Day 15:
My antlers are growing in. I wish they weren't. I don't see why I need them now. I still can't keep my pelt and spells like the adults, but I'm bigger than the younger fawns. I want to hang out with the adults without them thinking I'm some kid. I don't know what to do...
Day 16:
Yesterday I felt really down. But today, I jumped around, and danced and stuff. Like nothing was wrong. I wish I hadn't realized that, because as soon as I did I felt down again. What's wrong with me? Maybe it's these stupid antlers.
And these dreams I keep having are freaking me out...
Day 17:
Last night I had a dream about a huge wave. A wall of water that made me tumble over, it swept me up and swallowed me whole. I felt... things grabbing me. Soft, squishy claws like ravens with far too many toes. Clutching at me. Trying to pull me out. Then I woke up, and I was beside the pond. I'm not going to sleep there again, for a while, in case that's what made the nightmare.
And... I dreamed about a feeling in my heart. It was like I had felt it before- recognized whoever I was talking to. Like I loved them dearly.
But I've never loved anyone in my life. Nor has anyone loved me- been nice, sure. But not loved me.
Day 18:
My pelts are sticking longer. I should be happy, but I'm not. It's just another meaningless milestone along the march to death. Great.
Day 19:
Watched some fawns play today. Kinda like a big brother. Err- Sister.
That's the thing. I don't know what I am. As far as I know.... I'm neither and both. I grow antlers like a stag, but I've been called a female before.
Maybe if I had a mother she could tell me what I am. Or what I'm not, at least...
Day 20:
I dreamt about water again. This time I was sleeping in the birch water.
