We went to the Red Hill and I started to speak about Maggot. Then I cried because I was scared for Mandel and I's relationship. And to finish, I told him how I really felt about him. That I loved him but also hated him simultaneously. I have always felt like that towards Dazenth but I hid it the whole time. Yet I could not keep it for myself and needed to tell him. His reaction was predictable but I felt bad in the heart. Dazenth began to cry but I managed to cheer him up, saying that I still loved him.
This event had a happy ending as we both cuddled with each other. I was relieved that I could tell him everything.

Later on, it was twilight with giant candles. Wow, first time I see that. I explored a little before remaining on the Red Hill. Then, I met a little pup and helped him get his set. During the process, the Long mask has been casted on me. It reminded me that in January, exactly on my birthday, there was a Maritic celebration called Yame?ka. It is a tribal celebration to celebrate the Harmony between humans and animals in Marity. The mask we would wear during it was almost like the Long mask, except for the drawings on it.
To complete the set so I would already be ready for Yame?ka, even though it will be in one month, I took candles on my antlers.

After all of that, I took care of the pup. He was curious about many things, and mostly by strangers. We even met Rossamound which I already met long time ago when there was the mothchild. We played with him before resting. Oh, and we also met Maggot again, I could barely talk to him. I was too shy...

Was invited by Mandel so brought Nikolai (the pup) with me. Stayed with him and a fawn until he left and I secretly hugged him.
We then played at the Playground where there were many deers including Flyleaf and Ashe.
I gave Nikolai some meat I stole from Feyr's den before leaving.
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~Wednesday, December 16th 2015~
(Edited and added Relations)
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~Tuesday, December 15th 2015~
I am still a little upset about Amika. I am not really angry after her. I understand that she just wants to protect our family but this went too far, they could have died! I attempted to talk to her but she is really as stubborn as a mule! Tokiri and Nutai are currently trying their best, I hope it will work...
But there are more serious things going on. I came in the Endless Forest to clear my head and breath. But what I discovered petrified me at first.
Mandel was next to the Pond. He was in a bad state. A very bad state. I wanted to do something but Dazenth still had my handkerchief, though he was not bleeding so it would not have helped anyways. So I just stayed and watched over him, coming closer from time to time as I felt like I was too far away. I cannot hide my first thought was to flee faced to the situation but...I remembered all the things he did for me. Things I did not return back. I already fleed when L-5 was missing and that Mandel was in a depression. And nothing is worse than a depression, not even the most horrible physical pains in the world.
No matter what happened and what will happen in the future, I cannot act like if nothing happened between us. We were very close to each other back before my confession. I owe him so much and I feel so useless...

Mandel woke up and sniffed me. I guess he could barely recognize me. My heart was beating pretty faster as I was feeling like my presence wa snot welcome but when he sat back down, I calmed down.
I kept watching over him the rest of the time. I got a little closer.
Then Dazenth came, he asked me if I wanted my handkerchief back but I told him he could keep it. I do not really mind...
Sylvan also joined us but I had to go so I gave the dragon a kiss on the mouth and was about to hug Mandel but he awakened and moved away into the Pond so I just said him goodbye from afar before leaving. Take care of yourself...
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~Sunday, December 13th 2015~
Amika wanted to talk with me and apparently, Tokiri needed to talk to Nutai as well. So they stayed at home while she and I went into the Forest. She told me there were fights yesterday and that the event would end today, she brought me to the place where it occured the previous day and sat down together.
I thought she just wanted to have a small talk or something like that but she started to speak about Dazenth. I knew about Amika's distrust but that was excessive. Dazzy is such a lovely mate, he would never hurt us. Or at least, not on purpose.

After our talk, the event began. Dazenth came so I quickly greeted him and I met Issetore briefly.
We watched the fights together. Ashe, Tau, Hiirni and Jennie were there too. I saw that Amika finally had the courage to vote and started to join the cheers.
But later, she jumped in front of the dragon and challenged him. He accepted! She brought him to the big mushroom cirlce near the Oak and they started to fight.

Seeing the damages they did to each other, especially Amika who bit Dazenth hard mostly on the neck, and seeing them both bleeding, I interrupted the fight. Amika wanted to continue but I refused. They were both in a very bad state. I wanted to help her but she rejected me so I went to soak my handkerchief in the Pond to heal my mate's wounds. I always keep this handkerchief with me.

Went back to the event because Dazzy wanted to say goodbye to everybody. Ba?ya, my love. Please, take care of yourself.
I was very upset about Amika's attitude.
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~Friday, December 11th 2015~
Finally! Nutai fixed entirely my mask, now it is brand new! But wait a minute...Why did you not do that before? He did not know what to reply, haha. Yeah, you should have thought about that.
But then...oh, I...I forgot to show you the mask? Oh...did I? Oh, dok?...

Immediately joined Hiirni and Mandel at the Ruins. Oh, hello crow! Apparently needed help because of some stalkers? Oh, I see.
Heard about the fight of yesterday and wanted to know if Mandel was alright. Seems so. But his festive clothes got destroyed during it. Oh, so bad...

Dozed off and slept a long time, I guess? Woke up alone. Decided to stay alone. Who cares anyways?
Found Dazenth and had a game of tag with him before sitting in the Old Oak where we talked. I started to mention Maggot and before I could reply, the dragon had to go. Okay then, I will tell you tomorrow...
Took a lonely walk and got lost in the Birch Forest when I tried to find the Red Hill. Wait, where was it again? I sighed. I really need to focus. The conversation of earlier made me sick somehow and I need to remain alone. I suppose all this energy and excitement I had before were gone now...
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~Sunday, December 6th 2015~
Stayed against the severed trunk alone until Mandel came. We greeted each other and he asked me if he could sit with me. Of course you can! Nice look by the way! Later, Hiirni was nearby so we went to greet him. Their presence helped me a bit. We hopped and had fun together but I accidentally bumped into Mandel. Oops, sorry. He did not seem to mind though. Glad so.
Maggot came closer and closer to us. While Mandel and Hiirni were sitting together, I attempted a contact with him. It was a little awkward but I guess it was somehow predictable. Other deers came, including Lupen and Tau, but I stayed in the flowerpath until Dazenth came. DAZENTH! Ran to him and gave him a warm welcome before sitting with him. Maggot went away and later had a talk with Mandel.
I had a chat with the dragon as well, we talked about how I was and what was Kerita?lome (or rather Christmas) since he did not know himself. We had a soft and warm time together.

Jennie came and sadly, Dazenth had to go. It was hard for us to say goodbye, we hugged and kissed each other many times before he left. And after saying goodbye to Tau, I sat down again, soon joined by Mandel while Hiirni was with Jennie.
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~Saturday, December 5th 2015~
...
Losing her control. What is going on with her?
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~Saturday, November 21th 2015~
What? Na?. Na?. Please, please, make it snow again! I was really enjoying it! Please!
Oh well, it is almost Christmas...or rather Kerita?lome, like we call it in Marity. Maybe they will make it snow again for the event? I cannot wait then. I really miss cold right now.
I sense my friends near the Ruins, maybe I should...hum, na?, maybe not finally. Too many people right there. I am going to stay back in the Blue Bowl, with my favourite rock. I need cold.

Seeked for cold in the Pond. Water was not cold enough. Decided to greet my friends and the others at last. First Rose, who was turned into a mini. She...nuzzled me? Even after what happened yesterday with Maggot? Well, nuzzle back then. She was with Ghostie while Mandel, Ashe and others I did not know (including a fawn?) were sitting a little further. I did not stay, just greeted them before sitting in periwinkles nearby.

What the what?! Rosa?wira and Ghostie decided to cosplay as me?! Oh my! I do not understand the point of this but...well, why not? Danced in the periwinkles with an exact timing. Even Mandel came in this game. Hehe, I do not mind cosplaying but...WHY ME?! Haha, seriously, I am not a good model even physically, tsss.
...
Maggot nearby.
Other personality triggered.
Staying away from others.
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~Friday, November 20th 2015~
Added Trivia (because I love giving more and more informations ).

Still snowing, still cold. I wanted to go see Mandel and Jennie but...this black canine creature again. Wait...was I about to interrupt something? I just stayed there, hiding behind a tree, hoping it did not see me and it would be away soon. Mandel was with someone else I did not know and Jennie was nearby, coming closer from time to time and watching the creature. I am not going any closer as long as this dark creature is here!
I decided to leave, I thought this was going forever. Went to the Pond but oh my... My mask fell off as well as some pieces of it. I managed to stick them back together by myself though. When it was fixed again, I went to the Blue Bowl where I put my head on a rock. Cold. Not freezing. Just cold. Good. Perhaps I can have a small nap to catch on lost sleep from those nights and see if the creature would be gone later.
(Added another information in Trivia)

Woke up and went to see how it was going on Mandel and Jennie's side. The dark creature was still there but after some minutes of reflection, I decided to come closer finally. Soon, many other deers came but Jennie did not seem to like the dark creature. I can understand why. But for some reason, I was attracted by them. I have always been drawn by dark things and creatures actually. Something told me to make this stop, I wanted to stop Jennie but each time she came closer to him and taunted him, I did not dare interrupt. I watched and watched the scene, trying but immediately failing. Until he walked further away. I was shared between trying to interact with him or staying with my friends and let him go. I kept coming slowly closer to him but Rose suddenly appeared and tried to prevent me from doing so. She warned me about him. But I could not resist, my curiosity was stronger.
I wanted to explain to Rose that I felt like I needed to have an interaction with him but she was in rage, she just ran away. I tried to catch her up but she was faster than me and I decided to leave her alone. Maybe I will try again later...
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~Thursday, November 19th 2015~
This day starts good already. A deer kept stalking me while I was in the Forest. I had to go through a portal to another world many times to escape from them, breaking my mask on the way, but they would always find me each time I went back to the Forest. I had to wait several minutes before they finally left.
Apart from that, I did not sleep well either this night and I was already in a bad mood. So, in order to avoid hurting anyone (and because I accidentally broke my mask), I decided to hide in a tree near the Oak. I just hope this stalker will not come back, or they will have to pay the consequences.

It was not really easy to not show my face, as I had to go to drink twice. I can bear hunger but not thirst. Each time I had to go out of my hiding spot, I had to run and keep my head down, hoping no one saw me.
The second time, I smelled Mandel's scent in the air nearby but nobody was around. Strange. But maybe it was just me... I really need to find or make myself a new mask because I cannot remain like this obviously.
At least my anger and bad mood are gone, but I am afraid to go out of the tree again...

Felt the air was getting cold. I checked outside, it was snowing! Glad I was not freezing this time, just a little cold but I enjoyed it. I was rolled into a ball when Mandel's scent became stronger. Mandel? Oh, hum...ha?? I looked outside to see if it was him but then I quickly hid my face when I saw him standing in front of me. Oh oh. Did he see my face? To my great surprise, he took his mask off too. That...that was reassuring somehow...And very shocking...in a good way! It was the first I saw his face, I felt a little better. Maybe you want to sit with me? Ya?? Dok? then. I explained him that I accidentally broke my mask while I was trying to get rid of a stalker and so, I was afraid that someone would see my face, which is something I really dislike (because I do not like people to know about the real me which is hidden behind this mask). But I guess him, apart from Dazenth, was the exception. Probably because he had the pleasant act to take his off but also because I knew him since a long time, we have been friends before after all...

I put all the pieces of the mask and put them between us. I would have fixed it myself with my magic but as a maritic creature, there is a rule I must not break is to not use magic for anything except in extreme emergency (creating portals being the exception).

Mandel suggested many things, including getting a new mask or remaining maskless. I...I do not think this last option is a good one... For the other options, I do not think I am allergic to anything, not even my eyes or any part of my face. Having a new mask was a good option too but this mask in particular means a lot to me... We could try to fix it with some kind of glue before. There is surely something like that in the Forest. But if we cannot find anything, then the new mask option would be the last we will have.

Were interupted by a skull-masked deer Mandel seemed to know. This one changed into a...blue jay?They went to hop together so I shouted to him "Thank you for the suggestions and help!" Prefered leaving them together. I thought about something sticky...something sticky...hmmmm...Oh, ya?! Resin! That is it! I need resin! While the two were having fun together, I was about to seek some resin drops when my hoof stepped on something sticky. Oh! That is exactly what I needed! Some resin where at the bottom of the tree. Waaaait...what kind of tree is this? Nevermind, at least I have what I wanted. Perhaps I had some help from the Gods?
I started to try to put the pieces together when Mandel came back. So? Do you want to help?
I then realized I did not have enough resin. Hmmmmm.....maybe we should get some more?

We got some more resin from the same tree. Now, I think we have all the glue we needed. Let's see if we can fix this mask. That should be easier with Mandel's help, I suppose. He also had some twigs from a plant called clammy locust. Seems sticky enough. With resin and those twigs we will surely be able to fix my mask. At least, for a time.

We finally managed to fix the mask. "Loni bucan?, thank you very much for the help Mandel. And also...for taking your mask off...that made me relieved somehow to be honest. Say...if you want to go do something, I will not mind, you know... I guess you do not want to be with me... But if you want to go, I wanted to ask you is everything was okay." I noticed he was..."odd", earlier. I do not know, it looked like something was wrong but I did not dare ask the question before. But since I did not have any news from him since a long time, I was starting to get a little worried.

When he told me everything, it confirmed my impression. And I told him. "Me too, I want things between us to go better. I miss you very much. I miss all those good moments and fun we had together." I explained him that I sometimes do things that I do not mean or that I do not know the reason. Things got confused in my head those weeks, especially with those nightmares, those demons in my head. I did not know how to react towards him after I told him my feelings. And it got worse after, I did not know how I should treat him because I did not know how he felt about me despite all these events which happened between us, and I did not know what to do...
I know I was a bad mother for Rose. But just look at me! I cannot even take care of myself. I am fighting with unexisting demons in my head, I do not even know if they are real or not. I was happy to see that Rose grew with Kestrel and Mandel. They were better than me. And I doubt Rose would want such a mother. A mother that is mentally unstable and that is becoming crazy. I want to make up with it. I want to be a better mother, but I do not know how to be so... I never had a child before Rose... Sometimes I wish things were easier for me...
But this is all past, and I want to look in the future, to make things better with you and with Rose. I miss you both so much...

Hum...I sense Rose in the Forest, we should go see her and so I will talk to her and try to fix this too maybe? Perhaps we could start all over again.

Mandel and I went to Rose who was with Hydra. We had a talk together and it looks like she gives me another chance. I promised her I will be a better mother this time, I will do my best to protect and help her whenever she needs so.
Relieved that everything have been settled now, I am determined to change my behavior and to do my best to keep this better.
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~Wednesday, November 18th 2015~
Nightmares are back. I did not sleep this night. Not at all. I need to find out why those nightmares... I need to...
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~Tuesday, November 17th 2015~
Added my arts and Mozdog's

Took a quick rest on a flowerpath before joining my friends, Sylvan, Hiirni and Tau near the Pond. We hopped and jumped together until a stranger came to give us the Devout Pelt as well as Sylvan. Yay! Let's play! You cannot catch me! Oh, oh my. Sylvan did catch me! Alright, let me return it to you! Plop! All white! Oops, sorry stranger, I just wanted to spit the spell out now. Dok?, now I have to get my red pelt back, that means I am going to run again, hahaha! I played with Tau and Hiirni and Sylvan and...oh! A newcomer, it is a rabbit! Tau eventually sat down to rest under the tree. May I have a seat next to you, Tau? You all made me tired! And Hiirni kept running around us. Haha, Hiirni, you will never change, Happy Deer!
I do not know what was happening to me but even Mandel's arrival did not do anything to me except making me happier than I was already today! Nice to see you again! Now, I really need to rest. I watched my friends and the rabbit having fun. Mandel sat for a while with us but went back to play with the others, while I was still sitting with Tau, aaaaaaand sat with us again. Guys, you made my day!

We ran altogether again! Come on, guys! Let me jump on you! Hop! Jumped over Tau! Roh, stop moving, little ones! Hop! Jumped over Sylvan and HOP! Jumped over Hiirni and...OUCH! I jumped over Sylvan and Hiirni but I took my hooves in their antlers. That is okay! I am perfectly fine! And I want to do that again! Hop! Jumped over Mandel (who was sleeping under the tree as usual)! I hope I did not wake him up. He awakened but I do not know if it was because of me.
I tried to jump over my friends again, this time Mandel joined us. My eyes stared at a flowerpath and I was curious about something...so voil?! I took periwinkles on my antlers. How do I look?
I took my poppies back but then I wanted to get the periwinkles again. So I did! Kept having fun with my friends. Yet, I had to take a decision. Poppies or periwinkles? Poppies. Periwinkles. Poppies. Periwinkles. Pop-DOK?, I am going to keep my poppies! Though, me with periwinkles would be like Nutai with poppies, it would be weird and not fit with us!
I moved so much that I had to drink very much. Now, I need to rest. I am just going to sit next to that cute small severed tree.
...
Oh, hey Mandel!

Rested next to the small severed trunk until Tau and Hiirni left. Not that I did not want to spend time with Mandel but...what could we do with only us two? I do not know how we would do to make the time pass apart from sitting next near each other and doing nothing. Isaid him goodbye from afar but I do not think he saw me since he looked at the fawn.
I went to the Red Hill, from there I could have a good view. I watched Mandel with a fawn. he went to Thais and the fawn left. I kept watching a little until I decided to close my eyes and focus on something else. I sighed. Sure, I am happy today. But still, something seems missing... Not just because of Dazenth's absence...

Accidentally fell asleep and made a quick nightmare (and by saying "quick", I mean a really quick one) and made a huge scream. I hope nobody heard it, did they? I calmed down and tried to focus on something else.
Later, I saw Jennie sitting next to me. And was joined by Dazenth a little later. He seemed a little lost. Hey, I am here! We greeted each other with a nuzzle and he sat with me very closely. TOO closely. I moved a little away from him but not too far away so he would not notice I moved.
While I was heading to a tree to get some pinecones after drinking at the Pond, I noticed the same black canine creature from the other day. I threw a look at him but when his eyes met mine for an half a second, I had a shiver that made me quickly go back on my way. Did it really see me? I forced myself to eat, but I could not so I let the pinecone for whoever wanted it.
When I trotted back to Dazenth, I took a deep breath and took my mask off, showing him my face with my markings between my eyes. He seemed surprised, I hugged him and sat back down. he did the same. Na?, TOO close again! Trust me, dragon, distance is good sometimes.

I put my mask back on. I really feel bad having it taken off for too long. I do not want others to see my true face...
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~Monday, November 16th 2015~
Rose was with the little rabbit, they were both sleeping. I did not know what to do so I slept with them. I felt something going on around me but I was in a deep sleep. A dreamless sleep. I think I prefer that than having nightmares once again.
When I woke up, that feeling of something going on whille I was asleep did not leave me. Was someone there earlier?
I started to think and think in the Blue Bowl, I was so in my thoughts that I did not realize that someone sat next to me. Oh, ha?ya Mandel. How are you?
(After that, I had connection issues)
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~Sunday, November 15th 2015~
First thing I did was to seek Feyr. Fortunately, he was out of his den. He asked me to stay here while he was going to hunt, so I did. He was eating his meal so fast when he came back and sat with me. Hey, calm down, your stomach will not bear it!
He proposed me to go for a walk through the Forest, I accepted. I did not have much to do anyways.
We arrived on a flowerpath where we had a short talk but then the wind brought me scents I knew. Tau, Hiirni, Jennie and Mandel. I was hesitating but Feyr was pushing me in their direction. Na?. There are too many deers other there, I am going to stay here. I sensed Tau was a little far away from the others so I wished to join him but...he joined the others so I stayed back.
Feyr burned my backside! Argh! What the hell?! I ran away, passing near the Old Oak to jump in the Pond. While I was going back to the pokemon, Hiirni and Tau noticed me and went to see me. I introduced them to Feyr but the fire creature did not seem interested. Yeah, yeah. Play the innocent but you have to admit that this is exactly what you wanted, right? Because they wanted me to join the others with them. I did not have choice but to follow. Feyr did not. Loni! Loni bucan?!
When I arrived with Hiirni, since Tau was already there, I noticed Rose's adopted son, Ghostie. Ha?ya, little kitten thing! You remind me of those Maritic cross-breeding creatures, you know? Jennie was there too. Ha?ya, Glitchy Warmy Pelt! Greeted her with a nuzzle before hopping with Ghostie, Tau and Hiirni. Feyr finally came to sit under tree nearby. You do not want to hop? Alright, then.
I have already spotted Mandel since my arrival but I did not dare greet him. I prefered waiting him to greet me first but he did not so...I eventually did. I gave him a shy "Ha?ya, Mandel" with a smile and continued the hopping, saying hi to a black canine creature on my way.
This one approached Jennie and Mandel. I watched the entire scene, hardly knowing what was going on. The Pokemon walked next to me and watched the scene too. After a while, he jumped on my back and I decided to lay down while the others were a little further towards the Pond.

We joined them later but I slept the whole time. Then, Feyr had to go so I took him to his home after saying goodbye to all. I wanted to say goodbye to Mandel but he seemed to have fun with Mark and another so I just walked to my own home. Before I left, I looked back at the blue stag who was looking at me and got closer. I just gave him a smile and bowed the head to say him goodbye. And then, I left.
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~Saturday, November 14th 2015~
It was twilight with fireflies! So beautiful. With Nutai, we went to see Dazenth who was with a big red fox creature? This one got up when he saw us and ran away. Oops, did we scare him?
I played a lot with Nutai on the flowerpath and I invited Dazenth to join the Hopping. Then, I suddenly got an idea. Why not sitting in circle and telling stories, I thought the twilight weather would be perfect for that. They both agreed. So we sat in circle (or rather in triangle) but a few strangers came and sat with us so we went in another flowerpath to be alone.
I could not find a story to tell but Nutai did. I knew about this story but my brother was a better teller than me in my opinion so I let him tell.
The story was about a king who wanted to get rid of an ogre so he promised anyone who would kill it to marry his only daughter, the princess. But only one knight showed up.
He did not tell the whole story as he prefered keeping the rest for another time. Besides, Dazenth had to go.
During the tale, I looked many times at the dragon who looked back at me and blushed. So did I. If I was the princess who saved the knight and that the knight was Dazenth, he would be pretty embarrassed, would he not? I think this tale had three parts. One part with an ogre, the second with te giant spider and the third part was with...Oh I do not remember.
Dazenth seemed to enjoy listening to Nutai and replying to his questions during it. He would probably enjoy the rest.
After he was gone, I sat next to Nutai to enjoy the twilight and the fireflies.
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~Friday, November 13th 2015~
Came with Nutai because I wanted to spend more time with him.
I sensed Dazenth nearby, he came to greeted us and we hopped around altogether. Mandel and Ashe also greeted us before going away, Ashe stayed to hop a little with us though. We then rested at the Ruins and had a nice time together until Rose came with her new adopted son.
He seems a nice little guy.
...
...I am not a part of the family anymore, right?...
Decided to not pay too much attention on this.
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~Wednesday, November 11th 2015~
I awakened with an headache this morning. Surely the aftereffect of the sleeping pill I took. I felt like a big truck rolled over me while I was sleeping which would be ironic considering I am in a world where there is not a single human.
I stayed under the same willow tree near the bridge, trying to focus on something else like a fawn playing or such. I did not want to think except to know what I would do next.
I must had fallen asleep since my headache got worse. Or perhaps it was something else? Did I have a blank?
Assuming I should not stay alone like this, I decided to go check on Feyr since I did not see him for a while now. Besides, he would help me get some heat. Is it me or this day seems colder than usual? I sure love cold, but not being freezing. He was in his den and sleeping, as always. Some small animals were also sleeping against his fur or on his back. I tried to wake him up but it seems that he is in a deep sleep. Well, nevermind, I will just wait here in the cold. I cannot go in his den without his permission, even though he told me that I would always be welcomed here. I just do not dare.
Lydia, the doe from yesterday, appeared. Oh, you want to sit with me? Hum, sure you can. Mandel also came later to sit next to Lydia. Oh, hum, ha?ya Mandel.
He drew away for a moment while I was still shivering and patiently waiting. Patiently? I admit that I am currently getting the opposite of patience. I turned back and looked into the pokemon's den for another attempt. Na?. He will not wake up now. I sighed. I should not want him to wake up just to get some heat. He is my friend and I like being with him, chatting and playing together. But I guess...I am a bit down today...And that cold does really not help.

Mandel came back after. We all kept sitting and I ended up rolling into a ball, trying to warm myself up.
I closed my eyes and I felt something moving and sitting next to me. I opened one eye out of curiosity. Mandel? I was surprised but I did not say anything and closed my eye. I was less cold. Loni, thank you.

Woke up by Feyr. Ah! You finally got out of your den! I thought you were dead.
He invited me to sit in the Old Oak with him. Of course, dear! I was waiting for this. We talked about each other, trying to get some news. We then fell asleep...again.

Woke up again later, my headache was gone and I wanted to have fun with Feyr. We really did have a lot of fun! Especially with Sylvan and a creature named Voxiox, as well as some fawns and a fox. I laid next to Feyr but he got angry after the young fox who was dancing in front of us so he went under a mushroom and I joined him to talk a little more with him.
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~Tuesday, November 10th 2015~
This morning, I woke up in a good mood, hoping this new day would be better than yesterday. I went into the Forest, none of my friends were there. Oh well, nevermind, I can wait. So I trotted to the willow tree near the bridge and laid under it. I suppose I was a little lazy today, although I had a good restful night.

Sniff-Sniff! I smell a Happy Deer nearby! Ya?, he was sleeping under a mushroom with a pretty doe (Lydia). Said him ha? and he woke up to return it. We nuzzled and he invited me to sit with them.
I woke up and saw the doe playing with Mandel, they did not take long to notice me and both greeted me. "Oh, you want me to join maybe? I am sorry, I am still tired. I guess this night was not enough. But go on! You do not need me to have fun, do you?" I smiled. They went to hop around together again and I laid down to watch them, went to the Pond to drink in the meantime.
I was not really under the mushroom so the rain kept falling on me but I liked it. The two came to sleep on the other side of the mushroom and fell asleep. I sighed with a smile, the day looked rather promising.
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~Monday, November 9th 2015~
Was bothered by my brother. He wanted me to go with him so we went into the Forest, under a mushroom between the Old Oak and the Ruins. We did not do much but just watching and listening to the rain falling. I sure love rainy days, but seriously? Did he bring me here just for the rain or is there something else behind it?

He started to tease me about Rosemary and Kama-Rin, which I really did not appreciate. He kept doing it so I decided to return it and replied about the moon he usually talks to like if she was his mother. He laughed a bit. "And you have not seen everything yet" I said. I proposed to go play at the Pond which he agreed. Lead the way, dear brother!
We had a fun time in there. PUSH! Now you are wet! I laughed and laughed hard. I tried to sit on the Pond using my magic but I failed and fell into the water. Tsssk, silly me.
Went to the Crying Idol while Nutai sat on the Pond and I joined him later.

He asked me questions about how I felt and other things like that and recalled me that he was my twin brother and that he would always be there no matter what. Although I did not want to talk, I ended up answering to his questions. I started by explaining that I was still very affected by this event with Mandel and that I was beginning to lose hope, I said that I would do anything just to go back in the past. I then continued with Rosemary and Kama-Rin which were still "haunting" me and I ended with my fears in the Forest.

During our talk, without turning the head, I noticed Mandel passing by the Pond and released a smile, watching him moving away. Nutai gave me a light tap on the shoulder. Oopsy! Sorry, brother.
I listened to his advices and smiled. May we play now? Has been a long time I did not feel like that!

Played again a bit and then laid under a mushroom. He had to go but asked me if it was okay that I would stay alone. Do not worry, my dear brother. I will be strong as for now! Or at least, I will try to... I think I will just listen to music.

Ran through the Forest and sat on the collapsed column at the Ruins, falling asleep with my music on.
When I woke up, I smelled familiar scents in the air. Rosa?wira and Mandel. They were sitting near the Ruins with a bunny (Draven). Mandel was asleep while Rosa? was playing with the rabbit. I put my MP3 player in my bag and came closer, they noticed me so we greeted each other. She allowed me to join them. I could not stand still, I could not stop hopping. I guess I was in a very good mood today! Then Mandel woke up so I said him ha?, he was a little scary standing there but I guess I was getting used to it. I remembered Nutai's advice and I smiled. I hopped with Rosa? and Draven until I sensed Sylvan nearby. I ran to him, passing next to the doe as she was trotting to greet him too. I nuzzled him and we went back to Mandel who was still standing under the tree and hopped with him. After that, I laid on the crossed logs, watching the others having fun. Then, the blue deer sat near me which surprised me a little. Hey Mandel! I just gave him a little smile and enjoyed the rain. I was tired of hopping, jumping and running. I guess I just have to rest. I appreciated Mandel's company, I was really glad to see him sitting near me. I could definitely say it was a very great day, today.
When he went to sit with Rosa?wira and the bunny, I did not move and just looked at them together. Not that I did not want to join them, of course I wanted! But I felt out of place there. I still feel guilty about Rosa?, that is why I did not dare nuzzle her or be close to her. I do not think I deserve it anyway. So I think I will just stay on the logs, alone...

Okay, maybe I can just...come a little closer? Maybe. I sat near Rosa? but once L-5 came and everyone greeted him I walked back to the logs to leave them more space. I stayed there for about...I do not know, ten minutes? Or longer. Dazenth came and I nuzzled him but I was not as happy as earlier, not even when I saw him. We just sat between two logs, looking at the others and still enjoying the rain. I sighed and curled up into a ball and closed my eyes, trying to get some sleep but I could not. I suddenly felt the dragon's tongue licking my neck. Glad I can write whatever I want here without them reading, because I really felt disturbed and uncomfortable but I did not say anything and let him doing. He seemed to like that, I did not want to break his moment.
When he was gone, I was relieved that this moment was over. But I had to go now. I said sweetly goodbye to the others, who were sleeping (except (L-5), and went back home.

When Nutai saw me with that face, he wondered what had happened. I explained him that I also felt guilty for what I did to Rosa?wira and that I was just simply not made to have children. He then reminded me of his advice of earlier and I realized that I was in depressed state again. Again! I made efforts earlier in the day with the others, even with Mandel, and now I am back into my depressed state! That will not happen again tomorrow. Past is past, I have get over that guilt feeling. Rosa? lived very well without me, Mandel and Kestrel took good care of her. But I was too crazy to take care of a child, I could not even take care of myself! I doubt she would wanted to have such a mother.
Thinking about this, I remember having mated with Dazenth during the Rut. No sign of pregnancy since. Another sign that I do not deserve having children. But I was relieved. I mean, how would the others think about the situation if I was pregnant? Especially if they know about the story about Rosa? and I?
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~Sunday, November 8th 2015~
Felt drops on my red fur. Rain! Finally, something that would make me feel at home for once. I never felt like such to be honest. I think I never found my place here.
First thing I did was to sense Dazenth, he was with someone else under a mushroom. I immediately called him and nuzzled him. I missed you so much! Then, we hopped together and played at the Pond. I pushed him again in the water, hehe! I love doing that!
He led me under a willow tree and we rested there together. I always loved willow trees, especially in the rainy weather. He fell asleep so I took the occasion to kiss his muzzle. Sweet dreams, my dear. ~♥

Smelled Ashe near me but did not dare greet him. When he fell asleep however, I sneaked next to him but he woke up right after. I shyly greeted him and he nuzzled me before inviting me to sit with him. I had a sigh of relief and sat with him. Has been a while though, right?

I woke up some time after, realizing I fell asleep. I pretended to be still sleeping when I smelled Mandel's scent near us, trying to slow down my breathing as much as I could. Ashe woke up and greeted his friend and after hesitating, I finally decided to get up, greeting him too but shyly. Ashe went to play with a doe but Mandel looked at me for a moment. His look made me feel uncomfortable so I just tried to forget about it and sat against the big willow tree, watching them three hopping around.
Please, do not mind me...

I felt a little lonely to be honest, but I did not dare join them. I do not think they would have enjoyed my presence anyway. I just went under the willow tree near the bridge where Mandel and I once sat together before a fight occured between Jen and a wolf a long time ago. Old memories...
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~Saturday, October 24th 2015~
One whole month. One whole month I stayed locked in all alone. Without anything to drink nor to eat.
What happened? I do not know. Black out. Perhaps I just went crazy? But that does not matter anymore...

Back into the Forest, I jumped in the Pond and on the pinecones. I was so starving and thirsty that I was surprised I survived. The first one I sensed in the air was Dazenth. Of course I remember him! How could I forget him? I loved him more than anything and anyone in the world! He is also the only one which I feel safe with.
I approached him near the Playground, but he was not alone. Another dragon-like creature. They were both asleep so I left them and went into the only place I felt safe. The Crying Idol. The Forest was still beuatiful but the creatures living in there looked scary to me... Even though I was them before.
I sat in there until Dazenth came and called me. I stepped out of the statue and sniffed him first, I missed his scent so much... He hugged and kissed me, things I did not remember. It has been a while I did not feel that love. I even think I forgot how to love during what seemed to be years of eternity for me. I forgot how to talk and how to show emotions. He tried to introduce me to his new "adopted child" but I did not dare to come closer. He was scary. But I coud not express it anymore...

When Dazenth left, I felt my legs having the urge to run all across the Forest. It was so amazing to be able to run in a huge place. Where I was locked in, there was not much space to move.
I was a lot skinny, ugly. I ate and drank more to get back my health. At least the physical health.

Felt Mandel's presence near me but could not do much, not even talking...I wished I could say something to him...
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~Friday, September 25th 2015~
Oh na?, na?, na?! Not the fog again! Please! I do not want to see her again.
...
Hid in the Crying Idol. Was too scared to go out. I suddenly heard steps coming. It was Dazenth. Oh, Dazenth, I am so happy to see you! Stayed under his protection. Rosa?wira came. Oh, my child, I am so happy to see you too! Spent some time with them but could not stay long sadly.
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~Tuesday, September 22nd 2015~
The Rut started some days ago already. I was looking for it in th eorest when Nutai called me. Came to him and...OH! Hey, Daz! He was not alone, a group, including Mandel and Ashe, was there. Did not dare greet him, I just stayed with Dazenth and I also spotted Porcelaine near us.
Oh, and look who is nearby! ROSA?WIRA! Without Kestrel! Oh, great! I ran to say her hi and spent some time with her, Dazenth and Nutai. She did not seem to sit with us though. I am wondering now if she really forgave me. I still feel awfully guilty but I keep hope. Hope makes live.

After some time of resting, because I was tired due to the lot of jumps and hops with my daughter, Dazenth asked if we could go to the Blue Bowl us two. I said yes. Nutai stood up and wondered where I was going. I replied that I will go with Dazenth and that we wanted to be alone. He did not protest, just smiled and sat down next to Rosa?.
I followed the dragon in the Blue Bowl where he started to rub his butt again. You really cannot help yourself, can you? I started to do the same but quickly stopped because I did not have energy anymore, I was too tired so I just let him doing it. But still, that kind of thing makes me uneasy. Perhaps I would get used to it soon?

Nutai suddenly called me. We had to go. Dazenth also had too. He put his head on mine and gave me a lick on my lips which I returned with a kiss. I watched him leaving before joining Nutai to our home. I wanted to say goodbye to Rosa?wira, but she was gone already. Oh dear...
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~Sunday, September 20th 2015~
Dazenth was with Mandel and other deers when I came. The blue stag went away though to sit under a tree further. Oh... Well... Spent time with the dragon. We went to the Pond and had fun together. I even pushed him into the water, haha. He wanted me to follow him to the Crying Idol but "NA?! Come back, I want to push you into the Pond again! Hehe!" Ended up following him because he did not want to come back. We had a great time there, kissing and hugging. He even started to rub his butt against mine! Was pretty embarassed and blushed very much. Although, I entered his game. yet a fawn came and we had to stop. Not in front of the children, Daz! This is not suitable for younger ones.
Blue Bowl and...more hugs, kisses and butt rubbing. Fell asleep with the dragon after that, was so tired.

I would have gone to see Rosa?wira. But Dazenth told me there was a ram which did not let him see her. I guessed it would not work for me either...
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~Saturday, September 19th 2015~
Woke up in the Crying Idol. Good, will not need to run to get my pelt back then.
I smelled the air. Na?, Rosa?wira was not here. But Mandel Chizzu and Dazenth were at the Pond so I joined them. After I greeted my friends, I sat near Mandel, not too close though. Trying to start all over with him but as he left into the water, I felt it would not be easy now.
There was too many deers there, stayed in the background...as always. I soon left to Feyr's den. He was the only one left which I could talk too, Dazenth seemed busy with the others. The Pokemon, of course, was sleeping. Oh, great! Well, let's just sit next to the den entrance.

Almost fell asleep. Opened my eyes and saw Dazenth in an awful physical state. Blood on his body with horrible wounds. Asked him to sit and stole some spider cobwebs in the Pokemon's den. He will be mad at me but I did not care! He will understand anyway.
Put the cobwebs on the dragon's wounds to stop the bleeding. I then got a light red handkerchief out of my bag and soaked it in the Crying Idol River before using it to clean his wounds.

After some minutes, he sat next to me, looked better now. We both fell asleep but when I woke up, he was still in a deep sleep so I watched over him until he left.
I got nothing to do then. Kestrel was with Mandel now so I could not approach him anymore. Decided to leave.
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~Thursday, September 17th 2015~
Today, I wandered in the Forest, hoping I would see Kestrel nor Mandel. Even if I actually wished to see Mandel again. I feared to see them but there were not here fortunately. There was something better. Rosa?wira, without Kestrel and Mandel. I sensed her at the Red Hill and as I was running to her, my heart began to beat faster. And then, I saw her. She was an adult, even bigger than me. But she was a beautiful doe. The most beautiful I have never seen in my life. And I was not there to see her growing. Blame myself. She was with a deer called "The Red". I hesitated to join her though. Yet she stood up and slowly approached her. She smelled me like if I was a stranger but she then seemed surprised, and while she realized it was me, she cuddled me. I was a little surprised myself that she still loved me after what I did to her. But it made me happy too so I hopped with her, I think my heart was about to explode of joy. We then rested together and I told her "Happy birthday!".

Familiar scent. Mandel. He directly came to Rosa? and I feared he would chase me away like Kestrel would do. But he did not. He greeted me instead. Oh gods, thank you! What a relief! Strangers came too, I hopped with a fawn. Then the Red went down the hill and the child, which was now a grown-up, followed him. Then, I noticed the necklace around her neck. A pretty one. A gift for her birthday, maybe? It rang me a bell. Oh! The thing I was trying to make with all the stuff I got some weeks ago! I had completely forgotten about it!
Rested with Rosa?wira after that. Mandel did not join us though. He just remained near us, watching around I guess.
Then, another familiar scent. Oh oh, Kestrel. When I saw the crow coming, I knew it was him and stepped backwards, afraid he would chase me away. I shook my head violently, telling myself I should not go away like that so I sat where I was with my child earlier and watched her joining Kestrel and Mandel. Rosa? had to go later, but I could not come nuzzle her to say her goodbye, Kestrel was still there. He did not want me to be there so when the young new adult was gone, I went to the Pond. I did not care if Kestrel would chase me away anymore. What was more important for me is that my child was happy and that she still loved me and forgave me. I cried of joy at the Pond, I even cavorted around in the water like an hyperactive kid.
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~Monday, September 14th 2015~
The Rut Event was coming so I decided to sign up as an involved non-participant. I did not want to participate but I was curious about how it was. I discovered from Amika that Mandel would participate too so I thought I would also support him (surely secretly, though).
Stayed at the severed trunk until I smelled Chizzu at the Pond so I headed there. The stalker was here too and he did not leave us alone until we both ran to the Crying Idol where we had fun doing a Spell Battle nearby. I thought we could rest together at the severed trunk but I suddenly spotted Mandel at the Ruins so I did not know anymore if it was a good idea or not. Chizzu joined him and a huge raven so I let her go and rested alone, then went to drink and sat next to the Pond. I should not being scared of him but since he was in rage last time I did not know what to do. When will it be over?

Familiar crow voice. Hey, Tokiri! He surely came to see how I felt. Perhaps Amika sent him to me? The crow seemed to be worried about me. Well, do not worry, I am fine, loni though. He stayed with me during a short time and then went towards the Ruins. He came from time to time to check on me as I stayed where I was, next to the Pond.

I follow his scent around the Ruins. He was with Mandel, Kestrel and Chizzu. Oh oh. Better not come closer. Called Tokiri to tell him I was going to go back home and asked if he wanted me to ask Amika if she wanted to come in the Forest. He said yes so I left to home. My little sister thought for a moment before deciding to go join the crow.
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~Sunday, September 13th 2015~
Directly came back to the Forest, I did not pass by my home. I ran for a while before deciding to go into the Old Oak to think and meditate. Smelled Sylvan nearby, maybe spending some time with a friend would help, but I prefered stay in the Oak for now, only one deer was in it but it was sleeping.

About what happened in the human world? In the dark woods I was sent in by my twin brother? Very dark and dangerous, I almost got eaten by a wild creature but who cares after all? Apart from that, it was not very hard to survive in it. My suicide urge is gone now and I could think about my situation.
I am the one to blame. Mandel was right. But I fear it is too late to redeem myself. Well, we will see. Now I am determined to make up for it, and not only about Rosa?wira.

Spent some time with Sylvan at the Twin Statues. Eventually helped him get his pelt back because a fawn was casting spells on him while he tried to get his back. He followed me to the Crying Idol so I could get mine and we hopped around before resting together.

Pelt issues again, thanks to two deers and a fawn. I had to wake Sylvan up so we could go to the Twin Statues, get his pelt back, go back to the Crying Idol, get MINE back and rest under a tree nearby. So we did all of this. Soon, a stag (Mest) came. Sylvan seems to know him as they nuzzled each other. Did not really interact with him except to greet him. Sylvan tried to cuddle him when he had to go but Mest started going so he cuddled the air instead, haha.
I also watched Mandel from the distance when he went to the Pond. I would like to talk to him but I did not dare. Maybe I will be able to take the opportunity when Rosa? will be in the Forest.

Dazenth came so I hopped around with him and Sylvan and had fun spellspamming. Dazenth left and Sylvan too so I decided to see somewhere else. Smelled Jen near the Pond, when I went to join her, she was with Kestrel who chased me away. "I did not come for you, I came for Jen, I can be with my friends, right? Fine, but you will not prevent me from seeing Rosa?wira, I need to redeem myself!" I said and went away but not very far from them. Mandel came too so I just watched them, sighing.
When Rosa? will be there, I will try to apologize and to accept my maternal responsabilities. If they will not let me or if she will not give me another chance, then it will mean it was too late. I do not know what I will do if it is the case... I guess I will never come back to the Forest ever again. I know, this sounds stupid, but I cannot be there without seeing them not even from the distance. I am already blaming myself and trying to change, what else may I do?

Went to the Old Oak to think a little more, Dazenth came back. He wanted to be with me but I refused. I did not want to be rude with him but I was about to explode and really did not want him to see me like that. Glad no one else was around when I did.
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~Wednesday, September 9th 2015~
Updated the Relations, Still have to work on the section, though.

May contain bad language.
Gave all of my rage against Nutai when he came back. It was all of his fault after all. HE got that adoption idea after all! Rosa? would be probably better without me, you little jerk!
Fought with him until he sent me through a portal to calm me down and I found myself in the Human World again. In a dark forest. Oh, loni you jerk! Now I will be eaten by wild creatures. Oh well, actually, you did me a favor. I will not need to kill myself, great occasion!
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~Tuesday, September 8th 2015~
Dazenth wanted me to go see him so I did. he seemed so happy to me... Why was I not happy too?
Spent the whole time with the dragon, we were having such a good time running around and resting together. But Rosa? soon came and I greeted her but she was sad. I am really a bad mother.
The rest of the time, I could not stop thinking about my problem with the child. Was it because she was not my BIOLOGICAL daughter? Or was it because I was too young to have one yet? I did not know but I soon felt a mix of emotions I quickly hid from Dazenth.

I stood up as I saw and heard Mandel coming. The red dragon did not understand what he was trying to say, but I knew. Well, he seemed to really care about Rosa?wira. Then, what do you not adopt her?! I have too much of problems and of complicated situations to take care of her! And adopting her was not my own idea! It was Nutai's one!
I decided to go away, perhaps even to leave. No need to explain anyone why I was like that with her, they would not be able to understand anyway. They are not cursed just like I am.
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~Monday, September 7th 2015~
Now, it has been confirmed. my family is really cursed. Nutai did not say a thing about it but I knew it. Perhaps I am even the most cursed member of it. I mean...why have I been always followed or possessed by a demon? Because I draw them! This is the curse!

It has been a long time I made this poem but well, I will put write it back here.
Oh Gods, I hope you will forgive me
For killing like I am about to do.
But it is only you I would like to see,
Because it is only you I would like to talk to.

Demons are in my body,
Demons are darkening my heart,
As they would possess me you have to hurry,
Or this would be friends I may hurt.

Friendship once helped me contain my shadow,
Friendship once helped me remain sane and wise,
But my bowl of rage is now in overflow,
And Friendship again will not rise
Like the moon brightening the night,
Like the light shining through the dark sight.

Since an innocent being I murdered,
The worst punishement I deserve,
Kill me even if the way may be cruel.
While my blood will be a fuel
For the burning fire in Hell,
I will suffer as I will hear the bell.

The bell of Death
Which will ring in length
Whereas my bones are cracking for the Gods' sake
And my blood is forming from my sins a dark lake.

Mi suise desolo?
My dear friends,
I did not mean to do that,
But now never I will reach Heaven's lands.

I found Kestrel and Rosa? near the Pond so I bring them near the Old Oak and sat with them. Kian came in his rabbit form but did not follow us when we went to the Ruins. Actually, those two did, but not me. I was resting before I realized they were gone. Mandel, Ashe and Jovan were there and I started to feel dizzy when I joined them. I simply greeted Mandel but I did not approach neither Ashe nor Jovan and just went between the Five Graves. When their back were turned, I ran away to the Pond, passing by the Old Oak. I hoped nobody saw me going away but when I turned my head, I realized Mandel saw me. Who cares? I do whatever I want!
I jumped into the Pond, waiting. I stayed under water for about...I do not even know myself. I did not see the time passing.

I headed back to the surface and went back to the Ruins discreetly. I sat in the corner of the Ruins, with the two big walls, hoping they would not notice me. But I closed my eyes since so I could not know.

I nuzzled Rosa?wira and Kestrel before leaving. I heard her call when I ran towards home. I even cried but I told myself that Kestrel was there for her at least. I am a very bad mother. An awful one. I do not think I deserve a child. I should have thought twice before saying ya? to adopt her with him...
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~Thursday, September 3rd 2015~
Had a conflict with Nutai lately, decided to wander in the Forest to change my mind. As soon as I arrived at the Crying Idol, I sensed my adoptive daughter and my friend Kestrel near the Old Oak. As I ran to greet them, I stopped when I realized they were not alone. Guess who was there? Mandel. I have nothing against him but it got harder to talk to him and to approach him. Saivae and Hiirni were there too along with a huge rabbit. I watched them from the Oak for a moment before joining them at last. Was greeted by Rosa? and Hiirni.
A owl-pelted deer came suddenly. When I stood up, I greeted him before going a little further. He and Mandel came so I greeted Mandel but I really did not want to talk or to play so I just sat next to my child and Kestrel...

I did not stop moving. From the little tree near our spot to the Old Oak with Rosa?. While she was sleeping, I went to release my rage against some trees and periwinkles. Was jealous. Of what? I did not even know myself. I rarely had those moments of unexlained rage though. And it lasted for minutes and minutes until I finally managed to calm down and to sit with Kian and Kestrel. Very pretty draconic deer by the way.
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~Monday, August 31th 2015~
Today was a quite pleasant day. Apart that I waited for Dazenth the whole day, I spent some time with Kestrel and Rosa?. Mandel was also there but I guessed paying too much attention on him would not be a good thing. When I moved a little away from them, Rosa? did not notice it, thinking I was gone, so the blue deer "dragged" me to her. I guess I cannot sit wherever I want...
Mandel stayed with Saivae and I watched them until I fell asleep. Woke up with nobody around, they left me alone but I was used to it so I just went to take a bathe in the Pond before waiting on the "Tallest" Hill and eventually sat in the middle of the Blue Bowl.

Thirst came soon and I had to drink to the River, ended up joining Mandel, Kestrel and...Chizzu! Long time I did not see her, hoped she was alright. I finally decided to sit next to Mandel, trying to make that gift with the stuff I still had in my bag. I hoped an idea will come through my mind soon...

I woke up and...Dazenth was with Mandel! Yipee! I jumped on him and hugged him and kissed his muzzle many times. I missed you so much, little dragon! We eventually fell alseep against one another after running like a crazy doe with him. When I woke up, I kissed his little dragon head while he was still sleeping, hihi.

When I was about to leave, he gave me a lick on my mouth which surprised me and made me more blush. Wow, what a day!
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~Sunday, August 30th 2015~
After he kept me locked in, he finally let me go at the only condition that he would come with me, I guess I had no choice but to accept.
First, he led me to the Ruins where we sat together, talking about me. I am not that interesting! I know I was strange lately but seriously!
Then, I sensed Dazenth nearby so I jumped on it. Then, seeing him reminded me of that dream I made of him the other night. Maybe I should accept those feelings...
We played altogether before he and Nutai went to join other deers.

Some minutes after, the blue and yellow-stared stag came back to ask me if I wanted to join too after asking me already from the distance some minutes ago. I refused. Sylvan followed him so I greeted him too. I eventually changed my mind and went to drink at the Pond before sitting near the Old Oak to watch them from the distance. Yet Dazenth came to hug me again and the others followed. he even asked Mandel to come. I took some steps backwards but I knew that it was stupid to avoid the owl-masked stag so I greeted him before playing with them and sitting under a willow tree.
When Dazenth joined me, I took the opportunity to kiss his muzzle while he was awake and I blushed. The willow tree was perfect for that moment, at least in my opinion.
The red dragon gave mea lick on the nose and my heart began to beat faster. Wow, I should calm down before it comes out of my chest, haha.

Woke up without Dazenth, he was gone. Nutai left too so I decided to take a walk and soon joined Kestrel at the "edge" of the Blue Bowl. He fell asleep.
I smelled Rosa?wira's scent so I called her out. the child immediately responded and came, Mandel following her. He seemed to hesitate before finally coming. I hopped around with the fawn and we tried to wake Kes up but he was in a deep sleep apparently so we gave up. Rosa? sat down next to him and I took the occasion to get some stuff. I found a feather and a fang in the Blue Bowl, I thought I could make something with them so I left Mandel, Kestrel and Rosa? for a while to get some flowers and eventually asked Feyr (who was still in his den) if he had something I could also use to make an item.
I then came back to the Blue Bowl and sat next to our child to make something with all the stuff I just got.

Decided to take a break so I wandered around the Forest until I found a group of creatures (Kio, Jade, Kshanti, Tsabhi and I think there was Nikhil too) near De Drinkplaats. I was curious so I watched them a little, discovering it was some kind of den.
After some time, I went back to Kestrel and our child. Mandel took my seat. She who leaves her place loses it, I guess.
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~Thursday, August 27th 2015~
Today, did not do much. I dreamed about Dazenth this night. But na?, I still deny those feelings!
I saw Dazenth at the Ruins so I watched over him. He then went to join Mandel, Ashe and Flyleaf but I did not. Too much things happened betwwenthe owl-masked deer and me. Besides, I noticed he as angry after me...
I eventually came closer to the group but went away when some strangers came, I just watched them from a distance.
Dazenth came to sit with me as usual. I guess we really like each other. I was not possessed those days, but I am wondering when they will ask me or control me again...
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~Wednesday, August 26th 2015~
Was angry at Nutai, why does everybody act like if I was insane? I AM NOT INSANE!
Anyways, went to the Ruins where I found Mandel and sat on the Rocky Square. Rosa? and others came too but I did not feel in the mood to hang out with them.
Dazenth ended up sitting next to me and we both fell asleep. I still deny those feelings I feel about him. THEY DO NOT EXIST!
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~Tuesday, August 25th 2015~
Again, was locked in home by my twin brother. Seriously, I am alright! even mentally! Can't you just leave me alone?!
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~Monday, August 24th 2015~
Was "locked in" home by Nutai yesterday. He said my mental health was getting worse and I should stay home to heal. Tssss... talk to yourself! I am perfectly normal, nothing is weird in me.
I could finally sneak out of the "cage" and went in the Forest. I do not know what happened there, I first found myself near the Ruins and De Drinkplaats, walked in circle around a tree and sensed Mandel and Rosa? at the Ruins. I was first hesitant, but then I decided last to join them, sneaking next to Mandel but not getting too close to him.
Oh! Look who came. It was Hiirni who sat next to me. Too close. Too close! I moved a little more in the middle of my two friends but kept my head downwards. Nobody should see them...

Rosa? woke up and wanted to play so I watched her playing with Mandel for a bit before feeding her with pinecones. After that, I decided to watch the two playing from a distance but my child followed me. "Do not worry, go play with mandel, Sweetie. I will stay here..." Watching you...

I did not know what was happening to me. But I knew this was surely due to them. They would control me now, I will be their soon.
They wanted me to go to the other world, but I had to leave my child behind. Luckily, Kestrel was here to take good care of her. I doubt I would stay there forever though. But what if I do not make it and remain stuck in this realm? What if I die in there. They told me to shut up by giving me a headache. "Just go in there" they said. And so, I did.

I jumped into a portal to find myself in an unknow city. It was raining cats and dogs, I even thought it was a thunderstorm. They told me to do something horrible. So horrible that I would not even write it here. The Gods will not forgive me. I even almost got shot in the head before I jumped back into the portal!

Covered of mud, blood and small injuries, I finally managed to get back in the Endless Forest. I was out of breath. Might someone tell me what was going on?! The "other world" led me to the human world! And the path was completely insane!
Fortunately, I was out of there now. I found Mandel, Kestrel and Rosa? sleeping at the Ruins. I surely needed some rest too after what happened...

Mandel was awake when I went to take a bath and to drink. The mud was not a problem, the blood would make the Pond a little red at a spot, but the injuries were harder. I did not know how to hide them. I just hoped our fawn would not notice them.
I would like telling my two friends about my small misadventure but they told me to keep it as secret. Besides, I would not know how to tell them about what I had to do there.

Fell alseep until they allowed me to wake up. I made one of those nightmares! But I restrained a scream and just went to feed Rosa? with mushrooms but she refused and ate the pinecones Kestrel gave to her. Was I a so bad mother? I was between fear, sadness and anger so I dove into the Pond a few times to calm myself down.
Went to make a nacklace of blue flowers for Dazenth, he blushed and so I did. We then joined Kestrel and the child at the Playground and I played with the Dragon-deer on the rocks before sitting with him and falling asleep...I felt so good next to him...too bad this will never happen again, as they may not allow me to live like I would love to... Though, I blushed when I felt his muzzle against my nose...

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~Saturday, August 22th 2015~
Woken up by Dazenth's scent, I immediately ran to him and we played together before sitting somewhere near the Crying Idol. Strangers came (including fawns) and I was a little annoyed by the noises they were making so I decided to find a quiet place so I could be lost in my thoughts. They would not stop following my friend so I took the opportunity he was a little busy with them to go lying in the middle of the Five Graves.
he came back later and sat with me for a while before falling asleep. I could not help myself but to give him a little kiss on his muzzle, he was so cute.

He woke up and asked me if I wanted to go to the Tall Hill which I accepted because I was getting annoyed too. There, it was more calm. Only one deer was sitting there.
But Dazenth soon had to go, oh well, see you soon I hope...
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~Friday, August 21th 2015~
Stayed hidden in the rock at the playground until I decided to go out. I saw Mandel, Mark, Sylvan and Alanthea together so I came to join them. Later, a stranger and some fawns came and again, I felt uncomfortable.
Waited for Dazenth all the time, walking in circles, pacing up and down, listening from time to time and smelling the air to know if he was currently in the woods. But nothing. I even called him but no answer. I ended up under the rock with Kestrel, watching the landscape while I hoped he would come today.

Suddenly, the wind brought me his scent, my heart bet faster as I ran towards him and we jumped together. I was happy he was there.
I took him to the others before lying at the top of the hill where they were. Soon, the dragon came lying with me. Looks like Mandel wanted him to do so. The others sat near us.

I woke up, realizing I fell asleep. Dazenth did too, as he seemed to be in a deep sleep. I looked at him, lost in my thoughts. It has been a while I did not see a dragon. Except maybe Ta'vha and Hydra. Soon, good memories came back, but the bad ones too. I shook my head to think about something else. I kissed the head of the red dragon before looking around us. The Forest was so calm, with only some callings from time to time...
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~Thursday, August 20th 2015~
Today? Well, not much to write here. I have just spent some time in the Blue Bowl with the rest of Rosa? and Kestrel's family. Mandel also came but I did not dare interact with him. Also heard L-5 was back. It has been a long time he disapeared, I was glad for my friend. But well, when he is with his, I sometimes feel like I am bothering them so I prefer stay away from them, remaining alone and silent.
Dazenth came, this time I heard him coming so I ran towards him. Later, he went to wander around the forest as usual and because there were too many people in the Blue Bowl, I decided to stay in the background once more. The red dragon joined me back some minutes after, when I was on the "Tall Hill" ,and we stayed close to each other until we fell asleep. I did not realize he was gone until I woke up...
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~Wednesday, August 19th 2015~
This morning, I woke up realizing I was still on "the Tall Hill", which did not seem that tall when I compared it to the other hill where De Drinkplaats was, I guess I fell asleep there. yesterday, Dazenth helped me a lot to not lose my sanity and to be a little stonger against what happened between Mandel and I. Like we say, sleep on it. And so it did. I had a good sleep this night and I was now able to tell my best friend, because I still consider him as, things I never told him and maybe to also ask him what was his answer to my confession. But maybe I should wait a little longer before, I still have to find some answers.

Waited and waited for Dazenth, I really wanted to see him again....

Mandel soon came and so I invited him to sit and talk. Maybe I was not ready yet, but still.
I decided to tell him those things I really felt about him.
I started with our first encounter, telling him that since he appeared in my life, I could finally start a new one here, in the Forest. Then, I told him that he was the bestest friend I never had in my whole life, I never got so close to someone like this before. "I know I should not avoided you those days. But I tried to approach you many times but I feared your reaction and your answer to my confession. So I tried everything to tell you but nothing worked. Nutai told me about how you felt about all of this and I am sorry you took it the wrong way. I just did not know how to act towards you anymore..." I stared at the ground. "I really care about this friendship, I really do. let's just say without you I am nothing." I hesitated a moment before finally saying "I think I also had mental issues too... But thanks to Dazenth and my other friends, I think I am healing. Yesterday, when I jumped into the Pond, it was because I was scared I have lost you for real...And..." Another silence came for a while. "...If you do not want to be my friend anymore or to forgive me... I will respect and accept that. As I deserved it after all. But I want you to know that I am so sorry that you can't imagine it and that I just wish you the best of luck and happiness, hoping I did not hurt you too much..."
"And a last thing.. I know I should have asked you before but... but now I feel ready to hear your answer. So, may I ask you what were your feelings towards me?"
As I was asking, my heart was beating fast and I was anxious and nervous. I really hoped it would end up good...

As he finished talking, I released a sigh of relief and thanked him. I said talking to him made me feel a lot better now and I was very touched by what he told me, in particular the brotherhood part, the brother-sister relationship. I also told him that I understood and that I would be more careful next time this kind of thing happens. I smiled and both laughed and cried at the same time. I asked him if he did not mind about a hug now. He acepted and we hugged each other before hopping of joy around. I was so happy that I would not be able to stop hopping. He even allowed me sit with him! Oh Gods, thank you so much!

Later, we were joined by Jovan, Kestrel (who I played around with along with Vala), Moldvin and the dragon-like creature Hydra. Kestrel's daughter, Natasha, also came (but looked like she was in OOC mode). Some fawns joined us and Kestrel went to get Rosa?. So much people there. I closed my eyes for a while to relax despite that I felt uncomfortable in the middle of the crowd.
When I reopen them, SURPRISE! Dazenth was next to me. I jumped on him to hug him with joy. But then, he told me we had to take a break and went away. I felt so uneasy that I decided to stay in the background, under a tree until he would came back. So when he was back to me, Rosa? came but was scared of the red dragon, not understanding why he could sit so close to me. Well, I guess the cosy moment we had together yesterday made us closer to each each other.

I then told him I would liked to be alone with him as there were too much people and I needed calm. We went ot the Playground, then to the Ruins, until we finally found a quiet place in the Birch Forest. I sat against him, I guess I really like him very much and I love his company. But after the strange feeling I felt, which I denied, I could not stop thinking about what happened between Mandel and I. Maybe I actually made a big mistake...
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~Tuesday, August 18th 2015~

(WARNING, MAY contain bad language.)

...eid..kcab emoc......mih morf yawa yats...

I had a short morning nap at the Playground but was waken up by a fawn who casted a spell on me...Beluga Pelt...just like Mandel's. Oh, come on, fawn! Leave me alone! Wait, was it me who was talking? I did not know but I did not care about it anymore.

Went to my old favourite place and found the Green stone I gave to my old best friend... I guess it is over between us now... THANK YOU, KAMA! YOU DID A GREAT JOB! GO DIE, YOU PIECE OF JERK MONSTER!

...kcab emoc......eid!......htaed si efil...

...Fell into the Pond...Lost consciousness...

Woke up, taken out of the Pond by Nutai. He yelled at me but I yelled him back, I cannot remember what we said, though. I just want away and sat down a little further. Then I realized Mandel was there. Did he come for me? Or was it just a coincidence? When my brother went to get his pelt back, I watched Mandel leaving before I took the courage and ran to him, calling him. He finally turned around and went to me. I told him I was so sorry for having acted so badly and I tried to explain myself but I could not...because I did not know myself why I acted like this... He did not seem to accept my excuses and when I asked him to talk with me he refused and went away. So I bursted in tears and left.

Gods, I wish I could get back in time...please help me...

Came back later to see if Rosa? was here but na?. Instead, I found Kestrel at the Playground so I waited with him for our new adopted child. I was still a little cold and trembling, Nutai told me I was pale. But then Mandel came and I froze again. I did not say anything, I remained silent. I was very surprised he would come to sit next to me.
Rosa? came and I greeted her tenderly while Mandel stood up I introduced him to her. then I watched him trotting away until I finally called him to invite him to play with us. He just sat on a rock and watched us. So we played together until we sat, the child playing with my poppies. What a lovely fawn.
I did not want Mandel to leave. To be honest. But what could we do together? We could talk about it but... What could I tell him? I was so sorry for everything, I deserved to die. I could tell him the truth but he would not understand a thing and me neither. I just wanted to have his friendship back. That friendship we used to have and which brightened up my days and helped me get a new life here, in the Endless Forest. After all, since we met each other for the first time, I felt better here. I really did not want it to end up like this.

Went back t my child and Kestrel. They were sitting with Hydra and Moldvin. Soon, we spotted a strange fawn (Valak) near us. Rosa? tried to play with him but he did not want to and she got sad. Came to comfort her before going to Kestrel since he went to the Playground as Arwen, Chizzu's friend, was annoying us. Dazenth joined us and I greeted him with a big hug before going to get some food for our sweet child. Then, Dazenth asked me if she wanted to go to the Tall Hill with him which I accepted to. Maybe he would help me change my mind.

And so he did, he warmed me up so I would not be cold and pale anymore. I even slept with him for a while after gztting closer to him, it was hard to say him goodbye after that...
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~Monday, August 17th 2015~
I did not have a good night, Rosy and Rinny were hassling me. In fact, Rosemary did not care about what happened but Rin got mad at me, saying things such as "Why did you do that? Love is useless and stupid!" or "You were an idiot telling him about stupid feelings." and she kept saying that until I finally could sleep deeply after some hours of trying.
In the morning, I woke up and immediately smelled Mandel nearby. I had two options. Or I go see Mandel like nothing happened, or I go see Feyr and avoid the blue stag. I chose Feyr. It was not that I feared Mandel now, but after what happened yesterday, I thought I should leave him alone for a few days perhaps. I will come back to him when I will feel to.
Feyr was not in his den so I waited, thinking he was just doing some sports or taking a walk around. When he came back a few minutes after, he looked suprised to see me. Yet he greeted me with a tender nuzzle and asked me what did bring me here so I told him everything in every details. He told me that love was a very hard feeling but I said I did not care about it anymore because the only thing which did matter for me right now is that I finally told him how I felt about him and so I felt better now. I did not care about Mandel's feelings but I just hoped it did not do anything to our friendship.
Feyr went to hunt and came back with a crab which he put in his den before going away. He then came back with some pinecones but I refused to eat them. He said he would put them here and that I will eat them whenever I will want to. The tan-pelted Pokemon sat down with me until I felt asleep...

Woke up by Feyr's call, he brought me in the HIS where Chizzu and Kestrel joined us later.
Then, I stood up, I tried to change my mind and invited the three others to hop with me. They soon brought a deer called Arwen and a fawn. I felt better now, I realized Friendship and Family are the real important thing and I thought about playing with Nutai later. I invited the others to sit with me, it warmed me to be surrounded of people who were really caring about me.

So many things happened after that. Feyr left and Kestrel, Chizzu and I decided to run through the forest. When we came back near the Playground, Vala and Sylvan went to greet us. I tried to approach Mandel but I quickly got scared and ran away. I watched him for a while before walking away, followed by my two other friends and Sylvan.
I then remembered we could hide in the rocks of the Playground so I went there. I told my friends they should go away because I feared that he would know I was there if he would see they are here too, but they refused to leave me. They told me that he was surely not caring about me as if he did, he would at least try to cheer me up, but he did not. The worst is that even the voices in my head said the same thing. I could not understand what was happening so I ran inside the Crying Idol to release myself by letting the tears flowing down from my eyes. Kestrel also cried with me. Thank you guys for your empathy, I really love how you two DO care about me, really.

Later, Nutai came and brought back into the Forest. I greeted Dazenth when he came but when I saw Mandel near the Crying Idol, I slowly turned the head towards Nutai who just brought me to a fawn and Kestrel at the Playground. Played with them all but I had to force myself since I was not in the mood. I became fond of that fawn and tried to know more about her. How lovely she was.
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~Sunday, August 16th 2015~
I did not really want to, but Nutai and Chizzu forced me. My brother brought me to Mandel and her. On the way, he told me I had to do it so I would feel better after, but I was anxious about it.
When we arrived, we played with our two other friends for a moment. Chizzu led us to a spot where there were periwinkles and asked Mandel to sit with me while she and Nutai went away. My brother told me to not be afraid but I could not help myself. I was a little trembling with fear and staring at the ground, seeking the best words to tell him.

Tired of seeking those words, I finally told him I loved him more than a best friend and ran away towards Nutai.

I know I should have waited his answer at least, but I was too scared to hear it actually...
Later, Mandel went away to see Flyleaf and Chizzu surely went to see a friend of hers too. Nutai asked me if I wanted to come with them but I refused, I prefered staying alone.
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~Friday, August 14th 2015~
Ashe and I waited for Mandel so we could start the party. Since he did not come, we began without him. Soon, many deers came and the blue stag finally appeared! There were so many deers around me too but this time, I felt good.
I danced and danced with them all, I was even in the middle, hihi. I was very happy and smiling. This was one of the best parties I never went in!
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~Thursday, August 13th 2015~
13. I know what you are all thinking.
Went to pay a visit to Feyr, he was sleeping as usual. that lazy one, haha. I stayed there to keep his company. Then Ashe came, I greeted him with a hug and we hopped around but I quickly felt tired. The white stag blocked the entrance of the den, trapping Feyr inside, this last one got mad at him. So I talked to him to calm him down and introduced Ashe to him.
I closed my eyes for a while, I heard a dispute between Rosy and Rinny. I sighed. Can't they just stop?

When I opened them, I had a surprise. MANDEL! I hopped of joy and gave him a big tight hug! I missed him so much!
Later, Mark and some other deers came and later, Jennie. There were so many deers around me that I went back to Feyr's den. When they sat down, I lied besides Mandel and then fell asleep...

Can we kill them now?
Rinny smiled, I tried my best to prevent her from doing such awful things. Rosemary was stronger than me so it was easier for us to "contain" her.

I heard someone coming so I stood up. It was Chalice. I greetd her as well as Dazenth when he came later. Ha?, Daz! He cuddled me so kindly. He seemed very tired but I was glad he was here with me too.
Later, there was too much deers again. I felt so uneasy that I prefered going to sit with the Pokemon for some moments before nuzzling Mandel and Ashe because I had to go.
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~Tuesday, August 4th 2015~
Met Arwen and James today.
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~Monday, August 3rd 2015~
Screenshots
I kept Tau's company while he was sleeping. I listened to the sounds of the Forest, trying to clear my mind.
Suddenly, the wind brought me a familiar scent. Ashe! He was already there when I opened my eyes. I nuzzled him and hopped of joy. I was so happy to see him again. When we rested next to Tau, I took the opportunity to give him the crown of poppies I made for him.

Later, we played together with strangers. I became a tree again, haha. We also made a dance party. But...someone is still missing...
After that, Ethale came. It's been a while I haven't seen her. I introduced her to Ashe and we hopped together.
Then, Tau had to go and Ashe went to see Alanthea. Eth had to go too. I was left alone so I decided to drink at the Pond.

Later, Ashe came back along with Alanthea and SylvanRah. Alanthea went to get his pelt back and we hopped around all together. Then we sat together for a while before Ashe had to go.
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~Sunday, August 2nd 2015~
Today, I spent time with Jennie and SylvanRah, we made a Sitting Deer Chain!
Spotted a lone fawn (LooksForDoves) but didn't dare come. maybe it didn't want to be bothered. But then I saw a strange four-legged bird (Jezara) with it. I got intimidated so I didn't even come closer. I felt better protected with Jen and Sylvan.

I still miss my other friends...
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~Friday, July 31th 2015~
I finally felt better after living with Feyr in his den for a while. He took a good care of me and I appreciated it. I gave him a gift to thank him, a claw necklace which he loved.

Today, I spent time wih Glitchy Warmy Pelt. We sat together and then played Hide and seek. It was fun! I got stuck inside a tree again and couldn't see anything, haha. Also briefly met Kaala.
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~Monday, July 6th 2015~
Searched for Ashe, but couldn't find him anywhere. So bad, I wanted to give him the crown of poppies and I made for him. Well, I'll keep it until he comes back.

I wanted to be in calm so I went into bushes near the Pond but fell into a small cave underground. When I opened my eyes, the cave was messy and dusty. I met a strange fire creature who was probably living here. He told me his name was Feyr, originally known as Firespark. Firespark? Wasn't the little fox cub who was lost in the Forest? I saw him passing by the home many times.
The creature was about to burn me of anger but stopped, saying it was perhaps useless since I "seemed nice and not dangerous". We had a chat together for a while before I left.
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~Saturday, July 4th 2015~
Went in the poppies at the Ruins, I wanted to make a crown as a gift for Ashe today.
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~Sunday, June 28th 2015~
Stayed in the Crying Idol until the fog finally disapears. I woke up and smelled the rain! Ya?! Thank you Gods!
I could finally join Tau and Mandel.

I came back later, decided to be alone at the Playground to think. Eth came to sit with me. I talked to her about my feelings about that stag and she accepted to tell him my feelings because I couldn't.
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~Saturday, June 27th 2015~
Spent some time with Tau and my friends. Though, the fog began to make me wonder if they could not betray me and stab me in my sleep.
These grim thoughts made me hiding in the Crying Idol and never get out of it anymore. However, I forced myself to help someone with his/her set and the mini spell. Met Chalice again who helped as well along with Mandel and another deer. The stranger disapeared and I casted the spell on Chalice which became a dove.
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~Friday, June 26th 2015~
Woke up alone, I could see many figures in the fog. I was frightened. Na?, please, Twin Gods, not that! Why me? I ran to the Old Oak. AH! A GIANT CROW! Na?, the Old Oak was a bad idea! I ran the Ruins, I was lost. But I saw a familiar figure in the fog with that familiar scent. MANDEL! I immediately hastened to join him, his presence reassured me. A stranger came, I was so scared that I went to the other side of my best friend. I was scared of everything in the fog, I felt weaker, more fragile, helpless.
I had to stay with Mandel and my friends to not become completely insane.
Was sleeping awake, when I came back to reality, Mandel was gone. I was alone, exposed to any danger. And na?, I am not exagerating!

Later, I was thirsty so I went to the Pond to drink. I tried to be as fast as I could as well as looking normal. I found a strange long-tailed creature (Rheia) and got scared (again) so I ran back into the Crying Idol.
Smelled a not unknown thing near the Ruins. Oh, it's Hiirni! I watched him dancing with a fawn before finally joining them. The Happy Deer gave me a nuzzle which I gave back and we danced with the fawn, hopped and jumped around him/her. This last one left without a goodbye? It was rude! But well, sat with Hiirni at the top of a hill next to the Ruins.
Mandel later came and we played together. Then we rested a little. A stranger came too and scared me. I stepped backwards to be away from him/her who sat with my two friends.
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~Thursday, June 25th 2015~
Fog? Oh na? na? na? na?...not that. You may ask me, why am I scared of fogs? Because this is the weather which makes me confused at some point. Read, I can see ghosts and invisible figures. But I see them more in the fog, which scares me. And those howlings...
I sat with Mandel and Ashe. The blue stag gently asked me to dance with him. I can't hide from anyone that I blushed a little. I said I loved the spooky music, I lied, it was scaring me in fact. Then Jennie came and danced with us.
We three, along with a stranger, became a dancing protection wall for the big rabbit, that was funny. I then smelled the Moth Child so I ran towards her but lost her in the fog. Sad, I came back to the others.
Went into a tree and tricked Jennie: she got stucked in the tree, haha. Scared her by saying I could eat her, she believed me!
We then played Hide and seek. I hid in the lake before escaping by the river to the Crying Idol. Went to the Old Oak but she found me and kept me warm. Oh, loni ("thank you"), Glitchy Warmy Pelt.
Back with Mandel and Ashe, these last ones decided to go into the party next to the Pond. I did not came with them as I was somehow agoraphobic. It would be different, though, if all these deers where deers I knew.
I prefered going to the Ruins but stopped hen I saw Tau under his tree so I stayed with him a little before leaving.
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~Wednesay, June 24th 2015~
During these two days, nothing much happened, just the usual. I played with my friends, made a Dance party and such. Spent more time with Eth. And also with Jennie. I met Odessa.
Although, it became night in the Forest, with big mushrooms. One of the Twin Gods came during my sleep but was gone when I woke up, I missed a beautiful show. But the night half scared me. It was so dark...
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~Monday, June 22th 2015~
I felt some drops which woke me up. I slowly opened my eyes, it was raining! Although, I could hear the sorrow of the Twin Gods, were they crying?
After going to rest at the Ruins and drinking at the Pond, I took shelter inside the Old Oak, watching and listening to the rain falling. I fell asleep some minutes after.
Statues and saw him sleeping so I sat next to him, later joined by Mandel and Alexandria. When Hiirni woke up, he hugged me and Mandel. This last one went away in a run. His scent which the wind brought me made me guess that he was at the Playground. Wondering what he could do there.

Later, we all went to the Pond. I saw Emilia and Miv there, I helped Alexandria for the pelt. Then, we made a Rain Dance Party together, it was fun! Hiirni carried me twice and I danced on him, haha. We rested a little more together.
I went to the Ruins because I heard a voice coming from here, I didn't know if the others heard it though. It was the soul of the other day, we chatted a little before going back to the Pond, Alexandria looked for me to the Ruins so I had to call her. "Hey! I'm here! I told you I came back!"
*sniff* *sniff*, Ashe was there! I smelled his scent towards the Old Oak so I went there, I saw him running near me. We joined the others together. "Hey, Mandel! Ashe's here!"
Finally rested against a severed trunk, watching the others dancing. Before I went into the water. Do not ask me why I did this, I don't know.
Went to the other side of the Pond, I wanted to be alone for a while.

Let Rosemary take the control before I wanted to be with my friends again. We played together for a while.
I looked for Kkapa, it's been a while I didn't see him. I was sad when I discovered he wasn't there anymore so I ran through the forest and found him at home. I asked him to join us, he looked surprised.
Back with the others, I played with Mandel, Ashe and Miv at the Crying Idol, everyone took the same pelt as me. Red Pelt Party? Haha. Then, after that, we went back near the Pond, Eth appeared! We rested together, talking, before I played with them all and left.

Came back some hours later, Ashe and Mandel were at the Ruins with that little flame Mandel called Bob. Strange.
We all three sat together, watching the rain falling. I felt good and warm between the two stags.
During my journey, I thought a lot about the Forest and all the creatures I met here. Something was running through my mind. Something I already felt somehow before. Something I didn't want to talk nor even think about. You know? This thing that can bring you happiness but also depression. I never wanted to hear about it ever again after a bad experience I had some years ago.
I tried to stop thinking for a while and fell asleep without knowing it, I could however feel what was happening around me, but still, I didn't realize.
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~Friday, June 19th 2015~
After drinking at the Pond, I sat next to a weeping willow to remove my red bandages, smelling Mandel's scent nearby. I then went to the Ruins and met two fawns on the way. One of them went away but I could chat a little with the other one before saying goodbye and heading back on the way to the Ruins. I rolled up the bandages around the cross of a small grave, let's just say it was a gift to wish the soul, which was wandering here, a peaceful rest.
I was about to reach the Pond when I heard the souls from the Ruins calling me. Wait...maybe it was just my imagination, right? I was somehow drawn by this place but I wanted to spend some time with Mandel as I didn't see him since half a month. A minute, or perhaps several minutes?, passed before I finally decided to come back to the Ruins to sit against the small grave which I rolled up the bandages around the cross earlier.

I noticed a strange dark figure nearby and followed it through the forest until it disapeared. What was that? Each time I tried to approach it ran away, silently. Those steps were soundless? That was...strange.
I decided to rest and I let Rosemary take the control of my body. It was hard to live with another soul in the same body though. The angelic doe went to sit next to the mushroom circle, at De Drinkplaats. It was another thing strange because even if I was sleeping, I could still be conscious of what was happening around me.
I heard hoofsteps approaching and smelled it was Ashe. Rosemary invited him to sit with us which he did.
Later, a fawn briefly came, they just greeted him/her and (s)he went away.

I met a strange four-legged bird creature (Eth) which I helped for her set. I think she likes me. We then went to see Ashe, a deer called Monty and other strangers.

We had fun all together. We danced, hopped, ran and such. Even Eth carried me and I could dance on her back as she was dancing with me. Too bad Ashe and her had to go...
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~Thursday, June 18th 2015~
Now that these claw marks were gone and that Kkapa became somehow my friend, life seemed better for me.
Tau, Hiirni and Miv helped me for the mini spell. I was happy to finally have it.
I played and danced with them and some fawns, but I miss Mandel and Ashe...

Came back a little after, I wanted to take a walk. I drank in the little river and smelled the air in case one of my friends would be there.
Happy to have found Ashe, I followed his scent which led me near the Playground. I was surprised his pelt has changed. I greeted him and immediately hugged him, I missed him so much, even if we weren't very close to one another. I asked him if I could sit with him, he accepted.

Alanthea joined us. It's been a while I didn't see her. We ran and hopped around together, trying to stay on the air, I even dance above the floor, haha. And we danced together before resting. I was happy.

Danced again with other deers and another fawn but they soon left and Ashe stayed with me. So nice of him.
Too bad he had to go, I found myself alone. I went drink at the Pond and when I saw the tree next to the river, I remember the day where Jennie and the wolf had a fight and where I sat with Mandel. I sighed deeply, did something happen to him? or maybe it was just me, always worried for nothing. He would probably come tomorrow.

Found Tau against his tree. Stayed with him before someone came. Mandel!!! I hugged him, happy. Then Tau woke up and we played and danced with the Swan Deer and the fawn I saw earlier when I was with Ashe. Jennie was there too.
After some minutes, I decided to rest a little and watch the others hopping and running and jumping around. I became tired after all of these jumps, hops and runs, haha.

Mandel went to the Twin Statues, I was wondering what was going on there because I saw that something was up to. I followed the blue stag and met Saivae which was...having fun with the Devout pelt? Along with another deer and fawn.
Head back near the Pond, played and hugged Mandel. Oh, I had to go. I said goodbye to the others and gave Mandel another hug and did the same to Tau as well.
I had a happy day with you all. ♥
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~Wednesday, June 17th 2015~
I came after a quite long journey, I was so happy to come back. After my return, I immediately revisited the forest, the places. I thought I would see my friends, but not any was there. Not even Mandel. I was a little sad but well, maybe I would see him tomorrow or another day. I missed the perfume of the Forest. Nothing seemed to have changed while I was absent.
I should suffer with my legs but they were almost completely healed, perhaps I should keep the bandages around in case of?

I smelled a familiar scent near the Ruins and I realized it was Tau's. I didn't see him much since our first meet, but I didn't want to stay alone so why not staying with him and the other small deer (Miv)?
He helped me get the mini spell but I was sad because I casted the spell on him, not on purpose, and he became mini but I wasn't. Too bad. Well, maybe I'll get it another time.
Maybe we'll play together next time I'll see him again.

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~Monday, May 25th 2015~

A Letter for all my friends
(You can read it on my severed trunk, near the Ruins along with this stone for Mandel.)

My dear friends,
I'm so sorry for this sudden disapearance, but I had to. I can't explain you anything. It's not that I don't trust you, but this is really personal and I fear this can hurt you, especially physically. I do not want to see any of my friends suffering, so I thought it would be better for you as for me to go away for a while. Do not worry about me, I do not know when I will come back in fact, but I WILL come back, I swear in front of the Twin Gods and of the Maritic Gods.
I can't tell you neither where I am going to nor where I an currently as you are reading this letter, but if you need something, ask my dear brother, Nutai. Please, do not touch the green stone, it's for Mandel only. Thank you.

For Mandel
My dearest friend,
I am probably missing you as you are reading this but, please, trust me. There is nothing to worry about, I will be with you in your heart and surely in your thoughts, too.
I heard about L-5, and I am very sad to learn that, especially for you. You were very close to each other, after all. But I am sure he is also in your heart and in your thoughts.
If you want to tell me something, go see Nutai, he will send your messages to me thanks to our link. Thank you for all the good time I spent with you, thank you for having been here for me when I needed, I hope gave it back to you.
If there is any other way I can communicate with you, I will do it.

I love you,
Kamaya.

P.S.: Here is a little something for you. This green stone was given to me by my old grandmother who, herself, got it with a book of a dark tale which is very well known in my land. I think it is a some kind of amulet or something which is very powerful against evil beings. Please, take good care of it. It's a sort of reminder so you will have one of me.

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~Tuesday, May 19th 2015~
First thing I saw: Mandel, Ashe, Jennie and...Oh! What a surprise! Tayran! Well, I didn't find a better name. But I like this one. I sat with them, other strangers came to sit with us too. I liked that, we were there, sitting beside each other, like a big family. There were tears in my eyes.
Nuzzled Mandel and the little one. I also played with him and Ashe for a while, but still avoiding the water. Nothing odd happened today though, even the claws marks didn't burn or made me suffering. However, I knew it wouldn't last, Kkapa was still watching me from a distance, waiting for the right time to come possess me or maybe just make me feel more pain. I couldn't hide from anyone that I was completely terrified. But I tried to act as normal as possible, especially for the little fawn.
Jennie, Ashe and Tayran went to sit closer to the Pond. I sat with them but then, some minutes after, I realized that Mandel was all alone near the Crying Idol so I stayed with him.
Tayran soon left and I didn't see Ashe anymore when I woke up. Jennie, however, stayed with us.

We greeted Manda who stayed with Jennie while I stayed with my best friend, until I had to go.
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~Sunday, May 17th 2015~
This morning, the marks were less painful, but I still prefered to stay away from the Pond.
I saw Mandel and another deer (Paranoik) together near the water, I just watched them, sitting next to a small tree, not very far from the bridge, laughing from time to time when they change their antlers.
After a while, I decided to get away from the Pond, I went to the Old Oak. I heard Mandel calling so I answered, even if this call wasn't directed to me. I sat down in the Oak, the two deers came and sat with me.
I tried to lick the claws marks but even my saliva made it worse, I sighed silently, I had to do something, I couldn't just stay here, doing nothing.

Had a pretty good day, today. Despite these marks almost all over my body, I could play with Mandel and Ashe today.
Mandel and I went out of the Oak and hopped around together until we sat in periwinkles, next to a mushrooms tree. A fawn came and we had fun changing the mask of the other. I didn't stop spellspamming them both. It was hilarous. Got the Swan mask for Mandel twice. He really looked like a clown, so I said "Hey Hey, Mandel! Stop CLOWNING AROUND!" I feared it wasn't a really good joke but well, to be honest, I couldn't stop myself from laughing.
I went into a mushrooms cirlce at the top of a small hill, near the Ruins. My best friend joined me.

Ashe came so I invited him to sit with us, which he accepted. Then, some minutes after, they were both hopping and playing. I didn't want to, I just stayed where I was. I finally decided to go to another hill. The two friends went inside the Ruins. I joined them a little after.
When I woke up, Ashe was still there but not Mandel, looked like this last one went to see something? We hopped, ran and jumped together through the forest, greeting the others. But then, there was a problem... The Pond! I was so scared that my marks would burn again. "Hum, guys? I don't feel safe here, can we play on the ground instead of in the water?"
We resumed our "race", having fun together. Then, I went to the Playground and called my two friends. But they didn't come. I found Jennie on a rock. "Hey, Mandel! Jennie is here!" I greeted her then and the two stags finally came, Mandel with his jumps.
Oh, I had to go. "See you, guys! I hope we'll meet again, Jennie, glad to me you!".
_________________________________________________________

~Saturday, May 16th 2015~
I found Mandel, SylvanRah, Ashe and Urschanabi next to the Crying Idol. Greeted them and we hopped around together. I tried to hide that the claws marks were starting to make me suffer, nobody shouldn't be worried about me, after all.
Everybody got the same red pelt as me, Red Pelts Party? I wanted to give some red flowers to Mandel but I couldn't with the red pelt on him, so I waited he removed it to finally do it. I prefer him with periwinkles though. They fit him more with his own pelt.
We played together for a while, I fell many times in the water. AAAARGH!!! That hurts! I restrained myself from screaming. The marks on my body were now very very red, more than my own pelt, they were burning. So much pain! I wanted to scream but the others would be worried about me and everything which is between me and my demon mustn't be known by anyone.
I met other deers (Didn't get the map to know who they were, sorry) and also Manda who came to drink some water.
Wanted to go somewhere else, my dear friend Mandel came, he asked me where I was going. Didn't answer, just hugged him and went to the edge of the Pond. He sat beside me, along with fawns. What a lovely best friend he is! Always there, no matter what happens. Although, I still prefer not telling him about my demon and...these horrible nightmares and pain I'm living...

Was thisty, drank a bit before going to the Ruins with Mandel, the water was burning my legs, sounded weird though, right? A stranger came, but...weirdly, I got angry. I could almost hurt him with my antlers, but I realized what was I doing so I went away. They followed me to the Ruins, then, they went away. I sighed, the claws marks were still burning... Was I possessed? I knew I couldn't hurt anyone without a true reason. I mean, this stranger didn't hurt me nor my best friend so why would I harm him? That was not good, not good at all.
I sat between five graves. Then, a frog came to me but I could recognize the scent. "Mandel? Is that you?" He then got back to normal and I couldn't keep myself from laughing. "Did someone cast the animal spell on you?"
Too much people, I had to go find another calm spot. Went into the "back"of the Ruins...or was it the front? The blue stag came back with periwinkles. "Want to sit with me?" No, he went away, but he came back with a friend. Same masks, same flowers on the antlers. The only difference between them was the pelt. The other had the Swan pelt. That was funny.
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~Friday, May 15th 2015~
Today, I was in a bad state, I've been attacked in my nightlares. But this time, when I woke up, I had claws marks almost everywhere onto my body. I tried to hide them, or just ignore them for most of the time. When someone asked me what were these claws marks, I just said "I bothered someone so I got what I deserved."
Today, I saw Mandel at the Pond, he was sleeping, as usual, so I stayed with him. When he woke up, we hopped around together. After a minute or two, I got tired so I sat down.

I woke up, realizing that I fell asleep. Mandel wasn't there anymore, I looked around me and I saw him a little far away. He was looking at something. I approached slowly and saw Jennie and a grey wolf with a bandage on the eyes (Rhaegal), they were fighting! I watched them for a while but I couldn't take this anymore so I came back to the Pond, crying a little. I don't know, this kind of violence never truly affected me, but I became more and more sensitive these days. Even Nutai noticed it and got a little worried about me.
Mandel came and hugged me and I hugged him back tightly, still crying a little on his soft fur. Then, I sat down again, I needed to be alone for a moment to calm down. He went away, but watched the fight from a distance. I guess it was to have an eye on me in case of.
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~Saturday, May 9th 2015~
Went to see the moth child, like I would guess, Rossamound was here too. They were sleeping beside each other. I sat not too much close to them, watching the forest. I sighed silently, I felt useless here.
Mandel and Ashe came, I greeted Ashe because, you know, Mandel went to see the fawn a little far from where I was. I watched them playing and going away, I would liked to come with them but for me, the little moth-thing was a priority.
I decided to come closer, just beside the little child to warm her up. I would feel more useful like that.

Came back later and found a little fawn near the Crying Idol. Layed down beside him, poor little fawn, he was green and covered of mushrooms. I wanted to warm him up, even if the body looked like a dead body.
Chalice, Jennie and others came too.
Fell asleep a little but I could feel how it was to be a mother for once. Perhaps I could give him a name? What about..."Tayran"? That sounds good for me.
Didn't feel him against me anymore. I decided to leave, hoping I will see him again soon. Tayran... I don't know if it fits him but well... I like this name.
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~Friday, May 8th 2015~
(Had forgotten to change "Online" into "Offline" like an idiot, ahah.)

My brother made us some stew with herbs and meat. We couldn't digest the meat actually but Nutai found a way so it would be easier to eat meat even despite the taste and the fact that our deer stomach couldn't bear it. He didn't want to tell us though.

I slept near the Crying Idol, when I woke up, Mandel and Ashe were there. In fact, I knew they would come and sit beside me since I noticed them before my nap. Knowing the blue stag, I knew he would come.
We played together with a fawn, but I was shared between playing with my friends or going to see the cocoon child. Finally decided to say goodbye and search for it. I looked around De Drinkplaats. I saw Rossamound and looked like the child was against him. Genevieve and a fawn were there too. I greeted them four, even if Rossamound was sleeping, and sat next to them. After looking closely, I could say the child was a female. They were so cute together. Like a father and his kid. I would love knowing how it feels to take care of a fawn and feel like being a parent, I never felt that. I think my desire to have children one day grew a little more.

I would love hugging the baby but I had to go, maybe I will spend more time with her tomorrow.
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~Thursday, May 7th 2015~
Nutai told me he had a new friend, Lavanya. Never saw him but according to my twin brother, he seems nice.
Went to the cocoon to see how it was. I saw the its horrible state. Did someone dare harm this poor defendless thing? I can't believe it! Fortunetly, Rossamound and Genevieve were there, I hope they took good care of the cocoon while I wasn't there. I took a seat against the tree and waited. Freya came and greeted Genevieve. She then took a seat too. Wow, what is inside of this silky thing won't say nobody takes care of it.
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~Wednesday, May 6th 2015~
My brother was back! After all this time! I missed him so much, even Amika cried of joy when she saw him!
It was twilight, his favourite after the night. Like if the Gods knew he was coming. I told him about the forest, about my friends, especially Mandel. Amika introduced her little bird friend too him and looks like they get along. I also told him about my leg and he healed it. When I saw this lunar magic coming from the moon on his forehead to my leg, I was amazed. Even if I saw that thousand times in my life. But I missed this magic, even the weird feeling it gives when it reached me.
He visited the forest, I let him alone for a while. Tonight, we're gonna make a family party we three.

I was so happy now! My brother is back and my leg doesn't hurt me anymore. I could jump and run like before! I ran to Mandel to announce him the good news. I laughed when I saw he was a mini deer now.
We met a little fawn and danced with him. Emilia and two other deers came. We jumped, ran, hopped together. I sat down to rest a moment, Mandel and the little fawn sat beside me. They fell asleep. The two other strangers sat in the mushrooms circle with Tau who was sleeping.

I tried to wake up Mandel, I even used my pelt spell, thinking the sounds would wake him up but na?. Tau woke up and laughed like me when we saw his pelt changed. I tried to woke him up again without sucess. Tau had to go, sadly.
I suddenly remembered that mini deer can't remove spells so I casted pelt spells on him until he get the Space Beluga pelt again. I should be more careful next time.
Too bad I have to go too. I said goodbye even if he couldn't see me and left.
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~Monday, May 4th 2015~
Is it me or it was snowing? In may? Well, I guess it's forest magic.
Played with mandel, Alanthea and Jennie, finally met Flyleaf. We laughed very much together. I was just sad I couldn't jump anymore for a while. We enjoyed ourselves changing our pelt.
I fell asleep and had nightmares again. I couldn't take it anymore.
I heard there was a "cocoon" in the forest, so I searched for it and found it near De Drinplaats. There was already Genevieve. I took a seat against the tree where was attached the cocoon. Mandel came nearby, it looked like he was looking for me so I stood up and called him but he probaly didn't hear me. After a moment, Genevieve went away and Kettu took her place. It was the first time I met the kitsune, sometimes heard of her but I was curious to see how she looked like.
I can't wait the hatching, I'm impatient to see what will come out of it.

Sad of having to leave. I said goodbye to the seven-tailed fox before leaving. Maybe we'll meet again.
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~Sunday, May 3rd 2015~
Today, I felt a little better, but I spent a bad night. I wasn't hungry, I forced myself to eat and drink a little. I stayed against a severed tree near the Pond. Even if I had more energy, I still didn't feel good. Depressed maybe? No, I mean, why I would be? I have friends and all, there's nothing to be sad for. Although, my demon was still watching me, it made me have many nightmares again this night. Is it the one who caused me all this pain? does it have something with the fact that I could barely stand up? I don't know...
Mandel and Tau came to me. Alanthea came a little after. Mandel made me laugh with his swan mask, He looked like a clown. Alanthea danced on Tau's back. I couldn't keep myself from laughing as they were clowning around.
Ashe and a stranger came. I just said them hi and layed down. I was still a little tired so I couldn't play for too long.

I wanted to take a walk, I needed to think about all of these... Mandel and Ashe followed me, when I realized it, I looked at Mandel and I decided to give him some periwinkles. I went to get some poppies and when I came back, Ashe had periwinkles on his antlers too and the two males pranced around. They sat with me. I put my headphones on and switched my MP3 player on. I listened to a grim music, didn't want to listen to a calm or joyful music, it was weird because I usually listen to cheerful and/or calm music. But this time I didn't want to, I wanted to listen to grim music the whole day. I just hope the two stags didn't hear the music out of my headphones.

I slipped away, I wanted to be alone to think with music. I walked to De Drinkplaat, not many people come there.

I trotted to the Pond, stayed against the severed tree. A six legged wolf-like creature (Erik) came sit against it too. After some minutes, I decided to go back to the Ruins. But a deer started to follow me, I didn't feel safe and I tried to shake him off, he finally stopped and went away. I wasn't careful while I was running, I stumbled. Fortunately, my music player was intact, even the headphones which fell in front of me. But when I tried to get back on my hooves, my right fore leg was painful and I couldn't run anymore. I limped towards Mandel who was sleeping next to L-5 and I sat with them.
When the young stag woke up, I was shocked. He and L-5 was almost identical, the same pelt, black antlers, even if they were different, Mandel's mask was white and L-5's was black. They looked like brothers. I didn't realize that until they sat beside each other.

I was thirsty so I went to the Pond suffering because my leg hurt so much. A white deer came but I didn't want to interact with him. I wanted to tell him to go away but I didn't wanted to be rude. So I just drank in the Pond and got back to the Ruins with him following me.
Mandel wasn't there anymore, I searched for him but my leg was too painful so I just layed down, tired. When I closed my eyes and re-opened them, he was back, sat beside me.

Mandel followed me the whole time to the Pond where I drank some water again. I couldn't go very far with my leg, especially with my tiredness, so I layed down next to the Pond, my dear best friend with me. I'm really happy to have Mandel as friend, I don't know what I would do without him.
At this time, I listened to this song again and again on my MP3 player (Click here if you want the original).

Ouch! Like an idiot I jumped with my broken leg, it horribly hurt. However, I played with Mandel in the water, on the not deep side, I used the spell I got to change his pelt, it was so funny, I'm sure he didn't expect that. He accidentally fell in the water like a fool, I laughed so hard. Then a fawn came and we played and laughed together and also danced. I was extremely careful with my leg now. Perhaps I don't need my leg to play with my friends after all.
_________________________________________________________

~Saturday, May 2nd 2015~
I immediately went to the Ruins to see how was Mandel since the last time we didn't see each other. He was sleeping deeply so I layed down next to him. SylvanRah came and I wanted to leave him a seat so he could stay with us but it looked like he was in a rush or something.

I missed Mandel so much, nobody could imagine how happy I was when he woke up and we cuddled each other. I missed his hugs too. We played together and also laughed because SylvanRah had his pelt changing. I almost change it too because I wanted to spit out the pelt spell I had after laying down next to Mandel while he was sleeping, I went a little far away to not accidentally cast the spell on SylvanRah.

Feeling a little weird physically, I hope I'm not sick. Is it me or I fall asleep more often than before?

Didn't feel good, I'll come back later...or not...

I came back, I didn't want to let just a small illness or something prevent me from spending time with my friends although I was extremely tired and after running for too long, I thought I was about to collapse. I came back to the Ruins and saw Mandel sleeping again with some other deers. I didn't dare coming too close because there was too much people there.

I met the new one, I invited him to sit with me but when I got the Internet problem, that I went to get my red pelt again and came back to the Ruins, he wasn't there anymore. However, Mandel was and he came sit with me, it cheered me up a little. But I still don't feel good. I don't know what I have. Perhaps it's just tiredness?

I fell asleep but I could feel someone next to me. I loved that feeling of being protected.
When I woke up, nobody was there anymore, but Ashe came and sat next to me. I was too tired and weak to get up and say hi.

I tried to force myself to move sometimes or to greet the others even despite what was happening to me. My legs didn't want to carry me aymore, I hope it's just tiredness and nothing serious.

I had to go, maybe a good resting night will help me feel better tomorrow. I hope staying with me wasn't too boring for Mandel as he had to sit next to me the whole time, although he stood up from time to time to prance around.
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~Tuesday, April 28th 2015~
Noticed a some kind of deer tower, I came closer and saw them dancing one on the other. I saw Mandel, who was an adult now, Alanthea, SylvanRah, Hiirnenn and more. Mandel wasn't jumping anymore, probably because of his ankle. I'd like to help him but I'm useless for that. I decided to stay with him despite the crowd there was. I hope he'll feel better soon.

I discovered later it was a celebration for Mandel since he's an adult now. Well, Mandel, I wish you a HAPPY ADULTHOOD & LIFE!

When I came back, Mandel was sleeping, Alanthea with him. I didn't want to be a leech for him so I sat a little far away from them, watching the others having fun together.

Alanthea and the others left Mandel alone so I thought I could sat next to him, he may be sad if he wakes up finding himself alone.

When L-5 came and Mandel woke up, I decided to leave them alone, I feel like I'm a leech now. Always here when nobody wants me to. I prefer come back later.
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~Saturday, April 25th 2015~
Had a dance party with Mandel, Emilia and other deers. I danced until I was tired and decided to rest for a while. The little fawn sat beside. I began to wonder: Will I have fawns one day? Fawns were very good partners when it's about dancing and playing together. If I could adopt a fawn, I would do it. But I think I'm still a little too young to have one. Maybe I should make the most of my youth a lot before that. But I think I'm starting to feel some kind of maternal instinct towards this young fawn.

Went to sat near Alanthea and a white moose (Druid). Met some other deers and fawn but sadly, I had to go. This was a good day, but it's not over yet, I'll probably come back later.
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~Sunday, April 19th 2015~
I played with a fawn almost all the day. Another fawn came, but he seemed scared of me and went away.
Noticed Mandel at the Ruins and wanted to say hello to him but he wasn't there anymore. I sighed and went to my home.
Finally said hello to Mandel. We pranced around together before joining Alanthea who was sleeping in a mushroom circle, we sat next to her.
Alanthea went away and came back a little after, I watched her running around, she came to us and we greeted her. Then we played together before sat again.
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~Saturday, April 18th 2015~
Today, I played with Mandel and L-5 and two others I didn't know. We played together for a while and I tried to hug Mandel but he didn't stop moving. Then when the two other deers went somewhere else, I stay with Mandel and L-5. I really like them. I hugged them.
L-5 went away and I looked at Mandel and asked him if we should follow him but he didn't answer. Maybe he didn't understand I was asking him something. We sat next to each other for a while.

I hope I'll see them soon.
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~Thursday, April 16th 2015~
I saw two fawns (Mandel and Alanthea) playing together. Then two other deers came. They casted the mask spell on them. When I stood up to take a walk, one of the adults came to me, I didn't understand what he was trying to say. But he walked in a circle in front of me before prancing to go back to the others.
I resumed my walk and decided to visit the forest again, since I saw the other places just once. I found what is called the Playground and decided to rest under the flat rock.
I came back to my favourite spot. I played with another fawn and another deer. We had fun together for a while. Then I came back to my severed trunk. I can say this is a very fun day today.
Went on a small hill at the south-west of the Ruins, I could have a good view from there.
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~Wednesday, April 15th 2015~
Nothing special happened but I feel like it won't be long before it will.
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~Thursday, March 12th 2015~
Rain... My favourite weather. Actually, it was the family's favourite weather. That's why we usually smell like rain.
Today, I saw a giant crow. It reminds me of the one Amika killed when we arrived for the first time in the forest. It was smaller than this one but bigger than a normal one. This crow was standing on the stone, with other deers all around him. I came closer to see it better.
I saw two fawns having fun together, one with red flowers and the other with purple flowers, a third one arrived with red flowers on the head and layed down just next to the other red flowered one. That was so cute.
I came back to my favourite place. You know, the severed trunk near the mushrooms circle, behind the Ruins? I stayed against it and watched the other deers around. I smiled each time I saw deers playing together. Sometimes I took walks from here to the Pond.
I fell asleep...

Woke up later, nothing interesting happened...
I just walked around my severed trunk, nervous. I came to the Pond to drink because I was thristy. Then I layed against a tree next to the Pond, a fawn came to me. I didn't dare doing anything, I just stayed here. Poor fawn, he got sad and went away.
(Ah, my shyness,
Almost like an illness,
And that's horrible sometimes.)
I came back to my severed trunk and waited...

(NOTE: Sorry, I know I should have made Kamaya's bio first since she's my first character, so sorry if I didn't write my first days inforest here. I write while I'm playing.)

~Saturday May 28th 2016~I was awakened by sudden pains but it did not take long for me to realize that the baby was coming. I began to whimper in pain, hoping it would stop soon. That this little demon would be finally out.

Dazenth appeared and stayed in the Den, watching over me during the whole time. Soon after, the child was born. To be honest, I would have never expected it but...I loved this baby. I felt something inside of me I had never felt before. Something that brought so much emotion, I could barely restrain my tears of joy. I asked Dazenth what name should we give him. We said one simultaneously, only to find out that we both had the same in mind. Ryuko.
The baby opened his eyes and looked at us. "Welcome to the world, darling. Welcome to The Endless Forest."

The baby drew some strangers, one of them being Issetore. I also saw Kaala which I could barely remember however. A huge white stranger (Dardan) was there too. Yet when a bird-like creature tried to approach Ryuko, I did not mind at all but the three other ones protected the child. Did they know each other? I could not do much except watching the scene. I hoped all the noises would not wake up the baby who was adorably sleeping.
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~Tuesday May 17th 2016~Remained in the Den as always since these last weeks. I met an upset Dazenth so I invited him to sit in the Den with me. He did not want to tell me anything except that I could not do anything to help him. Yeah, sure, thank you. Thank you for reminding me that I am useless.
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~Saturday April 30th 2016~Pain, nightmares and more pain. I remained in the Den for two weeks, I did not even realize it. I was trying to clear my mind, this baby was haunting. I needed to go outside for a while so I headed back to the flower patch near the bridge were I was getting used to stay for some time. I wonder what my mate has been up to lately.

Speak of a wolf and you see his tail. Dazenth appeared. We had a chat in which he mentioned an egg. He looked worried about it a bit so I suggested to take it home but he was not sure. Oh well, not my business then. If he does so however, as long as this person he was talking about does not annoy me while they are checking on the egg, everything will be alright.
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~Saturday April 16th 2016~Stayed in the same patch of flowers as yesterday and was joined by Tristan. I was pretty happy to see him again and remained in his company for a long time until he left. Went back to the den after that, not really much happened. Except that someone was at the den and I did not like that but I tried to sleep anyway.
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~Friday, April 15th 2016~I spent almost all of my time outside. I did not want at first but then Feyr came. Old friend, I missed you. We talked about the news and Feyr admitted that he did not go out of his den those months. He prefered staying safe at home. Kind of like me, I guess.
He left while I stayed on the flowerpath where he led me earlier before deciding to go to Rosa?wira as I was starting to feel lonely. She and the kids were asleep and Hydra joined as Tristan appeared to greet us. He did not stay long though, probably because it was still not getting well between he and my daughter.

After some hours, I think, I eventually left and wanted to join Tristan but he was with another doe so I did not go bother them and dragged myself to another flowerpath near the Bridge. I tried to clear my mind but the idea of having a child was haunting me. I got pain here and there around my womb but I could not do much except bearing it. I was beginning to think it was a curse casted on me by the Gods. I deserved it I suppose...

I got approached by Tristan and a fawn who were having fun together. Said them hello (again) and watched them playing. Too bad I could not join them because of that stupid pregnancy that makes me wear more weight everyday than my own! I hope it will be over soon, it is becoming unbearable.
The two sat down several times beside me but the kid could not stay still. Eventually, they left and I was alone with Tristan who kept me company for the rest of the day. I did not want to go back home at this moment, to be honest. It was a beautiful day, birds were chirping, the cries of the Weeping Idol was joining the Forest sounds, making natural music sweetly echoing through our ears. And I was not alone. What could get wrong?

I had spoken too soon. Dazenth arrived and Tristan left. On the moment, I thought that it was because of the dragon so I blamed it on him. I needed someone else's company than my family or my mate or my friends! Was that so hard to understand?
But of course not, it was not the problem. The poor dragon did not even know what I truly wanted. I suppose he just wanted to spend some time with me, which was normal.
I headed back to the den after scolding Dazenth and rolled into a ball to cry silently.

After a short time of calming down, I called my mate back to apologize. Everything went a little better as I put my mask off and curled up with him. Feeling his warm body against mine helped me fall asleep.
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~Thursday, April 14th 2016~Once I popped my head out of the den, strangers came. Who are they? They just bothered me so I had to show them I was not kidding when I said I would tear their pelt apart if they do not leave the place. They finally left and I was on my own. Not for long however. As Hiirni soon came and greeted me before sitting beside me. Was such a long time! Although, I was not really in the mood, I liked his presence. At least someone was keeping me company while my mate was away.
Lupen came and someone I did not know as well. Remained by myself in the den with them outside. Eventually came out to sit with them for a while before going back to sleep.

Woke up and sensed Dazenth, I waited for him to come. Then I talked to him. I first asked him about the blue dragon from the other day as I could not recall who it was. Only that his name was starting with an R. My mate confirmed it. His name was Rupert and he seemed a nice guy according to him. Well, that is what I thought. I only met him once.
Then I finally told the dragon about my pregnancy to which he started to act crazy. I did not know how to take it. If it was joy or...anger? I got the answer to my question when he hugged me. So tight that I felt pain through my body. I finally pushed Dazenth away as he did not let me go but apologized right after.
I went back to sleep, a little ashamed about what just happened...
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~Monday, April 11th 2016~Spent most of my time in the den. Although I did a few things.
First, my daughter came to hold me company. Not that I did not like it but I wished I would be just alone.
Then, Cvijeta came. Did not receive anything from her except greetings but I guess she was like "who are you?". Who cares? She is nothing more than just a kid to me. Let them play together with other kids, simply stayed in the den.
However, after they were gone, I felt too lonely so I joined them to De Drinkplaats. Joined them? Not exactly. I just sat against a birch tree nearby after being greeted by Anneliese. Glad she did not invite me to come, I did not want to.

They went back to their den after a while. Felt lonely again but I started to like it. Wait, I was not really alone, was I? How did I dare forget about them?...and him.
Headed back to my new home where I curled up into a ball and kept talking to myself the rest of the day.
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~Saturday, April 9th 2016~Now, this is official: I live with Dazenth from now on! I am happy about this, I have to admit. Yet I am still unsure about the future. I already settled in and patiently waited for my mate to show up.
Also got familiar scents in the Forest. Yet could not remember who it was. I think one of them was Lupen but I forgot about the other scent. A third was there but I could not recognize it albeit it was ringing me a bell. Surely someone I only met once. Some other scents were familiar but they were mostly due to the fact that I smelled them very often in the Forest. Just strangers.

(So long I will just resume what happened.)
I made Dazenth discover the music from Marity and the Human World, maybe we could make our own someday!
Then, I took him to Marity and made my request. I wanted to live and start a family with him in Marity, to repopulate the land with him. Also bringing back all the survivors who were still living in the Human World. Dazenth needed to think, I can understand that.
We had a great moment together as he kissed me while we were almost fully humans before going back to the Forest.
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~Friday, April 8th 2016~Started to have breating issues lately. Probably the consequences of that event in the catacombs. I could only whisper, talking normally was almost impossible to me.
But it was not the only problem I started to have. Some days ago, when Nutai and I were having a walk by the lake nearby, I slowly blinked before diving in it. Then a big creature, I have no idea what it was, came and at the second it was about to eat me, I opened my eyes only to find myself out of the water, standing next to the lake with the creature swimming. What did happen at this moment? Did I teleport myself or was it just all my imagination? Now I am worried...

I have been keeping a secret for a long time now. And I have no idea if I will tell someone someday. Not even Dazenth.
The only thing I could was to go to my mate's den and wait there. Rosa?wira eventually joined me, she looked worried for me.
Yet I had this horrible feeling as I sensed Maggot. I tried to hold myself on place with success while the dark creature left to the Pond.
My daughter called out a bird...Hydra. She should not be so worried for me. Apart from my lung problems, I am fine.

Spent some time with the little Malo, yet I had to go soon after. I was wondering about the poor baby, he could barely walk.
Back at the den, Dazenth finally arrived. We talked for the rest of time after some hugs and kisses. I told him about my breathing issues and what happened to me the other day by the lake. I also told him that it was not the first time since I already lived this in Marity in a train station.
I also asked him if I could live with him. If it had to happen, it would be logical to live wit my mate.
Then, it was about pregnancy. I did not admit to him that I was feeling nervous and anxious about the idea of having a child. Yes, I still think about how horrible I have been with Rosa?wira, and even with other children I met. I am such a bad mother, what if it would be the same with our own child? Yet I cannot wait to have a little furball to take care of...or even a scaleball, if it is a dragon. Or maybe both.
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~Monday, April 4th 2016~(Updated Relations)

Spotted Rosa?wira with Hydra and a deer I did not know. They were all sleeping. I just walked to them until Cvijeta appeared. Did not feel like had my place here and therefore remained by the tree near them. I did not want to disturb the draconic creature either.
The stranger stood up and invited me I think but I prefered not. Some minutes later, I realized...is that Comen? He looks....different...since the first and last time we met. Was he not half-owl?
Who cares anyway. I did not want to know the answer to this question. Just like I did not want to know the answer to why do I exist.

Threw myself into the Pond and almost died. That was not a suicide. Just something to rise my adrenalin a bit.
Noticed someone was watching me. It was a canine creature. I had no idea how but I think it was Nikolai, that pup from a long time. Now his name is Amaroq. I suppose I should call you by that name then.
We had an awkward moment until he finally asked to play. Why not? He then led me to a place where three creatures were fighting(?)(Vasilia, Wanda and Yggdrasillas). Another canine creature. An hybrid this time. Another one appeared (Faolan). We watched and followed the whole scene to the Pond where Amaroq joined her and I looked at them, feeling uncomfortable. After some minutes, I discreetly slipped away to the Playground. They definitely wanted to be together, and I was the one who did not belong.

Was joined by Dazenth at the severed trunk. Did not stand up but nuzzled back. He sat besides me and talked to me but I prefered not saying anything...
Yet I eventually started to speak and whispered about the catacombs and what I have met down there. I ended up asking him if he knew why I was existing but he did not know either...
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~Tuesday, March 29th 2016~What a misadventure! At least, not everything was horrible in here. Being out was a huge relief. Thanks to Nutai. I think I have acquainted myself a bit with the catacombs. Even after what I experienced there, I still want to come back in here. Probably not on my own this time. It took some days before I would eventually have completely rested and eaten normally. I feel a lot better than those last months now.

With my brother, we went to visit Rosa?wira. I missed her down there as well. I wonder how she has been, she and the kids.
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~Monday, March 7th 2016~This morning, I decided to check the catacombs nearby. It did not take long for me to find the entrance as I remembered where it was. The caves looked creepy and made me wondering if it was a good idea or not. Tiny hallways and dead-ends. Enough to make your claustrophobia kick in.
Nonetheless, I wanted to be brave for once and so I stepped into the catacombs with nothing but an old lantern we had recently found in the attic.

My curiosity pushed me further into the maze, I kept telling myself there was something to discover in it.
And I did find something: bones. There was a tiny room where bones and skulls were all over the place. Judging the different shapes of the skulls, they belonged to animals and humans.

For an unknown reason, I took a wolf skull in a corner of the room and some bones, then I left. I spent a long time walking back into hallways. That is when I realized that I was lost.
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~Saturday, March 5th 2016~Stayed the whole day with my daughter, Rosa?wira. She was feeling pain. A lot of people came, including Anneliese, Comen and some other I did not know. Natasha and Hydra were there too. Well Natasha just for a moment. Moldvin as well. I did not dare talk to them as I knew I was not a part of their family, and I will never be so...

One by one, I met the babies. Etros, Cvijeta and Malo. The first two popped out of the den but the last seemed to have a problem. I was a little hesitant and I did not know what to do. I stayed with Malo until he walked a little out of their home. I am a little worried about this one...
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~Friday, March 4th 2016~Did not do much today, I just waited for Dazenth in his den. Kalvin joined me as well and we talked a little until my mate finally showed up. He gave me a beautiful purple diamond. Apprently, he got them a while ago when he left the Forest for a time. Thank you!
Introduced the fawn-bat to the dragon before I had to go.

Obtained Purple Diamond, put in "Possessions".
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~Tuesday, March 1st 2016~I have totally forgotten that there were only 28 or 29 days in February. I was quite surprised when I saw we were already in March.
Yesterday, when I was back home, I decided to check around the house with Amika. We found a cave. But not a regular cave. It was like underground catacombs. Amika was excited while I had a bad feeling about it. Yet she 'dragged' me deep into the caves. It was human-made, a deep maze with tiny hallways and dead-ends. We did not go far into it however, but we managed to get back to the exit. The feelings wandering in those catacombs were unspeakable but very strong and heavy. I did not want to go back in there but my little sister wanted to do so.

This morning, I went back to the entrance. Since I could not find the courage to go inside, I left.

I came in the Forest and immediately headed to the Ruins. Not a lot of people was there. Good. I do not want to be bothered anyway.
Argh, I cannot remain sitting like this, I needed to move. So I walked slowly to the Pond and sat nearby in a dark spot after drinking a bit. Maybe listening to music will help me clear my mind and at least to forget my problems....
Moved to a familiar tree. The one which I hid inside when my mask broke. The one where Mandel helped me fix it and we could finally talk to each other. I think I am about to cry. And the music I am listening to does not help either. I can still see the snow falling like back on this day where it happened. I laid down against the tree and looked forward with a smile and tears. I still feel like there are mistakes I need to fix. What could I possibly do about that? Maybe by starting to finally behave like a mother to Rosa?wira, which I still did not until now. Now that I am thinking about it, she is going to have babies soon. Will it mean that I am going to be a grandmother? It will be strange at my age. I just have passed my twenties. I guess my age is the same as in human years, like Maritic animals. Rosa?'s age is more in deer years so she grows and ages faster.

Was joined by Sylvan later at the Playground and proposed him to sit with me. I wanted to be alone but I could not ask him to go away like this, it would be rude. He is my friend after all. But later on, a stranger was too close to me and I had to go and wait for him to leave. Once it was done, I sat back next to Sylvan and waited.
He left and I found myself alone. A stranger and a fawn came by so I tried to avoid them by going into the Deermuda Triangle. A stag approached me. I was hesitant at first, to be honest. Yet I tried to make an effort and greeted him and accepted that he sit with me. A massive-looking stag with a skull mask (Blaire) came too as well as two children (Acobol and Sorcha). They did not stay long and I was soon left alone with the stag.

We had a discussion which made me nervous at the beginning but as the time passed, I felt more confident att last. Discovered his name was Tristan. He seemed nice at the first sight. He made me meet his friend, Comen. A deer-owl creature. I could also talk to Rosa?wira who was with him at the time. We talked a little altogether but I did not really pay attention to the whole conversation as I felt a familiar scent at the Pond. I was focusing on controlling myself all the time, because of this attraction again. I eventually left, I was about to explode because of all the emotions that were gaining me. I just shortly saw Dazenth before leaving and said goodbye to the others. I hope to see them again soon.
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~Monday, February 29th 2016~(Updated her personality traits.)

I tried my best to find something to help me but it seems that nothing works. But there is a lot of things that I am aware of around me. Like that my old demon friend is still nearby, watching me from afar. I cannot see him or feel him. Neither hear him. But I can still feel his presence. So why do I feel forsaken? Like the Gods, both from the Forest and Marity, left me? I feel alone, forgotten oftentimes. The only company that I have is from my other selves.
I started to think a lot, locked in my room. About Dazenth and I, about my friends, about my life, about my daughter...about Mandel too. Who am I kidding? I miss him dearly. I do not know why I said that he deserved Death, especially in front of my mate for who he was a close friend! I just realized that life is not fair with me because I do not make an effort or just a few. I give up so easily...
I do not know what I am looking for. I do not know if I have a purpose in life. I do not even know who I truly am! I am just a scourge. Another puppet with some broken strings, useless now. Am I just here to bring misfortune to others? The worst is that I think I am beginning to like it. To like suffering like this. What is wrong with me? What am I becoming? I keep crying a lot when I am alone, releasing all of these emotions and feelings hidden deep inside of me for years, and particularly since I came into the Forest.
I understood that I could not fight all on my own anymore. I needed help. I needed to talk to someone. I used to talk with Mandel before...But now he is gone. And I can hardly talk about it with Dazenth, I do not know why. I used to talk to Feyr too but this time is gone now. About my other friends? They are not close enough to me I think.

Back in the Forest, I walked to the Pond and sat in the water in an attempt to relax.
I got surprised when I noticed someone was staring at me. Oh, it was Rosa?wira! I really need to stop being deep in my thoughts like this when I am alone in the Forest. If my friends can come to me without me noticing nor hearing, then I am an easy prey for anyone else. I should be on my guard when I am all by myself.
Greeted and hugged her before sitting with her. I was wondering how she was doing.

Rosa? was gone but Tau joined me soon. I was quite happy to see him even though he was not the one I was waiting for. Enjoyed his company anyway.
Other creatures came at the Pond and I quickly felt overwhelmed while a red deer and a fawn were approaching. I did not like how that fawn sat on me like this. Urgh! Ran to the other side of the Pond and watched from afar. Just leave me alone.
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~Sunday, February 7th 2016~After what my brother calls a "therapy", which lasted more than two weeks...a LOT more, I could finally go in the Forest...still with my cut on the neck I refused to let heal....
Since I did not sense any of my friends, I decided to go on the Red Hill to relax. I did not hear Rosa? coming as I was deeply in my thoughts. Surprised? A little. Yet it seemed that she still considers me as a part of her family. We did not really talk much until Anneliese came. There, we sat in circle and started to talk about things such as magic. I talked a little about how magic was considered in Marity.
Then, Dazenth! He greeted everybody and hugged and licked me. Haha! Returned the hugs with the licks as kisses and then we sat down. I was back in my thoughts and did not even pay attention to what was going on around me. My mate and I eventually layed down on our back, me on him, and we looked at the sky together. I closed my eyes and relaxed even more. I even stopped thinking.

But as I expected, he had to go soon... I spent the rest of the time with Rosa?wira who, after a while, wished to go back to her tree. I followed her there and sat in front of her. She was pretty fat now.
Eventually fell alseep and the doe was gone. Anneliese and Hydra were at the tree though. Went to the Blue Bowl, someone was next to my favourite rock so I avoided them and sat down a little further.
I remembered about the little bat-like child from the other day. Maybe he is still in the Old Oak? Thought I could check on him so I headed to the Old Oak and found him asleep inside. As I layed next to him, he woke up and seemed happy to see a more familiar face than the other strangers he saw. Although he moved a little away from me. He still had questions about the Forest to which I tried to answer as simple and easy as possible for him to understand.

When I had to go, I finally told him my name and he told me his again, which I had forgotten before, and I suggested that he should go wash himself as he was very dirty. Looks like he had forgotten too, haha.
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~Thursday, January 14th 2016~Second attempt: failed. I tried to do it again but I miserably failed because of Nutai who came at the right time in the right place. And now, I have just a cut to the neck. Why cannot he just leave me alone?
One day, I will make it. And nobody will be able to prevent it from happening. NOBODY.

Now that I have Ke?kira by my side, everything is going to be alright, right? That is what she told me in my dream of yesterday. I still have to talk to Dazenth about it. We did not finish our conversation the other day and leaving him without telling him everything about it makes me feel like it was planned as such by my other personalities. They do not want him to know.

For now, I needed to be alone. At the Ruins. The rain was freezing me but I loved it. It was pleasant.
Dazenth and Rosa?wira were in the Forest, as well as Jennie and Lydia who were at the Ruins. Lydia saw me and greeted me but I wanted to be alone so I sweetly asked her to go away as I did not want company. Right after, Rosa? came. She just wanted to see how I was doing. That is nice of her. But I did not want her to see my cut on the neck so I tried to hide it, hoping she did not notice it. She just sat down so I did not ask her to go away as well. I have not seen her since a long time, and her presence warmed my heart a little. At least, she was doing fine.
But she eventually had to go, she hugged me and I hugged her back. Thank you. Thank you for checking on me.

Once she was away, I decided to go see what was going on near the Blue Bowl as I sensed a crowd including Dazenth earlier. I slowly walked to there, putting periwinkles on my antlers on the way. The Red dragon was sitting with other creatures. There were also two strangers nearby, including the fairy-like doe from one of the previous days. She tried to approach me but I ran away. I wanted to flee any interaction with others now.
I spied on Dazenth who stood up and nuzzled a wolf which he was cuddling with. He then spotted me and went to me but I ran away as far as I could. For some reasons, my heart broke when I heard his call behind me. I did not feel good. I felt like if I was abandoning him for real.
I remained at the Ruins, trying to enjoy the cold despite what just happened. Yet I eventually cried in my corner. Silently...
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~Tuesday, January 12th 2016~(Added Ze?kira to the Other Personalities.
Added Ze?kira's voice in the Basics.
Added new items in Possessions.)

It is Nutai and I's birthday. This morning, we performed the Yame?ka after I prepared Nutai for it. Amika was too ill to participate and Tokiri wanted to keep an eye on her so we had to do it without them. After that, we helped each other to get our masks and flowers back. We gave our respective flowers to one another silmutaneously and I spent most of my time talking with him. Asking him for advices actually. He was calm when he discovered about Mandel's death, although he was sad to hear the news. I did not talk to him about my new creation.

We had to go but I came back later, finally able to wear the crown my mate gave me on Kerita?lome.
Was found by Dazenth in the Crying Idol. Hello, darling! We gave several kisses and hugs to each other before I brought him to the Ruins. It was raining now. Finally! I still miss snow a bit though. Maybe someday...
I started to talk to him about my personalities. He did not seem to knwo the definition of "schizophrenia". I was surprised. I mean, even the creatures in the Forest know those terms, right? I did not have enough time to tell him more but I am planning to do so the next time we will see each other.
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~Monday, January 11th 2016~Stayed at the Red Hill the whole time, talking with Dazenth. He had a nightmare about me the other day. He did not tell me what was his dream but he said it was horrifying. He told me that he would forget about his feelings with Isetore, that I was the only one he would always love and that he would cherish every single moment with me, including this conversation. He then told me that he loved me and that he was sorry.
I felt like I was forcing him to do that. Yet he did it of his own will. I replied that I was touched by this and that I would cherish every single moment we would have together as well. I said that I loved him and forgave him. He cried and hugged me so I hugged him back, whispering to his ear that everything was alright.
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~Sunday, January 10th 2016~Did not really feel good lately. Though, I thought it would help to go somewhere quiet and think there. Why not the Red Hill in the Forest? It will take me away from my nightmares and dark thoughts too...I think.
Very soon after, I heard someone coming. How hey, Sylvan! How are you doing? I pranced around with him and invited him to sit with me. Hey! That is not because I want to think quietly that the presence of my friends bother me.

A doe came. A...fairy-like doe? She was pretty. Sylvan seemed to know her so I let them having fun together and sat back down after I greeted her.
She was gone and Sylvan joined me afterwards. We eventually dozzed off.

Later on, when I woke up, I saw a blue dragon sleeping next to us. He was handsome. No idea who it was. Surely one of Sylvan's friends again. I decided to not pay attention to it and went to drink at the Pond. I still have this feeling that I have missed something important here. But what? Cannot figure it out. Perhaps I should ask Dazenth? I am sure he will be there today...at least I hope.

I just remained sitting at the Hill while the others were hopping around, Lydia also joined us. I was too exhausted to play. When they were away, the dragon stayed with me. Does he know me? Though, now that I was looking at him more closely, he seemed familiar. he was blue and white with dark antlers, reminding me of Mandel's. He was wearing a necklace with a Rune or some sort. It reminded me of Mandel's amber heart as well. Yet I shook my head to chase those thoughts away. Maybe it is just a coincidence, nothing else.
Lydia sat with us and Dazenth a little after. I knew he would come. Looks like he knows the blue one as well.

When the blue dragon and the doe left, I took the occasion to be alone with Dazenth to talk with him. I asked him what happened while I was cut from them all and I got my answer.
Mandel died, supposedly murdered by Maggot according to Rose and Hydra. I was shocked. But then, when the red dragon mentioned the black canine creature, the name echoed through my mind. Afterwards, my behavior changed. I was not myself anymore. I was...different. I said that Mandel deserved this but I could not control what I was saying, like if someone else was talking. Not me. I laughed several times. Evil laughter. Even my voice changed! It was lower than usual.
I immediatly regained my senses and apologized for what I just said. But it got even worse.
When Dazenth told me about his relationship with Isetore, I changed again. I kept calling him "redmeat" and said that I did not care about all of this. What was happening to me?
Throughout the whole time we talked, since the mention of Mandel's death, the dragon cried. But once he hugged me to release all of his emotions at the end, I was back to normal and realized that one of my other personality was actually triggered. I immediatly thought about Kama-Rin, even though her voice was higher-pitched than mine. Not lower. I suppose that now even Maggot's name feeds my dark side.
I felt his warmth covering my cold, almost energyless body. I felt good. So good and exhausted that I fell asleep in his legs...
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~Friday, January 8th 2016~Okay, so I did not come into the Forest today. Actually, I am completely cut from it. I feel like I am missing something right now. But I am not sure if I should be there anyways. Maybe I should go into the Human World? I mean, in my human form this time. Living like a simple human in a world of humans. I do not know...
Nutai would not mind as he follows me anywhere I go. But I know he loves the Forest. And I kind of understand. I mean, the Endless Forest is not just a world. It is a magical realm. Yet...I do not feel like I truly belong to this place.
And Amika. She hates being here. But she does not want to leave us whether we stay or go. I know she loves us too much for that, even though she will never admit it.

I am so lost. I want to cry even if I am not even sad. Na?, I am depressed. Totally depressed. What should I do? Come back to the Forest or leave to the Human World? And what about my friends here? Will they miss me? Will they be sad? Who am I kidding? I am not important to anyone. And nothing not even someone could change my mind...
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